my husband....the jerk......sorry this is a rant :)

AOx1 · Jan 4, 2009

Sorry you are going through this. As a nursing instructor I see a lot of students going through divorce or planning one after graduation. I would recommend always having a plan so you can minimize worry. For example, have a friend/relative/babysitter lined up in case your child becomes ill during clinical days or when you are studying for a test. Don't let anyone guilt you out of this. Being busy does not mean you are a bad mom. You are making a choice to start a career that will give you more freedom, a nice income and insurance, and that most of all will bring you joy. Don't let anyone stop you. Failure is when you do something wrong....and then never try again. If you try to correct it, it's just called a mistake. We all make them. Keep going no matter what. I would also have a financial plan if you don't already...money set aside for your school expenses (ex- travel to clinical, books, etc) so he can't control you financially (if that is even something he would try). Never give up.

Daytonite, BSN, RN · Jan 4, 2009

Heather, you said it all. He's a jerk. Why are you still staying with him? Just leave already. Go on welfare. Get daycare help from the state. Take him to court for support. If he never pays take him to court and have him jailed where he can stare at the 4 walls of a jail cell. Best of all, don't tell him that you are going to do all this. Just do it.

9livesRN, BSN, RN · Jan 4, 2009

Ok, if he has been like that, he must change now!

he must understand that you need him more then ever now, so he can be there not only for you but for your children!

Maybe counseling?

well and if he is too tough and wont do anything... nor have done ... maybe you should considering kicking him in the ass?

dont be married for the children's sake! it is unhealthy and I KNOW FOR FACT! it hurts,

he has to get it!!! and if not... then move on, pull it through! it is going to go by fast, so then you can enjoy your time with your children and the ones that love you!!!

Adams_Mommy_07 · Jan 4, 2009

Hi all
I am looking for advice or words of encouragement as my self esteem is in my toenail this morning. My husband and I have been married for ten years and have two little boys ages six and four. My husband has been unsupportive thru pre-req's well hell who am I kidding when I worked full time for many years with babies he was unsupportive then too and never even missed an hour of work when they were sick. So, anyway.....now nursing school starts this week and I'm scared to death about failing!!! I asked my husband to help out a little more while I do this and suggested laundry or picking up around the house and OMG....he went ballistic on me!!! I was in tears this morning talking to my mother about it and she made it clear that he would love to see me fail so he could throw that in my face too!! Obviously I do not plan to stay married to him and I am sure he feels the same way......this nursing program is accelerated and is only one year........please let me know if any of you think this seems too hard or if you have had similar experiences please let me know.....I just think he feels threatened by this....
Thanks
Heather

My ex-fiance/boyfriend still is equally unsupportive. I feel for you. If you're like me, you need him for the time being. My advice, get your ducks in a row, get help wherever you can and just pretend he isn't there. Stay focused on you and what you need to do. Have your kids maintain cleaning their rooms, putting their laundry away, etc., do enough for him to keep his mouth shut. Most importantly, keep your kids your top priority followed by school. Work now to have plans for your kids if something comes up while your in class. Stay strong and focused!!! This IS your out.

goodstudentnowRN · Jan 4, 2009

Just do what you have to do. Invest in your education then after graduation you can kick his sorry ass to the curb! Some of these men do not know how to relate to women especially qwhen they are going through a test. Concentrate on school no matter what and keep your eyes on the prize.

caliotter3 · Jan 4, 2009

My hubby was also not supportive when I returned to school. But I noticed that he had no trouble spending the money I made by advancing on the job partly due to my education efforts. He would throw tantrums until he got me to throw in the towel and drop my classes. I just ended up leaving education alone until he was out of the picture. One less thing for him to gripe about. But in your case, I would buckle down and not let him get in your way. If he fights with you or gripes, calmly tell him he can do it himself or live with the mess. Take care of yourself by attending to school. It is imperative. If it means that a breakup occurs sooner rather than later, well, maybe that is a good thing. Look for support from your classmates or others. Just don't expect anything positive from him and you won't be disappointed. Sorry I couldn't say anything more positive, but this is what happens when we do something that our spouse is jealous of. I've been there.

caliotter3 · Jan 4, 2009

Oh, and by the way, my daughter was the same way. She would disappear from home and pull other stunts when I was going to take finals. I never did figure out her attention getting behavior. I think it didn't matter a thing to her what I was doing. It was all about her and her friends.

MaryAnn_RN · Jan 4, 2009

Heather, you said it all. He's a jerk. Why are you still staying with him? Just leave already. Go on welfare. Get daycare help from the state. Take him to court for support. If he never pays take him to court and have him jailed where he can stare at the 4 walls of a jail cell. Best of all, don't tell him that you are going to do all this. Just do it.

:yeah: :yeah: :yeah:

allnurses Guide · Jan 4, 2009

Is your mother able to help?

retread71 · Jan 4, 2009

Heather, I'm sorry you are going through this. I am starting next week prereqs and I work FT too, my Dh is very supportive but if he wasn't I could imagine the mess it would make of my life.

I am also a major advocate of marriage and counseling. So do what you can to work on your marriage. BUT also, work toward your goal of nursing. Find alternate methods to do it without his support. Just do it--because you will need to keep going even if you have to go through a nasty year. Be respectful of him also, (hard I know) be respectful and firm, make yourself some boundaries, make some friends, maybe go to church and find some outside support.

You may get through this year and maybe you will still be able to work through your marriage, keep it intact as long as you can.

Also, my kids may be older but since I've been working they've picked up a lot of chores, which I always did all the housework. I found that hard to let go but its been a lifesaver for me for them to do laundry and dishes. Kids can do work too (of course, depending on age)

LeesaRN · Jan 4, 2009

Sorry :cry: Look how far you come so far. Your starting Nursing school!!!!!!! Hang in there. You will be such a roll model for you children. When your married you are partners, and if he doesn't want to partner up.....Partner out. School will be over in a blink, don't be afraid, you can do it. Things are going to suffer, your children won't but your house might. You always have us for support. :icon_hug:You Go Girl. Leesa