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I feel so dumb, lonely and angry all the time

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by Sincera2020 Sincera2020 (New Member) New Member

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I'm on my second semester and I feel like I'm not going to make it. I'm taking three online classes aside from the nursing program because I wasnt able to do those classes before getting in the program. I haven't failed any test so far, but I always feel like the dumb one in the group. I'm always the one who is struggling to understand the subject, the one who doesn't remember things. during our clinical pre meetings and post meetings I'm always the one that doesn't make sense and the instructor has to keep asking me questions to clarify what I'm saying. I don't spend any time with my kids, I hardly work and my house is always disgusting.  I isolated myself from my family and my friends because they're always asking me for favors and I can no longer help them out and I hate to say no, so I just decided to just keep my distance. They dont help me and they think I'm always being dramatic. My in laws are terrible people, they have said to me that I'm not nurse material and that I'm not going to make it. I honestly feel so lonely. I notice that I no longer have patience for my kids and I have no motivation to do anything. I'm very depress. I have gained about 30 pds from the first semester to now. I've never seen myself this fat.

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Nature_walker has 3 years experience as a ASN, RN.

4,008 Visitors; 199 Posts

Sounds like you are very depressed right now. Does you school offer any kind of counselling? I would look into that and let your professors know how you have been feeling about the course work. Maybe they have some insight on what you can do.

Wishing you the best!

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JBudd has 38 years experience as a MSN and works as a ED nurse, community college adjunct faculty.

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You sound totally overwhelmed,,,, ditch the extra online courses and concentrate just on nursing school.  Talk to someone at your college about stress and depression (counselors are part of your student fees in most places).

I teach an online course, mine alone takes 12-16 hours of work er week (is a 4 credit hour course).  Nearly impossible to do all the reading required for nursing school, let alone my class.  There is a reason it is a pre-requisite!  

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Are your online classes related to your nursing program somehow? If not, I'd drop them.  

Nursing school is always harder when juggling kids and household.  I understand that struggle all to well and feel like a crap mom at this juncture because of it. I know it will not always be this way, neither will it be for you.   My extended family doesn't get it either, I too have withdrawn a bit, and when they need something, if I can I help I do, if not, I tell them for the millionth time, I just can't & explain it all over again.  They still don't understand, yours probably don't get it either, just gotta keep beating that dead horse anyway.   

You say you've failed no tests yet, clearly you are knowledgeable and capable.  Don't compare yourself to classmates, there will always be those ones who seem like they have it together, they may just look like they have it together when they are really just as doubtful as you.  You haven't failed a test & you're still in the program, pretty big deal.

At this juncture, try to further evaluate what you can take off your plate and do it.  A visit to your campus counseling center may be in order, they can refer you to resources or further counseling to help you deal with the stress.  If you think you need more than that, stop by your docs office and talk about other ways to treat.

As for your naysayers, don't let the bastards get you down.  The sweetest revenge of their lack of support and belittling is to do quite the opposite of what they expect. 

Smirk all the way across that graduation stage. 

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Cupcake2018 has 1 years experience.

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I agree with other posters in that it sounds like you are overwhelmed.You're human. Try talking to someone, like maybe a counselor at school, and se if they might be able to offer some ways in which you can reorganize your life so that you can realize success. As far as academics go, focus your energies on the actual nursing courses. If need be, maybe go part time until you feel situated. This might not be possible in your particular nursing program, but it's an option worth looking into. Lastly, even though it may be extremely difficult at times, just try to have a 'can do' attitude. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy kind of thing. If you tell yourself that you don't think you're gonna make it, then you probably won't because that thinking will lead to the types of behavior that will make the initial thought a reality. Good luck and I hope things get better from here.

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not.done.yet has 8 years experience as a MSN, RN and works as a Professional Development Specialist.

4 Followers; 43,036 Visitors; 5,244 Posts

Drop the online courses and do them during the summer. It is a shame your school doesn't follow the suit of many others and not allow enrollment in the nursing program until all the other corequisites are completed. Nursing school is full time even without those getting in the way.

See your medical provider about your depression. This isn't healthy for you and if you continue this way you will lose more than your spot in the nursing program. Hang in there.

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10 hours ago, MiladyMalarkey said:

As for your naysayers, don't let the bastards get you down.  The sweetest revenge of their lack of support and belittling is to do quite the opposite of what they expect. 

Comment of the day!

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8 Followers; 21,929 Visitors; 2,844 Posts

Agree with the others.

And:

What about your spouse/partner (based on your mention of in-laws)? Does this person care about your struggles and is there any possibility of him/her helping you with a plan of action, or is this one of the people who is bringing you down?

Times like these call for possible support persons to understand reality and make a choice about participating in improving things.

How old are your children? Are they old enough to take responsibility for a few things (simple or more substantial depending on age)?

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5,618 Visitors; 724 Posts

Stay away from people with a negative view of you. Keep pushing and don't over do it because you feel in order to be enough you have to. You are enough so pace yourself and keep passing your classes because your confidence will grow.

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Pixie.RN has 18 years experience as a MSN, RN, EMT-P and works as a ED/Trauma, Educator, IP/Nurse Epidemiologist.

7 Followers; 32 Articles; 126,073 Visitors; 12,890 Posts

I have learned to "triage" my house. Is anyone going to die if there is unfolded laundry on the kitchen table? Nope. Between two jobs, a 20-month old toddler (toddler-nado!), and a husband in medical school, my life is chaos and my house doesn't always look the way I want it to. My "free time" belongs to everyone else and I get about 30 minutes of "me time" at night when I get to shower and read for a little bit before I fall into an exhausted sleep. If I have grades or work to do for my second job, I stay up later. Some days I feel like I have hit a wall, but then I remember the four words that apply to everything in life: this too shall pass. It's not forever. Please don't let those negative people persuade you to adopt their brand of self-defeat. Your school should have an assistance program you can use, even if just to vent or strategize about maximizing your time and resources. I hope things get better for you soon! 

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On 3/23/2019 at 11:01 PM, Sincera2020 said:

I'm on my second semester and I feel like I'm not going to make it. I'm taking three online classes aside from the nursing program because I wasnt able to do those classes before getting in the program. I haven't failed any test so far, but I always feel like the dumb one in the group. I'm always the one who is struggling to understand the subject, the one who doesn't remember things. during our clinical pre meetings and post meetings I'm always the one that doesn't make sense and the instructor has to keep asking me questions to clarify what I'm saying. I don't spend any time with my kids, I hardly work and my house is always disgusting.  I isolated myself from my family and my friends because they're always asking me for favors and I can no longer help them out and I hate to say no, so I just decided to just keep my distance. They dont help me and they think I'm always being dramatic. My in laws are terrible people, they have said to me that I'm not nurse material and that I'm not going to make it. I honestly feel so lonely. I notice that I no longer have patience for my kids and I have no motivation to do anything. I'm very depress. I have gained about 30 pds from the first semester to now. I've never seen myself this fat.

That in and of itself would give me superhuman determination to show them they are wrong.

But that doesn't solve the problem of being overwhelmed. You MUST ditch the online stuff OR put off the nursing classes until you have fulfilled the other requirements. It's not a failure to do one or the other.  No one would be able to handle the academic schedule you have set up for yourself, much less stay on top of running a home and all that comes with that.

You are depressed but that is partially because you have set yourself up for unbelievable stress by taking on an unreasonable load. 

Please understand you are only human and do whatever it takes to get to a more reasonable schedule.

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MathewB has 25 years experience.

826 Visitors; 29 Posts

Do you know what they call a nurse who graduates at the bottom of their class?

A nurse.

My point is, try not to get to spun up comparing yourself to other people. All that matters is your learning. Let them do them, and you do you. If they snicker when you ask clarifying questions of your instructor, don't let it get to you. You are paying to learn. The instructors are paid to teach you. Your fellow students don't figure into it.

And you know what? I'd bet my salary that you aren't alone: There are probably a lot of people in your class who feel the same way, you just can't hear their internal dialog saying it.

Hang in there. Focus. Exclude the unhelpful negatives from your consideration. It will be over before you know it, and you can get through it.

 

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