How do you leave it at work?

n.igmatic1 · Jun 30, 2015

I sometimes wish I had some of the idealism some of the newer nurses have. I technically am a new nurse too, but this is a second career for me, and my mom is a nurse. I say that I feel like I grew up in a hospital, so I never had the "bright and shininess" many brand spanking new nurses speak of. OP, all I can say is, all you can do is your best at work. I hope you have some seasoned professionals from whom you feel you can ask advice. I am lucky in that respect. I know my co-workers have my back, and actually get a kick out of the Noob asking to either watch them do a procedure, or letting me try my hand at it under their watchful eye. Having support at work does wonders. If you can answer "yes" to the question "Did I do the best I could for the patient", then take a deep breath, clock out and listen to something that lifts your spirits on your way home. I wish us all well!

NOADLS · Jun 30, 2015

Only part about work that comes home with me is candycrush. And my fold up bed/chair.

twinmommy+2, ADN, BSN, MSN · Jun 30, 2015

The original post was how to keep feelings from overwhelming the new nurse at home. One poster mentioned that they do not put personal feelings into his/her work. This answered the question and it is a valid answer because this is how this person takes care of business on their end. There are those of us who do put personal feelings into their work, some who can't, and some who won't. It doesn't make them less of a nurse.

One method of keeping the sadness at bay is prayer. I find it grounds me, lets me put unsettled business to bed and move on to the next thing.

Here.I.Stand, BSN, RN · Jun 30, 2015

Sometimes it's tough. I'll admit that a handful of pts even from over a decade ago would still tug at my heart strings if I allowed it.

But we have to put up boundaries. This profession will eat us alive if we don't. Just as important as self-preservation, is that for pts currently under our care, we need to remain objective. It's extremely difficult to think and act professionally, when our mind is preoccupied with our own emotions. And yes, it is possible to provide compassionate care while maintaining boundaries.

I too like music/singing on the commute home. I read my Bible or listen to a sermon. I make time for my family to do something together. I might carve out some time for a hobby. I might do something relatively mindless like play Angry Birds or Solitaire my phone. I'll go for a walk or swimming. All of those work great for me, for getting work out of my mind's forefront.

whitecat5000 · Jun 30, 2015

I find that the only times I want to find out how someone is doing after I have to upgrade them, or now that I work in the ER, after I admit them; is when I feel guilty.

I truly might have given it my all, but sometimes I get those nagging questions of "what if." What if I noticed something faster, or called a doctor sooner, etc.

So I try to keep reminding myself that I'm doing the best I can and that's all I can do. It also helps to tell myself that I will learn from the experience and that it won't happen again.

Tenebrae, BSN, RN · Jun 30, 2015

Wow-I just realized Superwhatever totally hijacked the thread.
Turning the focus back to OP where it belongs, you don't ever want to lose your compassion. But, you don't want it to dominate your life, or you won't be able to function. From what you have said, I think you already figured this out.
.....

And that is the difference between compassion and empathy.

To me compassion kills. We get so involved in feeling for our patients, familys and the often really sad situations they are in, we get overwhelmed and are no longer able to function effectively as a nurse.

Empathy allows us to put ourselves into the place of the patient and consider it from their POV. I can feel empathetic for an end of life patient who is in the final hours. Its that empathy that sends me to the med chart to see what I can give to help their agitation/pain/nausea/secretions. Its that empathy that makes me sit down and give this person a hand massage when they have nothing else that can be given for their symptoms in hope of trying to help them relax. Its empathy that makes me take time with the patients family because sometimes they need to know that feeling overwhelmed because their loved one is dying is really understandable. And yes, I feel sad, however when I walk out the door I sort of mentally off load because I know if I take it home with me I'll end up as a basket case before long.

I had an experience as a student. I was assigned to care for a patient at 0645 and by 0715 the patient was having a full blown non STEMI. Among other things this person was in alot of pain which i found very overwhelming. My preceptor and I talked later because I noted how calm and collected she was and she said something which stuck with me "They need me to have it together, they need me to be able to be an effective nurse and best meet their healthcare needs. That doesnt mean I dont go into the sluice room sometimes and stamp my feet and have a cry, but then I get out their again and do what I need to do"

Tenebrae, BSN, RN · Jun 30, 2015

I'm not. It's kind of upsetting, however, when someone comes at you that "blunt", especially if you are newer. I will most assuredly listen to those that don't talk down to me. I understand I'm newer, and that definitely doesn't make me superior, but that also doesn't make me inferior.

Big difference between talking down to someone and people giving you a realistic view of how things are.

I get the idealism and optimism and yes I do think feelings have a role to play and yes, I'm passionate about the job i do. I walk away from the job feeling proud and privildged for the opportunities I recieved.

I do not however out right disrespect the opinions and input of nurses older/more experienced than myself. I listen to what they have to say. Thank them for their input. Take time, evaluate what was said, did it apply/was it relevant to me. If it was, figure out how to incorporate it into my knowledge base. If it was not, then discarding it and moving on. Telling them that their input was not needed or not helpful, serves to alienate someone who has the potential to still be an awesome supportive colleague.

I work in 2 seperate units. One of my charge nurses is very much old school. In terms of crusty old bats, shes very crusty, she is also very awesome and a super boss. Sometimes she will say stuff and I'm very much like "what the hell, I could never do that". Much more of the time I'll run something by her and she'll be like thats a good idea, or have you thought about trying this as well.

Advice for free. More experienced nurses are exactly that. More experienced. Dont alienate them before you have even started the job. You may not like their communication methods, develop a thicker skin or you wont last long

Jensmom7, BSN, RN · Jun 30, 2015

And that is the difference between compassion and empathy.
To me compassion kills. We get so involved in feeling for our patients, familys and the often really sad situations they are in, we get overwhelmed and are no longer able to function effectively as a nurse.
Empathy allows us to put ourselves into the place of the patient and consider it from their POV. I can feel empathetic for an end of life patient who is in the final hours. Its that empathy that sends me to the med chart to see what I can give to help their agitation/pain/nausea/secretions. Its that empathy that makes me sit down and give this person a hand massage when they have nothing else that can be given for their symptoms in hope of trying to help them relax. Its empathy that makes me take time with the patients family because sometimes they need to know that feeling overwhelmed because their loved one is dying is really understandable. And yes, I feel sad, however when I walk out the door I sort of mentally off load because I know if I take it home with me I'll end up as a basket case before long.
I had an experience as a student. I was assigned to care for a patient at 0645 and by 0715 the patient was having a full blown non STEMI. Among other things this person was in alot of pain which i found very overwhelming. My preceptor and I talked later because I noted how calm and collected she was and she said something which stuck with me "They need me to have it together, they need me to be able to be an effective nurse and best meet their healthcare needs. That doesnt mean I dont go into the sluice room sometimes and stamp my feet and have a cry, but then I get out their again and do what I need to do"

Tenebrae, you're right. Empathy was the word I was searching for. It allows us to anticipate needs, act quickly in an emergency and do what needs to be done without collapsing into a puddle of green Jello in the middle of the room.

xoemmylouox, ASN, RN · Jun 30, 2015

Sometimes you will take part of your day home with you. Sometimes a good vent or cry is all you need to get it out and move on. I try to not become too attached to my patients, but in my setting it is easy to do.

I had a patient that I adored for his strength and his maturity at such a young age. I cried when he died. Death is unfair often, but his death was cruel and sick. He had found a way out of his illness, and his chance to survive was stolen. THAT I still get upset about.

So you will have things that stay with you. The longer you are in the less often the smaller things will stick. For some this is just a job for others this is a "calling". You will learn to keep things at a healthy balance or you will burn out. Either way come here and vent or share your stories (HIPAA in mind of course). It helps.

annie.rn · Jun 30, 2015

I agree, although I doubt that helps anyone who does feel it's a calling.
Aaron Beck talks about the "personal domain," which is a collection of concepts that are important to a person. The self-concept is the center of the domain, and the domain becomes less personal and more esoteric as you reach the edges (where things like your concept of freedom or justice are). The important thing here is that, in Beck's cognitive theory, the closer an idea is to the center of your personal domain the more anxiety inducing it is to have it threatened. So, if being a nurse is part of your self-concept, then the feeling you may have forgotten something takes on more meaning than it does to someone who thinks of nursing as a job and wants to do well because they're generally ambitious.
Not that knowing any of this will make the OP - or anyone else - feel better. It may or may not even apply to the OP. But it's one of those things I find helpful when dealing with other people... if you know something is important to their identity, you can use it to butter them up, help them protect it (such as by coming up with rational ways a situation doesn't reflect on the concept), or (if you're being mean) poke it.

Excellent and very informative post. Thank you.

RNKPCE · Jun 30, 2015

There is a church on my drive home. If I have one of those days and it's eating at me I drop the problem off at the church. (Mind you I'm not religious it could be a hotel or a restaurant ). Sometimes that problem runs after me and I have to drop it off again at the park a mile further down the road. Nearly always by the time I get home it is no longer with me. If I feel the need I can pick it back up at the church on my next work day.

I really do this when I have one of those shifts

Newbie_RN17 · Jun 30, 2015

And for OP and superRN, be careful when you say "I wouldn't want you as my nurse" or "I feel bad for your patients."

Never said it, never intend to. The only people I wouldn't want as a nurse are people I know personally who I wouldn't trust to put on a band-aid (for a multitude of reasons that I won't go into here but if you'd like to know them please feel free to PM me). Everyone does the job for their own reasons but Dranger is correct that it is just a job. Did I feel a calling to it? Absolutely. But nursing isn't my life. It's my job. That's why I'm asking how to leave it at work :)

I appreciate everyone's advice! :) Thank you all so much