Hi everyone! I'm a new nurse and I had a really bad day a bit ago with a patient who I had to call our rapid response team for and he ended up in the ICU (I have no idea other than that, HIPAA and all) and a small part of me wants to know how he is doing. He was young and I felt helpless when I couldn't fix the oxygenation issue that was going on at that time (O2 sats dropping despite increasing oxygen to 6 liters-the only method we have on our floor is nasal cannula unless respiratory brings it). I hugged his mother as they left the floor and that's the last I heard about him.
I've done everything I can think of to leave it at work but it still nags at me occasionally that I want to know how he's doing. Logically, I know that it's honestly none of my business, I'm there for my shift to take care of my patients and go home and return on my next scheduled shift to do the same. I have no desire to call and find out or do any of the creepy things I've read/heard about nurses doing (showing up to the room to check in on my days off, calling, sending flowers, etc.). I honestly just have a curiosity that I know can't ever be satisfied and I think it's because he was the first patient who left the floor on my shift to go to a higher level of care. I've had fleeting thoughts of other patients, too, who have touched me in some way, whether it be how sweet they were to me or how kind their family was.
I just need to know: what kind of methods do you use to leave it at work? I know this is one of the (I'm sure many) places I need to improve.
What Dranger says might sound blunt and COB to you, but he has a point.
Look at your screen name-NO nurse can be "Super" 365 days a year. You will burn yourself out very quickly if you continue to think that.
Your response to him gives away your youth, as well. Who are you to assume that he doesn't care for his patients? Again, he's a bit blunt, but you have no reason to feel superior.
What we do as nurses IS a job, a job we train long and hard for. We work under stressful conditions, knowing we are responsible for the well-being of our patients. Sometimes it's a truly life or death situation. Do some of our patients stay with us long after they have passed out of our lives? Of course-I have several who occupy a corner of my heart, some from almost 40 years ago, some more recent, and I think about them once in awhile.
Do I obsess over them? Do I lose sleep over things done or not done? Nope. Because I did my job to the best of my ability. That doesn't mean I didn't care for them or feel compassion for what they were going through.
Your name tells me you are young and filled with idealistic indignation. You're going to have problems maintaining your equilibrium if you don't work on filing down that chip you carry around so proudly on your shoulder. Sometimes older nurses really DO know what they're talking about-how do you think we stay strong enough to stay at the bedside for decades?
Okay so let me just say....I'm not talking about obsessing over them. What I'm talking about is just compassion and empathy. Another thing...I know I'm not "super" 365 days a year. A friend came up with the screen name and I thought it was cute.
Never once said you shouldn't be excited. This is a very exciting time for you... but you are naive and you need to take this opportunity to listen and learn. There are many experienced nurses here who can teach you a lot. I wish you the best of luck. Try not to be so defensive.
I'm not. It's kind of upsetting, however, when someone comes at you that "blunt", especially if you are newer. I will most assuredly listen to those that don't talk down to me. I understand I'm newer, and that definitely doesn't make me superior, but that also doesn't make me inferior.
I'm not. It's kind of upsetting, however, when someone comes at you that "blunt", especially if you are newer. I will most assuredly listen to those that don't talk down to me. I understand I'm newer, and that definitely doesn't make me superior, but that also doesn't make me inferior.
Yes Dranger was blunt with you... However, you initiated the exchange by highlighting one tiny part of their post (Its just a job)... Which... it is by the way... Dranger gave lots of encouraging words to the original poster, but you highlighted something you know nothing about and made it a negative. Reread their post... it is kind and informative. Unfortunately... You kind of brought this on yourself. Take a breath... And like I said... you have a lot to learn. I say this not to put you down, but to prepare and help you. I again... wish you the best.
Yes Dranger was blunt with you... However, you initiated the exchange by highlighting one tiny part of their post (Its just a job)... Which... it is by the way... Danger gave lots of encouraging words to the original poster, but you highlighted something you know nothing about and made it a negative. Reread their post... it is kind and informative. Unfortunately... You kind of brought this on yourself. Take a breath... And like I said... you have a lot to learn. I say this not to put you down, but to prepare and help you. I again... wish you the best.
I just felt that I heard this before in other situations and the nurse was not very kind to their patients. And they said this exact thing. And so I stated how I felt. Thanks.
Wow-I just realized Superwhatever totally hijacked the thread.
Turning the focus back to OP where it belongs, you don't ever want to lose your compassion. But, you don't want it to dominate your life, or you won't be able to function. From what you have said, I think you already figured this out.
I've always found laughter helps me decompress. It is very therapeutic, and whether it's a TV show (Night Court literally makes me laugh so hard I cry. Certain Big Bang Theory episodes do, too), a movie or a book, if it makes you laugh, you release endorphins. And that can help you get on top of your emotions.
Good luck-we all go through this, especially in the beginning, and sometimes later in our careers as well. Talking about it with other nurses helps.
I think I have been misunderstood in my getting heated up over something, I apologize. I didn't intend to "hijack" this thread. What I was intending to say from the start and it did get out of hand was... I believe compassion and empathy should always be there. And that I feel it is normal to feel this way. BUT I did not mean to let it dominate you and allow yourself to bring it home with you. I was simply confirming that what you feel is normal and I've felt it before, as some of my friends have. I do believe it is important to find an escape. Something that you enjoy to "decompress". I apologize that it seemed as if I was saying to continue to feel like that and bring it home with you, I can see where I might have been misunderstood.
Yes, yes. We all know I screwed up by now and I took something somewhere it didn't need to go. But jensmom is right, the attention needs to go back to the OP.
OP, sometimes it is incredibly hard to leave work at work, but it does get easier. The first year in nursing, especially the first six months, I would wake up in the middle of the night because I realized I forgot to do something. It gets better.
Some things to remember- mistakes will be made, and that's okay as long as you learn from them. Use common sense. Don't be afraid to ask questions. And don't be afraid to admit you made a mistake. Be nice to your colleagues, but try not to be too personal because some people will use that against you in some way (you can't trust everyone). If something feels wrong to you, go with your gut.
And for OP and superRN, be careful when you say "I wouldn't want you as my nurse" or "I feel bad for your patients." People come here to blow off steam, we don't need to coddle and be nice. Our personal opinions and thoughts we express here can have absolutely nothing to do with the way we act at work. I've known some excellent nurses who pick up on very small things who didn't get a gold star for being compassionate. And just saying...a lot of posters on here are incredibly knowledgeable and willing to help. With those sorts of statements you'll get the cold shoulder
Not being a "calling nurse" helps a lot, I think. Coming into nursing was an economic decision for me, first as a CNA and soon I'll be a LPN. I am good at my job, but it is just a job. It's a way to support my family, which is the most important thing in my life. I'm glad I happen to like what I do and that I have the personal resources to do well at it. There have been some patients or cases that have affected me more than others, but I don't carry them with me for long. I've sometimes worried that might be a sign of coldness, but have come to recognize it as professional boundaries and appropriate detachment. These people aren't my family or friends. I meet my obligation to them and then pass it on to the next shift. Having one's priorities in order and being able to correctly rank obligations goes a long, long way toward mental health and stress management.
I just need to know: what kind of methods do you use to leave it at work? I know this is one of the (I'm sure many) places I need to improve.
I punch out. And I'm DONE. I left a previous career because it could follow me home 24/7...and often did.
If I want to go over something that happened at work, I'll call a nurse friend/coworker and discuss it (hopefully over some drinks). But that is my choice. If I choose to leave it at work, that's fine too.
As with everything else, it gets easier with practice.
I agree, although I doubt that helps anyone who does feel it's a calling.
Aaron Beck talks about the "personal domain," which is a collection of concepts that are important to a person. The self-concept is the center of the domain, and the domain becomes less personal and more esoteric as you reach the edges (where things like your concept of freedom or justice are). The important thing here is that, in Beck's cognitive theory, the closer an idea is to the center of your personal domain the more anxiety inducing it is to have it threatened. So, if being a nurse is part of your self-concept, then the feeling you may have forgotten something takes on more meaning than it does to someone who thinks of nursing as a job and wants to do well because they're generally ambitious.
Not that knowing any of this will make the OP - or anyone else - feel better. It may or may not even apply to the OP. But it's one of those things I find helpful when dealing with other people... if you know something is important to their identity, you can use it to butter them up, help them protect it (such as by coming up with rational ways a situation doesn't reflect on the concept), or (if you're being mean) poke it.
8*P23J
58 Posts
Okay so let me just say....I'm not talking about obsessing over them. What I'm talking about is just compassion and empathy. Another thing...I know I'm not "super" 365 days a year. A friend came up with the screen name and I thought it was cute.