I lack social skills and confidence. Is nursing a possibility for me?

[DerAustin]

I have long wanted to get into the medical field as I have always been interested in Biology and Chemistry. However, due to the lack of jobs/wages for those degrees and the need to choose a direction, I decided nursing might be a good way to go.

My concerns are I am horrible at small talk, have an inferiority complex due to my small stature, and terribly lack self-confidence as a consequence of my nurturing as a child by an overbearing mother. I get terrible anxiety when faced with the task of having to take initiative or do something on my own for the first couple times without someone holding my hand. I recently completed a CNA certification program and during clinicals I was alright working with the nurse, but I find it hard to imagine handling people so closely by myself without crippling anxiety. Furthermore, I wouldn't be able to wipe patient's butts EVERYDAY for a living and assist in ADL, it just isn't for me. I'm assuming I don't have to work so intimately with patients as an RN?

So anyways, I am asking for advice if anyone else has had these same problems and overcome them(lack of people skills, no self-confidence at job related tasks by myself, anxiety due to the two previous) and also, is there any hope for me or advice/recommendations that can be offered? I'm extremely intelligent and figure things out a lot easier than other people academically/logically, but I can't convert it to practical use due to my crippling anxiety. I feel like everyone will look at me as the slow/stupid/incompetent nurse because I'm afraid I'll mess up even the simplest tasks and it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy

[ShelbyaStar]

How old are you?

I ask because I used to be extremely lacking in confidence when I was younger. Nursing would have been unimaginable to me as a fresh high school graduate. Now I'm 28 and it feels perfect. I'll never love small talk, but my confidence and assertiveness has improved by leaps and bounds the last few years.

I would probably hold off. Maybe become a CNA or MA to get your feet wet and hone your skills a bit until you feel ready for nursing. I wouldn't pursue a bachelor's just to pursue it. I have been talking to a friend and she feels similarly- she also has some pretty severe anxiety but after years of working as a medical assistant, she finally feels ready for nursing. We both agreed that if we'd attempted this years ago, we'd spend clinical hiding in a closet somewhere.

And it sounds like seeking help for your anxiety would probably be extremely helpful.

[DerAustin]

Thankyou for the reply ShelbyaStar

I will be 27 in June. It's just my disposition and how I am. I used to be a lot more shy, but I've gotten over the whole 'young kid' shyness and this is about as good as it's going to get, I mean this is my baseline, sure I can go up a little bit in confidence and extroversion if I overcome fears and obstacles to gain confidence, and sure I can go down further given negative experiences, but this is my baseline I will always come back to. In many ways, confidence/self-opinion is a culmination of RECENT experiences, so it can fluctuate and you can lose any confidence gained easily if your situation changes and go back to baseline, this is mine. I have overcome fears and gained a lot of confidence and outgoingness and pushed myself at jobs and things I thought I couldn't do, but I am long removed from that and it took a long time of continuous pushing before I finally broke through some kind of a barrier.

Anyways sorry for the subjective psychology. I don't have bad enough anxiety that I think I need help. It's simply a lack of self-confidence which no one can help with, the only thing that can help is to succeed at things I don't think I'm capable of succeeding at. No drug or counseling will help.

Pretty much I had an overbearing mother who would never let me do anything by myself and always sent the message if I attempted/did anything without her I would just screw up. I got straight A's in school and was always told I was so smart by the teachers who would dote over me, thus I gained confidence in the academic area, but not the practical area of actually doing things beyond knowledge and theory.

So my disposition from the way I was nurtured, also mixed with the fact I am very small,(5'4 120lbs) and look very young facially/body composition-wise and thus feel everyone else looks at me like a kid. So it leads to a very negative self-image and inferiority complex/subservient mindset like a follower instead of a leader

[caliotter3]

It has been said that the public speaking organization, Toastmasters, helps a lot with self confidence. Might be worth looking into. For that matter, any group that forces you to be social. You will probably develop an increased social ability as you try to help people because you will focus on the needs of the other instead of your own uneasiness.

[canigraduate]

I was crippled by shyness and got a job as a hostess/waitress before nursing school. It makes a WORLD of difference when you are FORCED to interact with people. You learn very quickly that your body cannot sustain that level of anxiety. It's kind of like immersion therapy.

If I were you, I would do something similar. Also, it's good training for the customer service mentality that is prevalent in most facilities.

BTW, your baseline can change. Mine did. If you don't even try to get help, you will never get better.

[Mavrick, BSN, RN]

It might help to consider thinking about the other person. Less time to focus on yourself. When I have to clean an adult who has had an "accident" I focus on reassuring them that they couldn't help it. I will do the best I can to make them feel comfortable and not add to the embarrassment they already feel. Same with small talk. Try to focus on them. Ask about where they are from, what they do for a living, kids, hobbies, sports teams etc. (stay away from politics and religion) Then just listen. Most people love an audience. A few well-placed uh huh's and "that's interesting" can keep a conversation going with out too much investment on your part.

Nurse-Patient relationships are actually fairly superficial even though we frequently deal with intimate subject matter. Professional boundaries keep the interaction to medically necessary specifics. You're not best friends.

I agree with other posters though. The competition for nursing school positions and jobs will deter those who don't really want to do what nurses do. That steady middle class income isn't a gimmee.

[canigraduate]

Also, quit focusing on whatever your perceived deficiencies are. I know way more about what you think is wrong with you than any positive info.

Why don't you start telling yourself and others about what you are good at? It sounds like you are using what you see as problems as an excuse to do badly or not try, rather than make the effort to improve.

Once you overcome these tendencies, your life will improve dramatically.

[PMFB-RN, RN]

My concerns are I am horrible at small talk, have an inferiority complex due to my small stature, and terribly lack self-confidence as a consequence of my nurturing as a child by an overbearing mother. I get terrible anxiety when faced with the task of having to take initiative or do something on my own for the first couple times without someone holding my hand.

You should consider med school. You sound perfect for orthopedic surgery.

I'm assuming I don't have to work so intimately with patients as an RN?

Uh no. You assumption is way off base.

[Julius Seizure]

To the first part of your post: YES! You can be an excellent nurse even if you are an anxious, insecure, introverted, nervous person. I am all of those things, and it was hard to feel capable at first, but after going through my schooling and a great internship at my first hospital, I found confidence in my knowledge and capability. In my personal life I am still one of those people who hates to even make phone calls because it involves having to talk to other human beings. But as a professional, I call people, I walk into rooms and take control of the situation, I teach moms how take care of their sick babies. I'm on top of things! Its actually something that amazes me and that I am very proud of.

But fair warning - I still wipe butts and do ADLs every day :)

[DanaerysTargaryen]

I think it depends: Can you take a sort of "fake it til you make it" attitude and pretend to be a little more outgoing than you actually are? In my non-nursing life, I despise small talk and tend to be somewhat shy or at least avoid the spotlight and talking to strangers. As an RN I make it my business to make sure that side of me does not come out at work… My job is to make my patients feel welcomed and cared for and yes, I chat them up and act a lot more sociable than I truly am to make that happen. It is what it is. As for the confidence issue, I say this not to hurt your feelings but as a reality check, it will be an issue in any job or career, as well as your personal life. You will need to address this crushing anxiety over making a mistake or being somehow inferior or it will continue to hold you back whether you are a nurse or not. Seeking out therapy or medical advice might be a good idea… you refer to your anxiety as "crippling," and I think you are being unfair to yourself in a way by letting yourself go through life a cripple when your issues truly are ones that can be addressed and improved. As far as wiping patients' butts, it truly depends what field of nursing you go into. I've had jobs where I'm wiping as much butt as the CNA's, and jobs where direct care was literally no part of my job description. I also think that hands-on care gets much easier with time, even for someone who does not enjoy an excessive amount of physical contact with strangers, or bodily fluids, or whatever is squicking you out in this scenario. The more hands-on care I do, the less uncomfortable I feel about it.

I also think if the only thing that draws you to nursing is the job stability and the use of science, you might want to reconsider. I unfortunately do not get to whip out my Bio and A&P knowledge on a daily basis, though having a solid grasp of the scientific parts of nursing can help you give better care at times. Thriving in nursing prerequs and thriving in nursing are two different things. You say nothing in this post that makes me feel you can't be a good nurse if that is what you truly want, but this is not a field that I would go into based on thriving in the sciences or just a process of elimination that leads you to see this as the most stable/ best paying thing going. Nursing isn't my "calling," in any sense, and I'm not one to say you need to do something you absolutely 100% love for work, but if I didn't get some kind of joy from helping others I think the constant demands that my patients and their families, doctors, et cetera, make on me would be miserable on a good day and intolerable on a bad one.

[BeachsideRN, ASN]

I suggest doing a lot of introspection, start reading some personal development books, and research the field. You may or may not be wiping butts all day everyday but you will be wiping butts at least occasionally and you will be working intimately with patients and sometimes their families also. I think if it's something you really want you will find a way to overcome your issues and accept the fact that you Will have to do some dirty work and then move into a not so dirty position such as management. You have to decide if it is worth it.

I also advise you to run far far away from Chem/bio unless you want a PhD. I am career changing. I have a BA in Chem and MPH. I did research for 10 years. Loved it but there is little job stability and you max out salary wise very quickly.

[FlyingScot, RN]

I may be feeling a little intolerant but doesn't anyone else find the phrase "wiping butt" or "wiping a--" completely offensive? I don't wipe butts, I clean my incontinent patients. I just find the phrase "wiping butts" sort of dehumanizing. They're people not body parts!

[irishgrace]

I think you know yourself better than any of us do. If your gut instinct is telling you, nursing may not be a good fit for you than you should listen to it. I think it would be very detrimental to your already very low self confidence if you attempt it and then fail. Have you considered Rad Tech or Medical Lab Tech? I think those professions would be a better fit for you.

Also, remember that just because nursing may not be a good fit for you now, does not mean it will always be that way. People grow and change over time. The person you will be in 10 years is not the person you are now.