Hi all! I'm pre-nursing and have completed all my pre-reqs for NS, and right now patiently waiting for my husband to graduate in Dec. so I can hopefully start NS soon after. Anyway, my hubby and I got into a disagreement last night over me wanting to become a nurse. He has a poor attitude towards nurses and said a lot of negative things that upset me. I don't know if he's just saying these things to get me to change my mind, or what. He's been spending a lot of time at the hospital since his mother had her liver transplant last month and had complications after the surgery. He basically told me that nurses are dumb and don't know s**t, and the reason why they get paid so much is because of the shortage. He also said he can't believe that my dream is to clean poop, because "that's all they do". I argued with him about this, and he said he feels like this because whenever he asks the nurses taking care of his mother "hows she is doing" they always give him an "I don't know" answer, or they tell him he would have to speak with the dr. So now he has this vision of nurses being dumb and don't do anything except clean poop all day long. It really made me mad!!
Not only that, be he also said that nurses are always getting ******* at by the family members of patients, and asks me why would I want to quit my "nice" job for that. UGH!! He gives me the impression that he wants me to stay at my boring cubicle job for the rest of my life, sitting on my a** all day, making peanuts (compared to what nurses...including LVNs make), which of course he denies. I don't know what else to do and I'm very depressed. But I still want to become a nurse, and I'm not going to let his negative comments discourage me. I just needed to vent, and also get other opinons about his attitude, and maybe some advice about what to tell him, because he's not being supportive. I'm really upset!!
well........he may be kinda right...in a way...sometimes...
I especially like the part about nurses not knowing anything..'ask the Dr.' etc... Is this not like HIPPA gone-wild? NUrses can get so hung-up on "oh my god i'll lose my lisence if i tell them anything other than 'ask the Dr!'..." (for example) that nurses can come off like this to people who dont know what nurses are (99% of non-nurses).
...or they have this image in their brains (another example) : ..."What?!? did you just tell me my mom's CBC results?!?! AH HA!! I'm gonna sue you now cause you're just a nurse!!! Mhhwahahaha (evil laugh)."
The nurses he's met/questioned (or whatever) are either a)dumb, or b) wrongly/mistakenly/innapropriately scared of HIPPA.
In my opinion, nurses who fear HIPPA nazis (do they really exist?) (or are incompetent when relaying information to family members)...or are just bad communicators...can easily perpetuate the image of the task-oriented (but many times cute) poop-cleaning pill-pusher.
Too bad for us.
Anyway, we shouldnt bash this guy. We should be angry at nurses who place themselves in this mold...for various reasons...or who dont actively try and curtail it.
or...your husband is just an orifice...
...man, i'm a little more burnt-out than usual today...
and sorry for numerous spelling errors...
thank you dinith, thank you!!!
let's face it:
there are too many nurses who act incompetently, or w/paranoia or are just burnt out.
there have also been too many times that i've been embarrassed by the actions/inactions of my colleagues.
they exist, ladies and gents.
and they make the rest of us look bad.
whatever the reasons are for the disfavorable perception of nurses, hubby has a valid point.
there are nurses out there that scare the begeebeez out of me.
granted, we don't know if he was one of those family members that we avoid like the plague.
but as true professionals, we should know how to deal with all types:
and do so graciously and intelligently.
when i started nsg, my husband used to grimace and ask me how i could clean up poop.
now i hear him on the phone with his mom, bragging, chest puffing...about everything that leslie knows: and that she is the smartest nurse he ever met.
dang, he speaks at aa meetings and gloats about what nurses do and their prospective knowledge base.
(don't ask me what nurses have to do with the struggles of a recovering alcoholic!:chuckle)
my point is, we need to get real.
there are many who shamefully call themselves nurses.
if you don't believe me, do a search on this very site, about the hundreds of vents about our colleagues.
I especially like the part about nurses not knowing anything..'ask the Dr.' etc... Is this not like HIPPA gone-wild? NUrses can get so hung-up on "oh my god i'll lose my lisence if i tell them anything other than 'ask the Dr!'..." (for example) that nurses can come off like this to people who dont know what nurses are (99% of non-nurses).
...or they have this image in their brains (another example) : ..."What?!? did you just tell me my mom's CBC results?!?! AH HA!! I'm gonna sue you now cause you're just a nurse!!! Mhhwahahaha (evil laugh)."
The nurses he's met/questioned (or whatever) are either a)dumb, or b) wrongly/mistakenly/innapropriately scared of HIPPA.
In my opinion, nurses who fear HIPPA nazis (do they really exist?) (or are incompetent when relaying information to family members)...or are just bad communicators...can easily perpetuate the image of the task-oriented (but many times cute) poop-cleaning pill-pusher.
Too bad for us.
Anyway, we shouldnt bash this guy. We should be angry at nurses who place themselves in this mold...for various reasons...or who dont actively try and curtail it.
OT, but THANK YOU.
I start twitching whenever I hear a coworker offer, "the doctor wants you to have it" as an explanation for meds/diagnostics.
Thank you all so much for your replies and advice. While I'm still upset about the negative things my husband said, I can also understand his point, because that's probably all he sees when he's at the hospital with his mother. He's known for 4 years (since I started pre-reqs) that I want to go into nursing, and he was ok with it at first, but I think he's being negative now, because of what he sees at the hospital, and maybe because he knows the time is quickly approaching. And yes, some of the replies are true, that there are a lot of nurses who act incompetently, and unfortunately give all nurses a bad name, so I'm not going to argue that.
But no matter what he says I'm not going to let him discourage me. I'm also going to remind him that I supported him for a year and a half while he went to school full-time and did not work, so he needs to do the same for me when it's my turn. Frankly, I don't want to give up my career choice just to make him happy. I won't do it. :wink2:
I'm a nursing student at age 31 only because I chose to give in to my then-fiance at age 19. I was in pre-nursing, but I switched to pre-med. I was not wise enough at the time to understand what I know now, and if I don't put my mind in the right place, I can get very angry and be full of regret when I remember how I let my passion for nursing be swayed by an insecure, narrow-minded, control-freak. Mind you, this is MY experience, but this guy thought nurses were essentially hand-maidens to doctors. He looked down on nurses, and put me down for wanting to be a nurse.
I understand that many people wouldn't be interested in nursing due to some of the tasks involved. Fine! But, when someone PERSONALLY attacks the level of intelligence or the quality of person due to a choice of profession, there's something bigger and deeper going on. A very ugly thing, as I experienced.
I'm so excited about nursing now. It doesn't matter how difficult my classes, I get As in all of them. It doesn't matter how challenging a clinical, I am grateful every day I walk out of whatever clinical location I am. I'm passsionate about nursing. It's easy for me, and I plan to be a nurse practitioner (have to laugh, as think of reality, then how my ex spoke of nursing). I've met some of the most delightful people (and then some who are cold as stone and people I'd rather never have met) in nursing. You're going to find both winners and some real losers in any profession, though. Ironically, too, my new boyfriend is a physician (resident now), and he is absolutely proud of me. I'm pretty sure it's because I'm happy, I'm growing and learning, and dedicated to my career-and it could be any career, as long as I'm true to myself. Trust me, too, he respects nurses. He almost brags about nurse anesthetists, saying he should have gone into this.
I'm assuming your husband isn't anything like my ex, but I just want to share that you must be true to yourself. Good luck.
Your husband, like many, many family members that I encounter, has no idea what nurses really do. Yes, wiping butts comes with the territory, but so does knowing your patient's medical history, working diagnosis, current labs and what they mean, imaging results, treatment plan, medications, potential complications, etc. The reason a nurse will defer questions to the doctor is that we are not allowed to disclose the diagnosis or progress to the patient until after the doctor has done so. There are privacy issues involved as well. The patient has a right to keep their medical information private, so we can't just talk about their progress in detail with any old family member, unless the patient has given permission. We can explain to the patient and their family what it is the doctor has already told them. Sometimes, I have to say "I don't know", because I haven't had a chance to dig through pages and pages of the patient's chart yet, because I just walked onto the floor and the family is hammering me with a barrage of questions when I just went in to take vitals or give a pill. One of the things that really irks me is when I go into a patient's room for a specific purpose, and before I even have a chance to open my mouth, the patient and/or family is demanding something of me. I especially hate this if the CNA was just there two minutes ago and the thing they're demanding is something they could have asked the CNA for.
Your husband, like many, many family members that I encounter, has no idea what nurses really do. Yes, wiping butts comes with the territory, but so does knowing your patient's medical history, working diagnosis, current labs and what they mean, imaging results, treatment plan, medications, potential complications, etc. The reason a nurse will defer questions to the doctor is that we are not allowed to disclose the diagnosis or progress to the patient until after the doctor has done so. There are privacy issues involved as well. The patient has a right to keep their medical information private, so we can't just talk about their progress in detail with any old family member, unless the patient has given permission. We can explain to the patient and their family what it is the doctor has already told them. Sometimes, I have to say "I don't know", because I haven't had a chance to dig through pages and pages of the patient's chart yet, because I just walked onto the floor and the family is hammering me with a barrage of questions when I just went in to take vitals or give a pill. One of the things that really irks me is when I go into a patient's room for a specific purpose, and before I even have a chance to open my mouth, the patient and/or family is demanding something of me. I especially hate this if the CNA was just there two minutes ago and the thing they're demanding is something they could have asked the CNA for.
I totally agree with ya. I hate when I go into a room to do my assessment and the family immediately jumps down my throat over something very insignificant or starts bombarding me with questions when it's the first time I've had the patient and haven't had a chance to look info up.
He's probably scared that you might make more than him and then leave him. The same thing happened to my sister. Every night just before a test he would fight with her. She would be in tears before her test. My sister did finally become a nurse. It was'nt easy for her. She had 3 small kids at the time. But in the end it is worth it!!! Security for you and your family. I say go for it!!!!!
So there are good nurses & there are bad nurses. Why don't you be one of the good nurses. And as for nurses knowing sh*t, I know a lot of nurses that know a hell of a lot more then the newer doctors. I work at a facility that has just hired a new doctor that is constantly asking the oppinions of the nursing staff. She will say things like "So you've been doing this a lot longer than me, whats your opinion?" The reason we as nurses don't give information out freely is bc we want to keep our jobs, and anyway it is the doctors responsability to inform the patient and their family of what is going on. I will say if you don't have the support of your DH while in school, it will be very hard for you. Maybe you don't need him OMG did I just say that. Well good luck to you.
The reason a nurse will defer questions to the doctor is that we are not allowed to disclose the diagnosis or progress to the patient until after the doctor has done so. There are privacy issues involved as well. The patient has a right to keep their medical information private, so we can't just talk about their progress in detail with any old family member, unless the patient has given permission. We can explain to the patient and their family what it is the doctor has already told them. Sometimes, I have to say "I don't know".
I disagree. I discuss 'progress' and 'diagnosis' with family members all the time ...many times before a doctor has (what if the doc whizzes in for his 5 minutes of glory and the family isnt there...and/or the patient is unconcious?)... and i havent been sued or attacked by HIPAA nazis in MANY years! Without going into too much detail this is mostly a learned-skill that comes with experience... how to interact with different families in different situations and such. There are ways of doing this that are perfectly legal, acceptable...and dont do anything other than HELP KEEP WORRIED FAMILIES on top of things. This whole thing about 'we have rules...blah blah' can often be seen as a smoke-screen used by nurses who DONT have answers or are PARANOID for probably no reason...and make nurses come off as no-answerhaving task-oriented robots.
Of-course life altering diagnosis (cancer and such) can wait until the doctor can talk to the patient/family... but... come on.
Maybe this opinion of mine is a result of the setting i work in...but i dont think so.
well........he may be kinda right...in a way...sometimes...
I especially like the part about nurses not knowing anything..'ask the Dr.' etc... Is this not like HIPPA gone-wild? NUrses can get so hung-up on "oh my god i'll lose my lisence if i tell them anything other than 'ask the Dr!'..." (for example) that nurses can come off like this to people who dont know what nurses are (99% of non-nurses).
...or they have this image in their brains (another example) : ..."What?!? did you just tell me my mom's CBC results?!?! AH HA!! I'm gonna sue you now cause you're just a nurse!!! Mhhwahahaha (evil laugh)."
The nurses he's met/questioned (or whatever) are either a)dumb, or b) wrongly/mistakenly/innapropriately scared of HIPPA.
In my opinion, nurses who fear HIPPA nazis (do they really exist?) (or are incompetent when relaying information to family members)...or are just bad communicators...can easily perpetuate the image of the task-oriented (but many times cute) poop-cleaning pill-pusher.
Too bad for us.
Anyway, we shouldnt bash this guy. We should be angry at nurses who place themselves in this mold...for various reasons...or who dont actively try and curtail it.
or...your husband is just an orifice...
...man, i'm a little more burnt-out than usual today...
and sorry for numerous spelling errors...
Uh I have to disagree with your comment regarding fear of HIPPA. The hospital I work at does not allow the nurses to discuss test results with the patients/family members until the physician has spoken to the family first. Many times I have referred the patient/family member to the doctor because he/she must discuss test results with them first. I know it is frustrating for families but better to get it from the horses mouth first.
Uh I have to disagree with your comment regarding fear of HIPPA. The hospital I work at does not allow the nurses to discuss test results with the patients/family members until the physician has spoken to the family first. Many times I have referred the patient/family member to the doctor because he/she must discuss test results with them first. I know it is frustrating for families but better to get it from the horses mouth first.
Just my 2 cents
Diva_nurse
Just FYI, that's not a HIPAA regulation. Some facilities have internal policies regarding disclosing diagnostic information prior to MD to family notification. However, this is not related to HIPAA, this is due to professional liability issues and the possiblity of miscommunications.
I argued with him about this, and he said he feels like this because whenever he asks the nurses taking care of his mother "hows she is doing" they always give him an "I don't know" answer, or they tell him he would have to speak with the dr. So now he has this vision of nurses being dumb and don't do anything except clean poop all day long. It really made me mad!! 
leslie :-D
11,191 Posts
thank you dinith, thank you!!!
let's face it:
there are too many nurses who act incompetently, or w/paranoia or are just burnt out.
there have also been too many times that i've been embarrassed by the actions/inactions of my colleagues.
they exist, ladies and gents.
and they make the rest of us look bad.
whatever the reasons are for the disfavorable perception of nurses, hubby has a valid point.
there are nurses out there that scare the begeebeez out of me.
granted, we don't know if he was one of those family members that we avoid like the plague.
but as true professionals, we should know how to deal with all types:
and do so graciously and intelligently.
when i started nsg, my husband used to grimace and ask me how i could clean up poop.
now i hear him on the phone with his mom, bragging, chest puffing...about everything that leslie knows: and that she is the smartest nurse he ever met.
dang, he speaks at aa meetings and gloats about what nurses do and their prospective knowledge base.
(don't ask me what nurses have to do with the struggles of a recovering alcoholic!:chuckle)
my point is, we need to get real.
there are many who shamefully call themselves nurses.
if you don't believe me, do a search on this very site, about the hundreds of vents about our colleagues.
there ya go.
leslie