I've been thinking lately about my nursing career and where things are going for me. Right now, I'm finishing up my Master's Degree and am being encouraged by others in my life to pursue a doctorate degree. The more I think about it, the more I'm interested.
However, I also can't help but wonder how my focus on my career and schooling is impacting other areas of my life, such as home ownership and possible marriage and parenthood. While I have no doubt that I'll eventually be able to purchase some type of home that I can both reasonably afford and be satisfied with, I do question how much pursuing additional degrees or continuing my current career path may interfere with marrying or becoming a mother. Frankly, I want it all...education, career, marriage, and children. I'm just not convinced that all of that will end up working out.
The other day, I saw that a former boyfriend of mine just became a father with another woman. His newborn son is absolutely adorable and I couldn't help but feel a bit sad that this baby is not mine as well. We stopped dating about two years ago when I started pursuing my Master's Degree because I wanted to pursue further education at the time and he wanted to start a family right away. He didn't want to wait for me to finish schooling, and I wasn't sure how time consuming my degree would be. I can't help but feel some regret for my decision. Maybe if I would have held off on schooling or just put it aside together, I would be the mother of that baby, not another lady. Maybe I'd be married by now. The breakup between my former boyfriend and I was mutual, but it still made me sad to see him with another woman. I regret that I wasn't the person to give him what he wanted.
The thing is, I'm intrigued by additional education. I absolutely love going to school and would probably go forever if I could. At the same time, I can't help but feel remorseful in regards to what this means for other aspects of my life. Because honestly, as a nurse manager, I work 16-20 hour shifts Monday through Friday, and on the weekends, I complete school work, so there's really not time for dating, marriage or babies. I just wonder how much I'm going to regret this lifestyle. I'm already 30 years old, so really only have about 5-10 more years where I would be able to have any biological children.
But at the same time, do I hold off on education for a marriage that isn't in the nearby future and children that don't exist and may never exist? My schedule right now is actually perfect for continuing on from my master's to my doctorate.
Has anyone else ever felt that their nursing career may be impacting other areas of their life? Any regrets?
Specializes in Pediatrics, Pediatric Float, PICU, NICU.
38 minutes ago, brandy1017 said:
They have piled on you the work of 2-3 more nurses. I would be looking for another job. That would be my first priority!
“They” likely haven’t done that. This poster is known for taking on these responsibilities themselves that are beyond what is required because she feels she’s the only one who can competently do them the best.
Specializes in Community Health, Med/Surg, ICU Stepdown.
If you are going to work extra, at least go to a hospital where you are paid overtime! It's not good to work 16 hours, but in my hospital the last 8 hours would be time and a half. Some people did it all the time which isn't healthy, but a little overtime helps toward the house fund. Don't do free overtime!
“They” likely haven’t done that. This poster is known for taking on these responsibilities themselves that are beyond what is required because she feels she’s the only one who can competently do them the best.
Not lately. Recently, I've been asked to do increasingly more, with more work than any one person could ever do in a 24 hour period.
They have piled on you the work of 2-3 more nurses. I would be looking for another job. That would be my first priority!
I've thought about this, but don't even know where to begin. I only have experience in LTC/SNF and from my knowledge, these facilities are pretty similar. I've actually been told I work for one of the better ones, so I don't know.
Most Therapist are pretty overwhelmed right now but if persistant SB should be able to get a telephone or zoom appointment. Of course one would have to make time in what appears to be an impossible schedule to get that appointment. I have never used this service myself having my therapist on speed dial (LOL) but some of the folks I know have used DronDemand.com with decent results. Still therapy will require a great deal of self reflection and I am not assured in any way that SB has even made anappointment.
Hppy
Appointment has been made, but impossible to get in before the end of April. There are also not very many therapists readily available for adults in my area. Most are for children or adolescents only.
I'm also hopeful that I can get by with as few sessions of therapy as possible. Not because the suggestion is bad itself, but because of the expense. It is very easy for anyone to recommend therapy (please note that this comment is not directed at anyone specific) but it is easy to forget that therapy is not free. I'd like as few sessions as possible just because the expense adds up, contributing even less to a housing fund.
FYI: That website you provided does not work anymore. It says the domain is for sale.
Specializes in Psych, Addictions, SOL (Student of Life).
9 minutes ago, SilverBells said:
Appointment has been made, but impossible to get in before the end of April. There are also not very many therapists readily available for adults in my area. Most are for children or adolescents only.
I'm also hopeful that I can get by with as few sessions of therapy as possible. Not because the suggestion is bad itself, but because of the expense. It is very easy for anyone to recommend therapy (please note that this comment is not directed at anyone specific) but it is easy to forget that therapy is not free. I'd like as few sessions as possible just because the expense adds up, contributing even less to a housing fund.
FYI: That website you provided does not work anymore. It says the domain is for sale.
You don't have insurance? My health Insurance covers 6 visits a year. Most therapists also have sliding scale for those who can afford it.
Yep, this critter supposedly working that amount of hours daily, going to school, and spending numerous hours on here, and stalking ex bf and his wife. That's just what we "know". I'm calling BS
Seems to be a pretty thorough description, minus the excessive pop and candy description.
I haven't been looking up anything related to my ex lately, but I was just thinking about a couple of things regarding him. First, there were clues a while back suggesting he was seeing someone else. The biggest one was a birthday post from last year, during which his new significant other posted a picture of him and her at what looks like to be a natural park/hiking/waterfall area. I didn't think much of it (I kind of blew it off, scrolling by the post at the time), however, I probably should have. My ex never really had many pictures of himself or of anyone else for that matter on his facebook. The fact that he allowed this girl to post a picture of the two of them together should have been a red flag to me.
Another "odd" thing is several months before his son was born, I had a dream that my ex was having a baby with another woman. Scarily, the woman in my dreams looked pretty similar to the actual mother of his son. At the time, I chalked it off to being a weird, random dream but now am wondering if it was more of a premonition of what was to come.
2 minutes ago, hppygr8ful said:
You don't have insurance? My health Insurance covers 6 visits a year. Most therapists also have sliding scale for those who can afford it.
I do, but there's usually a significant copay anyway.
Another "red flag" that stands out to me regarding my ex is there is a selfie of him and this girl in a hotel room from last Spring. Again, I originally didn't think much of it, but now that I think more and more about it...it's possible this photo is from when they conceived their baby. After all, the timing is about right. So there were definitely clues that something was up, I just didn't realize it until the baby was actually born. Obviously, I was a fool and/or ignorant to not recognize those signs for what they were.
And it's spooky that I had a dream about him having a baby with someone else...maybe I subconsciously already knew. I'm not sure, but it's disturbing.
Not lately. Recently, I've been asked to do increasingly more, with more work than any one person could ever do in a 24 hour period.
That is why you need to set limits and say no. If that isn't an option than you need to look for another job. Instead of obsessing over your ex and his baby, spend that time looking for another job. I think a normal nursing home would have a designated wound care nurse, etc, not just piling everything onto you.
That is a trap of management jobs, but when you are in a bad one, you should leave and search for a better one. Why do you stay? Why do you put up with the overwork and frankly abuse? Wake up and find a better job before they work you to death!
One of those things where if I cannot be a wife or a mom, I might as well pour myself into my job, be committed, and do a good job at it. All these engagements, weddings, baby announcements, and new homes that are basically a daily occurrence are going to drive me nuts though with a twinge of disappointment every now and then. But, at least no one can say I lack dedication to my work. Maybe the answer is to work so hard there’s no time for facebook.
Look for a bedside nurse job where you are paid hourly. Maybe even as a charge nurse and hopefully you can pick up OT if you want and actually be paid for it! Not abused and taken advantage of the way you are now. Calculate your salary in hourly wage. Then divide up the hours to your salary and you will see you are probably making half the hourly wage equivalent. Do the math and find a better job! That alone will make you happier and help you move towards other goals like buying a home and having time to date etc!
I've thought about this, but don't even know where to begin. I only have experience in LTC/SNF and from my knowledge, these facilities are pretty similar. I've actually been told I work for one of the better ones, so I don't know.
I find that hard to believe. But if this is one of the better ones, you are still being overworked. You don't have to stay in LTC. You can make a change. You can sign up on linked in for starters and create a functional resume that shows employers you have bedside skills as well as management. You can apply to hospitals since you said that's what you wanted in the first place. We hired several nurses from nursing homes and they transitioned fine. You can apply to dialysis centers and they will train you. You could look for a public health job that would use your hands on and mgmt experience. You could even apply for a clinic job and be on the lookout for a clinic manager job if that is what you want to do. You could even try home health, although that has long hours of charting so it wouldn't be my first choice, not to mention the wear and tire of your car. Many places have you shadow first and meet your coworkers to give you an idea of if it would be a good fit. That is a great thing in my book. Why don't you try to connect with former college nursing students and see if they can give you an in at where they are working.
You are having tunnel vision, stuck in negative thinking, that this is all their is and it isn't true. There are options and if you make the effort it will help take your mind off your troubles and off your ex. You can move forward to the life you want one step at a time.
I was a bedside nurse my whole career. Back then that was typical. I had no desire to be management. But while I always found the job stressful, we did have very good patient ratios and lots of resources and mandatory overtime was not that often. I worked 8 hour shifts for over seven years before I switched to 12 hour shifts. I did my 3 12's, it was wonderful to have 4 days free!
I constantly got job offers from home care, hospice, nursing homes and other hospitals, but I decided to stay where I was. I'm blessed that my decision gave me a pension which is virtually nonexistent now. Without a pension there is really no reason to stay at one place. It makes sense to move around and also try new things. You might find another job that you really enjoy that you can work regular hours.
If I had to do it over again, I would have applied for a clinic job. There were some clinic jobs that were still attached to the hospital so my pension would have continued.
I don't know where you live, but larger health systems will usually have better benefits than NH's by virtue of greater profits. This will in turn help provide for your future.
Appointment has been made, but impossible to get in before the end of April. There are also not very many therapists readily available for adults in my area. Most are for children or adolescents only.
I'm also hopeful that I can get by with as few sessions of therapy as possible. Not because the suggestion is bad itself, but because of the expense. It is very easy for anyone to recommend therapy (please note that this comment is not directed at anyone specific) but it is easy to forget that therapy is not free. I'd like as few sessions as possible just because the expense adds up, contributing even less to a housing fund.
FYI: That website you provided does not work anymore. It says the domain is for sale.
I did see a therapist during nursing school and my first year or two of nursing for personal and career guidance. I paid out of pocket for the majority of it. There was a local non profit woman's center that had a sliding fee scale. My therapist was ideal for my situation because she had been a bedside ICU nurse so she had a real understanding of what I was going thru acclimating to my nursing job. I even attending group therapy for a short time.
Alot of employers off an EAP Employee Assistance Program that provides limited therapy maybe 1 or 2 visits. Mine did via phone and I used it twice in my career and it was a good service. But even if your employer doesn't offer it therapy is still a good idea.
While my therapy cost money out of my pocket I believe it was worth it. I highly suggest you focus on getting the help you need now and not the cost. If it helps you turn your life around and make positive changes for a better life balance and brings you peace and joy, it will be well worth it. The alternative is just to keep going on the hamster wheel you are on now, overworked, obsessed about your ex, and others and your fear of missing out.
JadedCPN, BSN, RN
1,476 Posts
“They” likely haven’t done that. This poster is known for taking on these responsibilities themselves that are beyond what is required because she feels she’s the only one who can competently do them the best.