How do you deal with all the bickering and backstabbing at work?

janettalinda · Dec 15, 2007

Sometimes I get sad when I see how Nurses treat oneanother. Isn't our job already hard enuf? As to how I deal with backstabing and bickering: stay out of it if I can. If I can't stay out of it, I confront it straight on. These b&bers are cowards and will move on to easier victums if confronted. But sadly, they usually do find themselves an easier victum.

MzMouse · Dec 15, 2007

i have seen unhealthy work places in different types of work and it usually get down to one or two people that are stirring up discord..when these people leave [willingly or no] it can make a world of difference

You are so right. My workplace was a toxic waste dump for about a year, but that completely changed when one of the drama queens was transferred to a different department.

BBFRN, BSN, PhD · Dec 15, 2007

Sometimes I get sad when I see how Nurses treat oneanother. Isn't our job already hard enuf? As to how I deal with backstabing and bickering: stay out of it if I can. If I can't stay out of it, I confront it straight on. These b&bers are cowards and will move on to easier victums if confronted. But sadly, they usually do find themselves an easier victum.

Yep- confronting them head on works every time. Even when they're picking on someone else. I have told people who continuously engage in this behavior that if they don't quit talking about others to me, I will tell everybody what is being said about them. I had to do this once to somebody. I stood right there next to her and told everybody what she had said about them. She had split the staff up so much, she had everybody talking about everyone else. It wasn't just job related stuff- it was personal things as well, and she was a charge nurse. Boy was she mad at me. She got fired not too long after that.

janettalinda · Dec 15, 2007

Yes, absolutely confront these mean spirited fellow nurses. I agree with you to also confront abuse of others, didn't mean to impy that I only stick up for myself. Thank you for making that point.

Blee O'Myacin, BSN, RN · Dec 15, 2007

I been a nurse for a year....I never ever seen so much backstabbing at work..I been at other professions and things were quite calm...I was wondering with the experienced nurses, how do you cope? I know that some people who are reading this probably are the people who practice being passive aggressive, lateral violence..
But seriously, I thought home health nursing would be different since I just see like one other nurse but it is all the same everywhere, big or small places..

Honestly, I'm just polite and nice to everyone I work with. Eventually the not so nice people catch on that I just don't care (even if I really do, but I don't talk about it).

I'm there to get a job done, and I'll pitch in to help others do the same. I recently started a new position, and while I absorbed every detail that my preceptor told me about "who I could trust" when the chips were down, I'm willing to give anyone a chance.

There have been times when I've had to talk to a coworker one-to- one. "Is the way you are behaving towards me of a professional or personal nature? If it's professional, please tell me what we can do to resolve this. If personal, I'm sorry that you feel the way you do." Most of the "meanies" are too struck mute to really answer, but it's never failed to work.

Blee

SunbabiLPN · Dec 15, 2007

I keep to myself and only form bonds with others that are like myself. I stay so busy that I am away from the nurses station where everyone is congregating to talk about others. If someone is talking about me and I find out I politely inform them that if they have a issue with me it is ok to discuss it with me. That usually shuts them down as they were not expecting me to say anything to them.

Dunno? · Dec 15, 2007

It depends on what she is saying. Is it true?
I've griped about coworkers and charge nurses before, but I wouldn't call it bickering or backstabbing. They are legitimate gripes, in my mind. Like when I discovered that the reason my patient was crying in pain was that the PCA syringe had been broken when it was put in the PCA pump by the previous nurse (the tubing got screwed onto the syringe crooked and the part of the syringe that connects to the tubing was broken off) so the med was going onto the floor instead of into the patient. I think that's gripe worthy. Or when my charge nurse gives me six patients on a floor and a shift where four is the norm, and I am a new LPN. I think that's gripe worthy too.
Do I always go to management with these gripes? No. Sometimes I choose just to share my frustrations with a sympathetic ear. It helps to defuse some of the tension just to be able to talk about it. It's called "venting" and it really is a healthy coping mechanism for some of us.
Could this be what your co-worker is doing?

Do you really believe that it was an intentional act that it was screwed in wrong? Or do you belive that the previous nurse did not know and it was an accident?? Do you believe that the nurse should get fired for doing something that she did not know..Like I know people don't intentionally want medication to go on the floor..Who does? And if you told managment about this, you are probably going to tell because it was a mistake by this previous nurse...In human nature, no one is 100% perfect..People do make mistakes, minor or major..

I tagged this problem co worker as a gossiper...All she did was undermine everyone she works with, either it is personality issues or judgment on what she finds acceptable..Is it true? Well, I am not the judge of that since she undermines everyone and that is her opinion..I been told that this person is lethal and everyone is a target..

Virgo_RN, BSN, RN · Dec 15, 2007

Why not go to management?
It's entirely possible that the nurse placing the PCA wasn't aware of the problem. Rather than complain to others who really can't do anything about this, why not the manager; they need to know if there is a potential problem with equipment used on patients.

Of course my assumption was that she wasn't aware of it. Why would anyone intentionally do that?

An incident report was filed, and the charge nurse was made aware. But why would I take it any further than that?

The only time I vented was when giving report, trying to express my frustration with the way things had gone that evening, and give the oncoming nurse an idea of what had been happening prior to their arrival. I didn't even mention the nurse's name, just that it had happened and that it had really undermined my efforts to get the patient's pain under control.

As far as you receiving an extra two patients, as an LPN are there things you are not allowed to do that must be done by an RN (or your charge)? Do the RNs have to hang your blood, draw your labs, complete admission assessments, give certain meds for you? Do you know the acuity of all the patients on the floor and what was going on with all of them that particular shift, of any planned admissions or treatments that would have to be assigned to an RN? If you ask your charge why they assigned the way they did, I think you may find out that the assignment was fair, given those considerations. But you'll never know without asking and complaining about it to others simply undermines teamwork and morale.

I work on a cardiac floor. There are many things that are beyond my scope of practice. Two of my patients were on vasoactive drips that are beyond my scope of practice to do anything but monitor after already being verified by an RN. One of my six had a femoral sheath in. Monitoring, removing, and assessing this sheath are outside my scope of practice. I know how this CN operates; he treats me the same as all the RNs and gives me the same assignments. He knows my scope of practice is limited. But he is the kind of nurse who does things his own way. I know he does it because he has to staff the floor and we don't have enough nurses. Management is very aware of the situation, and yet there is a hiring freeze. Go figure.

I have found that venting with selected other nurses actually builds teamwork and improves morale, because we can understand each other and recognize that we are in the same boat. The new grad RNs can completely relate, and the older wiser ones have been there/done that and are extremely supportive. Sometimes having that sympathetic ear is good because it helps you to realize you are not alone. We are all in this big crazy boat together, and if I need to vent sometimes just to get by, I appreciate those who are willing to listen and offer encouragement and support.

If it's not safe to vent anywhere, then that is a very lonely existence indeed.

Virgo_RN, BSN, RN · Dec 15, 2007

Do you really believe that it was an intentional act that it was screwed in wrong? Or do you belive that the previous nurse did not know and it was an accident?? Do you believe that the nurse should get fired for doing something that she did not know..Like I know people don't intentionally want medication to go on the floor..Who does? And if you told managment about this, you are probably going to tell because it was a mistake by this previous nurse...In human nature, no one is 100% perfect..People do make mistakes, minor or major..

Of course it wasn't intentional, and no, I don't think she should be fired for this isolated incident. But, I am under obligation to file an incident report. When you walk into a room to see why the PCA isn't working and there is a puddle of Dilaudid on the floor and the patient is crying in agony, I think that warrants an incident report.

Of course everyone makes mistakes. I've *gasp* made a few myself. And I would expect that if it were something that affected patient care, I would be called on it. I want to know if I mess up, so I can learn from it and not make the same mistake in the future. And if my mistake affected another nurse's shift in a huge way, I would not hold it against them for being annoyed with me and venting about it to one of their trusted confidants.

We have a tough job. People aren't always going to be at their best. I think some people are too thin skinned and take far too many things personally.

I have a co-worker that gets really crabby when she's stressed. She will literally bite my head off for asking a simple question. But she's aware that she does this, and is working on changing it. She has approached me after a particularly stressful shift to ask if she was too horrible and apologize if she was. I tell her it's no big deal; we all cope with stress differently, and that's how she copes. It doesn't hurt my feelings.

Now, just plain gossiping, I don't support and I don't condone. It would be helpful if you would give a concrete example of what you consider to be "backstabbing", because we may not be on the same page here.

catlynLPN · Dec 15, 2007

In the past we've had alot of backstabbing go on in my workplace. But the DON who was there for almost 28 years, who encouraged alot of it, has now retired and I'm hoping that some of this behavior will stop. The acting DON we have now, said she wasn't going to tolerate it, and would just write it up and take it to the superintendent.

I'm hoping it will stop, but some people don't learn lessons very well.

RN2Bn2006 · Dec 15, 2007

I agree with other who said - it's usually the same couple of people who are instigators. And not be sucked into it.

Our department is unusual (small rural hospital) that most everyone in the department are friends/relatives that socialize outside of the workplace. Also - most of these women are in their 20's-30's so have the PMS thing going on - and BOY you can tell when they do. I've seen some VERY unprofessionalism at the job - where they have cursed one another, threw little tantrums, acted like jealous little brats, and conspired against each other. BUT because they are all friends/relatives, they soon get over it, and all is back to normal. Now I know that is not normal - in fact if someone treated me like they treated each other - I would be totally crushed, and probably never fully get over it - but then again - I don't treat people that way. It's all in the type of personalities involved. These women I am speaking of all work day shift - and are very immature at times.

Now switch to night shift - we are a close knit group of women - we all usually work the same nights, so we spend alot of time together, and I cannot tell you ONE time that we have spoken hateful to each other. We just aren't that type. We work together, and pitch in to help each other when needed - afterall we are working toward to the same goal. Even though I hate nights sometimes, I don't think I would trade my work environment for anything. I love going to work, and we also socialize outside of work. If one of us have a night off, we usually call and check on the other ones to make sure everything is OK, and to seel how they are doing. We all volunteer to be on "emergency call" for each other - just out of respect of our friendship. Seeing as we work in OB/PP/NSY there can infact be very serious emergency in the middle of the night.

So I said all that to say that YES there is alot of gossiping/backbiting in any job, and if you let yourself become involved, you will more than likely end up doing the same thing. It is not wrong to "gripe" about a situation in my opinion. But once you find out who the instigators are - just stay away from them. They can spoil a good attitude in no time. I've seen it happen to many people - who used to be happy, and now are disgruntled. It only takes a few bad apples........

Anyway - that's my story and I'm sticking to it! ;-)

Dental Hygienist · Dec 15, 2007

Can backstabbers or people who bicker a lot respond??I know you are out there..I just want to know their view..Do you want morale to go down and have people quit or have people fired?

I think it will be hard to find anybody who will admit to being a backstabber or bickerer; even the worst of them probably has a rationale or logic for why they do it, or thinks that it isn't so bad.

I, myself have been guilty of venting from time to time and I do have my own rationale, but I would definitely not classify myself as a bad employee, or bad co-worker or bad person because of it. For one, we're all human and it's part of human nature to be imperfect.

I work in dentistry, but I think you'll find that griping, whining, b*tching, moaning and gossiping to be standard in every profession; some more than others.

I don't know what the answer is, but I don't think it's black or white and neither "extreme" seems realistic to me. To completely avoid ever saying one single negative word and to NEVER socialize or devulge details about your personal life seems like a safe strategy, but probably really hard to adhere to in real life. On the other hand, the other extreme is no better; to think it's OK to say whatever is on your mind no matter how counterproductive or hurtful it may be is not a good motto.

I think that most of us fall somewhere in the middle and it's good to remind ourselves to stay away from the gossip, but we shouldn't chastise ourselves when we occasionally vent or slip-up or act in a less than perfect way.

What I find helpful is to identify a co-worker whose attitude or style I admire, and then try and emulate them. That helps me. They are rarely a gossiper or complainer, and usually have a very positive, professional, hard working attitude.

The fact is though, that we'll all be guilty of behaving less than perfect from time to time. I mean everyone has their breaking point; I think the important part is to recognize it and learn from it and as you grow professionally try to find ways to always be elevate your breaking point and to "rise above" those things that challenge your morale.