wondergirl22

I would like to add a little to my last comment and let you know that there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. Please have comfort in knowing that you are not the only nurse out there who feels this way about themselves, you are not alone. I spent a great deal of my life hating myself because I always felt like I was different and that did not socialize like "normal" people. After I became a nurse I honestly asked myself everyday "*** was I thinking! Why did I choose this career??" I've been a nurse in the ER for seven years now, and I will say that on some days I still do question my career choice, but for the most part I enjoy my job. After years of struggling, I realized that this is my personality, I was born with it and I might as well embrace it because it's not going to change. I'm never going to be one of those fun-loving social butterflies that everyone is drawn to. Being like that would feel forced and unnatural to me. I still struggle with talking to patients and coworkers, but I have come to find that some people really do appreciate people like us. I find that many of my patients seem to feel more comfortable with nurses like us because they appreciate quiet people, many times it is because they are introverts themselves. Please don't continue to tell yourself that there is something wrong with you. There is nothing wrong with you. You are a smart and sensitive person, and I'm sure you care a lot about your patients and are a very good nurse. You were dealt this personality, just like I was. Please try to focus on the positive aspects of being introverted. I am not sure if you are on FaceBook, but if you are you should check out the page "Introverts are Awesome". It is filled with comments from people just like us, and it helps me a lot to read them.

I have the same personality as you and I work in the ER, talk about feeling socially awkward. But we are not socially awkward, we are introverts. There is nothing wrong with being introverted and introverts make wonderful nurses. I do get tired of people calling me quiet and shy, but I am used to it now. I also do not have a good reputation among the nurses on my unit, I am frequently the subject of gossip. I have found that this mostly stems from the fact that I do not share any details of my private life at work, and also because I tend to be quiet. This leaves me open for ridicule because small minded people love to sit and speculate about my personal life, this is how rumors start. Just like the nurses on your old unit treat you badly for leaving sick on that day. Try to imagine your situation in reverse, if you knew of a nurse on your unit who abruptly left during her shift would you talk badly about her? Probably not, because you are a nice person. You would probably actually be concerned about this nurse, especially since she has never left the unit like that before. The nurses on your old unit do not seem like nice people, you do not want to be like them. Every unit in nursing has some people like this, just try to do your best to steer clear of them and focus on caring for your patients. Maybe try to befriend some nurses that are more introverted like yourself. There is a very good book called "Quiet" by Susan Cain, I suggest you read it. This book has helped me a lot, I think you might benefit from it too.

I am new to this site, this is my first post. I have been desperately searching the web for forums with people who might be able to relate to the despair that I am feeling right now. I am in my 30s and have been an ER nurse for three years, I started in the ER fresh out of nursing school. In school, I was in a very competive nursing program, most of my classmates wanted to get jobs in critical care after graduation. I have always been a high acheiver and push myself as hard as I can to reach my goals. I suddenly found I was having a difficult time focusing in my classes. I had always been a daydreamer but it had never seemed to matter much before. I had been seeing a psychiatrist for years, I had suffered from depression and anxiety since my teens. I was already taking antidepressants but expressed to my doctor that I was having a very difficult time focusing in school. He prescribed Adderall as needed, he informed me that the med was addictive, I didnt think much of it at the time... It has now been four years since I took my first adderall. Since I began taking it in nursing school, I cannot even imagine being a nurse and not taking it. I have never worked a day as a nurse when I have not been on Adderall. I have tried to start my shifts without taking it and I only make it a few hours until I find myself having to pop another pill. When I don't take it, my mind is foggy and I find myself moving slowly and having difficulty calculating med dosages. I work in a busy ER and I have to be on my toes all the time, I have to think quickly and move quickly, my patient's lives depend on it. I cannot afford to have a slow and foggy mind because if I make a mistake I can kill someone. I started to find myself very lethargic and unmotivated on my days off from work, so I started to take the Adderall on those days, too. As with any drug, I find myself having to take more of it to get the same effect as before and even then, the effect does not last long. When it wears off I feel moody and immediately want to take more. Now I spend more time coming off of the drug than I do feeling the "good" effects of it. I am living my life from one pill to the next. My doctor continues to prescribe it because he doesnt know that I am feeling this way. I do not tell him because I am terrified he will stop prescribing it and then I would not be able to function at work. I love my job and I dont want to lose it. Nobody at work knows that I take Adderall. I am sickened that I let this happen to me, knowing that this med was so addictive. I feel so alone and lost right now. I worked so hard to get to where I am in my career, but maybe that is because the adderall gave me the confidence to get to where I am. My entire life I have always been introverted, a bit of a loner that would keep to myself. I was very shy as a child (and as an adult) and was never comfortable meeting new people. When I started taking Adderall I noticed that it was much easier to talk to people. Not only did this drug make me happy and focused, I was able to be more social and engage people in conversation. I would love to hear from anyone that can possibly relate to this and any advice you might have. Please no criticism, I am hard enough on myself about this, I dont need anyone else to be. Thank you for listening....