Husband not supportive of me going to school

Nursing Students Pre-Nursing

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Hi all,

I am 40 yrs old with 2 small kids (I started late with a lot of things) and have dreamed of becoming a nurse for a good 6-7 yrs now. I started pre-reqs in 2010 when my daughter was 2 and got through Stats, A&P and Chem while working, with all A's. I stopped taking classes when I got pregnant with our 2nd child because I was so sick in the 1st trimester and couldn't handle the stress (I almost had a miscarriage). Now I am dreaming about it again and want to pick up where I left off, but my husband is no longer supportive of me going to nursing school. He is mainly concerned with going into debt. We got into a lot of debt years ago and we are almost out of it, and he doesn't want to sink back down into more debt and not be able to buy a house, etc. I agree with this and have told him there are other ways, getting an ADN at a community college, or going to a state school and paying $10K or so (which we have in savings). He doesn't see the overall value and insists that going to college is something someone does in their 20's, not a 40 yr old with 2 small kids. He says we cannot afford me not working for 2 yrs or so once I would get into a nursing program.

I realize it would be difficult and am willing to go the slow route, finishing pre-reqs at night while still working during the day. I know I wouldn't see my kids much though. But our oldest is almost in Kindergarten so childcare costs with be cut in half, so I feel like it is more tangible. Anyone have any thoughts on this? Am I dreaming to think this could work? If I don't have his support, it will be very difficult and probably damage our marriage. If I can devise a plan where it wouldn't get us into debt and we wouldn't lose my income, then I may be able to get his support.

Does anyone have any thoughts on this? Is there a way to go to nursing school with two small kids, while working and not go into any debt? Anyone been in this situation? I feel trapped by my current job and feel like my life is slipping away.

You guys have given some great responses, thank you. Lots of nay-sayers here. But I completely agree about not going into a bunch of debt. However, if I were to go the ADN route, wouldn't that be the way to do it debt-free? We would need to pay for childcare, but costs will go down with our daughter attending public school in the fall. I could finish pre-reqs slowly while working, and by the time I was done with them and applying to nursing schools, our younger one will be starting public school so childcare costs would go down dramatically (I realize we would still need to do aftercare which can be inexpensive).

My husband has his own business which is a roller coaster. When business is good he says, sure, you can go to school, but when it isn't good he feels differently for obvious reasons. His business is unpredictable and changes almost daily, so I have felt that one of us needs a stable job with benefits, etc.

chrisrn24, my job is completely commission-based and is also a roller coaster. It isn't just a "good job with good pay." You have to pay a ton for marketing, dues, gas, and health insurance. To be very successful in real estate you need to work 24/7 and be glued to your phone and email constantly. In property management, you get phone calls at 2am from complaining tenants. I knew one realtor who was very successful but got very sick from the stress and had a heart attack and died at 45. That is an extreme case, but I could see how it could happen. There are many other reasons why I hate it (constantly being second-guessed, sleazy people), but I do love helping people. I just would prefer to help them with their health since that is what I am most passionate about. I want some stability, work-life balance, and decent pay, while working in a healing profession. I used to work in a holistic health-related field before this and loved it, so I should probably just get back into that field, volunteer at a hospital, and go from there.

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Specializes in Inpatient Oncology/Public Health.
But that is not the case everywhere. It was suggested to the OP that she research the job market/requirements for BSN in her locale.

That's fine. Just thought I'd offer a counterpoint to the usual "OMG ADNs are totally worthless(or are going to be soon!)" argument. My experiences were in TX and NY, so cross country to each other.

To OP: I didn't have a family yet when I went to school but I did manage to go while living on my own and come out the other side debt free. Now I have a mortgage and 2 kids and fondly remember those days. I know many people with 5 digit student loans making the same as me at the hospital.

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What about the LPN route? I went to a LPN program with many people who had children including single moms. Being a technical school, it was much cheaper and many classmates were able to get financial aid. Also, our program was primarily nights/weekends and designed for people who wanted/needed to work while going to school.

You can work as an LPN while bridging to RN?

My first marriage ended over one of us going back for a Masters while the other resented all the extra responsibility and financial burden. If both spouses are not committed, you might get a nursing degree but you could also lose a marriage.

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Specializes in ICU.

Also realize you will be questioned by many more, even sleazier people in nursing. What I don't to happen is you waste time and money and find out you won't be happy in nursing either. I am paying for my schooling out of pocket. Well, not me, but my ex as part of the divorce settlement. I do not believe in going into debt unless you have no other choice. My ex and I were avid followers of Dave Ramsey. And I understand about self employment as my ex was self employed. And I am sure your husband is aware which is why he is scared of you taking the leap. What happens when his business is down? How will you pay the bills if you are in nursing school?

I completely agree with the PP that said work with a financial advisor. I work closely with one. We have the whole next 2 1/2 years planned out. I had to sit down and budget carefully and figure out how I was going to make it. Even in financial disaster. Say me or my son got a tragic illness. Not too many people do this. It's not so much naysayers in here, people just want you to consider all of your options and not to take the leap for some romanticized version of nursing. You don't want to ruin your marriage and family life either. I was in an emotionally and mentally abusive marriage which is why I got out.

No one is telling you not to follow your dreams. Just make sure you are not doing this impulsively.

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Specializes in Med-Surg, NICU.

This is going to be an unpopular opinion, but I'm going to say it:

Now is NOT a good time to pursue nursing. I am a nursing student. However, I am also young, single and childfree, and I do not have any major financial responsibilities (and I have no student loans and only have one more semester left to pay for). Many new grads (BSNs included) are having a difficult time finding a job. Nursing wages have remained stagnant, and more healthcare workers feel overworked and are suffering unsafe working environments. If you did not have two mouths to support and a husband to think of, I would say go for it. But don't go into nursing thinking it is a stable, family-friendly field...it isn't. And that goes for many other healthcare professions.

I work as a nurse's aide. I have worked nearly every weekend this entire year. Last year, I worked Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. I have had to make sacrifices (time away from my family and hobbies), in order to make it work. Although I do not mind working holidays, I do not wish to do this for the long haul, and plan to have a more flexible job when I have my babies (after grad school, of course).

To be honest, I do side with your husband. You are asking him basically become the sole breadwinner AND take on much more of the family load for you to purse your dream. Does that seem fair or reasonable?

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Specializes in Pediatrics, Emergency, Trauma.
I too have a husband problem..although different than yours in that he's not too concerned about the cost..he just doesn't want me to go back to school. I had my math book open the other day and he actually said to me "you don't need to learn anymore math!". Ugghh... wish I could give you advice. At least you know your not alone in having these kinds of "domestic" issues.

Not to hijack the thread, but yours is a pretty "red flag" "domestic" issue, IMHO. :no:

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Specializes in Pediatrics, Emergency, Trauma.

OP, I'm going to echo the others where planning is needed before taking the leap into nursing. Shadow a nurse, volunteer in a hospital, hospice, etc, as others have suggested; if you want this, go into this business with your eyes wide open, so you can get and give the most out of this business.

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You can afford an ADN. If me and my husband can (with one kiddo) then you can too. I'm 99% sure your husband makes more then mine does. I pay out of pocket at my school for tuition. There's ways to make it work. Either listen to the people on here who "think" it can't work and regret it till you die or do it and say you've done it! It's possible. It's possible regardless of what your husband may think as well. Why? Cause my husband said the SAME STUFF. Now - almost done :) one semester left, ZERO debt, and family is still functioning. You can make it work. You will just need to plan plan plan and possibly give up some "wants" on everyone's part. People can say it's a bad time for nursing but really?... Is it?... People find jobs. It's a matter or working your butt off to find one and networking.

I say go for it.

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Specializes in Critical Care, Med-Surg, Psych, Geri, LTC, Tele,.
I am in real estate/property management. It is a tough gig with kids. Phone calls and emails 24/7. I am really starting to hate it.

Can you elaborate?

I was in real estate too, prior to deciding to go to school to become a nurse. My husband was not supportive. My rationale was that I'd always wanted to work in the medical field and yes, real estate was 24/7. I did make very good money though. But I also wasn't building a retirement nor did I have sick days, etcetera. There's also no unemployment or other benefits when working as an independent contractor. I felt there was no security as far as the future.

I ended up staying in school. Husband left us. At that time I wasn't earning income at all. Times were hard. But now I'm divorced and working as an nurse. God is good!!

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I'm a 40 something male with young kids. What has been working for me is an ADN program at the community college. They have evening and online classes for all the pre-reqs, and I'll be starting evening nursing classes in August. Lets me keep working all the way through, which is great.

The down side is that it has taken me three years to get to this point and will take another 2.5 years to finish the nursing program. But if you need to keep your income through school, it may be worth looking for an evening nursing program in your area.

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Specializes in Public Health.

Idk. Your family and marriage is important. It's not just about shooting down your dreams, you need to be cautious.

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Specializes in Inpatient psych, LTC.

I divorced my husband over this same issue. He didn't support me going back to school either. We ended up getting back together a few years later. Now I'm a nurse and 6 months from graduating as an NP. Don't give up on your dreams!

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