Ok, wasted is a strong word. I did finish, I do have the degree, I do have options. But..
Here I sit, my first RN job ever and newly pregnant, and finally realize 100% that nursing is not for me. In fact, it never was for me. I just kept letting my head override my heart. And I never trusted my gut instinct. I never trusted myself and, as usual, looked to everyone else to tell me what to do and make my decisions for me.
I have had these feelings for a long time but was unable to go one way or another because I had so many differing opinions from those I asked advice. There were always people there exclaiming the pros, still others reminding me about the cons. So I just stayed in limbo.
I went through school excited to learn new things..but that was about it. Not excited to help people. Not excited about being so up close and personal to people. Never felt like I was making a difference..I spent clinical days counting minutes to the end of the day. I pushed and pushed to get through. And I did. But that is exactly what it was, PUSHING.
Fast forward to now, my first job, and it feels just like clinical. I watch the clock at work and there is nothing I enjoy doing. I just kept telling myself all through school I would find my niche, it would be different in the "real world" of nursing. But all it is is WORSE. As a nurse you are EVERYTHING...the social worker, the dietician, the housekeeper, the psychiatrist, the doormat...seeing the big picture it no longer seems worth it.
Add on to that pregnancy hormones and discontinuing my mood stabilizer and everything is wacko. But strangely, I feel a sort of peace that maybe I am finally able to admit that maybe I just made a mistake. I feel stupid in front of my family but all I can say is I am sorry, right? I guess I never would have known FOR SURE unless I had went for it, I have to look at it that way. My previous job before NS really was going nowhere anyway.. I feel an excitement to walk away from hands on care, never put in another IV, start another foley. Not be the one responsible for EVERTHING! I guess if you truly feel that way it was never meant to be.
I was trying to push through the first year, you know, to get experience. But is there a point if the field is not for you and you don't enjoy what you are doing. No, if you HATE what you are doing? My thoughts now are to just cut my ties, pass my NCLEX, but stay working at my non clinical hospital job. It pays much less, but to be honest, the wage of an RN hardly seems worth the stress either. I don't want to spend my first pregnancy unable to take breaks, pee, or even eat lunch. I don't want to feel stressed ALL THE TIME. And I don't know if there is any area of nursing that is not like this.??
Anyway, I am rambling really. Don't know where to go from here, other than find a way to make ends meet, try to be less stressed, and enjoy being pregnant as much as I can. I guess I am not a failure because I did learn much about myself in school and can finally say I don't want to be a nurse. I just don't know how I am going to proceed from here. Quitting while still in orientation is sure going to be hard. I guess all I can do is apologize, really. They will probably think I am just new grad stressing though, don't really know how I will explain it was all one big mistake..
I found this site that describes how we wind up on the wrong career path. Basically everything I have been telling myself for two years.
I am not sure I would not use my degree in any capacity if I were to leave, but I really don't know how to use my degree. I know that for most of the jobs you all are pointing out, you need atleast one yr clinical experience..of which, I obviously don't have.
It is not that I don't enjoy working with people, I don't really like being so "up close and personal". Social work doesn't seem so bad. Talking, being involved, but not being the one to do the pericare, you know?
I looked at this place: www.healthdialog.com but not really sure what that is all about since they don't make it too clear on their site, but it looks more like me. Being a health coach looks really neat too, as one of my passions is fitness and health. It almost seems like being a health coach would require some acute care experience too though..Working in a weight loss clinic would be lots of fun! I would like to be more on the paper/insurance side of things, more at a computer than a bedside. If I were to leave my acute care job now, I would look into other things, and I would keep my license active. I just don't know if I have it in me right now to push through that new grad stressful 1st yr of floor nursing, just because I HAVE TO. Seems like a death sentence. One that may be worth it after I have the baby, but I just don't want to do it now.
I do have the degree, so not all is lost. I know there are many threads here about what to do if you don't want to work at bedside. I will look into them as well. I just feel sooo guilty!
I think what you feel right now is part of the pregnancy- you feel overwelmed and rushed, give yourselve some time, do not overdramatize the situation. May be try to change to part time job- much less stress- big perk of nursing- a lot of jobs are available. Consider nursing home- my husband works in one- in most places your primary responsibility is going to be paper work and staffing- much less direct patient care- LPNs are there.
Specializes in med/surg, telemetry, IV therapy, mgmt.
I would like to be more on the paper/insurance side of things, more at a computer than a bedside.
Then what you want to get into is health information management (medical records). It will require taking a couple more classes in medical coding and billing. However, you already have the other pre-requisites. What you already know clinically will be a huge benefit. This field requires some critical thinking and knowledge of Medicare and state laws which you will learn in your classes. I started doing this when my back went bad. Very good pay if you get yourself nationally certified, but you need to take classes through a community college, NOT a vocational school. Check out the educational requirements and career possibilities at the AHIMA (American Health Information Management Association) website (http://www.ahima.org/)
your education is not a waste, an rn degree is the key to so many different doors
take care of yorself during your pregnancy and be on the look out for something you will enjoy doing...we spend so much of our lives working you should be happy while you are on duty
Your pregnant so I assume you enjoy being around children have you thought about being a school nurse, could be convenient when your little tyke starts school.
My Dear Nurse, you are not alone in your thinking; i refer to the year 1963 as a student there was no work other than teaching or nursing i disliked both, but i had to do something so i decided to study nursing in England; yes i found it hard but i had to support myself i stood with it and i grew to like it and i later specialise in Psyciatry which i loved as i could help persons with their problems and later did counselling; i would say hang in there; if you go in to Psychiatry---- that in itself teaches you to know yourself a bit more; just try it. Iwish you luck wih your pregnancy--- and stop feeling sorry for yourself. It would be nice to know later what path you have taken.My heart go out to you.
Maybe go into the administrative side of nursing @ a corporate office? You could build on your education & get a Masters in Nursing Informatix or something similar.! Good Luck girl & don't give up! :)
i don't think you wasted 2 years. you learned new things about yourself. you will find something new that you enjoy. life is about doing things you enjoy , not regrets. i think your awesome and i hope your life is filled with love and happiness. i think your nursing school will come in handy in life , not through working , but just having the knowledge.
newmomRN
11 Posts
I am not sure I would not use my degree in any capacity if I were to leave, but I really don't know how to use my degree. I know that for most of the jobs you all are pointing out, you need atleast one yr clinical experience..of which, I obviously don't have.
It is not that I don't enjoy working with people, I don't really like being so "up close and personal". Social work doesn't seem so bad. Talking, being involved, but not being the one to do the pericare, you know?
I looked at this place: www.healthdialog.com but not really sure what that is all about since they don't make it too clear on their site, but it looks more like me. Being a health coach looks really neat too, as one of my passions is fitness and health. It almost seems like being a health coach would require some acute care experience too though..Working in a weight loss clinic would be lots of fun!
I would like to be more on the paper/insurance side of things, more at a computer than a bedside. If I were to leave my acute care job now, I would look into other things, and I would keep my license active. I just don't know if I have it in me right now to push through that new grad stressful 1st yr of floor nursing, just because I HAVE TO. Seems like a death sentence. One that may be worth it after I have the baby, but I just don't want to do it now.
I do have the degree, so not all is lost. I know there are many threads here about what to do if you don't want to work at bedside. I will look into them as well. I just feel sooo guilty!
Thanks for the kind words.