Husband Trying to Discourage Me from Nursing

ChristineN, BSN, RN · Sep 19, 2008

*hug* Nurse's aren't stupid and we do alot more that just clean up after people. It may be that's all your husband sees when he is at the hospital. There's alot going on behind the scenes that he obviously doesn't realize, like calling doctors, charting, getting orders. I think your husbands attitude is very poor and you two definitely need to talk about it. He should be happy and encouraging that you want to further yourself!

:redpinkhe

lunden · Sep 19, 2008

wow, sorry to hear you are going through these things. hopefully your husband will start to see the positive side of nursing, and it's not picking up poop all day long, and nurses are certainly not dumb. it sounds like he may be a bit insecure about you making some decent money in a respectful field and using his mother's care as an excuse. i would question his motives for the real reasons on why he is so negative towards nursing. please don't give up your dreams on becoming a nurse. i am new to this forum and waiting on my acceptance letter for spring 09. best of luck to you!!

TopazLover, BSN, RN · Sep 19, 2008

I certainly can see why your husband sees nurses in this light. He is looking at the profession from the view of a discouraged family member; he does not understand some of the things going on around him. I am sure he really wants to hear that his mom will be OK and none of us can tell him that.

You are in a rough spot. Can you get him to look at a nursing book to see what we have to learn? Get one out of a library and point out the type of nursing his mom is receiving? I don't know if this will help but know that as a family member of any ill person we need reassurance. Can you talk to one of the nurses caring for him mom and ask that he be given a little more detail about what the nurses are actually doing?

If this is not just related to his mom, you are in for a long, perhaps marriage long, fight. Think carefully before you make decisions that will effect you for life. Is nursing really that important to you?

I am glad you want to become a nurse. I just hope it does not come at a cost you are unwilling to take. I recognize that this is probably not what you want to hear, but I really am in your corner. I just don't want to see you hurt long term by a decision this big. :nurse:

yeSICU · Sep 19, 2008

He sounds like a keeper...lol. Sorry, but he sounds like one of the people I kindly remind of the visiting hours ending soon. It really bothers me that so many people in the general public think nurses are unskilled laborers that exist to clean up bodily fluids all day. Sheesh. I am sorry he is not supportive of your career aspirations, and it is too bad that he doesn't see the big picture. I would love to see him try and manage his mothers care for one hour, then maybe he would appreciate the skill and care of the nurses working with his mother around the clock. He sounds like he might have some disfunctional coping he needs to work through.

allnurses Guide · Sep 19, 2008

I would take everything he is saying with a grain of salt right now and quietly go about your business of getting your degree. It sounds like he is traumatized by what is happening to his mother and needs someone to blame...not uncommon it becomes the nurses, doctors, hospitals or what have you. He is projecting that helplessness and anger onto you. Theoretically he has been there through all your pre-req's and this didn't come up like this, right? Be as compassionate to his feelings as you can, but do not let it deter you. His stress is probably making him say things he doesn't mean.

You can always point out to him that it only takes one person to make the world seem better for a sick individual or their family, and that you are going to be one of those.

Dinith88 · Sep 19, 2008

Hi all! I'm pre-nursing and have completed all my pre-reqs for NS, and right now patiently waiting for my husband to graduate in Dec. so I can hopefully start NS soon after. Anyway, my hubby and I got into a disagreement last night over me wanting to become a nurse. He has a poor attitude towards nurses and said a lot of negative things that upset me. I don't know if he's just saying these things to get me to change my mind, or what. He's been spending a lot of time at the hospital since his mother had her liver transplant last month and had complications after the surgery. He basically told me that nurses are dumb and don't know s**t, and the reason why they get paid so much is because of the shortage. He also said he can't believe that my dream is to clean poop, because "that's all they do". I argued with him about this, and he said he feels like this because whenever he asks the nurses taking care of his mother "hows she is doing" they always give him an "I don't know" answer, or they tell him he would have to speak with the dr. So now he has this vision of nurses being dumb and don't do anything except clean poop all day long. It really made me mad!!
Not only that, be he also said that nurses are always getting ******* at by the family members of patients, and asks me why would I want to quit my "nice" job for that. UGH!! He gives me the impression that he wants me to stay at my boring cubicle job for the rest of my life, sitting on my a** all day, making peanuts (compared to what nurses...including LVNs make), which of course he denies. I don't know what else to do and I'm very depressed. But I still want to become a nurse, and I'm not going to let his negative comments discourage me. I just needed to vent, and also get other opinons about his attitude, and maybe some advice about what to tell him, because he's not being supportive. I'm really upset!!

well........he may be kinda right...in a way...sometimes...

I especially like the part about nurses not knowing anything..'ask the Dr.' etc... Is this not like HIPPA gone-wild? NUrses can get so hung-up on "oh my god i'll lose my lisence if i tell them anything other than 'ask the Dr!'..." (for example) that nurses can come off like this to people who dont know what nurses are (99% of non-nurses).

...or they have this image in their brains (another example) : ..."What?!? did you just tell me my mom's CBC results?!?! AH HA!! I'm gonna sue you now cause you're just a nurse!!! Mhhwahahaha (evil laugh)."

The nurses he's met/questioned (or whatever) are either a)dumb, or b) wrongly/mistakenly/innapropriately scared of HIPPA.

In my opinion, nurses who fear HIPPA nazis (do they really exist?) (or are incompetent when relaying information to family members)...or are just bad communicators...can easily perpetuate the image of the task-oriented (but many times cute) poop-cleaning pill-pusher.

Too bad for us.

Anyway, we shouldnt bash this guy. We should be angry at nurses who place themselves in this mold...for various reasons...or who dont actively try and curtail it.

or...your husband is just an orifice... :devil:

...man, i'm a little more burnt-out than usual today...

and sorry for numerous spelling errors...

smoke over fire · Sep 19, 2008

I'm sorry about your situation. I guess I have two points of view, number one being that many times there is things unsaid in this theater that maybe going on. I hope you are in a safe, loving relationship and this is not some way to prevent you from having financial independence to leave a unhealthy relationship.

If that is not your case, then consider this: Many times some men for reasons that we can not fully cover in this forum have a problem when women start to achieve power. The nurses have the power of information your husband doesn't have. They have control and honestly, he has to trust that they really do have his mother's best interests at heart. It's probably one of the few times he feels powerless. A nurses' power is their knowledge. That may also intimidate him in regards to you. You are going to have more power than you do now; knowledge, financial, independence,etc. Alot of change all at once for him. And you.

So, you're wondering if it is worth it? Absolutely. This profession is one of the best opportunities for women because of the ability to advance their careers in so many ways, and help so many people. So much so that men are seeing these opportunities and joining the ranks at ever increasing numbers.

Your husband does need space & time to heal. I agree that you should look into counseling if it continues to be a major problem between you. He may need to speak to someone about his feelings & sometimes it's hard to do this even when it's the one's we love most of all in the world (you, sweetie). Look over the stages of grief in your nursing texts may help you understand his anger also.

Good Luck to you.

hellerd2003, RN · Sep 19, 2008

If this is not just related to his mom, you are in for a long, perhaps marriage long, fight. Think carefully before you make decisions that will effect you for life. Is nursing really that important to you?
I am glad you want to become a nurse. I just hope it does not come at a cost you are unwilling to take. I recognize that this is probably not what you want to hear, but I really am in your corner. I just don't want to see you hurt long term by a decision this big.

Would hurt be less if a person had to give up their preferred career to keep a marriage where they weren't supported? I'm assuming that the OP's husband just has a negative slant on nursing because his mother has been ill (we all know nurses are usually the lightening rod), and needs a bit of education re. the role of nurses, and then will be supportive of the OP. But if he's not, are you recommending she give up her career choice to keep her husband happy?

RN1982 · Sep 19, 2008

Tell your husband to get over it and that you are going to nursing school. It's your desire to be a nurse, not his. You shouldn't let him dictate what you do. As far as nurses not knowing ****, tell him we don't just take classes on how to wipe ass. I am so sick of people blaming nurses every time a patient experiences some type of complication after surgery. I'm sure that family member knew that there could be potential complications after surgery.

TopazLover, BSN, RN · Sep 19, 2008

I would not recommend any action, especially not when there are so many things going on. He is under stress of his education, family illness, and the OP going through her own stressors.

I know for myself it would be impossible to give up nursing to please DH, but that is my situation.

I have seen many marriages where the wife supported the husband's education and then the marriage ended. My support is in her corner. But she needs to be sure which corner that is. Mine would be for career, for me. :twocents:

MadisonsMomRN, BSN, RN · Sep 19, 2008

I get this quite a bit too. ("All nurses do is clean up poop") Oh if they only knew.