I've been thinking lately about my nursing career and where things are going for me. Right now, I'm finishing up my Master's Degree and am being encouraged by others in my life to pursue a doctorate degree. The more I think about it, the more I'm interested.
However, I also can't help but wonder how my focus on my career and schooling is impacting other areas of my life, such as home ownership and possible marriage and parenthood. While I have no doubt that I'll eventually be able to purchase some type of home that I can both reasonably afford and be satisfied with, I do question how much pursuing additional degrees or continuing my current career path may interfere with marrying or becoming a mother. Frankly, I want it all...education, career, marriage, and children. I'm just not convinced that all of that will end up working out.
The other day, I saw that a former boyfriend of mine just became a father with another woman. His newborn son is absolutely adorable and I couldn't help but feel a bit sad that this baby is not mine as well. We stopped dating about two years ago when I started pursuing my Master's Degree because I wanted to pursue further education at the time and he wanted to start a family right away. He didn't want to wait for me to finish schooling, and I wasn't sure how time consuming my degree would be. I can't help but feel some regret for my decision. Maybe if I would have held off on schooling or just put it aside together, I would be the mother of that baby, not another lady. Maybe I'd be married by now. The breakup between my former boyfriend and I was mutual, but it still made me sad to see him with another woman. I regret that I wasn't the person to give him what he wanted.
The thing is, I'm intrigued by additional education. I absolutely love going to school and would probably go forever if I could. At the same time, I can't help but feel remorseful in regards to what this means for other aspects of my life. Because honestly, as a nurse manager, I work 16-20 hour shifts Monday through Friday, and on the weekends, I complete school work, so there's really not time for dating, marriage or babies. I just wonder how much I'm going to regret this lifestyle. I'm already 30 years old, so really only have about 5-10 more years where I would be able to have any biological children.
But at the same time, do I hold off on education for a marriage that isn't in the nearby future and children that don't exist and may never exist? My schedule right now is actually perfect for continuing on from my master's to my doctorate.
Has anyone else ever felt that their nursing career may be impacting other areas of their life? Any regrets?
Wondering how long it takes to get over seeing other peoples' babies without feeling sad and/or even angry?
My ex's baby is 2 months old and I'm still upset about it. I've spent all day looking at pictures of this beautiful baby. He's absolutely adorable, from his big, bright eyes to his small, active tongue to the fact that he's the size of a baby doll. I'm sad that this didn't happen when we were dating. I'm also angry that another lady is this baby's mother versus myself. Although I'm not angry that people are congratulating my ex and telling him what a wonderful parent he is, I am angry that I do not get the honor of being a wonderful mother. I'm frustrated that he gets to go home to a brand new baby, whereas every day I must face the never-ending complaints of older adults who are never grateful for anything I do for them.
You need to go talk to a therapist. A different one since the one you currently go to isn’t working. Not looking at pictures of the kid would be a great start.
You need to go talk to a therapist. A different one since the one you currently go to isn’t working. Not looking at pictures of the kid would be a great start.
Probably. It's hard to find any therapists for adults, many of them in my area only want to see children or adolescents. It's also difficult to not look at pictures of the beautiful baby since my facebook feed is constantly being flooded with photos of him.
It doesn't take much to make me upset, either. For example, today I noted that my ex's new partner had posted an adorable picture of my ex holding the brand new baby, wishing him a happy birthday. I was angry because if anyone should have been posting that picture, it should have been me.
I'm also angry because it's probably become apparent to our old coworkers who was the good person in our couplet and who was the bad. The fact that he is with a new partner and has a brand new baby and the fact that I am still single and childless speaks volumes about the person he is versus me.
As a side note, it probably wasn't a good idea for me to pick up a shift at my old job, knowing there was a good chance coworkers would talk about my ex's new baby.
Specializes in Pediatrics, Pediatric Float, PICU, NICU.
1 minute ago, SilverBells said:
Probably. It's hard to find any therapists for adults, many of them in my area only want to see children or adolescents. It's also difficult to not look at pictures of the beautiful baby since my facebook feed is constantly being flooded with photos of him.
It doesn't take much to make me upset, either. For example, today I noted that my ex's new partner had posted an adorable picture of my ex holding the brand new baby, wishing him a happy birthday. I was angry because if anyone should have been posting that picture, it should have been me.
I'm also angry because it's probably become apparent to our old coworkers who was the good person in our couplet and who was the bad. The fact that he is with a new partner and has a brand new baby and the fact that I am still single and childless speaks volumes about the person he is versus me.
Step 1: Delete him and his child’s mother from your social media.
Step 1: Delete him and his child’s mother from your social media.
I've thought about it. Doing so runs the risk of people thinking even poorly of me than they already do though. It also solidifies that there is no chance of us getting back together and the only winner between the two of us was him
It's also difficult to not look at pictures of the beautiful baby since my facebook feed is constantly being flooded with photos of him.
It doesn't take much to make me upset, either. For example, today I noted that my ex's new partner had posted an adorable picture of my ex holding the brand new baby, wishing him a happy birthday. I was angry because if anyone should have been posting that picture, it should have been me.
I'm also angry because it's probably become apparent to our old coworkers who was the good person in our couplet and who was the bad. The fact that he is with a new partner and has a brand new baby and the fact that I am still single and childless speaks volumes about the person he is versus me.
The fact that he is with a new partner and has a brand new baby and the fact that I am still single and childless speaks volumes about the person he is versus me.
Maybe you are right. You chose to be single and get your Masters when he wanted to start a family. Ironic now that he has a baby you want one, not just a baby, but his!
Another post you mentioned feeling proud when you are in a relationship, not love, that is telling too. Because if you had truly loved him I don't think you would have let him go to jump start your career.
I doubt that you loved him then and definitely not now when you are angry at seeing your ex and his new family. Why haven't you deleted him on facebook as others have suggested. On top of it, seems that you have added his new girl friend to spy on facebook.
You are stalking them. You are not the victim that you claim to be, helplessly being forced to see your ex and his family on facebook. It is as simple as de-friending or blocking them.
If your ex was clued in to your real feelings I'm sure he would block you.
The fact that he is with a new partner and has a brand new baby and the fact that I am still single and childless speaks volumes about the person he is versus me.
Maybe you are right. You chose to be single and get your Masters when he wanted to start a family. Ironic now that he has a baby you want one, not just a baby, but his!
Another post you mentioned feeling proud when you are in a relationship, not love, that is telling too. Because if you had truly loved him I don't think you would have let him go to jump start your career.
I doubt that you loved him then and definitely not now when you are angry at seeing your ex and his new family. Why haven't you deleted him on facebook as others have suggested. On top of it, seems that you have added his new girl friend to spy on facebook.
You are stalking them. You are not the victim that you claim to be, helplessly being forced to see your ex and his family on facebook. It is as simple as de-friending or blocking them.
If your ex was clued in to your real feelings I'm sure he would block you.
I wanted both a relationship and a career along with babies but he didn't want to wait around for me to get my degree. I'm now seeing that going for my Master's degree was a mistake. Instead of feeling happy to be graduating, I resent my degree. Hence part of the inspiration for this thread.
I've thought about it. Doing so runs the risk of people thinking even poorly of me than they already do though. It also solidifies that there is no chance of us getting back together and the only winner between the two of us was him
Instead you've shared your feelings with us, letting us know your lack of empathy toward your ex, his child, his family and your coworkers. You don't love him. You don't even want him to be happy! You want to get back together so you can be a winner! Do you hear yourself! I don't even have words.
I'm actually started to be afraid for your ex and his family. You sound very narcissistic and antisocial, without feelings or regards for others. I hope someone warns your ex about your obsessive stalking and anger issues!
I just read that you picked up a shift where he works, apparently hoping to see him there. That is really stalking behavior. How do you think he will respond when he finds out. I expect it will be a disaster.
Please stop the stalking. Stop thinking only about yourself! He has a new family. Let him go!
Now is the perfect time to move somewhere new, a different part of the country, put some distance between you and him. Find a different job where you might be happier.
Specializes in Physiology, CM, consulting, nsg edu, LNC, COB.
2 hours ago, SilverBells said:
I had thought about reaching out to him again about getting back together, but for some reason, I always hesitated. Thus, I gave him too much open time to have a baby with someone else.
You know what? Sometimes it's not all about you. He moved on and has a life. You haven't, and you won't unless you STOP obsessing over his social media posts, STOP trying to get a bunch of online strangers to validate your self-image as a loser and a crybaby (which is really what it sounds like you're trying to do), and get some in-person professional help. I don't think there's any of us here who can offer you anything more than that advice. Many of us have been in similar situations and we get it, but now you have to make the next move. Make it.
Specializes in Physiology, CM, consulting, nsg edu, LNC, COB.
1 hour ago, SilverBells said:
1 hour ago, JadedCPN said:
Step 1: Delete him and his child’s mother from your social media.
I've thought about it. Doing so runs the risk of people thinking even poorly of me than they already do though. It also solidifies that there is no chance of us getting back together and the only winner between the two of us was him
Only if you think that this is a zero-sum game and that anybody really cares. I'll put money on the fact that if anybody at work even notices they'll say, "Oh, thank god, now we don't have to hear her mooning about this anymore." I can pretty much guarantee that's what people here will say.
MPKH, BSN, RN
449 Posts
You need to go talk to a therapist. A different one since the one you currently go to isn’t working. Not looking at pictures of the kid would be a great start.