Hi everyone! I'm a new nurse and I had a really bad day a bit ago with a patient who I had to call our rapid response team for and he ended up in the ICU (I have no idea other than that, HIPAA and all) and a small part of me wants to know how he is doing. He was young and I felt helpless when I couldn't fix the oxygenation issue that was going on at that time (O2 sats dropping despite increasing oxygen to 6 liters-the only method we have on our floor is nasal cannula unless respiratory brings it). I hugged his mother as they left the floor and that's the last I heard about him.
I've done everything I can think of to leave it at work but it still nags at me occasionally that I want to know how he's doing. Logically, I know that it's honestly none of my business, I'm there for my shift to take care of my patients and go home and return on my next scheduled shift to do the same. I have no desire to call and find out or do any of the creepy things I've read/heard about nurses doing (showing up to the room to check in on my days off, calling, sending flowers, etc.). I honestly just have a curiosity that I know can't ever be satisfied and I think it's because he was the first patient who left the floor on my shift to go to a higher level of care. I've had fleeting thoughts of other patients, too, who have touched me in some way, whether it be how sweet they were to me or how kind their family was.
I just need to know: what kind of methods do you use to leave it at work? I know this is one of the (I'm sure many) places I need to improve.
Specializes in Oncology; medical specialty website.
Okay so let me just say....I'm not talking about obsessing over them. What I'm talking about is just compassion and empathy. Another thing...I know I'm not "super" 365 days a year. A friend came up with the screen name and I thought it was cute.
What makes you think that Dranger is not compassionate and empathetic with his patients? You don't have to carry those patients home with you in your head to be empathetic.
Some day, you're going to come up against a patient or family member who makes you question why you ever got into this. I'm not talking about your generic grumpy patient. I'm talking about someone who is so wretchedly miserable, and knows how to push every single one of your buttons. Just about every nurse runs into someone like this.
If you don't toughen up, people like this will eat you alive. Being a little tough doesn't mean you can't have empathy. It does mean you won't let disappointment in the job crush you.
My bad--I mixed things up. Both of the two of them handled themselves poorly in their exchange. I am, however, concerned about cynicism being too quick to see idealism and new grad enthusiasm as bad.
Sorry for getting lost and messing up.
I understand! I hope my post didn't come across as harsh because it definitely wasn't meant that way. Just wanted to make sure everyone knew who was being called out and why :)
Never said it, never intend to. The only people I wouldn't want as a nurse are people I know personally who I wouldn't trust to put on a band-aid (for a multitude of reasons that I won't go into here but if you'd like to know them please feel free to PM me). Everyone does the job for their own reasons but Dranger is correct that it is just a job. Did I feel a calling to it? Absolutely. But nursing isn't my life. It's my job. That's why I'm asking how to leave it at work :)
I appreciate everyone's advice! :) Thank you all so much
The last part of my post there, I only included you because I was just giving you a little forum advice because I saw you were a new member. Not that you'd ever say anything like that, I don't know you, but just a warning of sorts. Friendly advice for the forums? Not sure what to call it.
The last part of my post there, I only included you because I was just giving you a little forum advice because I saw you were a new member. Not that you'd ever say anything like that, I don't know you, but just a warning of sorts. Friendly advice for the forums? Not sure what to call it.
There are RN's here that have jobs with insurance companies. Some are occupational nurses with large corporations. Nurses work in research, IT and education. Do they have to have compassion for patients? Because they don't have true patients. I'm willing to bet my first born that nurses in those positions would tell you it's "just a job" as well...
I wouldn't say it's "just a job". It's a job where you are taking care of others and they depend on you to do just that. If you think of it as " just a job", how can you be compassionate and caring for your patients? I think it's absolutely normal for you to feel this way. I think it would be unhuman if you didn't. Why do we get in this profession in the first place? Because we have a passion for other people and we have a caring nature! It's never "just a job" to me.
I just need to know: what kind of methods do you use to leave it at work? I know this is one of the (I'm sure many) places I need to improve.
First, good for you for recognizing an area for improvement. I am learning and with new studies, medicines, and techniques I expect to learn for my entire career.
There are several things I do to de-stress after having an issue with a patient. First, I try to learn as much as I can to understand what happened and what I could do better in the future..
When I have had a patient deteriorate and go to a higher level of care, I will speak with a physician the next time I see them to find out how the pt is doing and what happened. This is one way we learn and physicians I've spoken with have been happy to help me advance my knowledge.
Someone else suggested speaking with a trusted, respected fellow nurse. That is another great idea.
Sometimes if it is early in the shift I may need to take a few minutes in private to cry. Always be sure to compose yourself before returning.
Find something that helps you de-stress for when you are home. For me, hiking is my happy place. Some people do yoga, meditate, run, or workout at the gym. Figure out what works for you and be sure to take care of the caregiver.
For me, I don't worry about the patients I will always carry with me. I still remember my first code, emergent intubation, bedside emergent wound decompression to relieve stridor, and one pediatric laryngospasm that was nearly a code.
I was also amazed one time when a patient and her husband remembered me a year after I cared for her in the PACU. I ran into them at a food coop. They not only recognized me but thanked me for her care. You will touch many patients in a good way during your career. Welcome to the best profession, imo.
1. Turn my work phone OFF the minute the clock strikes 5:31PM. Do not turn it back on until I pull into the parking garage in the morning.
2. Occupy my out of work time with non-nursing related activities. Go to trivia, play in adult recreational leagues, go to professional sports games, go hiking, go white water rafting, etc. Alcohol is often involved.
3. When I find that, despite these things, work is following me home and disrupting my personal life, I get a new job. 100% serious. Just went through this a couple months ago. When work starts keeping me up at night and giving me nightmares, I know it's time to cut my losses.
Report off and go to locker room. Change clothes before anyone tries to stop me and leave disgusting shoes behind. I wear boots 8 months of the year. I am superfast when my shift is over. You have to find a way to shift your focus on to something else.
I have problems with letting things go. (See some of my posts, LOL.)
I think a PP said it well when guilt was referenced. If I feel like I didn't know enough, didn't act fast enough, trusted the doc's judgment too long, didn't call a rapid response when I first thought to, didn't correlate the increased # of respirations with decompensation because the patient had anxiety disorder, etc., then it follows me for a few days. I usually end up hitting the books and learning more about what I felt I was deficient in, or talking it over with a more experienced nurse.
I also carry home patients that I "fall in love" with. I have a soft spot for the elderly and the odd. I also hold on to feelings for patients I cared for over a long period of time.
There was a guy who had osteomyelitis and I cared for him for a month before he was transferred to hospice, where he passed about a week later. I will NEVER forget him and I feel guilty to this day because I didn't go see him in hospice. I was afraid to cross the boundary between nurse and friend, although I'm pretty sure I crossed it before he left.
There are some things that will stick with you, no matter what. That is perfectly OK.
What helps me is developing a bit of emotional detachment. It's hard to explain. I keep a thin barrier between me and my patients so that I am not too involved to be objective in their care, because they NEED a nurse.
The level of involvement that you stated in your original post is perfectly appropriate. I think where you are going wrong is in the assumption that you HAVE to leave it at work. There are some situations and some people that will mean more to you than others, and that is OK.
Just remember to keep your professional boundaries intact as much as you can.
I find that when I am getting too close to a patient or too caught up in a situation, I can usually step back if I focus on the patient's needs, rather than my own feelings.
I, too, have a commute of 35-45 minutes so it really helps to have that time to do a mind dump. I love to listen to podcasts and will listen to something interesting on my way home that occupies my mind and shifts it off of work. I love Radio Lab, This American Life, The Moth, Note to Self and Answer Me This to name a few.
If my commute hasn't cleared my mind, my sweet husband gets an earful when I've had a bad day. Not leaving it at work, I know, but it does help me quickly get it over it. The man's a saint :-)
I also talk to my sister who is a fellow nurse. I'll call her on my way home and vent.
It's hard to do. There is still one pt. I connected w/ when I did home hospice that I will absolutely never forget. I pray there is a heaven and that I will see him there one day.
"Just a job" and "leave work at work" is just a reality of the current "western" Nursing. Back home, just 15-20 years ago, it was Ok (and in smaller communities is still Ok) if a Nurse/Doctor checked on their former patients (usually with a phonecall). It was apreciated by families and wasn't perceived as creepy in any way.
What I'm trying to say is that while this sort of behaviour is not supported by our regulatory bodies (for obvious reasons), there is nothing wrong with feeling this way, as long as we don't act on it.
Why? I suspect his competence is much greater than yours. The fact that you keep dodging around the question of your experience tells us you have little. If you did, you'd know his attitude is developed over a lot of years and a lot of patients. You could learn something from him, if you weren't so horrified by what I see as a basic truth of nursing.
OCNRN63, RN
5,979 Posts
What makes you think that Dranger is not compassionate and empathetic with his patients? You don't have to carry those patients home with you in your head to be empathetic.
Some day, you're going to come up against a patient or family member who makes you question why you ever got into this. I'm not talking about your generic grumpy patient. I'm talking about someone who is so wretchedly miserable, and knows how to push every single one of your buttons. Just about every nurse runs into someone like this.
If you don't toughen up, people like this will eat you alive. Being a little tough doesn't mean you can't have empathy. It does mean you won't let disappointment in the job crush you.