Husband not supportive of me going to school

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Hi all,

I am 40 yrs old with 2 small kids (I started late with a lot of things) and have dreamed of becoming a nurse for a good 6-7 yrs now. I started pre-reqs in 2010 when my daughter was 2 and got through Stats, A&P and Chem while working, with all A's. I stopped taking classes when I got pregnant with our 2nd child because I was so sick in the 1st trimester and couldn't handle the stress (I almost had a miscarriage). Now I am dreaming about it again and want to pick up where I left off, but my husband is no longer supportive of me going to nursing school. He is mainly concerned with going into debt. We got into a lot of debt years ago and we are almost out of it, and he doesn't want to sink back down into more debt and not be able to buy a house, etc. I agree with this and have told him there are other ways, getting an ADN at a community college, or going to a state school and paying $10K or so (which we have in savings). He doesn't see the overall value and insists that going to college is something someone does in their 20's, not a 40 yr old with 2 small kids. He says we cannot afford me not working for 2 yrs or so once I would get into a nursing program.

I realize it would be difficult and am willing to go the slow route, finishing pre-reqs at night while still working during the day. I know I wouldn't see my kids much though. But our oldest is almost in Kindergarten so childcare costs with be cut in half, so I feel like it is more tangible. Anyone have any thoughts on this? Am I dreaming to think this could work? If I don't have his support, it will be very difficult and probably damage our marriage. If I can devise a plan where it wouldn't get us into debt and we wouldn't lose my income, then I may be able to get his support.

Does anyone have any thoughts on this? Is there a way to go to nursing school with two small kids, while working and not go into any debt? Anyone been in this situation? I feel trapped by my current job and feel like my life is slipping away.

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Specializes in LTC, Psych, M/S.

What do you do now for work? I can understand where your husband is coming from. Believe me, the grass is not always greener on the other side of the fence.

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I am in real estate/property management. It is a tough gig with kids. Phone calls and emails 24/7. I am really starting to hate it.

Can you elaborate?

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Your plan of getting your ASN through a community college seems the way to go.(most affordable)

What does your husband do for a living? Why is he so concerned about being able to support the family while you go to school?

He should be supporting his lifes' partner's dreams and goals.... but that is not always reality.

Show him in writing how much you will be making ( over the years)as an RN versus the property management income. That should open his eyes.

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I'm hoping to go to nursing school within the next year or so and I actually share your husbands opinion. I finally paid off my loans from my undergrad degree and the last thing I want to do is feel tied down by debt. With that being said, I would t give up just yet...

I think there are probably a lot of resources out there for you, I haven't completed much of a search, but I've seen a lot of buzz regarding 'work force'. I'm not sure which state you're located in, it may have been stated above, but here's something I found in a preliminary search:

http://www.mhec.state.md.us/financialaid/programdescriptions/prog_wssag.asp

Maybe your state offers something similar?

We also have grants/scholarships for adults returning to school for new careers.

Maybe during nursing school you can work part time as a CNA to continue to bring in an income. I don't know how having children will factor in. Nursing School sounds as if it will occupy a lot of your time. Perhaps someone already enrolled can provide more insight. If you attend school on a part-time basis it's possible you won't qualify for grants and scholarships.

Maybe create an annual budget what you typically spend (groceries, housing, doctors, child care etc), what you can cut back on, how much income needs to come in, education costs, etc and see if it's financially feasible?

Good luck!

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I should say, that I don't agree with the statement only '20 something's' should be in school. I never believed in timelines like that. If nursing is your dream you should do what you can to make it a reality.

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Specializes in ICU.

It really depends on what you want. Why do you feel trapped in your job? Is it a well paying job? Do you have benefits? The reason I ask is because I see a lot of people come on here with a romantic dream of what nursing is and then they get into it and hate it. Now they have no job, are in debt, and can't figure out what to do.

With that being said up front, I was in a similar situation. My husband at the time would not support me going back to school for basically the same reasons your husband won't. I am currently 38. So last fall I took the leap and signed back up for school and filed for divorce in the same week. There is much, much, more to me getting a divorce. Not just going back to school. I have been happy with my decision. But I also don't have to work. That is a huge difference. I am getting by on my own right now and can for a couple of years which means I don't have to work during nursing school and I can still spend time with my son. There is a lot at play here which is why I caution you to make sure you are making the right decisions for you and your family before making any.

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I am in real estate/property management. It is a tough gig with kids. Phone calls and emails 24/7. I am really starting to hate it.

Can you elaborate?

Nursing is many wonderful things, but being conducive to a family with small children isn't really one of them. As a new grad you will be working evening and night shifts and weekends and holidays and twelve hour shifts and be forced to put in mandatory overtime and all that good stuff. I'm not saying you couldn't make it work. Obviously, millions of nurses and their families make it work every day. But if you think nursing will be easier on your family time than a real estate job, you're kidding yourself.

And, to play the devil's advocate, is your husband's position really that selfish? From what you said, it doesn't seem like he's kicking up a stink because he hates you or because he's anti-education or anything. He seems to have some very practical concerns. I know we're supposed to say everyone should follow their dreams and their significant other should support them unconditionally, but in the real world it doesn't always play out that way.

If your husband always dreamed of being a firefighter and decided tomorrow to quit his hated (but stable and lucrative) job in order to go to fire academy, would you be willing to drop everything and totally disrupt your life and your children's lives to make it work? If you expressed doubt or disapproval, would it be fair for him to label you "unsupportive"? Isn't that the exact same scenario?

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Specializes in LTC, Psych, M/S.

Good points, Brandon. OP have you read other posts here on AN? You will find that nurses are discouraged with their jobs as well. Many of us would love to have your position. Granted, you are never going to find the perfect job. In many locales it is very hard to find jobs (contrary to what you have probably heard). And while you are wanting to go to a CC for ADN many positions are starting to only hire BSN. This is quite a lot more schooling and $$.

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Specializes in OR, Nursing Professional Development.

I think that before you make any life-altering decisions, you need to do some serious research. Talk to nurses in your area- what are their hours like, how much overtime are they working, is the pay competitive, how are the benefits, etc. Nursing isn't the be all, end all career that the media makes it out to be- there is no nursing shortage in most of the country, it isn't recession proof at all, and it comes with its own issues. Maybe different from what you're experiencing now, but not necessarily better.

You'll also need to research job requirements- in many areas, an associates degree will get your application sent to the "round file" (aka trash can) because BSNs (and nurses in general) are pretty much a dime a dozen- why hire someone with an associates who may go back to school for a BSN (tuition reimbursement payouts) when they can just hire the BSN (no tuition reimbursement payouts) who can help them reach that almighty IOM recommendation of 80% of nurses with a BSN by 2020?

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I suggest online classes for the pre-reqs you may need. Maybe take up a part time instead. If it's your dream, go for it. You will always wonder WHAT IF! Good luck!

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I don't think it is fair to say your husband is not supportive. It sounds like he is supportive, however understandably concerned about finances and your family as a whole. You both need to sit down and brainstorm on how you can make this work. When there is a will there is a way. Getting your ADN sounds like a great idea, it is cheaper and you can always get a job in a hospital and receive reimbursement if and when you want to get your BSN. Either way, everyone in your family will have to make a sarcrifice.

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