I start my 4th semester on Tuesday and I just lost my brother to Suicide. I lost my grandmother 15 years ago to suicide, they did it the same way and both of them were not found for days. I just got the news on my baby brother last night. Anyway, I have never lost anyone close to me like this. Things with my grandmother were not good so I wasn't close with her but with my brother, I was close with him growing up. Not as much as an adult but him, me and my sister grew up in an extremely abusive environment and used each other as support growing up to survive. So I have always felt protective over him. Being that this is all new to me I am just kind of at a loss. If I keep myself distracted or talk about it all I do OK. But the minute I am not distracted I break down.
I was just wondering if anyone has had to go through something similar during school and how they coped or any advice. This is one topic (death of a loved one) I do not have any experience with.
Specializes in Peds/outpatient FP,derm,allergy/private duty.
So sorry for the loss of your brother.{{LaVida}} That's an awful loss to bear. I know a little of what you say as my brother and I only 14 mo apart weathered the hell of an alcoholic household together as well. That's a bond at a very deep level.
I wasn't in school at the time, but my best friend, cheering section, and mentor took her own life 5 days after our last visit, with her saying "call me and let's get together for lunch!" I sunk into the worst case of depression and grief I've ever felt in my life. Possibly even more intense than my dad's death, as he was severely alcoholic having lived for 12 years on borrowed time s/p esophageal hemorrhage and portacaval shunt.
What I remember most about that time was the unexpected depth of the pain I was feeling and asking myself a few times, "Why am I thinking about this so much?" "Shouldn't I be moving on by this time?"
What I discovered was that I was trying to halt the process with my conscious mind while the rest of me was completely devastated below the surface. So trying to "shoo it away" doesn't work.
I didn't seek counseling, but I should have - as the injury to our psyche causes a lot of ruminating thoughts and preoccupation with images of that person in whatever circumstance they were found in.
You have to walk through it, and I'm not going to tell you it doesn't hurt like a %$%$ because it does. Yes, it gets better with time and I sort of liken it to a bell that tolls very loudly at first and gradually fades down, but never stops entirely.
I'm so sorry for your lost. You stay strong and continue to push foward with finishing school, this is what you bother would want. You cry when you have to cry, dont hold it in. My grandmother say's crying clinses the soul.
Get some counseling to help you work through your grief. Also don't forget to take care of yourself and do whatever you feel will help you, whether that means plowing ahead with NS or taking time off.
I just saw this thread, and I am so sorry for your loss. My grandfather passed away during prerequisites, and even though we weren't terribly close, it was still very hard.
Does your school offer any sort of counseling services? Or perhaps there's a local support group for families of suicide victims?
I am so sorry about what you are going through. All I can say is that you can't give up. You WILL get through this, my dear. Even though we are all just a bunch of e-people, we here at allnurses love you(I for one read your posts often!) and admire you and want you to get through this. You will be a great nurse someday, you just have to get through this really difficult season. Take it a day at a time. Praying for your healing.
I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my mother to cancer the first semester of clinicals. It was horrible and upsetting, of course, but I went to school the next day and continued on. It was what she would have wanted me to do. She was a nurse too:) I, like you, had to keep myself distracted in order to get through it. I still think about her EVERY DAY! But it does get easier. My neighbors lost their 16 year old daughter to suicide right before the holidays this year. I can't imagine the kind of pain that goes along with a loved one comitting suicide. Just remember it is not your fault! I hope you can find a good counselor or support group to help you through this when you are ready.
i haven't lost someone as close to you to suicide but i've lost a someone to suicide. all i can pray for is for god to help you and your family through this hard time and i'm not a believer of 'time heals all', i believe that 'is what we do with the time' that helps us heal. many-many hugs to you!
you can always pm me if you need a friend here on an.
Specializes in Emergency Dept. Trauma. Pediatrics.
I just wanted to drop in real quick to thank everyone for your kind words, condolences and advice, I haven't gotten to read through everything yet as I have had a very hectic day preparing to fly out to Oregon tomorrow morning for my brothers funeral. I will finish reading through everything when I return on Monday, and I will reply. (if you sent me a PM I will finish getting to those than as well)
Thank you again, it means a lot and I am very grateful to have a place to come to where people understand.:heartbeat:heartbeat
My thoughts and prayers are with you. Always remember you're not alone with this, you have support from here, you have support at school. I can't say the pain of loss will ever go away, but the pain will become manageable over time. Peace be with you and your family at this difficult time.
Specializes in Emergency Dept. Trauma. Pediatrics.
I just got back from Portland and was able to read through all the replies. I want to thank everyone so much for all the wonderful words and advice, I really appreciate it. We had the services on Sat. and it was by far the hardest thing I have ever been through. I would go through all the abuse and all the other stuff I have gone through in my life if it could take all this pain away. I feel so mentally and physically exhausted. My first day of school is tomorrow and than I leave again on Wednesday for a convention that has already been planned down in Tx until Sunday. I am hoping that this is a good distraction. I was doing better before the services, since than it's just gone downhill so I am hoping this other trip will help a little. Although all it is doing is stalling the inevitable. Anyway, sorry to ramble on. My adviser has kept in close contact with me and has just been really great, tomorrow is going to be very awkward though because a lot of my friends and classmates know and I know they are going to feel weird around me tomorrow, I mean you don't know what to say, so I understand it.
I am going to find out about the grief counseling tomorrow and hopefully start something there.
Again, thank you everyone for your posts. I am sorry for everyone else that talked about the loss they experienced also. It's terrible. It's also so sad to know that someone died so young. My brother had just turned 28 around Christmas and leaves behind a 6 year old son who he loved and adored, along with all his nephews as well and his niece. My oldest son was very close with him and really looked up to him and is having a really hard time as well.
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nursel56
7,122 Posts
So sorry for the loss of your brother.{{LaVida}} That's an awful loss to bear. I know a little of what you say as my brother and I only 14 mo apart weathered the hell of an alcoholic household together as well. That's a bond at a very deep level.
I wasn't in school at the time, but my best friend, cheering section, and mentor took her own life 5 days after our last visit, with her saying "call me and let's get together for lunch!" I sunk into the worst case of depression and grief I've ever felt in my life. Possibly even more intense than my dad's death, as he was severely alcoholic having lived for 12 years on borrowed time s/p esophageal hemorrhage and portacaval shunt.
What I remember most about that time was the unexpected depth of the pain I was feeling and asking myself a few times, "Why am I thinking about this so much?" "Shouldn't I be moving on by this time?"
What I discovered was that I was trying to halt the process with my conscious mind while the rest of me was completely devastated below the surface. So trying to "shoo it away" doesn't work.
I didn't seek counseling, but I should have - as the injury to our psyche causes a lot of ruminating thoughts and preoccupation with images of that person in whatever circumstance they were found in.
You have to walk through it, and I'm not going to tell you it doesn't hurt like a %$%$ because it does. Yes, it gets better with time and I sort of liken it to a bell that tolls very loudly at first and gradually fades down, but never stops entirely.