DerAustin

Once again thankyou so much for all of your comments. Some of you kind of took the "overbearing mother" thing and ran with it a bit too much, but of course you are the observer, not the subject, so I don't blame you. However, I have been aware since I came of age I am no longer a child and I am responsible for my own life,actions, and psychology. Realizing that on a conscious level doesn't automatically erase the psychological trauma or deep-seated insecurity. I'm all for tough love and constructive criticism, but I believe it is misplaced here. Or maybe it's not, I'm willing to accept that also haha. Anyways, I've decided I am going to apply for Liberty University's Nursing program in Virginia. They told me there will be extensive clinical hours the entire 5 semesters, and I figure it's worth a try. I may fail or the anxiety may win out, both of which have happened in the past at different jobs/things, but I have to keep trying. Thankyou for all the advice. I don't believe in medicating with drugs, so I will try to tough things out without them. And I will try to be more optimistic and excited about the potential positive outcome of this, instead of fearful of failure. I appreciate all the tips, time, and caring thoughts. I will continue to work on my issues. I have a lot of self-awareness and ability to identify irrational thoughts and know how I should logically, or rationally think. It's just hard making this a habit, and it's harder the older I get as I become less egotistical and the same old tricks/realizations lose their initial luster or their effect more and more.

I didn't study at all for the HESI exam, I just assumed it was a general knowledge test and went in and took it without researching it or anything at all. I ended up getting an 88% cumulative score, which I was pretty displeased with because I've scored in the 90s in every general knowledge type assessment I've ever taken. What really brought me down is not knowing how to convert all the different units in the math section like grams/meters/gallons/pints etc. I think I got an 82 in the math section which is really what brought my cumulative score below the 90s Beyond that, I made a few mistakes in the reading section by instead of selecting the answer I thought was logically correct, selecting the answer I thought they wanted me to give. There were quite a few questions like that where there was 1 answer I initially thought was right, but then would see another ambiguously acceptable answer that seemed more "politically correct" or like it was screaming this is what they want even though it doesn't appeal to my logic, So I went with those and missed a few.

Thankyou for the reply ShelbyaStar I will be 27 in June. It's just my disposition and how I am. I used to be a lot more shy, but I've gotten over the whole 'young kid' shyness and this is about as good as it's going to get, I mean this is my baseline, sure I can go up a little bit in confidence and extroversion if I overcome fears and obstacles to gain confidence, and sure I can go down further given negative experiences, but this is my baseline I will always come back to. In many ways, confidence/self-opinion is a culmination of RECENT experiences, so it can fluctuate and you can lose any confidence gained easily if your situation changes and go back to baseline, this is mine. I have overcome fears and gained a lot of confidence and outgoingness and pushed myself at jobs and things I thought I couldn't do, but I am long removed from that and it took a long time of continuous pushing before I finally broke through some kind of a barrier. Anyways sorry for the subjective psychology. I don't have bad enough anxiety that I think I need help. It's simply a lack of self-confidence which no one can help with, the only thing that can help is to succeed at things I don't think I'm capable of succeeding at. No drug or counseling will help. Pretty much I had an overbearing mother who would never let me do anything by myself and always sent the message if I attempted/did anything without her I would just screw up. I got straight A's in school and was always told I was so smart by the teachers who would dote over me, thus I gained confidence in the academic area, but not the practical area of actually doing things beyond knowledge and theory. So my disposition from the way I was nurtured, also mixed with the fact I am very small,(5'4 120lbs) and look very young facially/body composition-wise and thus feel everyone else looks at me like a kid. So it leads to a very negative self-image and inferiority complex/subservient mindset like a follower instead of a leader

Thankyou all tremendously for your responses, I greatly appreciate them all. Perhaps Health Administration would be more up my alley being as introverted as I am, but I definitely don't want a desk job where I sit around all day, that is extremely unhealthy in my opinion. I understand that you have to face your fears to grow as a person and gain confidence, and I really don't have time or resources to ponder the perfect job, I need to just choose a direction. To Qualify, wiping butts isn't necessarily a deal breaker, although it is a huge deterrent to imagine doing it every day for years, it's working in the long-term care facility as well with so many people with such a low quality of life, some of which would just lay in darkness with no stimulation all day everyday, which really just isn't for me. It's twisted and depraved to me. I just really need to improve my confidence is all. When I worked during clinicals(and previous jobs) I felt really socially awkward, unable to project confidence or be my true self, and inability to communicate with the patients..which led to awkward silence because it seemed a lot of them liked to be talked to or at least something other than me feeding them in silence for 20 minutes straight and such. I just couldn't establish any kind of warmth or relationship with them. Do you think others will accept and understand my shyness, even if they do find it very strange and awkward? I am not like this in my natural element, but in a professional element I don't know how to be myself or establish connections and warm dialogue. I just feel like, I'm in a professional setting and have to be professional and am extremely stiff and don't know how to loosen up. And again, I'm not a take charge person at all and that is a very relevant quality to have with nursing. I suppose I'll try pursuing my BSN and then if after trying I don't have the social skills or confidence to do it, which has been the problem in many past jobs, I am guessing it would be easy to enter a fast track program into a different degree? Perhaps a Chemistry degree would be symbiotic? THANKS AGAIN!

I have long wanted to get into the medical field as I have always been interested in Biology and Chemistry. However, due to the lack of jobs/wages for those degrees and the need to choose a direction, I decided nursing might be a good way to go. My concerns are I am horrible at small talk, have an inferiority complex due to my small stature, and terribly lack self-confidence as a consequence of my nurturing as a child by an overbearing mother. I get terrible anxiety when faced with the task of having to take initiative or do something on my own for the first couple times without someone holding my hand. I recently completed a CNA certification program and during clinicals I was alright working with the nurse, but I find it hard to imagine handling people so closely by myself without crippling anxiety. Furthermore, I wouldn't be able to wipe patient's butts EVERYDAY for a living and assist in ADL, it just isn't for me. I'm assuming I don't have to work so intimately with patients as an RN? So anyways, I am asking for advice if anyone else has had these same problems and overcome them(lack of people skills, no self-confidence at job related tasks by myself, anxiety due to the two previous) and also, is there any hope for me or advice/recommendations that can be offered? I'm extremely intelligent and figure things out a lot easier than other people academically/logically, but I can't convert it to practical use due to my crippling anxiety. I feel like everyone will look at me as the slow/stupid/incompetent nurse because I'm afraid I'll mess up even the simplest tasks and it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy