I am 40 yrs old with 2 small kids (I started late with a lot of things) and have dreamed of becoming a nurse for a good 6-7 yrs now. I started pre-reqs in 2010 when my daughter was 2 and got through Stats, A&P and Chem while working, with all A's. I stopped taking classes when I got pregnant with our 2nd child because I was so sick in the 1st trimester and couldn't handle the stress (I almost had a miscarriage). Now I am dreaming about it again and want to pick up where I left off, but my husband is no longer supportive of me going to nursing school. He is mainly concerned with going into debt. We got into a lot of debt years ago and we are almost out of it, and he doesn't want to sink back down into more debt and not be able to buy a house, etc. I agree with this and have told him there are other ways, getting an ADN at a community college, or going to a state school and paying $10K or so (which we have in savings). He doesn't see the overall value and insists that going to college is something someone does in their 20's, not a 40 yr old with 2 small kids. He says we cannot afford me not working for 2 yrs or so once I would get into a nursing program.
I realize it would be difficult and am willing to go the slow route, finishing pre-reqs at night while still working during the day. I know I wouldn't see my kids much though. But our oldest is almost in Kindergarten so childcare costs with be cut in half, so I feel like it is more tangible. Anyone have any thoughts on this? Am I dreaming to think this could work? If I don't have his support, it will be very difficult and probably damage our marriage. If I can devise a plan where it wouldn't get us into debt and we wouldn't lose my income, then I may be able to get his support.
Does anyone have any thoughts on this? Is there a way to go to nursing school with two small kids, while working and not go into any debt? Anyone been in this situation? I feel trapped by my current job and feel like my life is slipping away.
Nursing is many wonderful things, but being conducive to a family with small children isn't really one of them. As a new grad you will be working evening and night shifts and weekends and holidays and twelve hour shifts and be forced to put in mandatory overtime and all that good stuff. I'm not saying you couldn't make it work. Obviously, millions of nurses and their families make it work every day. But if you think nursing will be easier on your family time than a real estate job, you're kidding yourself.
I've not worked any mandatory overtime in my 7 years of nursing. I'm essentially a stay at home mom all week then work weekend overnights. My kids go to one day a week of daycare. It works well for our family.
Good points, Brandon. OP have you read other posts here on AN? You will find that nurses are discouraged with their jobs as well. Many of us would love to have your position. Granted, you are never going to find the perfect job. In many locales it is very hard to find jobs (contrary to what you have probably heard). And while you are wanting to go to a CC for ADN many positions are starting to only hire BSN. This is quite a lot more schooling and $$.
I have an ADN and have gotten an offer for every job I've interviewed for(3 hospital jobs, 1 hospice, 2 states.) There are lots of ADNs on my Onc floor. No pay diff or deadline for getting a BSN either.
I think there are a lot of things to consider. One thing that's really important during nursing school is partner support, especially if you have kids. Who stays home when one of them is sick and can't go to child care? What happens if you have a huge exam and you need to study, but he has to work? The financial aspect is a tough one as well. I can completely relate to the debt situation, as both my husband and I dug ourselves out of debt before we met. We did begrudgingly take out a few loans, only because he cannot cover our expenses with his income (he has his own start up business). We plan to make large payments and hopefully have them paid off in 3 years. Honestly, if possible, I would consider delaying purchasing a home (which in this day and age, is kind of overrated) and using that saved money toward school. Look at the difference in income for you if you were to pursue nursing, including if you can't find full-time work (I know that around here, it's rare anymore). Also, as some have already pointed out, you get the tough shifts more often than not. You may be called in or called off. It's a very different field than any other.
I'm a big supporter of following your dreams, but I think it's also important to make sure you have all of your ducks in a row before you proceed. I think that with some good planning and your husband's support, it's possible, but I wouldn't do it without those, and making sure you will be okay financially moving forward.
OP, you are not going to get sound advice for your particular circumstances on a nursing forum. The reality is, we do not know your financial and personal situation. As you can see by reading other posts, a large percentage of those in nursing school are 2nd career students in their late 30's, 40's, and even 50's. Going back to school is not just for those in their 20's, but it is for those who are in some position to do so, be that financial, emotional, or with full partner support. This is a personal conversation between you and your husband and he is absolutely correct to be concerned about debt if you are unable to work while going to school and if you cannot pay for school without loans. When you are in your 40's with kids and you don't have things like your own home and a good savings account, taking on additional debt or potentially climbing into a bigger hole is a more substantial issue than it would be if you were in your 20's. Again, you are not going to get the best advice here. Continue this conversation with your husband and a financial advisor. Get a sound financial plan put into place. Be realistic about the job market and what you can make as a nurse. Then, make your decision.
Last year I started my journey to get into a RN program one month after my 50th birthday. I'm going to a community college where there is a lot of monetary savings; and from talking to friends who go to a nearby university, the educational value is tremendous (meaning, I feel and know I'm learning and getting more from it than going to a university where I would spend 2 to 4 times more). While I do tend to be the oldest or among the oldest in my classes, there are a number of students in their 30's and 40's.
People go back to community colleges on a regular basis to start a second, third, fourth, fifth, etc. career. Part of the beauty of most community colleges, is that they contain a diverse community -- diverse ages, diverse colors, diverse ethnic backgrounds; it's beautifully to see how unique and how special everyone is around me.
I recently graduated and just started my first job as an RN. I turn 40 soon.
While I do think everyone should follow their dreams I think you need to be realistic about what that entails. I was lucky enough to have a partner that could support us. I worked part time on the weekends and I had a grant from Workforce Solutions that covered tuition/books/uniforms etc completely.
You can make it work financially if you set your mind to it, but I can't imagine doing it without a supportive partner.
I found myself apologizing a lot for not pulling my weight around the house while in school. I found myself apologizing a lot to family and friends for gatherings I didn't attend, left early from, or sat on the couch studying during. Even if I did none of those things my mind was on all the studying I should have been doing.
I'm not saying you shouldn't do it but if you want to survive nursing school with your sanity and your marriage intact you really need to get him on board.
Please put a lot of thought into this. Nursing school is hard work, but actually working as a nurse can be hard, too. You will probably have to work night shift, weekends, holidays. Who will take care of your kids while you are in classes and clinicals? I don't care who flames me for this, but when you married, you entered a commitment and now you have children, too. The reasons your husband gives are valid. Between babysitters, tuition, books, etc., yes, you will spend a lot of money. It is hard to work, go thru nursing school, and raise a family. Something will suffer. Good luck with your decision.
This is not an easy decision to make. Only you can sit down with your husband and a financial advisor to plan out your expenses. It may hard to hear this but if your husband is not on board, it is only going to get worse once you actually get further in depth with school and then get into nursing school. His concerns are valid as you are the parents of two young children and you are trying to build your savings to buy a home. School will put you into more debt or if you pay out of pocket, deplete your savings. Plus if you have to you may need to pay for childcare which is NOT cheap.
You really do have to go into this with a good financial plan in mind. The reason most 20 somethings plunge into it since they can live with their parents through college or until they build steady income without marriage and children so that they are virtually debt free sooner. I don't know if that's the context your husband was thinking?
I still say follow your dreams but be prepared to sacrifice.
I too have a husband problem..although different than yours in that he's not too concerned about the cost..he just doesn't want me to go back to school. I had my math book open the other day and he actually said to me "you don't need to learn anymore math!". Ugghh... wish I could give you advice. At least you know your not alone in having these kinds of "domestic" issues.
Specializes in Medical-Surgial, Cardiac, Pediatrics.
It's really a decision for you to make as to whether or not it'll be worthwhile, but the statement that "college is for people in their 20's and 30's" is annoying. We have several people in our cohort above the age of 40 who graduated and are RNs now. Debt is something that's hard, but as a single mom myself, I can say that the freedom that came with the career is worth the debt a thousand times over for me.
If you have a good job with good pay I wouldn't give it up for the unknown. Indulge your "nursing" instincts by volunteering at a nursing home or hospital or with a hospice company.
sistrmoon, BSN, RN
842 Posts
I've not worked any mandatory overtime in my 7 years of nursing. I'm essentially a stay at home mom all week then work weekend overnights. My kids go to one day a week of daycare. It works well for our family.