husbands that won't help

Lovely_RN, MSN · Sep 9, 2008

If you are serious about divorcing him file before you get your first RN job (and before he quits his job) or you will be stuck paying him alimony. :smokin:

racing-mom4, BSN, RN · Sep 9, 2008

I bet if you take a poll of married nursing students you would find the mass majority want a divorce---nursing school is hard, marriage is hard, parenting is hard and your trying to do your best at all 3 of them...I dont know what it is about nursing school but it totally consumes you.

Here is my advice, take a deep breath--and know that soon you will graduate. Once you pass your boards you will soon settle into a nice job and life will some what return to normal.

I was totally planning my divorce(escape) the last 2 semesters of nursing school, and now I realize I was just overly stressed.

Life will get better, just like class, take it one day at a time. Focus on getting through and if it makes you feel better keep planning your escape in your head, just dont act on it---not yet, wait till you graduate and see how you feel...

Best of luck--I have been there.

allnurses Guide · Sep 9, 2008

I agree with racing . . .this isn't a divorce issue. This is stress.

Get some counseling. And people won't respond to getting in their face - that just makes folks defensive.

Take a deep breath - get some help. Don't jump off a cliff over a messy house.

steph

girlr6RN · Sep 9, 2008

Men and their video games...what is it about the two? I don't get it either.

I've been in the same boat as you. Kid, husband, and nursing school is not easy, and no one really knows how hard it is on you unless they've done it too. I'd suggest to have a sit down with hubby and tell him how overwhelmed you are right now and your feelings about the video games taking over. Sometimes they just need a gentle reminder about how darn much they're on those darn things and they'll let up.

My only other suggestion is to compromise- I hate doing it, but it does work.

It does get better.

Dottie78 · Sep 9, 2008

Have you had a heart-to-heart with your husband? Have you told him how you feel, and asked him to please help you around the house with some of the chores and with the kids? You need to let him know how stressed you are, that you are at the point of actually thinking about divorce. Maybe once he hears that, he will open his eyes. And this thing about him going to school and not working, well I don't know, since I'm not a nursing student yet. I kinda understand how he feels because I don't think I could go to nursing school and work, maybe part-time, but I don't know. Hopefully you'll be able to handle all the bills on your own without him working, but tell him if he's not going to work, he needs to help you more around the house!!

I wouldn't jump into divorce just yet. You're so close to graduating, and maybe things will smooth over. Communicate with your husband too, and maybe he'll realize he's wrong. Tell him that a marriage takes TWO!

But I also understand how you feel. My husband went to school full-time for a year and a half without working, while I was the only one working.

On top of that, I was pregnant with my daughter, taking care of my 5-yr.-old son, cooking, cleaning and doing the laundry. He did help me, but at the minimum! It was hard and I was frustrated, so I told him to get a job. He didn't like it, but did it anyway, but he'll be graduating in Dec., and once he finds a better paying job, it's going to by MY turn to go to nursing school for a year full-time, and NO work!

BBFRN, BSN, PhD · Sep 9, 2008

To validate the OP's feelings: I would be stressed out too, if my husband didn't help out around the house. Make him get up off his butt and help clean. You're not his mother. :madface:

And wait until you are working as a RN- you're going to be too tired of taking care of people all day who need it, to come home and take care of him, when he's perfectly able to take care of himself. I would make it plain & clear that you expect him to keep working after you graduate.

Maybe you could hide his video games, too. :chuckle

allnurses Guide · Sep 9, 2008

Make him get up off his butt and help clean. You're not his mother.

BBFRN If she is NOT his mother, she cannot MAKE him do anything. :clown:

As a sidenote - I am very glad I didn't raise my kids with video games. My oldest boys are 25 and 23 and my youngest is 7 (I have a 19 y.o. daughter too). No video games. Get off the couch and get outside and play .. and I'm the mom and I CAN get their butts off the couch.

steph

soulofme · Sep 9, 2008

Death penalty:idntdt:

Salamandrina · Sep 9, 2008

I know of a lot of relationships that crashed and burned while we were in nursing school, but don't be hasty. This too shall pass.

That said, you deserve a partner in life (not just through nursing school) and if you honestly think that he can't be made into a partner, even with counseling, then divorce might be the right thing to do.

Good luck.

BBFRN, BSN, PhD · Sep 9, 2008

BBFRN If she is NOT his mother, she cannot MAKE him do anything.
steph

:chuckle Good point! :yeah:

mama_d, BSN, RN · Sep 9, 2008

It seemed to help out a little when I explained to my darling hubby that the less time I spent frazzled and exhausted from trying to run the house while while going to school to bridge and working 48-60 hrs a week as a LPN, the more time I'd have free to think about and expend on...um...adult time.

He still doesn't help out as much as I'd want him to, but I'm seeing some improvement. Of course, that means that I have to hold up my end of it by making more time for him, but that's helped us to reconnect as well. And certain activities are great for stress relief.....:wink2: