How Many is Too Many

samiebird · Jul 10, 2005

:rotfl:

I saw a program about the family with 14 kids and one on the way. They are very religious, and evidently very organized. She even home schools. They are debt free; the kids all play two musical instruments, the father and older sons are building a new house.
I think they are clearly pod people, but more power to them.

txkat · Jul 10, 2005

I think it is terribly irresponsible of this mom & dad, and I think it is deplorable that they received an award and praise for being so irresponsible. This is NOT just about one family. This family does not live in a vacuum. It affects all of us down the line, especially the children that will inherit the earth. Make the connection: www.popconnect.org.

rn/writer, RN · Jul 10, 2005

I think it is terribly irresponsible of this mom & dad, and I think it is deplorable that they received an award and praise for being so irresponsible. This is NOT just about one family. This family does not live in a vacuum. It affects all of us down the line, especially the children that will inherit the earth. Make the connection: www.popconnect.org.

So what is the "responsible" number of children a couple should have? I'll bet there are plenty of families with 2 or 3 kids using waaay more resources than these folks.

Is your definition of responsibilty only about the numbers? Mine includes quality as well as quantity.

Miranda F.

SharonH, RN · Jul 11, 2005

I think it's too many. I've seen that show and the saddest thing I heard was the 10 year old girl saying the thing she was most excited about for the new house was the new laundry room. That isn't right.
The "parents" do very little in the way of parenting. Mom cares for baby for a year, then they get paired with an older "buddy", who is responsible for them. The kids clean the entire house, from laundry to cooking to the parent's bedroom. The food they eat is processed crud. (Nothing wrong with that every once in a while, but they can't afford to get lots of fresh fruits and veggies for that many)
They are scary fundies, will not allow their children to date (they arrange marriages) and hit their children to get them to behave. Where's the independant thought? Where's the creativity? Where's the individualism?
They aren't being parents, they're running an institution and are not doing their children any favors, IMO.

I agree with your thoughts completely. I didn't see the show on The View, I saw the one on TLC. I thouht how unfair it was that each of the older kids were paired with a younger one who was THEIR responsibility! If Mom wants to have a couple of dozen kids, that's her prerogative but she shouldn't make the older kids be parents.

Someone mentioned that the kids were well-behaved. Actually the whole family was spooky. They were all dressed alike, the girls wore these old fashioned dresses which went down almost to their ankles. The children were not so much well-behaved as vacant. The whole family piled into the family bus to go down to see Mom's ultrasound, singing gospel songs all the way. Mom said she plans to have as many children as God lets her have.

It's true that the family is financially independent; Dad was a real estate investor and I got the impression that they were actually quite wealthy. However wealth shouldn't give you the right to do whatever you want and again, I think they are being quite unfair to their older children.

SharonH, RN · Jul 11, 2005

I rather like the Amish practice of bringing children up "in the nurture and admonition of the Lord," until they reach young adulthood. Then the constraints are removed for a time they call Rumspringa--rough translation is "running wild." Young people sometimes move to the nearest town and indulge in whatever they choose without parental interference. Some truly do go wild. Others kick up their heels for a time and then settle down again. As might be expected, there are those who choose not to return to their communities. The ones who do are then made members of the church. This is an important part of their growing up, a way to make sure that assuming membership in the church is both informed and voluntary. The best part about this time of freedom is that it allows the young person to sort out what he truly believes out of all he's been taught. Miranda F.

I saw quite an interesting documentary on rumspringa. In fact, many of the adolescents return to the Amish faith for two reasons:

1)Because they have never been exposed to a different way of life for an extended period of time, they are quite afraid to join the "English" as they put it. In short, they come back because they don't know anything else. AND

2)I think this is the most important. If they don't come back they will be shunned and will not be allowed contact even with their own parents. That puts quite a different spin on their "voluntary" return to the Amish community.

SmilingBluEyes · Jul 11, 2005

I saw quite an interesting documentary on rumspringa. In fact, many of the adolescents return to the Amish faith for two reasons:
1)Because they have never been exposed to a different way of life for an extended period of time, they are quite afraid to join the "English" as they put it. In short, they come back because they don't know anything else. AND
2)I think this is the most important. If they don't come back they will be shunned and will not be allowed contact even with their own parents. That puts quite a different spin on their "voluntary" return to the Amish community.

i have to agree.

SmilingBluEyes · Jul 11, 2005

I think it is terribly irresponsible of this mom & dad, and I think it is deplorable that they received an award and praise for being so irresponsible. This is NOT just about one family. This family does not live in a vacuum. It affects all of us down the line, especially the children that will inherit the earth. Make the connection: www.popconnect.org.

see the ecologic concerns always plague me as well. People who ELECT to have to many kids do not live in a vacuum and the world is VERY overpopulated as it is. I think it terribly irresponsible to have this many kids, myself, in this light. Thanks for that link. It really does spell it all out in a rather sobering way.

SmilingBluEyes · Jul 11, 2005

Some of the factoids from this site that should be sobering for anyone who cares about the world our children and grandchildren will inherit:

http://www.popconnect.org/Factoids/

it's eye popping.

Mermaid4 · Jul 11, 2005

I have no problem with this although I would add that it would be nice that those people choosing to have multiple children would hopefully be together enough to have a responsible means to provide for them. THAT is where I might have some difficulty. As far as restaurants limiting the amount of children. That is just plain wrong. If you run a business, run it as responsibly as you expect people with multiple children to run their families..Expect the unexpected....

nfsaldal · Jul 11, 2005

my husband comes from a family of 11....his mother was a stay at home mom...
my husband is number 10...so I asked the oldest child who is 51 now how it felt to have so many brothers and sisters...She said she loved her siblings but she got sick of her mom always being pregant because it meant another baby she had to help with...Her and the other siblings helped because the mom was only one person and not able to do everything...it just wasnt humanly possible..
she said she wish her parents would of stopped sooner...This sibling never had kids she said she got her feel raising 10 other ones...She said ultimaltley the older siblings raise the younger ones...
This is just one person perspective though
Donna In TEXAS

Perhaps this is why the Duggar's buddy system works so well. Each older child is paired with one younger child. Therefore the oldest aren't overburdened with caring for all the little ones, each has only one he/she is responsible for. I think it teaches responsibility and builds character. They all seemed very happy and surrounded by love. Who could ask for more.

mydesygn · Jul 11, 2005

my husband comes from a family of 11....his mother was a stay at home mom...
my husband is number 10...so I asked the oldest child who is 51 now how it felt to have so many brothers and sisters...She said she loved her siblings but she got sick of her mom always being pregant because it meant another baby she had to help with...Her and the other siblings helped because the mom was only one person and not able to do everything...it just wasnt humanly possible..
she said she wish her parents would of stopped sooner...This sibling never had kids she said she got her feel raising 10 other ones...She said ultimaltley the older siblings raise the younger ones...
This is just one person perspective though
Donna In TEXAS

My mother was one of 13 (my father was one of 15). I remember as a young teen that my mother was adamant about not allowing me to babysit when occasional friends would ask. I never quite understood why should would refuse such requests, after all I really didn't mind. She was the second oldest girl (her older sister had left home and had children as my mom came into her teenage years) and was responsible for helping raise her siblings and I realize now that she never wanted me to lose part of my childhood in that way. By the way, my grandmother never wanted that many children but she was poor and living in the South and no doctor would tie your tubes unless further children were a risk to your health.

teeituptom, BSN, RN · Jul 11, 2005

I have 7 children with my wife

and we also habe 13 grandchildren

absolutely nothing wrong with large families