my husband....the jerk......sorry this is a rant :)

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Hi all

I am looking for advice or words of encouragement as my self esteem is in my toenail this morning. My husband and I have been married for ten years and have two little boys ages six and four. My husband has been unsupportive thru pre-req's well hell who am I kidding when I worked full time for many years with babies he was unsupportive then too and never even missed an hour of work when they were sick. So, anyway.....now nursing school starts this week and I'm scared to death about failing!!! I asked my husband to help out a little more while I do this and suggested laundry or picking up around the house and OMG....he went ballistic on me!!! I was in tears this morning talking to my mother about it and she made it clear that he would love to see me fail so he could throw that in my face too!! Obviously I do not plan to stay married to him and I am sure he feels the same way......this nursing program is accelerated and is only one year........please let me know if any of you think this seems too hard or if you have had similar experiences please let me know.....I just think he feels threatened by this....

Thanks

Heather

Girl you got this!! You got thru you pre reqs you can do this.

Hes got two choices

1) He can help out thru this next year and you will make the divorce easier on him

2) He keeps going the way he is going and you take half and get child support till they are 18

Sounds like hes not going to get his head out of his butt though.

Make friends, other woman have kids and from what I have seen in my nursing program they help each other out.

If your in Vegas I would be happy to help you and I know of some other women that would be too. :)

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Specializes in med surge.

Yes, Heather, he is a jerk. I have to say that I am greatful to my husband for allowing me to quit my job and go back to school. Congratulations on getting in to school. Ask for help from your friends and family, TODAY!!! If you start school with all of this stress, you are guantanteed to not do well. And you need to do well. I'm not in agreement on divorce, but if you need to, go stay with your mother or friends while you are in school. The accerlerated program, I hear, is tough. Give yourself a chance to fulfill your dreams. Put him on the side burner, for now and deal with him when you are done. With all of the things that are going on, be greatful for the things you have and trust God. If this is your purpose, He will work it out for you.

Michelle

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OMG....thank you all sooooo much!!! I love this site and all of the support it brings. I was feeling so overwhelmed earlier but you all are right......I don't think marriage counseling would work...actually I am not even interested in staying with him b/c he has no patience or interest in our boys at all so for those reasons alone I plan to divorce him. I would rather stay in the marriage thru nursing school, if possible, or at least be closer to the finish line :)

As for my mother....yes she will be more available. She offered to help me with my laundry and will be picking up my son from school as well as watching my younger son three days a week so that is awesome!!

And you all are totally right about making plans.....I have contacted a friend who lives near the college I will be attending. She and her husband have a small apartment on the back of their home and she'd be more than happy to rent to me and my boys.

I knew I wasn't the first nor the last going thru this during nursing school......but I can't thank you all enough for all of the encouragement!!! I am going to remember things several of you have said to me to help me thru my weak moments once nursing school starts.

I really am going to focus on the fact that I want to be able to take care of my boys no matter what my soon to be ex husband does or does not do about child support. So for that I am willing to give up sleep and yes I will go on welfare too if the situation becomes anymore unbearable.

Thank you all again

Heather

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Sometimes you never know where you might find help and support. When my daughter found herself and two kids out in the street while she was in nursing school, the program director helped her get into a homeless shelter. No easy task in a city with way too many homeless for the number of available beds. Don't be ashamed to ask for help.

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Hi all

I am looking for advice or words of encouragement as my self esteem is in my toenail this morning. My husband and I have been married for ten years and have two little boys ages six and four. My husband has been unsupportive thru pre-req's well hell who am I kidding when I worked full time for many years with babies he was unsupportive then too and never even missed an hour of work when they were sick. So, anyway.....now nursing school starts this week and I'm scared to death about failing!!! I asked my husband to help out a little more while I do this and suggested laundry or picking up around the house and OMG....he went ballistic on me!!! I was in tears this morning talking to my mother about it and she made it clear that he would love to see me fail so he could throw that in my face too!! Obviously I do not plan to stay married to him and I am sure he feels the same way......this nursing program is accelerated and is only one year........please let me know if any of you think this seems too hard or if you have had similar experiences please let me know.....I just think he feels threatened by this....

Thanks

Heather

Didn't read all the posts so sorry if someone mentioned it. If you do not plan on staying married, then you definately need to get through this program. If you are both thinking divorce, then you would think he would be glad you will be able to make decent money to take care of YOUR children. I am in a totally different situation, but I let my husband know, if he can't pick up the slack, like cleaning the house, I will hire a maid. Think of yourself and your kiddos.

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I will always think of the kiddos :) They didn't ask for any of this but they are my motivation as I know they deserve better than this. I have heard several people say, and I believe it, it's better to have one parent who cares than to have to live with two people who are so miserable.

Hugs and much love

Heather

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Specializes in LTC, Med/Surg, Peds, ICU, Tele.

Hey Heather, it sounds very, very trying. Men can make us women and our children suffer in life, it's just not fair. Boy oh boy, I'd like to knock some sense into that husband of yours! I don't have any other advise, but I'm on your side!

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I will always think of the kiddos :) They didn't ask for any of this but they are my motivation as I know they deserve better than this. I have heard several people say, and I believe it, it's better to have one parent who cares than to have to live with two people who are so miserable.

Hugs and much love

Heather

I agree. I saw my mother miserable for years and us kids definately knew. I hated seeing her so sad all the time. When she finally got divorced, she struggled for many years working 2 jobs. Do a lot of praying! It might not be easy, but you will do it. Nsg school can be stressful and you definately dont need the extra from him. Best of luck!

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Hi all

I am looking for advice or words of encouragement as my self esteem is in my toenail this morning. My husband and I have been married for ten years and have two little boys ages six and four. My husband has been unsupportive thru pre-req's well hell who am I kidding when I worked full time for many years with babies he was unsupportive then too and never even missed an hour of work when they were sick. So, anyway.....now nursing school starts this week and I'm scared to death about failing!!! I asked my husband to help out a little more while I do this and suggested laundry or picking up around the house and OMG....he went ballistic on me!!! I was in tears this morning talking to my mother about it and she made it clear that he would love to see me fail so he could throw that in my face too!! Obviously I do not plan to stay married to him and I am sure he feels the same way......this nursing program is accelerated and is only one year........please let me know if any of you think this seems too hard or if you have had similar experiences please let me know.....I just think he feels threatened by this....

Thanks

Heather

Hello Heather,

I'm sorry to hear what you are going through, but to me it just sounds as if your a single parent. Have you evaluated other support systems, like your boys' grandparents, aunts, and uncles?? Plenty of single mothers make it through nursing school, you can too. I'm living proof.

Good Luck

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I went through something similar with my ex-husband. He knew that I wanted to return to college but kept telling me that he was going to go before me because he had never been. All fine and dandy but he wasn't the "college type" if you know what I mean. He just wanted to keep control of me. So now, 8-9 years later, I am finally doing it. My new husband is amazing and completely supportive.

The question you need to ask yourself is this: Which situation is going to be more stressful for you? Leaving him now, or staying with him? The reason I say this is that my ex was controlling and unhelpful and when I left him he told me he was going to make my life living hell. And he did. Countless hours in family court, being harassed and followed around, lawyers fees....these were things I had to go through. I am hoping that your situation is not like this. It comes down to a very personal decision about how to deal with it.

No matter what you do now, I just want to offer my support to you. If you ever need anyone to talk to you can pm me anytime.

Good luck!

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I think there is a bigger issue here. Is your marriage viable? You are only giving one little piece of the picture and only your heart can answer this.

If your marriage is viable you need to work around the issue. Your request is very reasonable and if really wants you to fail you will have to live with this.

Or you could be just having a stressful day.

Good luck and I hope you do well in school.

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Sorry you are going through this. As a nursing instructor I see a lot of students going through divorce or planning one after graduation. I would recommend always having a plan so you can minimize worry. For example, have a friend/relative/babysitter lined up in case your child becomes ill during clinical days or when you are studying for a test. Don't let anyone guilt you out of this. Being busy does not mean you are a bad mom. You are making a choice to start a career that will give you more freedom, a nice income and insurance, and that most of all will bring you joy. Don't let anyone stop you. Failure is when you do something wrong....and then never try again. If you try to correct it, it's just called a mistake. We all make them. Keep going no matter what. I would also have a financial plan if you don't already...money set aside for your school expenses (ex- travel to clinical, books, etc) so he can't control you financially (if that is even something he would try). Never give up.

I find it really funny when people "blame" nursing school for the divorce,not that the OP is saying that (she did mentioned that he was not being supportive to begin with..anyway my point is that nursing school wont break ones marriage,if it will it wasnt a good marriage to begin with

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