How do you deal with all the bickering and backstabbing at work?

[Dunno?]

I been a nurse for a year....I never ever seen so much backstabbing at work..I been at other professions and things were quite calm...I was wondering with the experienced nurses, how do you cope? I know that some people who are reading this probably are the people who practice being passive aggressive, lateral violence..

But seriously, I thought home health nursing would be different since I just see like one other nurse but it is all the same everywhere, big or small places..

[Virgo_RN, BSN, RN]

I think it will be hard to find anybody who will admit to being a backstabber or bickerer; even the worst of them probably has a rationale or logic for why they do it, or thinks that it isn't so bad.

I, myself have been guilty of venting from time to time and I do have my own rationale, but I would definitely not classify myself as a bad employee, or bad co-worker or bad person because of it. For one, we're all human and it's part of human nature to be imperfect.

I work in dentistry, but I think you'll find that griping, whining, b*tching, moaning and gossiping to be standard in every profession; some more than others.

I don't know what the answer is, but I don't think it's black or white and neither "extreme" seems realistic to me. To completely avoid ever saying one single negative word and to NEVER socialize or devulge details about your personal life seems like a safe strategy, but probably really hard to adhere to in real life. On the other hand, the other extreme is no better; to think it's OK to say whatever is on your mind no matter how counterproductive or hurtful it may be is not a good motto.

I think that most of us fall somewhere in the middle and it's good to remind ourselves to stay away from the gossip, but we shouldn't chastise ourselves when we occasionally vent or slip-up or act in a less than perfect way.

What I find helpful is to identify a co-worker whose attitude or style I admire, and then try and emulate them. That helps me. They are rarely a gossiper or complainer, and usually have a very positive, professional, hard working attitude.

The fact is though, that we'll all be guilty of behaving less than perfect from time to time. I mean everyone has their breaking point; I think the important part is to recognize it and learn from it and as you grow professionally try to find ways to always be elevate your breaking point and to "rise above" those things that challenge your morale.

You said it more eloquently than I. I think we should think about the things that come out of our mouths. But to be labeled as a "backstabber" simply because we vented about something that was frustrating?

I've known people who complain a lot, and it is noticeable. When every other sentence that comes out of their mouth is a negative comment about something or someone, then I can see that they are a very unhappy person indeed. But I think we all need to feel safe to vent our frustrations every now and again without being labeled or pigeon holed into that category.

[Scrubby]

I have done my fair share of venting about certain ppl at work (mainly surgeons). There are times when i need to vent otherwise i'd go mad. It is always the same person and when you have gone to management, tried to deal with the person and as per usual nothing gets done about the problem, well i guess you just have to get it off your chest. When i vent thought it's ALWAYS work related, not about someones personal life. I have heard ppl do this at work and i don't feel comfortable hearing this sort of thing at all. I consider this sort of thing to be backstabbing.

[MzMouse]

There is a difference between venting and backstabbing. I think many of us would explode, at least mentally, if we didn't get some issues out in the open once in a while.

[leslie :-D]

nah, i don't even vent to anyone.

and some days, i feel i will explode.

but no one sees it.

after listening to everyone else, i swore i would never do that.

actually, i am now quite the pro at tuning this stuff out.

leslie

[EmmaG, RN]

Of course my assumption was that she wasn't aware of it. Why would anyone intentionally do that?

An incident report was filed, and the charge nurse was made aware. But why would I take it any further than that?

Ok. It wasn't clear to me reading your post that you had notified anyone of the problem.

I work on a cardiac floor. There are many things that are beyond my scope of practice. Two of my patients were on vasoactive drips that are beyond my scope of practice to do anything but monitor after already being verified by an RN. One of my six had a femoral sheath in. Monitoring, removing, and assessing this sheath are outside my scope of practice. I know how this CN operates; he treats me the same as all the RNs and gives me the same assignments. He knows my scope of practice is limited. But he is the kind of nurse who does things his own way. I know he does it because he has to staff the floor and we don't have enough nurses. Management is very aware of the situation, and yet there is a hiring freeze. Go figure.

I have found that venting with selected other nurses actually builds teamwork and improves morale, because we can understand each other and recognize that we are in the same boat. The new grad RNs can completely relate, and the older wiser ones have been there/done that and are extremely supportive. Sometimes having that sympathetic ear is good because it helps you to realize you are not alone. We are all in this big crazy boat together, and if I need to vent sometimes just to get by, I appreciate those who are willing to listen and offer encouragement and support.

If it's not safe to vent anywhere, then that is a very lonely existence indeed.

I wasn't suggesting you shouldn't vent; I was simply trying to point out possibly why the assignment was made the way it was. While I was night resource most shifts were worked with me and an all-LPN crew. I carried a full load of patients, but there were times I had to give the LPNs a heavier load, depending on what was going on with the floor. They understood I was fair and would only do such if necessary. As charge, I had to look at the big picture and as an RN I was responsible to make certain I assigned patients compatible with the nurses' abilities (regardless if RN or LPN). There were a few occasions that I didn't take patients at all and spent the entire night putting out fires and supporting the rest of the staff (had I taken a group, I'd been unable to assist them as much as was needed). Those were the worst shifts.

There were a few times some of the newer LPNs grumbled. I always encouraged my co-workers to come to me with any concerns and was happy to adjust the assignment if I could; sometimes I couldn't do so. But in either case, I'd take the time to explain why it was necessary to split it the way I did.

[Dunno?]

Of course it wasn't intentional, and no, I don't think she should be fired for this isolated incident. But, I am under obligation to file an incident report. When you walk into a room to see why the PCA isn't working and there is a puddle of Dilaudid on the floor and the patient is crying in agony, I think that warrants an incident report.

Of course everyone makes mistakes. I've *gasp* made a few myself. And I would expect that if it were something that affected patient care, I would be called on it. I want to know if I mess up, so I can learn from it and not make the same mistake in the future. And if my mistake affected another nurse's shift in a huge way, I would not hold it against them for being annoyed with me and venting about it to one of their trusted confidants.

We have a tough job. People aren't always going to be at their best. I think some people are too thin skinned and take far too many things personally.

I have a co-worker that gets really crabby when she's stressed. She will literally bite my head off for asking a simple question. But she's aware that she does this, and is working on changing it. She has approached me after a particularly stressful shift to ask if she was too horrible and apologize if she was. I tell her it's no big deal; we all cope with stress differently, and that's how she copes. It doesn't hurt my feelings.

Now, just plain gossiping, I don't support and I don't condone. It would be helpful if you would give a concrete example of what you consider to be "backstabbing", because we may not be on the same page here.

Didnt you ever encounter a backstabber at your workplace before? One thing to look out for in a backstabber is that the person is saying something bad about another person..The bad thing can be anything such as work performance especially..Is it true? Well it can be or it can be false..It a backstabber is saying something bad about another person, the backstabber will say something bad about you to someone else..

Many people would say that the backstabber is telling the truth..But in reality, a backstabber will say anything to make her look better to gain power or win over others..

[cammy429]

I just try not to feed into that stuff. I have developed this attitude where I am not there to make friends. Its nice if everyone could be cordial but that's not the world that we live in. The last job that I worked at I got into it with one of the day charge nurses and I was working nights. Every time she was charge she'd give me the hardest assignment. I wouldn't even say anything about it. I would do my job. I found out later that my reaction to it was eating her up. I later spoke with her about it. I deal with the issues that affect me directly and deal with the people that's causing them. I have no time for the gossip. Even when they try to tell me stuff about other people. I just listen without responding or sometimes I tell them I have a patient to tend to.

[Virgo_RN, BSN, RN]

Didnt you ever encounter a backstabber at your workplace before? One thing to look out for in a backstabber is that the person is saying something bad about another person..The bad thing can be anything such as work performance especially..Is it true? Well it can be or it can be false..It a backstabber is saying something bad about another person, the backstabber will say something bad about you to someone else..

Many people would say that the backstabber is telling the truth..But in reality, a backstabber will say anything to make her look better to gain power or win over others..

How can it be backstabbing if it is about work performance and it is true? Here is a concrete example. Say the previous nurse made a med error, and I tell my supervisor about it. It's about work performance and it is true. Is this backstabbing? Or say I notice another nurse giving insulin without having it checked by another nurse, and I say something to a coworker because I want their opinion on how I should handle it. Is this backstabbing?

You have yet to give me an actual concrete, measurable example. Everything you have stated is vague and subjective.

[steelcityrn, RN]

To answer the original question...Keep your nose out of trouble, and learn to deal with this. The reality is, this will always be going on in some form, to some nurse, at any location.

[anonymurse]

If someone says someone else said something about me, I ignore it. Many times a person who tells you someone else said something bad about you is the one trying to do you in, and is trying to get your confidence so they can total you.

[caliotter3]

One of the advantages of working in home health is decreased contact with other nurses, thus decreased backstabbing and bickering. However, it does occur and one must deal iwith it. The best way to do this is to do an excellent job of taking care of one's client and insuring that one has established a good working relationship with the family members of the client and the client themselves. The client and the family have more to say regarding your reputation with your employer than other nurses. When other nurses go to the office and start to complain about you, ask the supervisor for specifics and tell them that as long as your client and client's family are satisfied, then you are doing a good job. It's that simple. The nurse who is complaining at the office is usually one of the types who likes to cause trouble in order to distract attention away from someone looking at her/his job performance. Same as any place else.

[leslie :-D]

How can it be backstabbing if it is about work performance and it is true? Here is a concrete example. Say the previous nurse made a med error, and I tell my supervisor about it. It's about work performance and it is true. Is this backstabbing? Or say I notice another nurse giving insulin without having it checked by another nurse, and I say something to a coworker because I want their opinion on how I should handle it. Is this backstabbing?

going to a supervisor about a med error, is not backstabbing.

if it's a minor error, i go to the nurse.

i never go running to a supervisor.

it's always carefully thought out.

as for the nurse giving insulin w/o being checked, no, i wouldn't complain to someone else.

i'd share my concerns with the nurse.

leslie