I've been thinking lately about my nursing career and where things are going for me. Right now, I'm finishing up my Master's Degree and am being encouraged by others in my life to pursue a doctorate degree. The more I think about it, the more I'm interested.
However, I also can't help but wonder how my focus on my career and schooling is impacting other areas of my life, such as home ownership and possible marriage and parenthood. While I have no doubt that I'll eventually be able to purchase some type of home that I can both reasonably afford and be satisfied with, I do question how much pursuing additional degrees or continuing my current career path may interfere with marrying or becoming a mother. Frankly, I want it all...education, career, marriage, and children. I'm just not convinced that all of that will end up working out.
The other day, I saw that a former boyfriend of mine just became a father with another woman. His newborn son is absolutely adorable and I couldn't help but feel a bit sad that this baby is not mine as well. We stopped dating about two years ago when I started pursuing my Master's Degree because I wanted to pursue further education at the time and he wanted to start a family right away. He didn't want to wait for me to finish schooling, and I wasn't sure how time consuming my degree would be. I can't help but feel some regret for my decision. Maybe if I would have held off on schooling or just put it aside together, I would be the mother of that baby, not another lady. Maybe I'd be married by now. The breakup between my former boyfriend and I was mutual, but it still made me sad to see him with another woman. I regret that I wasn't the person to give him what he wanted.
The thing is, I'm intrigued by additional education. I absolutely love going to school and would probably go forever if I could. At the same time, I can't help but feel remorseful in regards to what this means for other aspects of my life. Because honestly, as a nurse manager, I work 16-20 hour shifts Monday through Friday, and on the weekends, I complete school work, so there's really not time for dating, marriage or babies. I just wonder how much I'm going to regret this lifestyle. I'm already 30 years old, so really only have about 5-10 more years where I would be able to have any biological children.
But at the same time, do I hold off on education for a marriage that isn't in the nearby future and children that don't exist and may never exist? My schedule right now is actually perfect for continuing on from my master's to my doctorate.
Has anyone else ever felt that their nursing career may be impacting other areas of their life? Any regrets?
Silverbells you need to start being kind to yourself in what you say about yourself. That is the first step. Look at all you have already accomplished. Imagine the happy future awaiting you.
Silverbells you need to start being kind to yourself in what you say about yourself. That is the first step. Look at all you have already accomplished. Imagine the happy future awaiting you.
I think many of SBs comments are attention getters to keep the thread going. That's why my direct lines of response have stopped
@SilverBells most of your posts make me roll my eyes, but this is one I wanted to respond to. I have found myself in some parallel situations to you and here’s how I’ve handled them. I did end up finding the right guy and getting married, but he is less impulsive than me and highly pragmatic, so we budget carefully and make sacrifices to be able to afford our home we bought last year. For that reason, I can’t afford to go back to school right now to get my BSN or bridge to MSN which is what I truly want.
Also, we are talking about starting a family and one of us is getting to the age where we should do so soon if we don’t want to be getting close to retirement with a teenager in the house. Therefore, it probably further puts off advancing my education. I actually go back and forth a lot over trying to decide exactly what I want and it’s tough because like others have said, you can have it all, but not all at once.
How have I dealt? I put on my big girl panties and get my butt to work, set boundaries and try not to overwork myself so that I can maintain my health. I deal with the many neuroses I have appropriately - I don’t go to therapy, but I get my therapy in many other healthy ways. I try and be grateful for all that I have and understand that a very poor little girl such as myself could never have dreamed of being as comfortable as I am now, even if I don’t have all the fancy trimmings in life. I look at life realistically and make priorities.
With or without a therapist, you really need to sit down and prioritize your life. What is most important to you? Then how can you get it? I’d start with getting a job that pays better and pays overtime, and is one you can leave at the door. Others have suggested this to you over many threads, and it’s really something you have to do if you want to start getting yourself to the person you want to be.
Next, you need to talk with a nutritionist or Heath coach, or just anyone, that can help motivate you to take better care of your health. I truly believe, and there’s plenty of evidence to back this up, that constant junk funneled into your system creates or at the very least exacerbates existing mental health issues.
One thing I’m working on is that I don’t think it’s fair to a partner or a child to be unavailable physically and mentally, which is why I won’t get pregnant until I lose a little more weight and make sure I have the energy to care for another person every day. That’s my personal choice and it’s one that’s important to me. You could take the same approach and work toward the goal of being healthy enough to have a baby in the first place.
You have a lot going on, and I am not sure whether your responses are entirely truthful, but I’ll try and take them at face value. I have struggled with the same feelings of lack of self esteem and self worth over the years, and I wish I could say it’s easy to get out of, but we all know it isn’t. But the reality is no one can possibly care about your well-being as much as you should. You are truly the only person that can make the changes necessary to create a better life for yourself. So I’ll be blunt: get off the internet, get out of your toxic terrible job, get off your booty, and get over yourself. You are not the center of anyone’s universe but your own. You need to stand by the ocean and realize how small you are. Then you might be able to see that the only life worth living is one in which you can create your own happiness instead of constantly looking for outside forces to exert themselves over you. It’s both humbling and at the same time empowering to know that none of the crap you post here really matters all that much at the end of everyone’s day, except to you.
It may sound harsh, but it’s all true, and it’s the exact things I tell myself when I start to get too wrapped up in myself and any obsessive thoughts that may come my way. This works for me and I hope it’s something you’ll truly consider as a tactic for yourself. I’d like to invite you to message with me privately if you’re further interested in my methods of keeping my own booty in check. But I will never tell you what you want to hear.
Specializes in Specializes in L/D, newborn, GYN, LTC, Dialysis.
44 minutes ago, 0.9%NormalSarah said:
@SilverBells most of your posts make me roll my eyes, but this is one I wanted to respond to. I have found myself in some parallel situations to you and here’s how I’ve handled them. I did end up finding the right guy and getting married, but he is less impulsive than me and highly pragmatic, so we budget carefully and make sacrifices to be able to afford our home we bought last year. For that reason, I can’t afford to go back to school right now to get my BSN or bridge to MSN which is what I truly want.
Also, we are talking about starting a family and one of us is getting to the age where we should do so soon if we don’t want to be getting close to retirement with a teenager in the house. Therefore, it probably further puts off advancing my education. I actually go back and forth a lot over trying to decide exactly what I want and it’s tough because like others have said, you can have it all, but not all at once.
How have I dealt? I put on my big girl panties and get my butt to work, set boundaries and try not to overwork myself so that I can maintain my health. I deal with the many neuroses I have appropriately - I don’t go to therapy, but I get my therapy in many other healthy ways. I try and be grateful for all that I have and understand that a very poor little girl such as myself could never have dreamed of being as comfortable as I am now, even if I don’t have all the fancy trimmings in life. I look at life realistically and make priorities.
With or without a therapist, you really need to sit down and prioritize your life. What is most important to you? Then how can you get it? I’d start with getting a job that pays better and pays overtime, and is one you can leave at the door. Others have suggested this to you over many threads, and it’s really something you have to do if you want to start getting yourself to the person you want to be.
Next, you need to talk with a nutritionist or Heath coach, or just anyone, that can help motivate you to take better care of your health. I truly believe, and there’s plenty of evidence to back this up, that constant junk funneled into your system creates or at the very least exacerbates existing mental health issues.
One thing I’m working on is that I don’t think it’s fair to a partner or a child to be unavailable physically and mentally, which is why I won’t get pregnant until I lose a little more weight and make sure I have the energy to care for another person every day. That’s my personal choice and it’s one that’s important to me. You could take the same approach and work toward the goal of being healthy enough to have a baby in the first place.
You have a lot going on, and I am not sure whether your responses are entirely truthful, but I’ll try and take them at face value. I have struggled with the same feelings of lack of self esteem and self worth over the years, and I wish I could say it’s easy to get out of, but we all know it isn’t. But the reality is no one can possibly care about your well-being as much as you should. You are truly the only person that can make the changes necessary to create a better life for yourself. So I’ll be blunt: get off the internet, get out of your toxic terrible job, get off your booty, and get over yourself. You are not the center of anyone’s universe but your own. You need to stand by the ocean and realize how small you are. Then you might be able to see that the only life worth living is one in which you can create your own happiness instead of constantly looking for outside forces to exert themselves over you. It’s both humbling and at the same time empowering to know that none of the crap you post here really matters all that much at the end of everyone’s day, except to you.
It may sound harsh, but it’s all true, and it’s the exact things I tell myself when I start to get too wrapped up in myself and any obsessive thoughts that may come my way. This works for me and I hope it’s something you’ll truly consider as a tactic for yourself. I’d like to invite you to message with me privately if you’re further interested in my methods of keeping my own booty in check. But I will never tell you what you want to hear.
ALL OF THIS but especially the bold part. It all bore repeating.
I would only add: Get out of your own way. You are what's holding *you* back, no one else.
@SilverBells most of your posts make me roll my eyes, but this is one I wanted to respond to. I have found myself in some parallel situations to you and here’s how I’ve handled them. I did end up finding the right guy and getting married, but he is less impulsive than me and highly pragmatic, so we budget carefully and make sacrifices to be able to afford our home we bought last year. For that reason, I can’t afford to go back to school right now to get my BSN or bridge to MSN which is what I truly want.
Also, we are talking about starting a family and one of us is getting to the age where we should do so soon if we don’t want to be getting close to retirement with a teenager in the house. Therefore, it probably further puts off advancing my education. I actually go back and forth a lot over trying to decide exactly what I want and it’s tough because like others have said, you can have it all, but not all at once.
How have I dealt? I put on my big girl panties and get my butt to work, set boundaries and try not to overwork myself so that I can maintain my health. I deal with the many neuroses I have appropriately - I don’t go to therapy, but I get my therapy in many other healthy ways. I try and be grateful for all that I have and understand that a very poor little girl such as myself could never have dreamed of being as comfortable as I am now, even if I don’t have all the fancy trimmings in life. I look at life realistically and make priorities.
With or without a therapist, you really need to sit down and prioritize your life. What is most important to you? Then how can you get it? I’d start with getting a job that pays better and pays overtime, and is one you can leave at the door. Others have suggested this to you over many threads, and it’s really something you have to do if you want to start getting yourself to the person you want to be.
Next, you need to talk with a nutritionist or Heath coach, or just anyone, that can help motivate you to take better care of your health. I truly believe, and there’s plenty of evidence to back this up, that constant junk funneled into your system creates or at the very least exacerbates existing mental health issues.
One thing I’m working on is that I don’t think it’s fair to a partner or a child to be unavailable physically and mentally, which is why I won’t get pregnant until I lose a little more weight and make sure I have the energy to care for another person every day. That’s my personal choice and it’s one that’s important to me. You could take the same approach and work toward the goal of being healthy enough to have a baby in the first place.
You have a lot going on, and I am not sure whether your responses are entirely truthful, but I’ll try and take them at face value. I have struggled with the same feelings of lack of self esteem and self worth over the years, and I wish I could say it’s easy to get out of, but we all know it isn’t. But the reality is no one can possibly care about your well-being as much as you should. You are truly the only person that can make the changes necessary to create a better life for yourself. So I’ll be blunt: get off the internet, get out of your toxic terrible job, get off your booty, and get over yourself. You are not the center of anyone’s universe but your own. You need to stand by the ocean and realize how small you are. Then you might be able to see that the only life worth living is one in which you can create your own happiness instead of constantly looking for outside forces to exert themselves over you. It’s both humbling and at the same time empowering to know that none of the crap you post here really matters all that much at the end of everyone’s day, except to you.
It may sound harsh, but it’s all true, and it’s the exact things I tell myself when I start to get too wrapped up in myself and any obsessive thoughts that may come my way. This works for me and I hope it’s something you’ll truly consider as a tactic for yourself. I’d like to invite you to message with me privately if you’re further interested in my methods of keeping my own booty in check. But I will never tell you what you want to hear.
Thanks for the feedback. I know you said you wouldn’t say what I wanted to hear, but at this point, I don’t even know what I want or want to hear. Sometimes the truth is blunt as well. I’ve been trying to hold off on looking for other jobs so I can put down 2 years of experience...but that’s 6 months from now. I’m not sure I have the energy to keep this up for another 6 months. My body is very strong and healthy, but eventually enough will be enough.
I like the thought of marriage and children, but now is not a good time. It won’t be a good time for awhile, I think. I can barely take care of myself at this point. I sleep up to 18 hours a day on my days off. That is not conducive to parenthood.
Anyway, it’s probably a good idea to remember that no one actually cares that much what I’m doing. Nobody else cares that I’m single or childless or how expensive of a house I own. Therefore no need to pressure myself into anything, especially if it’s not a good fit. At this point, I am less than a month from having my third nursing degree. It’s not likely anyone would feel sorry for me for that, nor should they. Nobody is going to feel sorry that my academic achievements in life are obviously coming before any familial accomplishments so neither should I. Sometimes things occur in different orders for different people and not everyone will do the same things. I suppose that’s life.
Anyway, I suppose I should log off and start on that job search...
And who knows? Maybe having biological children isn’t such a good option for me. I’ve lived with severe, chronic depression and anxiety for nearly 20 years or 2/3 of my life. I have to wonder if I have genes that wouldn’t be good to pass along
Thanks for the feedback. I know you said you wouldn’t say what I wanted to hear, but at this point, I don’t even know what I want or want to hear. Sometimes the truth is blunt as well. I’ve been trying to hold off on looking for other jobs so I can put down 2 years of experience...but that’s 6 months from now. I’m not sure I have the energy to keep this up for another 6 months. My body is very strong and healthy, but eventually enough will be enough.
I like the thought of marriage and children, but now is not a good time. It won’t be a good time for awhile, I think. I can barely take care of myself at this point. I sleep up to 18 hours a day on my days off. That is not conducive to parenthood.
Anyway, it’s probably a good idea to remember that no one actually cares that much what I’m doing. Nobody else cares that I’m single or childless or how expensive of a house I own. Therefore no need to pressure myself into anything, especially if it’s not a good fit. At this point, I am less than a month from having my third nursing degree. It’s not likely anyone would feel sorry for me for that, nor should they. Nobody is going to feel sorry that my academic achievements in life are obviously coming before any familial accomplishments so neither should I. Sometimes things occur in different orders for different people and not everyone will do the same things. I suppose that’s life.
Anyway, I suppose I should log off and start on that job search...
The bolded statements are ones I’m happy to see you make. In no way am I saying something along the lines of no one cares about you, I’m just pointing out that most people in life who we think are watchful and judging just aren’t, and they probably don’t even think of us. And you’re right, working another 6 months the way you are could very likely cost you big with your health, and therefore your career which you really care about, and then you have a downhill snowball you can’t stop. Good on you for accepting that you need to focus on your own unique path and take care of yourself. Sending hugs your way!
Silverbells there is no need to wait for 2 years experience. The standard is 1 year, although I have seen new grads get a new job with 6 months and sometimes less. If I haven't mentioned, use a functional resume, which showcases all that you are doing in your job, both management and bedside related. Of course showcase your education as well. Tailor your resume to the individual job you are applying for, along with a cover letter explaining why you want the job and what you have to offer. Check the company out on and the hiring manager to learn more to let them know you are interested and have taken the time to research them as well. If you are on linked in, many companies may already be approaching you as well. Decide what you want your next job to be and go from there.
Specializes in Psych, Addictions, SOL (Student of Life).
17 hours ago, SilverBells said:
Update: No success in the job hunt. Turned down for an admissions nurse role at another facility.
Didn't realize admissions roles were so lucrative. Can't seem to get anyone to consider me for that type of position
It wouldn’t hurt you to get some experience on the floors as a bedside nurse. This will keep your skill set relevant. Bedsides nursing always pays more and you need to practice these skills every chance you get. When you say turned down do mean you actually interviewed and were turned down? If you presented to a prospective employer the way you present on this forum that may be the reason your not getting hired.
Update: No success in the job hunt. Turned down for an admissions nurse role at another facility.
Didn't realize admissions roles were so lucrative. Can't seem to get anyone to consider me for that type of position
Wait, haven’t you been job searching for like, a day? Come on girl, get your big girl panties on and keep at it until you find something better. It’s going to take a little time. I second Happy’s advice for a floor nurse position. It has its headaches but nothing’s better at the end of the day than peacing the heck out of there and knowing no one will call me for any reason because I’m just too low on the totem pole.
brandy1017, ASN, RN
2,910 Posts
Silverbells you need to start being kind to yourself in what you say about yourself. That is the first step. Look at all you have already accomplished. Imagine the happy future awaiting you.