I am in great despair...I feel like life has lost it's meaning at this point. They can replace me in a second with someone else and nothing I do even matters. I could be working hard all day and then someone will point out some stupid minute thing I didn't do and I feel so dejected. It makes me not want to work hard. I used to take everything so seriously: nursing school, finding a good job, etc., but I've learned that none of these things even matter at this point. I just want to be happy again. I spent so much of my life studying, losing sleep over work or school...and for what?
To be told I'm not working hard enough? To be threatened by patients that they're going to punch me? To be yelled at when other people don't do their jobs and I'm the only person the patient or families actually see? None of it is worth my sanity and I wish I never went into such a garbage profession. All I do is give and give for strangers who don't give a *** and will even insult and abuse me. Why would any sane person deal with this? I come home so empty and depressed. My knees and legs hurt and I'm only 23. I'm sacrificing my sanity for people who can replace me in a second...but how can I complain? I chose this profession so it's my fault anyway. I tell this to my family and friends but they don't really understand. My mom's always like "you only work 3 days a week. you barely work why are you even complaining?" I just feel like I put so much time and energy into this stupid profession but it's never enough.
I've never been so miserable in my life. I used to be so positive and happy. I still look happy from the outside. My coworkers always comment on how I am always willing to help other people and that I'm a pleasure to work with. that's nice to hear but I'm literally dying on the inside...the fact I have to wait 'til June makes me feel so hopeless. it's not a long time but I'm not sure how I'll survive 'til then.
Another huge stressor is that there's a pandemic and I live alone. So I come home from work so dejected, worn out, just to come back to an empty apartment. I feel so alone. I think it could be easier for my coworkers who have boyfriends or husbands or kids...but I have none of that. I feel so lost and don't know why life has handed me such a terrible fate. I just want to have a desk job at this point. Any job is stressful but nursing is just too much for me. People will tell me I'm immature but I don't really care. They tell me I should feel guilty for thinking this...that I'm so lucky to be 23 and to have a job and to be able to live on my own without outside help... I'm just so tired of this being my entire life...and I guess I am privileged and I shouldn't complain but IDK what else to do
