I've been thinking lately about my nursing career and where things are going for me. Right now, I'm finishing up my Master's Degree and am being encouraged by others in my life to pursue a doctorate degree. The more I think about it, the more I'm interested.
However, I also can't help but wonder how my focus on my career and schooling is impacting other areas of my life, such as home ownership and possible marriage and parenthood. While I have no doubt that I'll eventually be able to purchase some type of home that I can both reasonably afford and be satisfied with, I do question how much pursuing additional degrees or continuing my current career path may interfere with marrying or becoming a mother. Frankly, I want it all...education, career, marriage, and children. I'm just not convinced that all of that will end up working out.
The other day, I saw that a former boyfriend of mine just became a father with another woman. His newborn son is absolutely adorable and I couldn't help but feel a bit sad that this baby is not mine as well. We stopped dating about two years ago when I started pursuing my Master's Degree because I wanted to pursue further education at the time and he wanted to start a family right away. He didn't want to wait for me to finish schooling, and I wasn't sure how time consuming my degree would be. I can't help but feel some regret for my decision. Maybe if I would have held off on schooling or just put it aside together, I would be the mother of that baby, not another lady. Maybe I'd be married by now. The breakup between my former boyfriend and I was mutual, but it still made me sad to see him with another woman. I regret that I wasn't the person to give him what he wanted.
The thing is, I'm intrigued by additional education. I absolutely love going to school and would probably go forever if I could. At the same time, I can't help but feel remorseful in regards to what this means for other aspects of my life. Because honestly, as a nurse manager, I work 16-20 hour shifts Monday through Friday, and on the weekends, I complete school work, so there's really not time for dating, marriage or babies. I just wonder how much I'm going to regret this lifestyle. I'm already 30 years old, so really only have about 5-10 more years where I would be able to have any biological children.
But at the same time, do I hold off on education for a marriage that isn't in the nearby future and children that don't exist and may never exist? My schedule right now is actually perfect for continuing on from my master's to my doctorate.
Has anyone else ever felt that their nursing career may be impacting other areas of their life? Any regrets?
I'm just angry that my life revolves around old, ungrateful patients who do nothing but file grievances and make false accusations instead of being with someone who obviously makes a great father. At this point, these patients weren't worth giving this up for.
I'm also starting a master's program in few months and my boyfriend wants me to live close to him or move in with him to be in a more committed relationship. But my priority is living close to school and my new job, close enough so I can get good hours of sleep, and socialize and make connections in the graduate program. We will probably break up (I don't want to have kids anytime soon) but I think this is the right decision for me.... I love school and am pretty excited to furthering my career and meeting new nurses with different experiences but yes, it is sad. Hopefully, I can slow down with my credits towards the end and somehow be able to put more time into my next relationship....
I'm just angry that my life revolves around old, ungrateful patients who do nothing but file grievances and make false accusations instead of being with someone who obviously makes a great father. At this point, these patients weren't worth giving this up for.
I think these are two different issues. It's not about the patients. You went back to school to advance your career and said your boyfriend wasn't motivated in achieving his potential, more or less. He was an underachiever and it would have fallen on you to support the family. This reality hasn't changed. You simply haven't gone job seeking to find a better job so feel stuck. If these difficult patients motivate you to get a better job they will be a blessing in disguise! But while nursing provides a liveable wage, there are not much dating opportunities at work. Unless you actively get out there and meet people, you may be stuck on your ex a long time waiting to meet someone at work. I wish you the best and hope you get the courage to make the changes you need to be happy.
Tonight I’m extremely frustrated with my nursing career. I have joined a couple of online dating sites and have had some interest, but I’m having a hard time seeing any of these people as a potential date or match. When I think of the word “boyfriend”, I still see my ex. I’m unable to view anyone else this way. And If it weren’t for nursing, I’d probably still be able to legitimately see him as a boyfriend to. Regret picking my career over him. He made me happy. Meanwhile, many of the patients and family members I now see 5 days of the week do not. Several of them are quite talented in making everyone’s life a living hell on a daily basis actually. But it’s too late to go back and make the wise decision
Was this your first serious relationship? Just curious; it can be so difficult to see anyone else in that role when it's only been filled by one person before. But I 100% promise you that there is someone who can! If you allow it to happen, you will someday be a relationship and be perfectly content that things turned out the way they did. Even looking back at the present moment, when everything feels miserable and hopeless, you will be able to think, "It's okay. It all worked out for the best."
The *only* way you are going to get to that point is to set yourself free from this godawful work situation you're in. You need to be able to step away from work long enough to know who you are outside of being a nurse. There is a whole entire SilverBells that none of us, nor the folks on the dating apps, nor even you yourself is really acquainted with.
You are obviously motivated to be a great nurse, and that's all fine and good. Even if your career did turn out to be the main fulfilling piece of your life, and other pursuits didn't matter as much, that would be perfectly okay. However, that would mean you'd be happy, and clearly you are anything but happy. You are absolutely in distress, and the only way to get out of that state is to get out of this work situation. You will not get what you want out of life if you stay in this job, plain and simple.
I want you to have a family and a house you love, and a job you are proud of that leaves room in your life for everything else you want to do, too. You have to walk away from this job, give yourself some time to reset, process the past couple of years if you have to, and remember what it feels like to just be you. If I could do it for you, I would! But I can't, so all I can do is add my voice to the crowd and urge you to please, for the love of all that is holy, prioritize yourself, your health, and your future for once!
(Also, purely for funsies since I do think you should address the work thing before the dating thing - my best dating advice, online or otherwise, is this: pay attention to your first impression, but don't rely solely on it. I met a lot of lovely people when I tried online dating, and there was a lot of potential for something to grow as I got to know certain people. Meeting someone new is awkward! Even if they're literally your soulmate, it's weird just immediately jumping into a whole conversation or hangout with someone you just met! Obviously if someone is a total jerk on your first encounter, that's different - but don't let the absence of overt sparks be the reason you entirely give up on finding someone.
(This advice comes from firsthand experience. I was not a fan of my boyfriend of six years when we first met, at my first nursing job. I thought he was too sarcastic and negative and figured we would barely interact. Two weeks later during a particularly miserable night shift, his sense of humor started to click for me. I thought to myself, "This guy actually gets it," I made an effort to get to know him, and the rest is history! It's so trite I can't stand it, but these things really do sneak up on you when you least expect them to. It's easy to say from this side, but please, trust and have patience! Start working on building a life you enjoy, and the people who belong in it will start showing up.)
Tonight I’m extremely frustrated with my nursing career. I have joined a couple of online dating sites and have had some interest, but I’m having a hard time seeing any of these people as a potential date or match. When I think of the word “boyfriend”, I still see my ex. I’m unable to view anyone else this way. And If it weren’t for nursing, I’d probably still be able to legitimately see him as a boyfriend to. Regret picking my career over him. He made me happy. Meanwhile, many of the patients and family members I now see 5 days of the week do not. Several of them are quite talented in making everyone’s life a living hell on a daily basis actually. But it’s too late to go back and make the wise decision
How about getting a pet, like a cat? They can be alone for long periods of time 8-12 hours. Don’t have to take them outside to do their business. And they give unconditional love.
Try going out on a date or two with some different men. It gets you out of the house, and who knows? You could meet your husband! It’s obvious you’re not over the ex. He has apparently moved on. You should to. Life is not work. It’s too short.
I also suggest finding a new job as many others have already said. It’s draining you. Time to move on. Is it scary? Sure! But you might find something else in nursing that you love. Clock in. Do your job. Clock out & go home! Tomorrow is a new day!
Specializes in Psych (25 years), Medical (15 years).
There is such a good perspective and so much insight and Zen wisdom in your post, brandy!
16 hours ago, brandy1017 said:
If these difficult patients motivate you to get a better job they will be a blessing in disguise.
Our intuitive selves are much more intelligent than our conscious selves and often will often create arenas that are beneficial to us, although it is unapparent to us at the time.
I am so impressed by the empathetically wise advice given by some of the allnurses members.
Well, for now nursing has allowed me to travel like I've always wanted to. I'm in my early 20s and want to have fun! the sucky part is that most of my friends don't really have stable careers so I have to go on trips alone...or with my one friend from nursing school! When people learn I'm a nurse they ask me medical questions. but I'm sure all of us here have experienced that
The other day, I was at a location where I was informed my ex was nearby. I did not bother to seek him out or make any attempt to converse with him. I wasn't necessarily trying to avoid him, but I also don't have much of a reason to speak with him, either. Is this wrong? Should I have at least said hello?
Specializes in Psych, Addictions, SOL (Student of Life).
15 hours ago, SilverBells said:
The other day, I was at a location where I was informed my ex was nearby. I did not bother to seek him out or make any attempt to converse with him. I wasn't necessarily trying to avoid him, but I also don't have much of a reason to speak with him, either. Is this wrong? Should I have at least said hello?
SilverBells, BSN
1,108 Posts
I'm just angry that my life revolves around old, ungrateful patients who do nothing but file grievances and make false accusations instead of being with someone who obviously makes a great father. At this point, these patients weren't worth giving this up for.