How Has Your Nursing Career Affected Your Relationships Or Other Aspects of Your Life?

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I've been thinking lately about my nursing career and where things are going for me. Right now, I'm finishing up my Master's Degree and am being encouraged by others in my life to pursue a doctorate degree. The more I think about it, the more I'm interested.  

However, I also can't help but wonder how my focus on my career and schooling is impacting other areas of my life, such as home ownership and possible marriage and parenthood. While I have no doubt that I'll eventually be able to purchase some type of home that I can both reasonably afford and be satisfied with, I do question how much pursuing additional degrees or continuing my current career path may interfere with marrying or becoming a mother. Frankly, I want it all...education, career, marriage, and children. I'm just not convinced that all of that will end up working out.  

The other day, I saw that a former boyfriend of mine just became a father with another woman. His newborn son is absolutely adorable and I couldn't help but feel a bit sad that this baby is not mine as well. We stopped dating about two years ago when I started pursuing my Master's Degree because I wanted to pursue further education at the time and he wanted to start a family right away. He didn't want to wait for me to finish schooling, and I wasn't sure how time consuming my degree would be. I can't help but feel some regret for my decision. Maybe if I would have held off on schooling or just put it aside together, I would be the mother of that baby, not another lady.  Maybe I'd be married by now. The breakup between my former boyfriend and I was mutual, but it still made me sad to see him with another woman.  I regret that I wasn't the person to give him what he wanted.  

The thing is, I'm intrigued by additional education. I absolutely love going to school and would probably go forever if I could. At the same time, I can't help but feel remorseful in regards to what this means for other aspects of my life. Because honestly, as a nurse manager, I work 16-20 hour shifts Monday through Friday, and on the weekends, I complete school work, so there's really not time for dating, marriage or babies. I just wonder how much I'm going to regret this lifestyle. I'm already 30 years old, so really only have about 5-10 more years where I would be able to have any biological children.   

But at the same time, do I hold off on education for a marriage that isn't in the nearby future and children that don't exist and may never exist? My schedule right now is actually perfect for continuing on from my master's to my doctorate. 

Has anyone else ever felt that their nursing career may be impacting other areas of their life? Any regrets? 

Specializes in Psych, Addictions, SOL (Student of Life).
2 hours ago, Rose_Queen said:

I would suggest you show your therapist what you’ve been posting here. And there is nothing wrong with seeking another if you can’t get an appointment. 

Most Therapist are pretty overwhelmed right now but if persistant SB should be able to get a telephone or zoom appointment. Of course one would have to make time in what appears to be an impossible schedule to get that appointment.  I have never used this service myself having my therapist on speed dial (LOL) but some of the folks I know have used DronDemand.com with decent results. Still therapy will require a great deal of  self reflection and I am not assured in any way that SB has even made anappointment.

Hppy

Specializes in Rehab/Nurse Manager.

Another 18 hour shift.  As much as I'd love a baby, not sure how it would work coming home to a little one who wakes up every 3 hours.  

 

Specializes in Rehab/Nurse Manager.

One of those things where if I cannot be a wife or a mom, I might as well pour myself into my job, be committed, and do a good job at it.  All these engagements, weddings, baby announcements, and new homes that are basically a daily occurrence are going to drive me nuts though with a twinge of disappointment every now and then.  But, at least no one can say I lack dedication to my work.  Maybe the answer is to work so hard there’s no time for facebook.  

Specializes in Critical Care.
41 minutes ago, SilverBells said:

One of those things where if I cannot be a wife or a mom, I might as well pour myself into my job, be committed, and do a good job at it.  All these engagements, weddings, baby announcements, and new homes that are basically a daily occurrence are going to drive me nuts though with a twinge of disappointment every now and then.  But, at least no one can say I lack dedication to my work.  Maybe the answer is to work so hard there’s no time for facebook.  

Why did you have to work 18 hours?  Were you mandated because of a lack of nurses?  These ridiculously long hours for your job are not reasonable or even safe to you or the patients. 

At Wrongway the threat of mandation was frequent and that only caused more nurses to quit.  We were only supposed to be mandated 16 hours vs our 12 hour shift but it would turn into 17-18 plus because they had no one to replace us.  It is one of the many reasons I quit.

I would refuse to work such long hours and if you truly have no choice then it is time to look for another job.  Regardless of your personal issues, that is no reason to put up with these hours!  You deserve better!  But you may have to quit and find a new job for things to improve.

Specializes in Psych, Addictions, SOL (Student of Life).
15 hours ago, SilverBells said:

Another 18 hour shift.  As much as I'd love a baby, not sure how it would work coming home to a little one who wakes up every 3 hours.  

 

I still wonder why you are working 18 hour shifts no hospital, LTC, psych facility I know of requires this! Are you paid hourly or a salary? If you are being paid hourly you should be making more than enough to start saving for that house you want. It may not be the Half Million dollar mansion you want but depending on what part of the country you live in could be a very respectable home for way less than that. Just start putting 10% of every paycheck into your house fund. When you save enough then you put the money into a higher interest CD and leave it there until it matures,

If you are working Salary and still spending 18 hours a day at work something is wrong, Either they are piling way too much on you or your time management is very poor. At any rate on salary it can get to a point where you are paying them instead of them paying you. 

It's clear that this schedule is not good for you and I have never seen a nurse manager work these kind of hours. If I was having the cardiac symptoms you are having I would take a leave of absence to figure out my health status. Heart health is nothing to take for granted. An LOA would also give you time to think objectively about where you are and where you want to be in say 5 years. You can still be a successful, consumate professional without endangering your health. 

Hppy

Specializes in Physiology, CM, consulting, nsg edu, LNC, COB.
1 hour ago, hppygr8ful said:

If you are working Salary and still spending 18 hours a day at work something is wrong, Either they are piling way too much on you or your time management is very poor.

Or Door Numbah Three:  This is all made-up. Srsly getting into troll fantasy territory here. 

Specializes in Dialysis.
2 hours ago, Hannahbanana said:

Or Door Numbah Three:  This is all made-up. Srsly getting into troll fantasy territory here. 

Yep, this critter supposedly working that amount of hours daily, going to school,  and spending numerous hours on here, and stalking ex bf and his wife. That's just what we "know". I'm calling BS

Specializes in Rehab/Nurse Manager.
3 hours ago, Hannahbanana said:

Or Door Numbah Three:  This is all made-up. Srsly getting into troll fantasy territory here. 

Based on some of the posts, I can see why you might think that.  Sadly, it's all real. 

Specializes in Rehab/Nurse Manager.
15 hours ago, brandy1017 said:

Why did you have to work 18 hours?  Were you mandated because of a lack of nurses?  These ridiculously long hours for your job are not reasonable or even safe to you or the patients. 

At Wrongway the threat of mandation was frequent and that only caused more nurses to quit.  We were only supposed to be mandated 16 hours vs our 12 hour shift but it would turn into 17-18 plus because they had no one to replace us.  It is one of the many reasons I quit.

I would refuse to work such long hours and if you truly have no choice then it is time to look for another job.  Regardless of your personal issues, that is no reason to put up with these hours!  You deserve better!  But you may have to quit and find a new job for things to improve.

There were various reasons I worked so long.  No mandation, but it was a busy day.  In LTC/SNF nursing, many nurses seem to find that there is more work than you could ever imagine and ever get done in a day.  We are due for a state survey, so there are things that must be in place for that.  I also had to make last-minute arrangements for a patient to be seen in the clinic for a follow up of surgical complications, so that took time between setting up the appointment and arranging a ride.   I had 8 patients to complete wound rounds on, 3 discharges to plan for, an admission, 1.5 long morning meeting, two Care Conferences, three virtual visits with doctors, abnormal vital signs to follow up on, medication orders to clarify, phone calls to family members, calling the pharmacy multiple times for medications that were not available, 20+ UDA assessments to complete and on and on.  I spent an extensive amount of time reviewing patient charts and visiting patients with the hopes of avoiding/preventing any acute situations from arising over the weekend.  All of this takes time, and sadly, my efforts were not successful as two residents were sent to the hospital today anyway.  

Specializes in Rehab/Nurse Manager.
5 hours ago, hppygr8ful said:

I still wonder why you are working 18 hour shifts no hospital, LTC, psych facility I know of requires this! Are you paid hourly or a salary? If you are being paid hourly you should be making more than enough to start saving for that house you want. It may not be the Half Million dollar mansion you want but depending on what part of the country you live in could be a very respectable home for way less than that. Just start putting 10% of every paycheck into your house fund. When you save enough then you put the money into a higher interest CD and leave it there until it matures,

If you are working Salary and still spending 18 hours a day at work something is wrong, Either they are piling way too much on you or your time management is very poor. At any rate on salary it can get to a point where you are paying them instead of them paying you. 

It's clear that this schedule is not good for you and I have never seen a nurse manager work these kind of hours. If I was having the cardiac symptoms you are having I would take a leave of absence to figure out my health status. Heart health is nothing to take for granted. An LOA would also give you time to think objectively about where you are and where you want to be in say 5 years. You can still be a successful, consumate professional without endangering your health. 

Hppy

I am salary, so there is no restriction to the amount of hours I work.  I can work 80 hours a week and still not have any extra money for a house than if I were to only work 40.   The main reason I work so much is to do everything I can to keep patients stable and out of the hospital.  Despite all of these hours, I still failed, as someone was sent to the hospital this morning anyway.  But yes, at my job, the work just keeps piling up.  I resolve one issue and 85 new issues (okay, so maybe 85 is an exaggeration but not by much) follow after.  State is due to come in for their inspection as well, so there's even more work than ever in order to prepare.  

I have thought about taking some PTO just for a break, though, and a chance to clear my mind. 

Specializes in Psych, Addictions, SOL (Student of Life).
7 minutes ago, SilverBells said:

There were various reasons I worked so long.  No mandation, but it was a busy day.  In LTC/SNF nursing, many nurses seem to find that there is more work than you could ever imagine and ever get done in a day.  We are due for a state survey, so there are things that must be in place for that.  I also had to make last-minute arrangements for a patient to be seen in the clinic for a follow up of surgical complications, so that took time between setting up the appointment and arranging a ride.   I had 8 patients to complete wound rounds on, 3 discharges to plan for, an admission, 1.5 long morning meeting, two Care Conferences, three virtual visits with doctors, abnormal vital signs to follow up on, medication orders to clarify, phone calls to family members, calling the pharmacy multiple times for medications that were not available, 20+ UDA assessments to complete and on and on.  I spent an extensive amount of time reviewing patient charts and visiting patients with the hopes of avoiding/preventing any acute situations from arising over the weekend.  All of this takes time, and sadly, my efforts were not successful as two residents were sent to the hospital today anyway.  

Surely you are acquainted with the concept of 24 hour nursing. Patients require 24 hiiur care and what one shift can not complete is reported and endorsed to the next shift and so on. Do you not trust your nurses? They are the ones the state surveyors want to talk to. They want to see how the facility operates and that means the nurses on staff.

Since surveyors can come at any time (Not just the survey window) Your facility should be ready all the time. Your nurses should be doing their own wound care on their patients with wound care rounds once a week or so.

Your nurses can do admissions and discharges etc.. I don't know but like others I think there is a lot here that does not add up.

Plus you are only talking about 1 day. We've all had a day get away from us but you state that you consistantly work 18-20 hour days.

Hppy

Specializes in Critical Care.

They have piled on you the work of 2-3 more nurses.  I would be looking for another job.  That would be my first priority!

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