I've been thinking lately about my nursing career and where things are going for me. Right now, I'm finishing up my Master's Degree and am being encouraged by others in my life to pursue a doctorate degree. The more I think about it, the more I'm interested.
However, I also can't help but wonder how my focus on my career and schooling is impacting other areas of my life, such as home ownership and possible marriage and parenthood. While I have no doubt that I'll eventually be able to purchase some type of home that I can both reasonably afford and be satisfied with, I do question how much pursuing additional degrees or continuing my current career path may interfere with marrying or becoming a mother. Frankly, I want it all...education, career, marriage, and children. I'm just not convinced that all of that will end up working out.
The other day, I saw that a former boyfriend of mine just became a father with another woman. His newborn son is absolutely adorable and I couldn't help but feel a bit sad that this baby is not mine as well. We stopped dating about two years ago when I started pursuing my Master's Degree because I wanted to pursue further education at the time and he wanted to start a family right away. He didn't want to wait for me to finish schooling, and I wasn't sure how time consuming my degree would be. I can't help but feel some regret for my decision. Maybe if I would have held off on schooling or just put it aside together, I would be the mother of that baby, not another lady. Maybe I'd be married by now. The breakup between my former boyfriend and I was mutual, but it still made me sad to see him with another woman. I regret that I wasn't the person to give him what he wanted.
The thing is, I'm intrigued by additional education. I absolutely love going to school and would probably go forever if I could. At the same time, I can't help but feel remorseful in regards to what this means for other aspects of my life. Because honestly, as a nurse manager, I work 16-20 hour shifts Monday through Friday, and on the weekends, I complete school work, so there's really not time for dating, marriage or babies. I just wonder how much I'm going to regret this lifestyle. I'm already 30 years old, so really only have about 5-10 more years where I would be able to have any biological children.
But at the same time, do I hold off on education for a marriage that isn't in the nearby future and children that don't exist and may never exist? My schedule right now is actually perfect for continuing on from my master's to my doctorate.
Has anyone else ever felt that their nursing career may be impacting other areas of their life? Any regrets?
Seems to be a pretty thorough description, minus the excessive pop and candy description.
I haven't been looking up anything related to my ex lately, but I was just thinking about a couple of things regarding him. First, there were clues a while back suggesting he was seeing someone else. The biggest one was a birthday post from last year, during which his new significant other posted a picture of him and her at what looks like to be a natural park/hiking/waterfall area. I didn't think much of it (I kind of blew it off, scrolling by the post at the time), however, I probably should have. My ex never really had many pictures of himself or of anyone else for that matter on his facebook. The fact that he allowed this girl to post a picture of the two of them together should have been a red flag to me.
Another "odd" thing is several months before his son was born, I had a dream that my ex was having a baby with another woman. Scarily, the woman in my dreams looked pretty similar to the actual mother of his son. At the time, I chalked it off to being a weird, random dream but now am wondering if it was more of a premonition of what was to come.
I do, but there's usually a significant copay anyway.
It isn't reasonable to expect a man or woman to stay single and celibate in this day and age. Most people will move on and look for another partner. It is just human nature. As to your dream, perhaps you are a little bit psychic and maybe it was meant to prepare you for the reality that your ex had a new family and baby on the way so you wouldn't be so shocked when you found out.
As to the copay, if you have a high deductible insurance you can start an HSA at anytime of the year. It is pretax if you have it taken out of your paycheck, or tax deductible if you fund it yourself. You can start and stop at any time. You can max it out if you want. It will effectively lower your income tax bill as well.
If you have a regular health insurance plan, you can start a FSA next year or with your new employer. But I recommend going with the high deductible and maxing the HSA every year.
Specializes in Physiology, CM, consulting, nsg edu, LNC, COB.
Just stop this. You obviously thrive on the attention —and any mother of a toddler knows that bad attention is as good as any, and bad press is famously free good publicity— but my heavenly days, this is crazy talk and we all know it, including you. Why you won’t do what you already know is the right thing is beyond my area of expertise.
Can I block a thread?
Either that or you can unfollow the thread by clicking on the heart at the top of the page. You can adjust your settings so that you no longer receive notifications when a new post has been made. This is helpful for any thread that one is not interested in.
Update: It is no longer possible to add my ex's new significant other to facebook. Only option still available is to message her, which probably wouldn't do any good. She must be a very private person if we only have one mutual friend, my ex. My ex, on the other hand, has many friends, so not sure how the two of them are a match. Regardless, it's likely I won't ever know much more about this lady who so easily replaced me.
Regardless, it's likely I won't ever know much more about this lady who so easily replaced me.
There are no "replacements". People are people. I have my job because the person that had it before left. When people asked if I am so-and-so's replacement, the answer is No. I am not her replacement. I may have the same job, but I wear my own shoes.
For Exes, I am still FB friends with (at least) one of my Ex's. We left amicably. I have since "followed" his life and enjoyed watching him marry (twice) and have 2 children. I really am happy for him. And I am happy I had no children, as I kinda feel like it would be a disservice to pass on my "genes" and "issues". I think I would be okay being a foster parent, but my husband isn't interested, so we are just DINKs. If your 'friendship' with your ex does not bring you joy, you may realize you aren't friend anymore. Unfollow or hide him. Stop wasting your time on stale bread (in HS we decided that all exes are "stale bread", those never become fresh again, so no going back).
Some people have ideas of their "one true love", which I find to be kinda silly. There are plenty of people out there. There is even dating and marriage possible after retirement.
If you are concerned about progeny, have some eggs frozen and saved for later.
For me, nursing has given me some "friendships" of old classmates that I enjoy reading about their lives on FB. I can envy my old coworkers that have become travel nurses. And I have some awesome and disgusting stories I can talk about when socializing with the rest of my nonmedical friends.
Honestly, if you're getting so pent-up, maybe you should go try some dating sites to get a little piece of action while you figure out how to realize you are a whole person and any extras are just that, extra.
There are no "replacements". People are people. I have my job because the person that had it before left. When people asked if I am so-and-so's replacement, the answer is No. I am not her replacement. I may have the same job, but I wear my own shoes.
For Exes, I am still FB friends with (at least) one of my Ex's. We left amicably. I have since "followed" his life and enjoyed watching him marry (twice) and have 2 children. I really am happy for him. And I am happy I had no children, as I kinda feel like it would be a disservice to pass on my "genes" and "issues". I think I would be okay being a foster parent, but my husband isn't interested, so we are just DINKs. If your 'friendship' with your ex does not bring you joy, you may realize you aren't friend anymore. Unfollow or hide him. Stop wasting your time on stale bread (in HS we decided that all exes are "stale bread", those never become fresh again, so no going back).
Some people have ideas of their "one true love", which I find to be kinda silly. There are plenty of people out there. There is even dating and marriage possible after retirement.
If you are concerned about progeny, have some eggs frozen and saved for later.
For me, nursing has given me some "friendships" of old classmates that I enjoy reading about their lives on FB. I can envy my old coworkers that have become travel nurses. And I have some awesome and disgusting stories I can talk about when socializing with the rest of my nonmedical friends.
Honestly, if you're getting so pent-up, maybe you should go try some dating sites to get a little piece of action while you figure out how to realize you are a whole person and any extras are just that, extra.
You’re right. She’s not a replacement—she’s an upgrade. Replacement suggests he ended up with someone about the same as me, when he clearly ended up with someone better.
With that said, I’ve already tried unfollowing him. I still end up looking at his profile anyway, so it hasn’t worked. Maybe it’s time to unfriend him altogether. We both agreed to be friends, but only he has done fine with that. It’s probably been easier for him because he knows I have nothing going for me. It is easy to be “friends” with those less fortunate than you. I have nothing he wants, so it doesn’t affect him in anyway to stay “friends” with me.
I have signed up for 3 dating sites just out of curiosity, but haven’t done much with any of them yet. I’ve been getting multiple notifications from multiple people at all 3 of them, so maybe there’s a chance someone else might be interested.
Update: It is no longer possible to add my ex's new significant other to facebook. Only option still available is to message her, which probably wouldn't do any good. She must be a very private person if we only have one mutual friend, my ex. My ex, on the other hand, has many friends, so not sure how the two of them are a match. Regardless, it's likely I won't ever know much more about this lady who so easily replaced me.
Also the fact that the "Add Friend" option is gone does make me wonder if she found out about me and chose to block any friendship requests or if it's just because she doesn't want friend requests from people she doesn't know... I doubt adding her on LinkedIn would be productive.
Who knows, she's pretty hard to figure out. Why she was picked over me and why she got the honor of being this adorable baby's mother instead of myself is one of those life's mysteries I will probably never figure out. However, coupled with the fact that she has worked in many areas of nursing--including areas of nursing that I do not excel at--it's likely she is simply a superior human being.
Specializes in Community Health, Med/Surg, ICU Stepdown.
12 minutes ago, SilverBells said:
why she got the honor of being this adorable baby's mother instead of myself is one of those life's mysteries I will probably never figure out.
You wouldn't be this particular baby's mother if she hadn't had him with your ex. That is HER baby. If you had a baby with your ex it wouldn't be the same baby. Important distinction. This baby has nothing to do with you, so better to stop obsessing over him and his mom. It's not good to think so much about a baby you don't know. You can become a mother one day, still plenty of time. Especially if you focus on moving forward, getting healthy, and finding a partner who wants to have/adopt babies. Staying stuck in the past and making yourself upset looking at other people's lives will only further delay these goals. Get out there and live life! ?
You’re right. She’s not a replacement—she’s an upgrade. Replacement suggests he ended up with someone about the same as me, when he clearly ended up with someone better.
With that said, I’ve already tried unfollowing him. I still end up looking at his profile anyway, so it hasn’t worked. Maybe it’s time to unfriend him altogether. We both agreed to be friends, but only he has done fine with that. It’s probably been easier for him because he knows I have nothing going for me. It is easy to be “friends” with those less fortunate than you. I have nothing he wants, so it doesn’t affect him in anyway to stay “friends” with me.
I have signed up for 3 dating sites just out of curiosity, but haven’t done much with any of them yet. I’ve been getting multiple notifications from multiple people at all 3 of them, so maybe there’s a chance someone else might be interested.
"Also the fact that the "Add Friend" option is gone does make me wonder if she found out about me and chose to block any friendship requests or if it's just because she doesn't want friend requests from people she doesn't know... I doubt adding her on LinkedIn would be productive.
Who knows, she's pretty hard to figure out. Why she was picked over me and why she got the honor of being this adorable baby's mother instead of myself is one of those life's mysteries I will probably never figure out. However, coupled with the fact that she has worked in many areas of nursing--including areas of nursing that I do not excel at--it's likely she is simply a superior human being."
Your comments just make me shake my head. Were you always comparing yourself to others your whole life feeling inferior? Were you abused as a child? Did your parents put you down? I just wonder where the root of your inferiority complex comes from.
You have refused to listen to us telling you to drop this obsession and not try to spy on your ex, but you pursued anyway. I'm sure she caught wind of it, especially after your moonlighting at his place of employment.
I really hope the therapist can help you. No one but you thinks the other woman is superior to you. She is simply different, older, more experienced and was in the right place and time to start a family.
brandy1017, ASN, RN
2,910 Posts
It isn't reasonable to expect a man or woman to stay single and celibate in this day and age. Most people will move on and look for another partner. It is just human nature. As to your dream, perhaps you are a little bit psychic and maybe it was meant to prepare you for the reality that your ex had a new family and baby on the way so you wouldn't be so shocked when you found out.
As to the copay, if you have a high deductible insurance you can start an HSA at anytime of the year. It is pretax if you have it taken out of your paycheck, or tax deductible if you fund it yourself. You can start and stop at any time. You can max it out if you want. It will effectively lower your income tax bill as well.
If you have a regular health insurance plan, you can start a FSA next year or with your new employer. But I recommend going with the high deductible and maxing the HSA every year.