How Has Your Nursing Career Affected Your Relationships Or Other Aspects of Your Life?

[SilverBells]

I've been thinking lately about my nursing career and where things are going for me. Right now, I'm finishing up my Master's Degree and am being encouraged by others in my life to pursue a doctorate degree. The more I think about it, the more I'm interested.  

However, I also can't help but wonder how my focus on my career and schooling is impacting other areas of my life, such as home ownership and possible marriage and parenthood. While I have no doubt that I'll eventually be able to purchase some type of home that I can both reasonably afford and be satisfied with, I do question how much pursuing additional degrees or continuing my current career path may interfere with marrying or becoming a mother. Frankly, I want it all...education, career, marriage, and children. I'm just not convinced that all of that will end up working out.  

The other day, I saw that a former boyfriend of mine just became a father with another woman. His newborn son is absolutely adorable and I couldn't help but feel a bit sad that this baby is not mine as well. We stopped dating about two years ago when I started pursuing my Master's Degree because I wanted to pursue further education at the time and he wanted to start a family right away. He didn't want to wait for me to finish schooling, and I wasn't sure how time consuming my degree would be. I can't help but feel some regret for my decision. Maybe if I would have held off on schooling or just put it aside together, I would be the mother of that baby, not another lady.  Maybe I'd be married by now. The breakup between my former boyfriend and I was mutual, but it still made me sad to see him with another woman.  I regret that I wasn't the person to give him what he wanted.  

The thing is, I'm intrigued by additional education. I absolutely love going to school and would probably go forever if I could. At the same time, I can't help but feel remorseful in regards to what this means for other aspects of my life. Because honestly, as a nurse manager, I work 16-20 hour shifts Monday through Friday, and on the weekends, I complete school work, so there's really not time for dating, marriage or babies. I just wonder how much I'm going to regret this lifestyle. I'm already 30 years old, so really only have about 5-10 more years where I would be able to have any biological children.   

But at the same time, do I hold off on education for a marriage that isn't in the nearby future and children that don't exist and may never exist? My schedule right now is actually perfect for continuing on from my master's to my doctorate. 

Has anyone else ever felt that their nursing career may be impacting other areas of their life? Any regrets? 

[SilverBells, BSN]

Part of my problem is probably I'd halfway secretly thought we might get back together.  This other, better nurse (who, despite her successes, likely doesn't constantly work 16+ hour shifts) has made it so that's no longer an option.  I mean, they have a son together now.  

[brandy1017, ASN, RN]

55 minutes ago, SilverBells said:

The more I learn about my former boyfriend's new girlfriend/possible wife, the more I resent her.  We have similarities but she is clearly a much better version of me.   She is a postpartum nurse at a hospital that I've always wanted to work for.   Also has a history of working in the ED.   I'll be honest and say that I didn't excel in either of those areas of nursing during clinicals.   And as a nurse, I've worked nowhere except LTC/SNF.   She already has a master's degree, whereas I am still working on mine.  She must be very smart if she obtained one in Nursing Informatics.    Additionally, she also works as a nursing instructor, which is a job I strongly envy as I'd love to be a teacher at some point.  She teaches maternal/newborn nursing, which is a topic you would not want me to present on because, as I mentioned, I did not excel on in nursing school (in fact, it was all I could do to pass the class).    In other words, this girl and I have similarities, but he clearly won the lottery by picking her. 

There is no point in comparing yourself to her.  You are going down a rabbit hole.  You both are two different people, with different life experiences and abilities and have taken two different paths.  I assume she is also older than you from your last post so had more time to accomplish what she has done.

Let go of your past boyfriend and his new significant other.  There is a different plan for your life.   Focus on your strengths and work toward your dreams!

[SilverBells, BSN]

38 minutes ago, brandy1017 said:

There is no point in comparing yourself to her.  You are going down a rabbit hole.  You both are two different people, with different life experiences and abilities and have taken two different paths.  I assume she is also older than you from your last post so had more time to accomplish what she has done.

Let go of your past boyfriend and his new significant other.  There is a different plan for your life.   Focus on your strengths and work toward your dreams!

She is 13 years older...

[brandy1017, ASN, RN]

20 minutes ago, SilverBells said:

She is 13 years older...

So she's had a lot more time in her life to do different things, work different jobs, get her masters and have a baby.   I understand it is human nature to compare oneself to another and have regrets over a ex, but it is a dead end. 

She is not better than you, except in your mind which is fantasy!  That is a delusion and a sign of low self esteem and insecurity. 

As to you ex, you need to remind yourself why you didn't choose him and a family in the first place.  Remember the bad times, the things you didn't like about him etc to help put him behind you.  Right now you are filled with regret, jealousy, envy and simply aren't seeing things clearly.  You are romanticizing your ex, your past relationship, having a baby, and even the hospital jobs and teaching jobs of his significant other.

Spend time with your friends and family so you aren't ruminating about him.  Talk to a therapist so you can let go and make peace with the situation.  Be kind to yourself!  Love yourself and let others in to your life who will love you too!

[turtlesRcool]

38 minutes ago, SilverBells said:

She is 13 years older...

Which means it's not reasonable for you expect yourself to have the same achievements.

In a decade, who knows where you'll be or what you will have accomplished?

But to get there, you really need some kind of roadmap.  I think you should seriously follow some of the previous advice, and get some counseling.  Career counseling would be good, but I also think you need some personal counseling.  

You seem to have a lot of issues with inferiority and boundary setting. You're asking the same kinds of questions on multiple threads.  You're not happy with yourself, your job, or your relationships. Nothing is going to change unless you change it.  You should really consider getting some help with it.  You are clearly intelligent, conscientious, and hard-working, but for some reason, it's not coming together for you.  Figure out why, and then DO something about it.

[SilverBells, BSN]

One thing I just learned is that my former boyfriend had actually been married before.  2 years of dating and he never mentioned this once.  It does make me wonder what else he didn't share.  With that said, it does make me wonder what made this new girl the winner, in that she was the one he became a parent with.  I've thought about adding her on facebook and LinkedIn to find out more.  We don't have any other mutual friends so I can't figure out where they met.  With that said, adding her probably could be consider stalking,  especially if she asks my ex who I am, so wouldn't put me in a positive light. I just really want to know what made him choose her over me, what she has that I don't, and what has made her a more successful nurse than me(as evidenced by her numerous positions)

[Hoosier_RN, MSN]

11 minutes ago, SilverBells said:

One thing I just learned is that my former boyfriend had actually been married before.  2 years of dating and he never mentioned this once.  It does make me wonder what else he didn't share.  With that said, it does make me wonder what made this new girl the winner, in that she was the one he became a parent with.  I've thought about adding her on facebook and LinkedIn to find out more.  We don't have any other mutual friends so I can't figure out where they met.  With that said, adding her probably could be consider stalking,  especially if she asks my ex who I am, so wouldn't put me in a positive light. I just really want to know what made him choose her over me, what she has that I don't, and what has made her a more successful nurse than me(as evidenced by her numerous positions)

I think that you shouldn't worry about why he chose her, etc.  Work on you, so that you can be the best version of you possible. As others have suggested, seek professional help. Some of your thoughts about finding info on your ex's wife are frankly disturbing. His relationships are none of your business 

[LibraSunCNM, BSN, MSN, CNM]

4 hours ago, SilverBells said:

One thing I just learned is that my former boyfriend had actually been married before.  2 years of dating and he never mentioned this once.  It does make me wonder what else he didn't share.  With that said, it does make me wonder what made this new girl the winner, in that she was the one he became a parent with.  I've thought about adding her on facebook and LinkedIn to find out more.  We don't have any other mutual friends so I can't figure out where they met.  With that said, adding her probably could be consider stalking,  especially if she asks my ex who I am, so wouldn't put me in a positive light. I just really want to know what made him choose her over me, what she has that I don't, and what has made her a more successful nurse than me(as evidenced by her numerous positions)

If your posts are genuine and you're not a bored troll, you need professional help.

[SilverBells, BSN]

1 hour ago, LibraSunCNM said:

If your posts are genuine and you're not a bored troll, you need professional help.

Sadly, I'm a very real person (in other words, not a troll but a bit odd LOL ?)

[brandy1017, ASN, RN]

30 minutes ago, SilverBells said:

Sadly, I'm a very real person (in other words, not a troll but a bit odd LOL ?)

I'm worried about you.  Please seek help from your therapist and also your Dr.  You may need medication such as an antidepressant.  You are not thinking clearly.  Your thoughts are obsessive and delusional. 

I know facebook and the internet makes it easier to keep tabs on someone, but it will only make it harder for you to let your ex go.  It is not helpful to you.  It is hurting you and seems to be leading you on a downward spiral.

Falling in love is not a rational thing, dopamine hijacks your brain and can lead to obsessive thoughts.  But I don't think it is about love of your ex.  It is more about you not loving yourself. 

Many nurses come from a background of childhood abuse or trauma.  I don't know if that is in your history, but it is very common and harmful to one's self esteem, confidence, and relationships.   Please, seek the help you need to start loving yourself and stop emotionally abusing yourself.

I wish you the best.

Take care,

Brandy

[Hoosier_RN, MSN]

1 hour ago, SilverBells said:

Sadly, I'm a very real person (in other words, not a troll but a bit odd LOL ?)

This is not in the least bit funny. At all. You need professional help. Get it now. Pray that no one knows your habits of garnering info on ex or his s/o, and family. Taken any further, there is possibility of legal issues. Just stop...

[hppygr8ful, ASN, RN, EMT-I]

On 3/3/2021 at 11:52 AM, SilverBells said:

Sadly, I'm a very real person (in other words, not a troll but a bit odd LOL ?)

Who said Trolls weren't real people? A Troll by definition is a person who engages in behavior designed to elicit a reponse from the reader. So yes you are a troll.

In any case your level of preoccupation with you ex's new wife is certifiable and you need to stop it, right now, before you get your self in real trouble. None of us can say why your ex broke off the relationship. Though I suspect your pathological level of self absorbtion was just too much for anyone to stick with long term. Healthy people leave unhealthy relationships because they are unhealthy.  It didn't work out and he moved on to search for someone of was mentally healthy and stable. Stable mentally healthy with the ability to be a true, partner, lover, friend, co-parent is apparently what he got.  That does not mean that you can't have those things too but you won't have them with him and if you persist you will end up in jail, or a psych hospital or possibly even dead. 

Get off the internet, quit trying to force life to fit your narrative and adjust your narrative to create a life for your self. If half the stuff you write about is true you are the most self absorbed and petty individual I have ever encountered and that's saying a lot from someone who has worked in Psych for 20 years.

Get help Please 

Hppy