I've been thinking lately about my nursing career and where things are going for me. Right now, I'm finishing up my Master's Degree and am being encouraged by others in my life to pursue a doctorate degree. The more I think about it, the more I'm interested.
However, I also can't help but wonder how my focus on my career and schooling is impacting other areas of my life, such as home ownership and possible marriage and parenthood. While I have no doubt that I'll eventually be able to purchase some type of home that I can both reasonably afford and be satisfied with, I do question how much pursuing additional degrees or continuing my current career path may interfere with marrying or becoming a mother. Frankly, I want it all...education, career, marriage, and children. I'm just not convinced that all of that will end up working out.
The other day, I saw that a former boyfriend of mine just became a father with another woman. His newborn son is absolutely adorable and I couldn't help but feel a bit sad that this baby is not mine as well. We stopped dating about two years ago when I started pursuing my Master's Degree because I wanted to pursue further education at the time and he wanted to start a family right away. He didn't want to wait for me to finish schooling, and I wasn't sure how time consuming my degree would be. I can't help but feel some regret for my decision. Maybe if I would have held off on schooling or just put it aside together, I would be the mother of that baby, not another lady. Maybe I'd be married by now. The breakup between my former boyfriend and I was mutual, but it still made me sad to see him with another woman. I regret that I wasn't the person to give him what he wanted.
The thing is, I'm intrigued by additional education. I absolutely love going to school and would probably go forever if I could. At the same time, I can't help but feel remorseful in regards to what this means for other aspects of my life. Because honestly, as a nurse manager, I work 16-20 hour shifts Monday through Friday, and on the weekends, I complete school work, so there's really not time for dating, marriage or babies. I just wonder how much I'm going to regret this lifestyle. I'm already 30 years old, so really only have about 5-10 more years where I would be able to have any biological children.
But at the same time, do I hold off on education for a marriage that isn't in the nearby future and children that don't exist and may never exist? My schedule right now is actually perfect for continuing on from my master's to my doctorate.
Has anyone else ever felt that their nursing career may be impacting other areas of their life? Any regrets?
I've been thinking lately about my nursing career and where things are going for me. Right now, I'm finishing up my Master's Degree and am being encouraged by others in my life to pursue a doctorate degree. The more I think about it, the more I'm interested.
However, I also can't help but wonder how my focus on my career and schooling is impacting other areas of my life, such as home ownership and possible marriage and parenthood. While I have no doubt that I'll eventually be able to purchase some type of home that I can both reasonably afford and be satisfied with, I do question how much pursuing additional degrees or continuing my current career path may interfere with marrying or becoming a mother. Frankly, I want it all...education, career, marriage, and children. I'm just not convinced that all of that will end up working out.
The other day, I saw that a former boyfriend of mine just became a father with another woman. His newborn son is absolutely adorable and I couldn't help but feel a bit sad that this baby is not mine as well. We stopped dating about two years ago when I started pursuing my Master's Degree because I wanted to pursue further education at the time and he wanted to start a family right away. He didn't want to wait for me to finish schooling, and I wasn't sure how time consuming my degree would be. I can't help but feel some regret for my decision. Maybe if I would have held off on schooling or just put it aside together, I would be the mother of that baby, not another lady. Maybe I'd be married by now. The breakup between my former boyfriend and I was mutual, but it still made me sad to see him with another woman. I regret that I wasn't the person to give him what he wanted.
The thing is, I'm intrigued by additional education. I absolutely love going to school and would probably go forever if I could. At the same time, I can't help but feel remorseful in regards to what this means for other aspects of my life. Because honestly, as a nurse manager, I work 16-20 hour shifts Monday through Friday, and on the weekends, I complete school work, so there's really not time for dating, marriage or babies. I just wonder how much I'm going to regret this lifestyle. I'm already 30 years old, so really only have about 5-10 more years where I would be able to have any biological children.
But at the same time, do I hold off on education for a marriage that isn't in the nearby future and children that don't exist and may never exist? My schedule right now is actually perfect for continuing on from my master's to my doctorate.
Has anyone else ever felt that their nursing career may be impacting other areas of their life? Any regrets?
You seem perfectly capable of prioritizing your education so you are organized. You should turn that same skill into achieving your other goals.
I'm almost thirty myself and I have never felt insecure about finding a woman or wife when necessary. This might sound arrogant, but once you get over the rejection issue, everything works itself out. Personally, if I see someone I like who's available, I simply talk to them, but never with an agenda. I'm a very civilized, polite person and women seem to like that. That gives me confidence. Maybe you can try the same strategy? I don't know if a man's technique is applicable. Personally, I find rejection intriguing.
Re your doctorate, you seem conflicted about your education and personal life and being very good at psych issues, your personal life can never wait, unlike your education.
We're always comparing ourselves to others, or at least I know I do. The reality is that life is not a race, everyone accomplishes things in their own time, and that's perfectly fine! It was your friend's time to start a family, just like it's your time to further your education. We put so much pressure on ourselves to "have it all" but there will always be something that we feel we lack: a partner, career, education, children, even recreation. I think it is possible to have it all, but not necessarily all at the same time. Many, many people continue their education, have kids, have wonderful careers but it doesn't all happen at once, there's only but so much time in a day!
I get frustrated sometimes because I have had to take the scenic route with many of my goals. As I've posted in other threads, I have struggled with severe mental illness most of my life, that until the past year or so had been refractory to treatment. It has slowed me down professionally and educationally by a great amount in comparison to my peers. I do understand where you're coming from.
I figure it's all checks and balances, for instance, I haven't met my educational goals yet like many of my peers, but in balance I have a very stable long term relationship/marriage that I've invested a lot of time into. For that I am very grateful, certainly there are people who are more successful than me and have the same blessings, but there's always somebody with "more".
I will tell you, that if you continue to pour the amount of time you do into your career by pulling 16-20 hour days, you are going to have to reshuffle your priorities related to school and your personal life. Just based off your other threads, this job sounds toxic for you, and working that many hours on a daily basis is just not sustainable. I really hope you're getting paid for the extra time you put in.
I don't know how old you are, but I estimate you are probably early 20's to early 30's, if that is the case you realistically have plenty of time to biologically have children and achieve your educational goals. Even longer if you decide to foster or adopt. And depending on how bad you want kids, a long term relationship is not a requirement for women to have children. The point is, you have options.
I think you are dead wrong! Dead wrong! You sound so insecure and yet you appear so insightful re your self examination. I don't understand the business of comparing yourself to anyone. Maybe it's a man thing. Maybe it's just plain selfishness. But I can assure you it allows you to be happy.
Education can be obtained any old time. My parents emigrated from England in their middle twenties after being professionals in the UK. Father was a lawyer and my mother a teacher. They wanted adventure. They started over and both had to redo their education to sit for examinations. Both worked as janitors for six years before getting into the positions they wanted. Their priorities were always each other and still is, despite all the huge fights until my mother puts her foot down. It took my father twelve years to build his law firm employing 17 people. He still puts in about 80 hours a week. My mother is a history professor and she didn't start her masters until she was 43. Her children came first. She always had a plan and never wavered. Her family and then her education. She directed my father's trajectory as well.
Take what you will from my story,but I think family comes first. I am not going beyond my BSN. Yet, I make more money than my brother and mom. I'm sort of business oriented and I have a few different businesses. My younger sister only has an Associates and she's by far the most clever and educated person in the family. My older brother has his PhD in engineering and is thick as a plank.
I think your insightfulness about yourself makes you far more successful than you think.
Hmmm...in a job I love BUT in a very small town with one HS, I am a higher profile than other nurses in town. Been single for more years than I care to admit to. In my area, not known as a dating paradise, the online thing is difficult. Meeting single guys who are moderately unencumbered is difficult. Hanging out (pre covid) in the few watering holes we have, is not my idea of fun....I would say my social life (romantically) has suffered to an extent.
But that's just me, not the end of the world and my hard work has put in a good place financially where I need not depend on anyone else.
You work 16-20 hours per day, 5 days per week? That seems both incomprehensible and unwise. Based on this post and your past post about your diet, it might be time for some therapy.
Specializes in New Critical care NP, Critical care, Med-surg, LTC.
No matter what we plan, life will happen. I had a career and a family and then my career ended when I was laid off. So, back I went to school for my ADN when my kids were 5,3 and 1 years old. I will finish my APRN in May and my kids will be 18, 16 and 13. For almost their entire life I've either been in school and working, or working two jobs. Sometimes you have no choice and you just make it work. My kids have learned some excellent skills related to independence because I couldn't be home as much as I might have liked. All three can cook, do their own laundry, can get through a basic shopping trip if I need, etc. I will always have some regrets about time missed, and the fact that my marriage has been put to the side, but overall I'm okay with where I'm at now. I work too many hours, I still miss out on things at times and I usually cover by saying my kids don't really need me- but I should probably be around more anyway. However, when we have the time together, we have wonderful quality time and they're what makes me happiest in the world. Things work out, sometimes when you're not planning on it. Good luck.
Specializes in Psych (25 years), Medical (15 years).
12 hours ago, Curious1997 said:
What prompted the vasectomy? Hmmm?
Thank you for asking, Curious!
One can read in this General Discussion forum about Nurses and Relationships, however, one must go to the Breakroom if one wants to read about Nurses and Children:
If you feel that you have to make a choice between going to school or having children, have the kids. Yes, its hard to go to school with kids at age 40 or 45. But its probably way harder (cant predict fertility, might need expensive treatments) to have a biological kid at 40 or 45. Schools will always be open and ready to take your cash, but at a certain point our ovaries close up shop.
One can read in this General Discussion forum about Nurses and Relationships, however, one must go to the Breakroom if one wants to read about Nurses and Children:
Specializes in Psych, Addictions, SOL (Student of Life).
On 2/16/2021 at 5:45 PM, SilverBells said:
Thank you. That's what others have told me as well. It makes sense, I just worry that by the time I am done with school, it will no longer be possible to have babies
I wouldn't worry about that so much. I got married the week before I started nursing school (ADN) when I was 37 and had my son when I was 38. He had some health issues at birth and I ended uptaking a semester off school to attend to his priorities. Then went back and graduated with honors.
Fortunately his health issues resolved and today at 19 he has become a truely compassionate and solution focussed young man. During the years that my son was in elementary and high school my husband and I never missed a drama production, football game or a wrestling match.
Age is only a number. I turned 58 this year and have all the things you speak of; A home we own free and clear, a vacation cabin in the mountains, Each of us has a decent 6 figure income and I still only have my ADN.
Like another poster has said: I have struggeled with mental illness most of my adult life that combined with a host of auto-immune disfunction has made life very challenging. I was recently diagnosed with Complex Post Traumatic stress disorder. I will no longer take certain medications because I don't like how I feel when I take them .
The most important thing is developing a good work/life balance. After all "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy." I have several hobbies that I do including gardening, preserving and storing food and recently learning how to blend spices by specific world cultures/cusines. I have a rescue dog that we will be starting on agility training this year. Life is full and we are generally happy but I caution you to consider that maintaining a marriage and family can be insanely hard work at times and you need to be able to make the relationship a priority. I didn't work insane hours when my son was little because I didn't want strangers raising my son. I work 40 hours a week consisting of 8 hour shifts Sunday to Wednesday with every Thursday and every other weekend off. I also get all the overtime I want (should I want it) My work has amazing flexibility. I am currently taking a month LOA just to reset my batteries and to take stock of our (Husband and I ) current position and where we want to be in the comming years.
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You seem perfectly capable of prioritizing your education so you are organized. You should turn that same skill into achieving your other goals.
I'm almost thirty myself and I have never felt insecure about finding a woman or wife when necessary. This might sound arrogant, but once you get over the rejection issue, everything works itself out. Personally, if I see someone I like who's available, I simply talk to them, but never with an agenda. I'm a very civilized, polite person and women seem to like that. That gives me confidence. Maybe you can try the same strategy? I don't know if a man's technique is applicable. Personally, I find rejection intriguing.
Re your doctorate, you seem conflicted about your education and personal life and being very good at psych issues, your personal life can never wait, unlike your education.