I think I just wasted the last 2 yrs of my life!

[newmomRN]

Ok, wasted is a strong word. I did finish, I do have the degree, I do have options. But..

Here I sit, my first RN job ever and newly pregnant, and finally realize 100% that nursing is not for me. In fact, it never was for me. I just kept letting my head override my heart. And I never trusted my gut instinct. I never trusted myself and, as usual, looked to everyone else to tell me what to do and make my decisions for me.

I have had these feelings for a long time but was unable to go one way or another because I had so many differing opinions from those I asked advice. There were always people there exclaiming the pros, still others reminding me about the cons. So I just stayed in limbo.

I went through school excited to learn new things..but that was about it. Not excited to help people. Not excited about being so up close and personal to people. Never felt like I was making a difference..I spent clinical days counting minutes to the end of the day. I pushed and pushed to get through. And I did. But that is exactly what it was, PUSHING.

Fast forward to now, my first job, and it feels just like clinical. I watch the clock at work and there is nothing I enjoy doing. I just kept telling myself all through school I would find my niche, it would be different in the "real world" of nursing. But all it is is WORSE. As a nurse you are EVERYTHING...the social worker, the dietician, the housekeeper, the psychiatrist, the doormat...seeing the big picture it no longer seems worth it.

Add on to that pregnancy hormones and discontinuing my mood stabilizer and everything is wacko. But strangely, I feel a sort of peace that maybe I am finally able to admit that maybe I just made a mistake. I feel stupid in front of my family but all I can say is I am sorry, right? I guess I never would have known FOR SURE unless I had went for it, I have to look at it that way. My previous job before NS really was going nowhere anyway.. I feel an excitement to walk away from hands on care, never put in another IV, start another foley. Not be the one responsible for EVERTHING! I guess if you truly feel that way it was never meant to be.

I was trying to push through the first year, you know, to get experience. But is there a point if the field is not for you and you don't enjoy what you are doing. No, if you HATE what you are doing? My thoughts now are to just cut my ties, pass my NCLEX, but stay working at my non clinical hospital job. It pays much less, but to be honest, the wage of an RN hardly seems worth the stress either. I don't want to spend my first pregnancy unable to take breaks, pee, or even eat lunch. I don't want to feel stressed ALL THE TIME. And I don't know if there is any area of nursing that is not like this.??

Anyway, I am rambling really. Don't know where to go from here, other than find a way to make ends meet, try to be less stressed, and enjoy being pregnant as much as I can. I guess I am not a failure because I did learn much about myself in school and can finally say I don't want to be a nurse. I just don't know how I am going to proceed from here. Quitting while still in orientation is sure going to be hard. I guess all I can do is apologize, really. They will probably think I am just new grad stressing though, don't really know how I will explain it was all one big mistake..

I found this site that describes how we wind up on the wrong career path. Basically everything I have been telling myself for two years.

http://www.employmentspot.com/features/WhyWeWindUpOnTheWrongCareerPathAndWhatToDoAboutIt.htm

[caliotter3]

While I respect the decision that you have made and am sorry that things are turning out this way, I feel I should urge you to keep your nursing license active. The road of life sometimes brings things you don't expect. That nursing license may be necessary some day for survival. I hope you find your true calling and congratulations on the new child.

[fultzymom]

So sorry that things have not worked out for you. I think you should take some time to enjoy this pregnancy and relax a while. On the good side, there are other things you could do with your nursing degree. Have you ever thought about getting a job as a drug rep? I have a friend who did not like clinical nursing, but she absolutely LOVES this job. She pretty much is her own boss, sets her own hours (as to when she gets started, ect.) and it is a Monday-Friday kind of job. Just throwing something out there for you to think about. Good luck in whatever you decide to do!!

[TazziRN, RN]

Nursing is not for everyone, and unfortunately some don't find out until after all the work to get through school. Follow your heart and best wishes to you. You do not have to keep your license active, you can make it inactive and reactivate it later if you wish.

[Tweety, BSN, RN]

It's not for everyone. Many people enter careers of all sorts and find out it's not for them. Good luck in whatever you do. :)

[Cherish]

I am so sorry to hear that. I agree with Tazzi and Fultzy. Maybe you could find something non-clinical or possibly take time off and enjoy your pregnancy. If you truly know that you do not want this career choice it's better to find out now than 5 yrs later when your bitter and depressed over your decision. Hope all goes well with you.

[caliotter3]

If you are concerned about the status of your license, please check with your Board. In my state you can let your license go inactive but if you don't take some kind of action, active or inactive, after four years they revoke it, and you have to take the NCLEX over again. So be sure to check. Good luck.

[purplemania, BSN, RN]

Nursing is very flexible. Could be you would be more content in another area. Not everyone prefers direct patient care and yet there are still a lot of ways to make a difference. I too recommend that you keep your license active "just in case".

[Daytonite, BSN, RN]

read this article:

• http://nursing.about.com/od/nursingshortage/a/transferskills.htm - "nurses skills transfer to other professions". a list of 8 basic job skills that nurses are able to perform making them desirable for hire in many other professions.

[patrisia]

I am very sorry you feel this way. I have a friend, who after 4 years in college worked in ER for 1 day and never came back. What can I say - life is not over- when one door closes- another opens. b4 my career I worked in a medical office in billing/collection- most health insurances have a system of authorizations for certain procedures- like CT, MRI,colonoscopy, etc. The personal who gives this authorizations- RNs, all you do- answer the phone, review patient history and diagnosis. I am from NY and I know couple insurances, who pay up to 80k for this job 8-5 Mon-Fri shift, they require at least 2 years of clinical experience though.

So think of your options outside the box. On the other hand, if feel like nursing in any form is not for you- that was just two years- I waisted 5 on my foreign education- they do not accept it here.

Good luck to you.

[MikeyJ, RN]

You didn't really elaborate on what you don't like about nursing. Do you enjoy working with people? Perhaps you could do work at a clinic, or public health, or family services, or detention centers... The list goes on and on and on.

I think you need to sit down and figure out what you do like about nursing and what you don't like about nursing. Brainstorm about other possible careers you are interested in. Then you can begin to figure out what pathway you should begin to take in life.

And if you decide that nursing isn't for you -- don't think that you wasted 2 years of your life. You are a nurse and always will be a nurse (whether you work as a nurse or not) and family/friends will always look to you for answers and hopefully that brings a smile to your face.

So life your head up, smile, take care of yourself and your new unborn child, and begin to think of all of the wonderful things you can do with your life. You have definitely not reached a dead-end, but rather a fork in the road.

:)

[NRSKarenRN, BSN, RN]

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