i'm a float rn, right now filling in at a middle school clinic. it's a very hectic clinic, 6th,7th, 8th graders coming in for all sorts of real and not so real complaints. a boy came in and complained of stomach pain, 'something moving in there', which was atypical of course, so i chalked it up to gas pains and explained that since he had just come from lunch that was probably the cause (after the regular assessment). no, he said, his lunch was taken away, so he had not eaten anything. his affect was grim, depressed, serious. of course i probed about the lunch being taken, and tears spilled from his eyes as he shrugged and said, 'someone took it'. he didn't offer much. he just acted like it wasn't worth explaining. it was like pulling teeth to get information. we walked toward guidance and he was reluctant, saying he didn't want to go. he slumped, literally to the floor. he answered my questions, admitting being bullied but teachers not doing anything, even a dean not doing anything, and the bullying having gotten worse after they found out. he was terrified about being a 'snitch'. he cried and felt the situation was hopeless, he said he was 'just so tired'.
i called his grandmother, with whom he and his mother live (his dad died). his grandmother said that they knew about bullying earlier, that kids had thrown blue kool aid in his face and he had problems on the bus, but that lately he denied any bullying and when they asked him at home he had told them it was all taken care of. this clearly wasn't true. she wondered why he would say that if he was still having problems. i voiced my concerns that he may feel hopeless, that he didn't feel any way of improving the situation and he did not want to go to guidance, or even really tell me what was happening. i told her i was concerned for his psychological safety. (i didn't tell her that last month an eighth grader committed suicide).
i asked her to pick him up instead of ride the bus today and i would keep him the clinic until then due to his state of being so upset.
i bought him pb crackers and let him rest on the cot. going to check on him he pointed to a sort of spot on the wall and said it looked like a person and defined the nose , etc. didn't think too much of that even though i couldnt see what he was talking about, but then he admitted that he sometimes heard voices. (grandmother said this happened once before when he was younger) he didn't want to talk about it, but all he would say was they were mad and yelling but he couldn't understand what they were saying. psychotic break?
school let out, i walked him to find his grandma's car in the car line.
talked to my supervisor, she's aware. apparently he was bullied before, it led to a fight, and the bully and he were suspended, so the dean is aware of the problem.
he seems hopeless. and why wouldn't he? and i have a bad feeling.
Thank you. You are very kind. I will call the parent tomorrow. I will ask what plans she has for him to get help for his mental state, and I will suggest pressing charges against the bullies. I have a feeling the boy will fear doing this, and I understand it. I will offer to go to court with him amd testify to what I have experienced with him. MAybe that will help. I can't understand the looking the other way. My department is not the school district, I am in the department of health. We screen for a variety of potential problems that can affect school performance, why not mental state, domestic violence, school violence? If there are bullies at lunch tables, then make them eat in the classrooms?
Keep a log, maybe a journal of all conversations, attempts you've made, (rationale), responses... date and timed. This will help you keep your head, and also be good reference as I think things are about to get complicated. Remember to be mindful of boundary/scope, be firm but careful with this to ensure you will be able to help get a good outcome. I would also be sure that you have some official documentation (sans any thread of emotion) as a nurse needs to also protect herself.
OP: So, how was your day? Were you able to get everything accomplished? I really hope all turns out okay for everyone in this situation and the bully or bullies also get the mental help they need so that they stop their behaviour.
There was a 20/20 story on a mother who is getting involved in bullying because her child killed himself due to this issue as well. I would print a bunch of these stories out and hand them to Mom and Grandma to make them aware of the serious nature of this issue. I would also make sure that everything was okay at home and that the bullying wasn't actually coming from there which can have a greater impact like the one you are describing. Good luck and God bless you and everyone in this situation and in similar situations.
Keep a log, maybe a journal of all conversations, attempts you've made, (rationale), responses... date and timed. This will help you keep your head, and also be good reference as I think things are about to get complicated. Remember to be mindful of boundary/scope, be firm but careful with this to ensure you will be able to help get a good outcome. I would also be sure that you have some official documentation (sans any thread of emotion) as a nurse needs to also protect herself.
op: so, how was your day? were you able to get everything accomplished? i really hope all turns out okay for everyone in this situation and the bully or bullies also get the mental help they need so that they stop their behaviour.
there was a 20/20 story on a mother who is getting involved in bullying because her child killed himself due to this issue as well. i would print a bunch of these stories out and hand them to mom and grandma to make them aware of the serious nature of this issue. i would also make sure that everything was okay at home and that the bullying wasn't actually coming from there which can have a greater impact like the one you are describing. good luck and god bless you and everyone in this situation and in similar situations.
if you scroll back i updated the day earlier. not much progress, i'm afraid.
Did you go to Guidance? To see what they would do... do they just talk to the boy or would they get the police or whomever involved to keep the boy safe and mentally evaluated. If they'll just "talk" to him then you should probably get some authority figures involved. You may want to let the principal know that if she doesn't do something that you'll be calling the school board and police on behalf of the boy yourself. Anyway, I read your update, keep us posted of how the situation progresses because we're all thinking about you and the boy. I'm praying for you both.
I am so darn mad for that poor child right now. Good luck, you are a brave woman, I hope your boss backs you on this. I cannot believe that after all the school shootings people continue to be so stupid about this. Thank you for all that you have done and tried to do for this boy, even if he doesn't know it, he has a true hero fighting for him.
Does the family share your frustration with the administration? If so, you could drop a bug in their ear to bring this to the media (anonymously, perhaps). Could you imagine the embarassment to the district and administration if they are publicly outed for supporting a hostile environment?
If this is allowed to continue, suicide may be only a one of many repercussions. I agree with the other posters who say this situation is eerily similar to the events that led up to Columbine. I am scared for this student and the community. Please don't stop advocating for this kid!
P.S. This is especially hard because I hold no 'clout'....no one knows me...to them, I'm just the 'substitute'. I really do get the sense that administration, even my own, from another gov agency, does not want to deal with this.
sunnypup, you may want to put your concerns in writing, formed as a letter to the principal, AND a cc to the superintendent of schools.
this sounds like an emergent issue, where timely interventions are essential.
i must say i understand your frustration with the school. my son went thru a similar situation in middle school. these kids are MERCILESS! the school tried to turn a blind eye to it, and got VERY PISSED when i would not let it go. I finally pulled him out and went to the superintendent, and they hometutored for a bit til they "figured it out" what they figured out was a way to cover their butts..... he had to use a certain bathroom, be shadowed by security, etc etc. not even fixing the original problem and creating others along the way...... the reason i am telling you is cuz you cant let this gooooooooooo. please do whatever you can to help this child. i know your hands are partially tied due the little fact of your license, but maybe you could explain to the mom how to proceed? give her superintendents # etc...... thanks you so much for caring. i wish someone had cared about my child.
SunnyPup....please, please, please send me a PM when you have a moment. I believe my son attends middle school in the school district you are referencing, but I am pretty sure not the same school. I believe the principle at his school would take the issue very seriously. My son deals with bullying quite often and our resource officer totally deals with it...wanted to know if I wanted to press charges over being hit with a folded up piece of paper (hornet). Maybe you could consult with another resource officer or another principle for advice on how they handle similar situation. If the boy won't talk to his guidance counselor, maybe he would talk to the guidance counselor at another school. If we are in the same area, I would love to help you with this matter. It hits too close to home.
I am sick reading this. These are our children and we fail them completely. Bad enough this child lost his father, but has to go through his day wishing he were anywhere but there. I agree with what Leslie stated above. Write letters and send them up the chain of command. The school board may not be as likely to sweep this under the rug.
It amazes me what teachers do and don't do that would never fly if they were in a roomful of adults. My son struggles with peers. Luckily, our school takes bullying very seriously (and after Columbine why wouldn't all schools?). We also have a wonderful Guidance Counselor who my son and I both like.
You could let the principal know you plan on taking this further up the ladder. She is adding to this child's demise. These children happen to only be our future!
Write those letters until someone takes an interest! I'll be thinking of you and that boy for a long long time. Sometimes us nurses are the only safety net someone has.
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SunnyPupRN
289 Posts
Thank you. You are very kind. I will call the parent tomorrow. I will ask what plans she has for him to get help for his mental state, and I will suggest pressing charges against the bullies. I have a feeling the boy will fear doing this, and I understand it. I will offer to go to court with him amd testify to what I have experienced with him. MAybe that will help. I can't understand the looking the other way. My department is not the school district, I am in the department of health. We screen for a variety of potential problems that can affect school performance, why not mental state, domestic violence, school violence? If there are bullies at lunch tables, then make them eat in the classrooms?