I've been thinking lately about my nursing career and where things are going for me. Right now, I'm finishing up my Master's Degree and am being encouraged by others in my life to pursue a doctorate degree. The more I think about it, the more I'm interested.
However, I also can't help but wonder how my focus on my career and schooling is impacting other areas of my life, such as home ownership and possible marriage and parenthood. While I have no doubt that I'll eventually be able to purchase some type of home that I can both reasonably afford and be satisfied with, I do question how much pursuing additional degrees or continuing my current career path may interfere with marrying or becoming a mother. Frankly, I want it all...education, career, marriage, and children. I'm just not convinced that all of that will end up working out.
The other day, I saw that a former boyfriend of mine just became a father with another woman. His newborn son is absolutely adorable and I couldn't help but feel a bit sad that this baby is not mine as well. We stopped dating about two years ago when I started pursuing my Master's Degree because I wanted to pursue further education at the time and he wanted to start a family right away. He didn't want to wait for me to finish schooling, and I wasn't sure how time consuming my degree would be. I can't help but feel some regret for my decision. Maybe if I would have held off on schooling or just put it aside together, I would be the mother of that baby, not another lady. Maybe I'd be married by now. The breakup between my former boyfriend and I was mutual, but it still made me sad to see him with another woman. I regret that I wasn't the person to give him what he wanted.
The thing is, I'm intrigued by additional education. I absolutely love going to school and would probably go forever if I could. At the same time, I can't help but feel remorseful in regards to what this means for other aspects of my life. Because honestly, as a nurse manager, I work 16-20 hour shifts Monday through Friday, and on the weekends, I complete school work, so there's really not time for dating, marriage or babies. I just wonder how much I'm going to regret this lifestyle. I'm already 30 years old, so really only have about 5-10 more years where I would be able to have any biological children.
But at the same time, do I hold off on education for a marriage that isn't in the nearby future and children that don't exist and may never exist? My schedule right now is actually perfect for continuing on from my master's to my doctorate.
Has anyone else ever felt that their nursing career may be impacting other areas of their life? Any regrets?
Specializes in Psych, Addictions, SOL (Student of Life).
1 hour ago, SilverBells said:
Struggling today. Many of my friends are posting Father's Day posts for their husbands. These posts are hard to look at because they are a reminder of how I am single and childless, having no one to wish Happy Father's Day to. The ones featuring my ex are particularly hard. He is enjoying the day with his son. Meanwhile, all I get to look forward to are more 20 hour shifts taking care of patients who will never be grateful for anything I do for them anyway. And strangely enough, I had a dream that I missed my ex. I am frustrated because I was making progress and today moved backwards
I thought I read somewhere that you live with your parents? Have you wished your own father a happy day? After all the holiday is really about children thanking their fathers! You are still young with plenty of time for marriage and children or just children if you so desire.
Keep doing the work with your therapist, find balance and you perspective changes you may find the person you are meant to be with right in front of your face. Delete/unfollow your ex from your social media accounts. That ship has sailed. Understand it was not meant to be and move on. If you spend your time with one foot in the past and another in the future then you are just tinkling all over today.
I work in Psych and I try to avoid adolescents. Why?
They grow up in a culture of video games as essentially so did I, but my parents recognized the inherent dangers. I'll be 29 this year.
You play games that simulate people being killed or abused enough times, without any consequences for your actions, except rewards for all of the taboos that culture imposes like legally or socially, AND YOU WILL become immune and disassociative to actual people and consequences! Especially in America!
Wonder why so many mass killings and young people with the same traits? Insular and basement bound? Incels? Imagine the psychological insanity that it takes to blame women for their shortcomings?
Why doesn't it happen in other countries or say Japan or Korea with the same gaming mentality? Cultural consequences and no access to guns! Idiocy isn't tolerated! No one looks at a Kardashian and believes anything they say because of their history and current behaviors. Why is KPop prevalent in Korea? Culture of cosmetic surgery? Insecurity? Many dysfunctional traits are rooted in insecurities. Needing to belong, acceptance?
We have a culture now that actually is based on lying! Look at the last administration and the influencers! If you don't have an agreed concrete similar set of facts to operate from, then America is what you get! This is a simple example. Plate of runny scrambled eggs. Is it edible or diarrhea? One person will eat it and benefit and the other will throw it out. Extrapolate.... the throw away person will likely think that the chef was trying to poison them? How's the ongoing feelings towards that person likely to manifest?
My job has taught me to be very careful about people because I have seen too many careless people bitten, beaten up and accused!
I never listen to a word anyone says anymore, incl the general public. I only watch behaviors over a period of time to make my judgments about trusting them. Has been working so far with few exceptions!
facebook popped up with a reminder that my ex and I broke up three years ago. Three years later, one of us is very happy. The other...well, we won't go into what they're experiencing. I'm sure by now everyone knows who is who in this scenario.
Specializes in Psych (25 years), Medical (15 years).
1 hour ago, SilverBells said:
facebook popped up with a reminder that my ex and I broke up three years ago.
This Summer, I decided to read/reread some classic novels. Thus far, I've read one by Daniel De Foe, two by Conan Doyle, and am presently reading a Hemmingway classic.
I sometimes wonder how in the Sam Hill these great authors and their characters got by without facebook.
Specializes in Psych, Corrections, Med-Surg, Ambulatory.
I always thought the "Where do you see yourself in five years?" job interview question was assinine. But in your case I think it might serve a purpose.
Think of all the things you want: your current work-round-the-clock job (if you didn't want it you wouldn't have it), a master's degree, a PhD, a husband, children, a nice house.
How can you plan things realistically? How would each of these things enhance your life? Would anything turn out to be more trouble than it's worth? (For some people this might be the PhD, for others it might be children.)
Is your current course of action taking you closer to the things you want or making them more elusive?
Are you stuck in a comfort zone of sorts even though your life seems fraught with discomforts? What do you believe you deserve in life? Why or why not?
If you don't take SERIOUS action to get off the current hamster wheel, you'll still be on it in 5 years. You will also be working around chronic health problems with not quite enough insurance or sick leave.
Meanwhile, your contemporaries will be posting photos of fun family vacations and you'll still have your finger in the dike of a marginally-run nursing home. And trying to be happy with dwindling accolades as you're taken increasingly for granted.
I'm getting depressed just writing this. But, hey. You do you.
Tonight I’m extremely frustrated with my nursing career. I have joined a couple of online dating sites and have had some interest, but I’m having a hard time seeing any of these people as a potential date or match. When I think of the word “boyfriend”, I still see my ex. I’m unable to view anyone else this way. And If it weren’t for nursing, I’d probably still be able to legitimately see him as a boyfriend to. Regret picking my career over him. He made me happy. Meanwhile, many of the patients and family members I now see 5 days of the week do not. Several of them are quite talented in making everyone’s life a living hell on a daily basis actually. But it’s too late to go back and make the wise decision
I can’t believe I gave up a relationship with someone who made me laugh in exchange for going back to school and, more importantly, working for patients who demand hour long care conferences (or “venting sessions,” is how I see them) to discuss silverware not being the right color, toast being too dry, call lights not being answered in 3 seconds, not wearing the right colored shirt on a certain day of the week, applesauce used to administer medications not being exactly at room temperature and who have no problem making false accusations against the facility and staff members and demanding their needs be placed above everyone else’s.
Tonight I’m extremely frustrated with my nursing career. I have joined a couple of online dating sites and have had some interest, but I’m having a hard time seeing any of these people as a potential date or match. When I think of the word “boyfriend”, I still see my ex. I’m unable to view anyone else this way. And If it weren’t for nursing, I’d probably still be able to legitimately see him as a boyfriend to. Regret picking my career over him. He made me happy. Meanwhile, many of the patients and family members I now see 5 days of the week do not. Several of them are quite talented in making everyone’s life a living hell on a daily basis actually. But it’s too late to go back and make the wise decision
The people who are able to move on from a past love do it by getting out there and meeting other people. Eventually you meet another person you find a connection with and are able to let go. Also I'm sure you are looking at your ex with a mix of rose colored glasses filtered thru your own hopes and dreams vs the reality.
Tonight I’m extremely frustrated with my nursing career. I have joined a couple of online dating sites and have had some interest, but I’m having a hard time seeing any of these people as a potential date or match. When I think of the word “boyfriend”, I still see my ex. I’m unable to view anyone else this way. And If it weren’t for nursing, I’d probably still be able to legitimately see him as a boyfriend to. Regret picking my career over him. He made me happy. Meanwhile, many of the patients and family members I now see 5 days of the week do not. Several of them are quite talented in making everyone’s life a living hell on a daily basis actually. But it’s too late to go back and make the wise decision
You might be better off looking for friends - both male & female - instead of looking for a "boyfriend".
hppygr8ful, ASN, RN, EMT-I
4 Articles; 5,212 Posts
I thought I read somewhere that you live with your parents? Have you wished your own father a happy day? After all the holiday is really about children thanking their fathers! You are still young with plenty of time for marriage and children or just children if you so desire.
Keep doing the work with your therapist, find balance and you perspective changes you may find the person you are meant to be with right in front of your face. Delete/unfollow your ex from your social media accounts. That ship has sailed. Understand it was not meant to be and move on. If you spend your time with one foot in the past and another in the future then you are just tinkling all over today.
hppy