Hi everyone! I'm a new nurse and I had a really bad day a bit ago with a patient who I had to call our rapid response team for and he ended up in the ICU (I have no idea other than that, HIPAA and all) and a small part of me wants to know how he is doing. He was young and I felt helpless when I couldn't fix the oxygenation issue that was going on at that time (O2 sats dropping despite increasing oxygen to 6 liters-the only method we have on our floor is nasal cannula unless respiratory brings it). I hugged his mother as they left the floor and that's the last I heard about him.
I've done everything I can think of to leave it at work but it still nags at me occasionally that I want to know how he's doing. Logically, I know that it's honestly none of my business, I'm there for my shift to take care of my patients and go home and return on my next scheduled shift to do the same. I have no desire to call and find out or do any of the creepy things I've read/heard about nurses doing (showing up to the room to check in on my days off, calling, sending flowers, etc.). I honestly just have a curiosity that I know can't ever be satisfied and I think it's because he was the first patient who left the floor on my shift to go to a higher level of care. I've had fleeting thoughts of other patients, too, who have touched me in some way, whether it be how sweet they were to me or how kind their family was.
I just need to know: what kind of methods do you use to leave it at work? I know this is one of the (I'm sure many) places I need to improve.
If you get bullied again by a burnt out nurse who wants to show you how cool he is, just smile politely, tell him thanks for the helpful information (that's just an ego soother, but if the information is helpful then that is a bonus). Know that people who act like that are burnt out and have their own issues. Don't let their issues become yours.
Thanks for the advice and everything. However, this was uncalled for since I was never "bullied" in this thread by anyone, nor was the person who came in with the trite "I hope you're never MY nurse." She was called out after she made inflammatory statements re: the assertion that nursing is "just a job" but never bullied. Dranger was actually quite helpful in easing my mind that I had done the right thing, honestly.
Saying Dranger was burnt out was pretty rude imo, and showing the type of behavior you are stating is wrong in the first place.
Are you challenging my experience with symptoms of burn out based on my number of posts?
Symptoms of Burn Out:
1. Frustration tolerance is very low. As evidenced by NOT focusing on de-escalating the situation by acknowledging that new nurses are valuable to the team and that showing the cynicism that you did in your subsequent posts is an unfortunate consequence of modern nursing.
2. Ineffective problem solving skills. As evidenced by continuing to defend your rude behavior towards new nurses which include a. dismissing their feelings based on their lack of (what you perceive) experience b. intimidating them with experience by refusing to acknowledging their viewpoint and instead rudely saying get back to you when they have more experience. c. not just apologizing and saying 'yeah, my bad, I remember what it felt like to be a new nurse, I can show more sensitivity towards you during your learning curve.' which would have been the most effective path to solve the communication problem and allow a "win-win".
3. Obsession on defending your bad behavior: as evidenced by your post towards me and denying that your behavior was bullying or evidence of burn out.
4. Ineffective coping as evidenced by your lack of consistent responses. Meaning: if it is truly "just a job", what are you doing spending so much time on a website giving advice to other nurses and not out enjoying your "non job" life.
5. Inappropriate medical advice as evidenced by: you have no idea whatsoever if her patient is okay. You have your own experiences to add to her informational sources but the truth is, you overstated your case in order to supply her with a false sense of emotional security. "Don't worry." Telling another professional "don't worry" is dismissive and lacks any value. If you are wrong with your false sense of emotional security, what do you say then "it's just a job"?
A good nurse would explain the situation with the understanding that no outcome is a certain outcome but "based on experience" or "based on clinical evidence trials" etc, "this is a likely outcome for this type of scenerio". That is a good nurse. That is a professional nurse. That is a nurse who respects the person he/she is giving medical information to.
You know I am right, it is pointless for you to continue this waste of time debate. Go work out why you are burnt out. Go remember why you wanted to be a nurse in the first place. Go read some literature about what lateral violence is in nursing if you really don't understand any of this. Go learn so social skills and effective communication skills so you don't find yourself getting caught up in these conflicts online if you really want to be a good, effective nurse.
Or, just keep doing what you are doing and keep getting the same results.
I've said what I have to say. You can call my "posting experience" into question if you like but you really would be making a huge mistake to think I do not know what I am talking about.
Take care, Dranger, and maybe we can pick up a different topic with more respect and professionalism. That is my sincere hope.
You are entitled to your view, beccalynn175 and I will respect your point of view. Take from what I say whatever helps you in your career and leave the rest. Good luck to you in your career.
I have a bit different response to the OP. Obviously, it is important to leave work at work; but I believe part of the reason it is hard to leave this incident behind is thinking about WHY what you did didn't work. I am an experienced nurse with 40+ yrs, most spent in NICU and acute adult psych. in my opinion you can never stop learning and trying to improve your care. Having said that is there a way you could turn this into a learning situation? Perhaps having one of the critical response team or ICU do teaching rounds on the patient?? Or a doctor on the diagnosis with possible outcome and things to watch for? You might learn that everything you did was exactly right, so in a similar situation you should feel more confident. Or you might learn what actions you might have taken to prevent the critical incident or at least improve the patient response to your treatment.
Are you challenging my experience with symptoms of burn out based on my number of posts?
Symptoms of Burn Out:
1. Frustration tolerance is very low. As evidenced by NOT focusing on de-escalating the situation by acknowledging that new nurses are valuable to the team and that showing the cynicism that you did in your subsequent posts is an unfortunate consequence of modern nursing.
2. Ineffective problem solving skills. As evidenced by continuing to defend your rude behavior towards new nurses which include a. dismissing their feelings based on their lack of (what you perceive) experience b. intimidating them with experience by refusing to acknowledging their viewpoint and instead rudely saying get back to you when they have more experience. c. not just apologizing and saying 'yeah, my bad, I remember what it felt like to be a new nurse, I can show more sensitivity towards you during your learning curve.' which would have been the most effective path to solve the communication problem and allow a "win-win".
3. Obsession on defending your bad behavior: as evidenced by your post towards me and denying that your behavior was bullying or evidence of burn out.
4. Ineffective coping as evidenced by your lack of consistent responses. Meaning: if it is truly "just a job", what are you doing spending so much time on a website giving advice to other nurses and not out enjoying your "non job" life.
5. Inappropriate medical advice as evidenced by: you have no idea whatsoever if her patient is okay. You have your own experiences to add to her informational sources but the truth is, you overstated your case in order to supply her with a false sense of emotional security. "Don't worry." Telling another professional "don't worry" is dismissive and lacks any value. If you are wrong with your false sense of emotional security, what do you say then "it's just a job"?
A good nurse would explain the situation with the understanding that no outcome is a certain outcome but "based on experience" or "based on clinical evidence trials" etc, "this is a likely outcome for this type of scenerio". That is a good nurse. That is a professional nurse. That is a nurse who respects the person he/she is giving medical information to.
You know I am right, it is pointless for you to continue this waste of time debate. Go work out why you are burnt out. Go remember why you wanted to be a nurse in the first place. Go read some literature about what lateral violence is in nursing if you really don't understand any of this. Go learn so social skills and effective communication skills so you don't find yourself getting caught up in these conflicts online if you really want to be a good, effective nurse.
Or, just keep doing what you are doing and keep getting the same results.
I've said what I have to say. You can call my "posting experience" into question if you like but you really would be making a huge mistake to think I do not know what I am talking about.
Take care, Dranger, and maybe we can pick up a different topic with more respect and professionalism. That is my sincere hope.
I don't think Dranger was bullying, nor did the OP.
I have a bit different response to the OP. Obviously, it is important to leave work at work; but I believe part of the reason it is hard to leave this incident behind is thinking about WHY what you did didn't work. I am an experienced nurse with 40+ yrs, most spent in NICU and acute adult psych. in my opinion you can never stop learning and trying to improve your care. Having said that is there a way you could turn this into a learning situation? Perhaps having one of the critical response team or ICU do teaching rounds on the patient?? Or a doctor on the diagnosis with possible outcome and things to watch for? You might learn that everything you did was exactly right, so in a similar situation you should feel more confident. Or you might learn what actions you might have taken to prevent the critical incident or at least improve the patient response to your treatment.
I never thought of that! I've gotten to know the rapid response nurse quite well in the month I've been there, he comes up to the floor to say hi or to do IVs on people who are really hard sticks once in a while. He was the one on that day so maybe I'll ask him for some advice. I've been trying to round with the physicians more now, too, so I can get a better idea than I've gotten from their progress notes (and I'm glad I did one time, he never even WROTE one!).
It is very weird how this person has made repeated and totally unprovoked personal attacks against dranger, who happens to be a highly experienced nurse.
Please close this thread. It has been totally derailed by a brand new member quoting from textbooks and it is going nowhere.
lol Farawyn @ "Oh snap!" ... that's funny stuff. I'm not trying to pick on Dranger or anyone, really. We all go through periods of burn out or act in a way that is less than helpful. Every single one of us has done it and will do it again.
Nursing is one of the hardest professions, we are all wise to respect one another and realize what we are doing is very hard work and not a lot of pay for the work we do in the big scheme of things.
There's a lot of things in the profession to complain about. Likewise, there are a lot of things in the profession to feel proud about.
It's important we all treat each other with respect, and, yes, that includes me as well, of course. There were a wide variety of responses to the OP situation and I learned some things I had never known by reading them and I like to think of myself as pretty experienced.
It is truly important to remember to treat each other kindly and with respect and to be understanding if someone isn't feeling all that great, or is demoralized or challenged by the work we do.
anyway, lol .. yeah "oh snap" ... that's just funny. thanks for that!
I'm almost 3 years in and still struggle with this sometimes. Part of it is empathy for the patients, and part is just plain worry that I missed something; the worry tends to hit in the middle of the night!
One strategy I have used to unwind is listening to a comedy station on the radio on the way home. I can't tune out in my own thoughts like I do with music; comedy engages my mind in a new direction, and laughter really is good medicine for relaxation. I like LaughUSA on Sirius XM, but you could also get some comedy CDs. I also concur with the suggestions to debrief with someone, perhaps the rapid response person like you said or another mentor-ish colleague (even after 3 years, I still consult and debrief with my preceptors).
Finally, if you like to read, I suggest that you find an engaging but sort of light book to read before bed. I read a daily devotional Bible reading and then a few pages of a book before bed every night; again, the idea is to redirect my thoughts until I get tired enough to fall asleep!
This does get better over time. One neighbor who has been a nurse forever said for her it was 6 months; after that, she was just too tired to stay awake worrying! But you will have those patients who stick with you, and that connection to people will make you a good nurse as long as you don't let it hurt your health or your heart! :)
I'd rather have my pleasant thoughts than to go in there thinking like that. I'm allowed to be excited and I'm allowed to go in with that mentality. It's not very fair for those "experienced nurses" to kick you down. I think it's good to go in with a positive attitude. That's just me though. Sorry you guys don't think it's realistic to think like me, but its going to keep my head up on my tough days. Thanks for the advice though!
Dear, it's not for the sheer sport of knocking you down. It's not really even all about you. We have all, every one of us old farts, been where you are and said (or at least thought) those same words. We remember.
We also remember the awful times we went through when we learned that lovely pleasant thoughts and attitudes did not always suffice, did not always protect us, and did not always make a damn bit of difference to our patients or their suffering, through no fault of our own. Perhaps we remember feeling bereft because a cherished part of what we thought we were and what we were doing had been torn from us, never to return. Perhaps for some of us, our first such sorrow was the last, because some of us left nursing.
Perhaps we wish someone had told us ahead that this would happen and how to be more realistic. Perhaps that would have made us more alert on our own behalves, more able to protect ourselves and stay effective better while we processed those awful times. Perhaps, in our own way, we are trying to communicate this to you and to the many other nurses reading this who passed NCLEX less than a month ago.
And I totally agree...do not get into the habit about exaggerating your abilities. it's a very easy habit to get into but is dangerous to others if you don't care how dangerous it will prove to be to you. Lying in an anonymous forum makes it easier to lie in person; lying in person makes it easier to lie bigger, and then to yourself. This way lies danger. You are young. Curb this impulse immediately.
I know, oh how I know, how the habit of lying can trap you. I was in a bad marriage and it was the only way I could get by safely, but it started leaking into my real life and it felt unsafe to be completely authentic and honest. Believe me, that's no way to live. I wouldn't have the good life I have now, including a wonderful (second) husband and happy children and grandchildren, if I hadn't put some very serious and scary work into fixing that (among other things from a bad marriage). Sooo worth it.
Ranging a little far afield here. But you know what? People do know when you are lying. We know there isn't a nurse who's been in the business for years that says anything like what you said, not because they're evil, heartless, cold, or uncaring but because they have learned the grey areas and sorrows that temper the rainbows. So it's simply not credible to tell us you've been a nurse longer than 6 months (even without using, like, the AN SEARCH FUNCTION ). So be glad you heard what you didn't want to hear and didn't like hearing here. Better here, this early in your career, than later and in a forum where it will really, really matter. And be glad people care enough to tell you.
There are RN's here that have jobs with insurance companies. Some are occupational nurses with large corporations. Nurses work in research, IT and education. Do they have to have compassion for patients? Because they don't have true patients. I'm willing to bet my first born that nurses in those positions would tell you it's "just a job" as well...
Small hijack here. I was one of those nurses, and I was still nursing. I definitely had patients and gave patient care. Besides, not all nursing care is at the bedside, involves individuals, or even involves any laying on of hands at all.
"Nursing is the protection, promotion, and optimization of health and abilities,
prevention of illness and injury,
alleviation of suffering, and facilitation of healing
through diagnosis and treatment of human response
and advocacy in the care of individuals, families, groups, communities, and populations."
And I will once again register my disapproval of the utter ridiculousness of calling mere words "violence." Only in oxygen and common sense deprived think tanks do they use such ridiculous hyperbole. Violence is getting shot up by terrorists on a beach, or at your church, or for being a girl who wants to go to school. Violence is getting beat up by your spouse or having a gun pulled on you at your job. Words you don't like ARE NOT violence.
Newbie_RN17
121 Posts
Thanks for the advice and everything. However, this was uncalled for since I was never "bullied" in this thread by anyone, nor was the person who came in with the trite "I hope you're never MY nurse." She was called out after she made inflammatory statements re: the assertion that nursing is "just a job" but never bullied. Dranger was actually quite helpful in easing my mind that I had done the right thing, honestly.
Saying Dranger was burnt out was pretty rude imo, and showing the type of behavior you are stating is wrong in the first place.