i'm a float rn, right now filling in at a middle school clinic. it's a very hectic clinic, 6th,7th, 8th graders coming in for all sorts of real and not so real complaints. a boy came in and complained of stomach pain, 'something moving in there', which was atypical of course, so i chalked it up to gas pains and explained that since he had just come from lunch that was probably the cause (after the regular assessment). no, he said, his lunch was taken away, so he had not eaten anything. his affect was grim, depressed, serious. of course i probed about the lunch being taken, and tears spilled from his eyes as he shrugged and said, 'someone took it'. he didn't offer much. he just acted like it wasn't worth explaining. it was like pulling teeth to get information. we walked toward guidance and he was reluctant, saying he didn't want to go. he slumped, literally to the floor. he answered my questions, admitting being bullied but teachers not doing anything, even a dean not doing anything, and the bullying having gotten worse after they found out. he was terrified about being a 'snitch'. he cried and felt the situation was hopeless, he said he was 'just so tired'.
i called his grandmother, with whom he and his mother live (his dad died). his grandmother said that they knew about bullying earlier, that kids had thrown blue kool aid in his face and he had problems on the bus, but that lately he denied any bullying and when they asked him at home he had told them it was all taken care of. this clearly wasn't true. she wondered why he would say that if he was still having problems. i voiced my concerns that he may feel hopeless, that he didn't feel any way of improving the situation and he did not want to go to guidance, or even really tell me what was happening. i told her i was concerned for his psychological safety. (i didn't tell her that last month an eighth grader committed suicide).
i asked her to pick him up instead of ride the bus today and i would keep him the clinic until then due to his state of being so upset.
i bought him pb crackers and let him rest on the cot. going to check on him he pointed to a sort of spot on the wall and said it looked like a person and defined the nose , etc. didn't think too much of that even though i couldnt see what he was talking about, but then he admitted that he sometimes heard voices. (grandmother said this happened once before when he was younger) he didn't want to talk about it, but all he would say was they were mad and yelling but he couldn't understand what they were saying. psychotic break?
school let out, i walked him to find his grandma's car in the car line.
talked to my supervisor, she's aware. apparently he was bullied before, it led to a fight, and the bully and he were suspended, so the dean is aware of the problem.
he seems hopeless. and why wouldn't he? and i have a bad feeling.
i'm trying, i'm trying. but i think i might have gotten in trouble for rocking the boat. my supervisor called and wants to talk to me. ugh. i'm just amazed at what is going on...boys coming in saying at pe other kids kick them in the groin, they say it's called a 'cup check'. ese students getting kicked...lunches getting stolen...6th graders pushed into the walls...they are filling up the clinic! i don't know if it's to get away from someone or what, but it's overwhelming.
P.S. This is especially hard because I hold no 'clout'....no one knows me...to them, I'm just the 'substitute'. I really do get the sense that administration, even my own, from another gov agency, does not want to deal with this.
Well that's just a "head in the sand" policy, if they don't want to deal. There are courses for teachers regarding situations like that and some states/school districts make it mandatory for all teachers to take them, especially when the incidence of suicide and bullying escalates.
When the other student committed suicide, there must have been grief counselors who came to work with the other students and teachers. That means that everyone knows someone who is knowledgable and compassionate. Find out who that was, and call whoever is in charge of that program. Then give the location and 'phone number to the boy's mom, and let her know that teenagers frequently phantacize about suicide, especially just after someone they know did that. She needs to know that deporession is a disease, like any other physical one, which needs to be identified and treated.
Tomorrow, get the number of Suicide Prevention and check out with some school psychologists whether that agency has been successful (some aren't and their reputation is so bad, so that kids wouldn't call them, even as a last resort). If you find that it's a good resource, you can explain to your student that it's a very confidential service and give him several copies of the 'phone number on sticky notes (don't put the name Suicide prevention on it, in case one of them falls out and bullies could have a field day teasing him). Suggest that he put them inside his notebooks, computer, etc.
The nurse who is regularly at that school is going to thank you over and over for saving her/him from doing that "leg work", as he/she is most likely bogged down with the raft of duties school nurses have, and paperwork. Depression is like the "elephant in the room", with everyone knowing it's there, but not what to do about it. Set an example of taking any s/s seriously, and immediately getting appropriate help. Once the student is going for help regularly, one of the students in a buddy type of program needs to befriend the student and be a support person for him.
Schools need to acknowledge that bullying is constantly present among students of any age, and what the most effective steps for dealing with it are; and employ them vigorously. That doesn't cause depression which can be a genetic condition, but it sure can exacerbate it. I shudder to think of how much worse these times are for people with mental illness, as financial stress increases its incidence. The reform of health care our President wants to happen, has a regulation that mental and physical illness receive equal coverage and attention.
i wish you success in handling the situation to the best of your ability (which is awesome).
how did your meeting with your supervisors go? anymore updates? (btw, kicking in the groin? omg!)
went to see my supervisor but she had already left for the day. the school admin had pulled the boy's white card (emergency contacts) so i'm not sure what's going on - they are keeping me out of the loop. i get the distinct impression to not interfere. the day the boy came to the clinic and had his lunch stolen, i told him as long as i was there, he had a safe place to come if he was feeling unsafe. i have not seen or heard from him. i think he might be upset with me if guidance is involved.
i did talk to someone above my supervisor and got the same response - "take it to guidance, that's all you can do". honestly, i have no idea if they might be really trying to help or not. i'm very weary, falling asleep dreaming about this stuff. i mean this is middle school, and among all this bullying, i've got a girl coming in with chlamydia, saying she thinks she killed her baby (got drunk and had a miscarriage), kids who are hungry because they didn't get lunch or don't have breakfast at home (i know i shouldn't buy them food but i do).
obviously i'm new to school nursing and this is a baptism by fire! i really like it when it's not so drama filled, and if i had a clinic assistant to help, it would be alot easier to handle these issues. i just don't know the ropes - it's so different from hospital nursing.
why am i running into trouble for trying to help someone in trouble? isn't that what school admin is there for? what is the big secret? is it just that they don't want to deal with more work, or the parents? i am missing something, and i just don't get it.
This is another prime example of a broken educational system, I hear from teacher friends of mine who have been teachers for over 20 years. The one complaint is that your school administrators for the most part do not want to rock the boat and are petrified to be called out on the carpet, so things get smoothed over. Most administrators just want the FCAT money. We reminised about how once upon a time when there were school teachers who were mentors, even protectors of the weak and would target bullies. Principals ran a tight ship and teachers and students knew it. Now its the same type of spineless douche that we find in every form of management. I pray for strength, courage and friendship:twocents: for your student to help him through this torture. You are a true advocate!
i'm trying, i'm trying. but i think i might have gotten in trouble for rocking the boat. my supervisor called and wants to talk to me. ugh. i'm just amazed at what is going on...boys coming in saying at pe other kids kick them in the groin, they say it's called a 'cup check'. ese students getting kicked...lunches getting stolen...6th graders pushed into the walls...they are filling up the clinic! i don't know if it's to get away from someone or what, but it's overwhelming.
i can't believe the school is turning their back to this. obviously this boy is not an isolated incident of abuse, as other students are getting it too. (i'd say what you described is above and beyond bullying at this point.) i think it's high time you get the law involved. the school just doesn't seem to give a damn, and that is not right.
you have already done so much for this boy already, it's really so inspiring to read about someone who takes bullying seriously. i was bullied from kindergarten through high school, and this post really hits home for me. i wish i would have had someone like you that i could count on.
please continue to keep us updated. i hope for the best!
It really sounds like there is a widespread violence issue at your school. I think the principal is trying to bury it because there is already one dead child and she doesn't want it being known it could possibly have been preventable had she gotten involved and rectified the issue. I would call the police as well. Tell them what is going on and ask them how to proceed. Perhaps they would even be willing to come in for an assembly about bullying and criminal behavior and how they can end up in juvenile detention or jail. And whole this will sound hokey and I know it Dr. Phil does a lot of shows on bullying and his son is a big advocate against it. Send a letter there too. It couldn't hurt any.
"..............what is the big secret? is it just that they don't want to deal with more work, or the parents? i am missing something, and i just don't get it. "
you got it, those who have been more involved with students' problems outside classes, got the short end of things, especially if what they did wasn't in their job description. they realised earlier that the scope of healing all kids' problems is an assignment that is crazy making.
rather than giving kids breakfast or lunch, i'd recommend having a costco sized box of nutrition bars (hidden somewhere, so they aren't taken by kids who get regular meals). then you can give them to kids who haven't eaten meals. while that's not the best nutritional solution for them, lt's next best and it won't get you in trouble.
i sure hope the girl with chlamydia is being treated for it (that's something you could keep abreast about and teach the importance of prevention, and keep the health department aware of that); and that's more likely why she lost her baby....... please tell us she's in the 8th grade? i have seen a 9 year old pregnant by her dad, but only one! forget abstinence, i know that unless there's very strong church and family "infrastructure" for that, it doesn't happen.
middle school problems seem to be getting more like those that used to happen in high school, doesn't it?
sunnypup also wrote, "i have no idea if they might be really trying to help or not."
it would be best to get the depressed student connected with a suicide prevention program, if you think it's possible that guidance dropped the ball.
planned parenthood is a good treatmenty resource for the postpartum girl with chlamydia.
the best you can do, is get other appropriate health agencies involved, and check to be sure there's followup, when there's the possibility of medical issues with students.
you're uniquely suited for school nursing. it would be great if you'd stick with it, and don't get burned out (by thinking about the kids as you go to sleep). :sstrs:
That's really heartbreaking how children can be so cruel towards each other. I"m more angry that the school hasn't done too much about the bullying. I hope he finds the support and resiliency that he needs to make it through these tough times.
Document, document, document. If something happens to this kid, they will look for anyone to pin to the wall. You could be it. And I think you're doing a great thing by sticking to your guns. Good for you, and that student will never forget it. This is one of the many reasons I left teaching...the inability of the others that work with the kids to see that the bullying is an issue.
Specializes in Peds/outpatient FP,derm,allergy/private duty.
It sounds like the school is sick from the top down. I hope this boy is getting the help he needs - but every boy kicked in the groin for the "cup check" who realizes nobody cares enough to protect him. . . what an awfully cold lesson for a 12 or 13 yr. old boy to learn. When our school district changed middle school from grades 7-8-9 to 6-7-8 all I could think of was a sixth grader not even in puberty vs. nasty bullies who were older.
It appears from what you are saying that there is no active PTA/PTO, little or no advocacy coming from taxpaying public and no support structure to maintain safety in the schoolyard. Our school's teachers rotated playground monitor duties- there was always an adult standing there observing and intervening if necessary. Our high school and middle school had a police officer assigned to "their" school and was an integral part of support, not intimidation.
My son's elementary school actually had a homicide occur in the playground after hours - the victims were two adolescents from the neighborhood. The idea that you can lie to students about the cause of something like that (ie the suicide child) is beyond ridiculous.
I really admire you, SunnyPupRN - my heart breaks for all the kids at that school : (
SunnyPupRN
289 Posts
i'm trying, i'm trying. but i think i might have gotten in trouble for rocking the boat. my supervisor called and wants to talk to me. ugh. i'm just amazed at what is going on...boys coming in saying at pe other kids kick them in the groin, they say it's called a 'cup check'. ese students getting kicked...lunches getting stolen...6th graders pushed into the walls...they are filling up the clinic! i don't know if it's to get away from someone or what, but it's overwhelming.