Last year, I had multiple health problems and had to take medical leave a few times and eventually go on disability. Last summer I got really sick during my shift at work. I reported to the charge nurse and house supervisor and left. I went downstairs and had labs drawn, urine taken, etc. Turns out I was really sick. The next day my doctor put me on disability. I felt really bad for leaving the floor while taking care of patients. I did call the unit the next day and apologized. I've been a nurse for several years and had never left any unit like that before.
Last month, I returned to work for the first time since last summer. My health is fine now and I'm taking better care of myself. I still work in the same hospital but on a different unit. I was out of work so long I lost my position on my old unit.
While at work a few days ago, an aide told me that she heard co workers from my old unit talking about me when she floated there. A few of my old co workers told her that I just walked off of the unit last summer and are surprised that I was hired again.
I feel a little hurt about hearing this. I was really sick that day and had never left a unit during my shift before during my entire work career. These old co workers didn't tell the aide that I was sick that day. They told her that I just walked off. I've never been written up, have always received good work reviews, and have been described as "thorough", "team player", "kind". Now, I think I have a little bit of a bad reputation.
My manager from the old unit was understanding about the situation and wanted to hire me back when she had an opening. It's just some of my old co workers that dislike me. How can I build my reputation? How can I let them know I was really sick? I have medical documents to prove it. I'm saddened that some of my old co workers feel this way about me and are telling people from the new unit that I work. I've taken steps to take care of my health so that I never have to leave during a shift again or have to take disability. Prior to last year I had good attendance too.
Thank you everyone for the replies. I feel like you, Libby. I care what others think of me. It seems like no matter how hard I try I'm not well respected. On my old unit some of my co workers would laugh at me. Some would put me down. One aide even got upset with me while I was in charge, yelled at me, told me I sucked, and called me stupid.
I try hard to be normal, fit in, be respected, and I think that's the problem. I'm sure I appear to be a socially awkward weirdo to others. Every time I think I'm doing well and have earned the respect of others, I hear something like this. People tell me that I'm quiet. Some tell me I'm shy. I try not to be this way. I try my best to appear outgoing, friendly, assertive, get along with others, know my stuff, and I still fail. I've apologized profusely for that day....
I'm thinking you are hanging an awful lot of your reputation on the single experience of having to leave ill in the middle of a shift. I'm thinking by this part of your post there was a degree of dissatisfaction with your performance (at least at the team level) before you took your leave. I don't say the persons talking you down are right- I just think it may have more origins than a health crisis. It is possible Nursing isn't for you- but I cannot give an opinion to that without knowing you a lot better- And what is my opinion worth anyway? I would advise trying to get a comprehensive picture from someone who knew your work before your medical leave, and then consider what things you are willing or able to change to work better within the team. YOU ARE NOT REQUIRED TO CHANGE AT ALL TO PLEASE ANYONE BUT YOURSELF, but you did ask what you need to do to improve others opinions of you/your work(your reputation). I think it has little to do with just "abandoning" the floor in the middle of one shift a year ago.
Thank you everyone for the replies. I feel like you, Libby. I care what others think of me. It seems like no matter how hard I try I'm not well respected. On my old unit some of my co workers would laugh at me. Some would put me down. One aide even got upset with me while I was in charge, yelled at me, told me I sucked, and called me stupid.......................................
I think it takes a certain personality for someone to be a nurse. You must be bold, outgoing, and a bit rough around the edges. I don't have it.
Sounds like a toxic environment, and the best thing to happen was for you to get out of there. Not that your illness was a good thing, but some good came out of it. Really, gossiping and laughing at people? I'd say that's more akin to middle school than to a professional environment, except that it's an insult to middle schoolers!
And the CNA who yelled at you, told you you sucked, and called you stupid should have been written up for insubordination. That is completely unacceptable....and they don't put "stupid" nurses in charge.
Re: your OP, someone mentioned that they probably didn't know what was going on with you. That's true. Your managers or anyone in the loop aren't allowed to tell your fellow staff nurses why you went on FMLA; all they know is that you left. But given their toxicity, honestly I wouldn't waste any energy on convincing them of that. Wanting your current colleagues to trust you is perfectly normal; if it comes up again, like Libby (I think?) said, you can simply say that you were very sick and it was a hard time for everybody, or that you'd never been so sick in your life, etc. and move on. Reasonable people understand that sometimes illnesses can strike in the middle of a shift. Once I went from being fine and taking report, to 40 minutes later throwing up and shivering uncontrollably with a my-skin-is-on-fire sensation. Guess what...I left less than an hour into my shift; my charge nurse took report on my patients. I was physically unable to work. When I came back 3 days later, the joke was "Here.I.Stand saw who her patient was, and got sick." (In my case they were laughing with me, not at me...but they're reasonable people.)
I don't have the type of personality you describe either. I'm more the quiet, firm type. I'm naturally introverted, and assertiveness came with time.
Hugs!! I'm so glad you're doing better with your health.
Thank you everyone for you responses. I've been at work so I haven't been able to respond but I've read everything. I appreciate everyone's views. I'm on my iPhone now so I'll try to answer now.
Suannawhen I first started my old job I had very bad social anxiety. I appeared outwardly anxious and nervous. I think this drew negative attention to myself from some co workers. I think this made some co workers not take me seriously and not think of me as a leader. I'm more confident and calm now but I think some still have their first impression of me. I've tried to improve by learning as much as I can and carrying myself with confidence.
I was close to two co workers and the manager on my old job. I asked them for advice. I've been told to slow down/calm down. One of my co workers told me that I do not come across as mean at all but some people like that aide may bother me because I'm too quiet. I've been told to speak up for myself. That aide that called me stupid and yelled at me gave me problems. Like when I would delegate tasks to her she wouldn't do it. I was very shy and uncomfortable when interacting with her when I was first hired. Over time I did try to become more assertive with her but I had a hard time with her. I should have simply told her that she was being inappropriate the day she yelled at me and called me stupid. Instead I said nothing. People were looking at me. I felt uncomfortable and I'm not very good with come backs.
I think another issue is my self esteem. I think some people may pick up that I don't feel good about myself. I try hard to carry myself with confidence and pride. I think low self esteem attracts people that like to be rude.
As for my team work, I was known as being a team player and helpful. That was written on my last evaluation. I once asked my manager about my performance and she said that co workers thought I was helpful.
To answer your question Suanna, I think I may have left a bad impression with some co workers at my last job by appearing anxious and lacking confidence when I was first hired. Some people don't respect socially awkward people. I've changed over the years and am still working on it, but I think some coworkers like that aide still had that impression of me. Also, people don't respect those that lack assertiveness. When others insult me I tend to freeze and do nothing, especially when others are looking. One of my co workers did tell me to speak up for myself because some people may think I'm stupid when I don't.
I'm working on all of this. I try to watch my body language too so that I appear open. I'm introverted and don't want my reserved body language to be interpreted as mean. I try hard to watch what I say and be polite. I've read books and articles over the years in an attempt to be more like-able. I don't know. At this point I don't think I make a good charge nurse. Perhaps one day.
Don't worry about these people if you like the work, stay if not work long enough to prove you are an asset and start looking elsewhere. This is the formula for any job.Those of us that are oldtimers can speak from experience that sticking with it and disproving the naysayers feels better than letting them push you out of a good job and leaving you plagued with self doubt. This too shall pass!
Do you work with any animals? Do you have a dog maybe? Spoiled or obedient?
There is a phrase used with horses, "Shank Him!" If a horse is throwing a spoiled or nasty fit while you're handling him, you don't wait until they're done to respond, you fire them up right then and back their butts up until they're doe eyed and don't want any more trouble. It's just a natural herd behavior of who's going to be in charge and some will see you coming a mile away (as my trainer just told me about my spoiled homebred) and while they will read the body language of a leader (my trainer) and not pull any punches (already tried, but one and done) they will try it with those that don't immediately shut them down. In the horse world, no one has to get beat up and it is perfectly natural to establish those pecking orders, those in charge keep the herd safe. Spoiled homebreds don't live in a natural herd but they still have the same inherent behaviors. (You may be an animal person and already know this).
In the human arena we obviously can't physically shank someone but it's the same concept when they disrespect and walk all over you. It sounds like you have a counselor to work with who can help you build a list of appropriate responses and do an exercise with you to develop automatic actions when confronted or ignored at work (and life in general). It takes practice and courage but if we can do it with a 1000 lb animal, we can do it with some twit trying to get out of work.
What matters most is how you see yourself...to me, the bigger picture here is why does your self worth and self esteem come from others who have no bearing in your life other than a few hours at a job? Why are you trying so hard, by your own admission, to be someone different that who YOU are for other people? Too much of your energy is being focused on them..if you had really screwed up you wouldn't be eligible for rehire so as others have posted - the upper management/hiring manager obviously sees your value as an employee - that's what counts in having been able to return to work. I'd question why the CNA would feel it necessary to say anything other than for the fact of being mean or trying to "stir the pot." Quitting your job is not the answer.
Coworkers don't have to be friends, coworkers don't have to like each other, it's not mandatory or really necessary in my opinion but they do need to, as others have posted, respect each other and get along for the sake of the patients and other staff when working.
If you spend all this time worrying about fitting in, being accepted, being liked, you are going to have a long, long haul in life - personally and professionally - Good luck.
calivianya, I have a spouse and small child. I try to focus on them and be strong for my baby. I want to set a good example. I have a few friends and I try to keep in contact with them. I don't go out with friends often and I probably should. I need more hobbies and free time for myself and need to find time.
Tenebrae, I plan on starting therapy again. I've struggled with low self esteem and social anxiety for years. I've come a long way. There was a time I couldn't even leave the house.
Specializes in Mental Health, Gerontology, Palliative.
Tenebrae, I plan on starting therapy again. I've struggled with low self esteem and social anxiety for years. I've come a long way. There was a time I couldn't even leave the house.
Sounds like a very good plan. Its the strong person who can admit they may need help in some areas.
Be kind to yourself, and focus on doing the best job you can do
If you truly feel this badly about your career choice, maybe try home care? It's a different set of social expectations. Before I would give up a career I worked so hard to attain I would look at different options.
Gummibear_stare, I signed up just to comment on your post. I don't necessarily have social anxiety, but i do have a very off-beat sense of humor, personality and interests. Sometimes people just don't "get" me. I'm a type-A, follow the policies type of nurse, to top it all off. My first position as an RN was very tech-dependent, I had trouble delegating tasks, had some run ins with others with stronger personalities, but was respected in my ability to provide patient care. I was not well liked among probably half my coworkers. Luckily, i didn't care much if I was well liked. The problem was, it was interfering with my work.
Well I ended up switching units, and decided to make it a fresh start. First off, I switched to a unit that suited me better. Critical care suits me well, helps me feel and act more confident and keeps me busy (less time for people to realize I'm not socializing). Additionally, there are less techs here, and I mainly perform all patient care solo- this is an environment where delegation is not such an important skill. I have realized that my coworkers here have a different set of values and appreciate that I am a capable, resourceful and helpful nurse--all things that suit my personality better than my old unit.
The second thing I did was start complimenting my coworkers. Yes, like, your hair looks so nice. Or, I love your scrubs. Even though it's shallow and meaningless at first glance, for the socially awkward person, you have to learn tricks like this to get people to give you a chance. Loudly verbalize offers to help co-workers. Find common interests with them. People are weirder than you think! You are not as weird as you think! Lol. But honestly, these are all methods to help ease you into the social scene at your unit. Ignore the sneers and sniggers, they are part of the territory of being off beat; they don't get you and they will eventually go away. You don't have to be best friends with anyone, but a little socializing, however shallow it is, makes your work environment much more enjoyable.
I really think you need to go back to therapy, and talk to the therapist about what's going on, you need to realize that at the end of the day, your coworkers don't go home with you, don't buy your baby toys, don't kiss you goodnight or pay your bills. You are valuable. You are a capable nurse. If you think your work environment doesn't suit you as well as another area might, look into a switch. but you have no need to change who you are for your coworkers. And don't let haters push you out of nursing altogether.
I have the same personality as you and I work in the ER, talk about feeling socially awkward. But we are not socially awkward, we are introverts. There is nothing wrong with being introverted and introverts make wonderful nurses. I do get tired of people calling me quiet and shy, but I am used to it now. I also do not have a good reputation among the nurses on my unit, I am frequently the subject of gossip. I have found that this mostly stems from the fact that I do not share any details of my private life at work, and also because I tend to be quiet. This leaves me open for ridicule because small minded people love to sit and speculate about my personal life, this is how rumors start. Just like the nurses on your old unit treat you badly for leaving sick on that day. Try to imagine your situation in reverse, if you knew of a nurse on your unit who abruptly left during her shift would you talk badly about her? Probably not, because you are a nice person. You would probably actually be concerned about this nurse, especially since she has never left the unit like that before. The nurses on your old unit do not seem like nice people, you do not want to be like them. Every unit in nursing has some people like this, just try to do your best to steer clear of them and focus on caring for your patients. Maybe try to befriend some nurses that are more introverted like yourself. There is a very good book called "Quiet" by Susan Cain, I suggest you read it. This book has helped me a lot, I think you might benefit from it too.
suanna
1,549 Posts
I'm thinking you are hanging an awful lot of your reputation on the single experience of having to leave ill in the middle of a shift. I'm thinking by this part of your post there was a degree of dissatisfaction with your performance (at least at the team level) before you took your leave. I don't say the persons talking you down are right- I just think it may have more origins than a health crisis. It is possible Nursing isn't for you- but I cannot give an opinion to that without knowing you a lot better- And what is my opinion worth anyway? I would advise trying to get a comprehensive picture from someone who knew your work before your medical leave, and then consider what things you are willing or able to change to work better within the team. YOU ARE NOT REQUIRED TO CHANGE AT ALL TO PLEASE ANYONE BUT YOURSELF, but you did ask what you need to do to improve others opinions of you/your work(your reputation). I think it has little to do with just "abandoning" the floor in the middle of one shift a year ago.