How can I be assertive when it comes....

traumaprincess · Apr 10, 2006

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P_RN, ADN, RN · Apr 11, 2006

Whenever a new person came to our floor I was tickled pink, and the last thing on my mind at least was it a he or a she....they all looked like Nurses to me.

And VERY welcomed Nurses at that.

llg, PhD, RN · Apr 11, 2006

Don't feel you have to be assertive with the drama queens -- particularly not at first. Just do your job and focus on the facts. Don't add to the drama by allowing yourself to be drawn into it. In the long run, "quiet competence" is usually the best approach.

Some women ARE drama queens. That's just an unfortunate fact of life. Stay "above it" and you'll be fine. Once you become an "insider" you may be able to deal with it head on -- but don't try to do anything until you have achieved a certain status and are respected by the group.

Good luck,

llg -- a woman who is NOT a drama queen -- and who has survived within nursing for over 25 years.

lna2rn · Apr 11, 2006

Don't feel you have to be assertive with the drama queens -- particularly not at first. Just do your job and focus on the facts. Don't add to the drama by allowing yourself to be drawn into it. In the long run, "quiet competence" is usually the best approach.
Some women ARE drama queens. That's just an unfortunate fact of life. Stay "above it" and you'll be fine. Once you become an "insider" you may be able to deal with it head on -- but don't try to do anything until you have achieved a certain status and are respected by the group.
Good luck,
llg -- a woman who is NOT a drama queen -- and who has survived within nursing for over 25 years.

Some PEOPLE ARE DRAMA QUEENS men and women included. Sorry had to put my 2 cents in. I know just as many drama kings as drama queens.

Red Dahlia · Apr 11, 2006

Why did you say some women are rude and aggressive? Why didn't you say Irish people are rude or red heads are rude?( I am both) Why didn't you pick out another characteristic that these people share and group them that way? Maybe part of the problem is that you see women as seperate from you instead of just being a person or a nurse. Maybe that is the attitude that they are picking up on to make them feel threatened. I don't think anyone should be rude to you but sometimes you can't see the forest from the trees. It is human nature to only see your perspective.

P.S. I am really not trying to bash you. I hope you find a place where no one is rude to you. If you do let me know. I haven't found a place like that yet.

Roy Fokker, BSN, RN · Apr 11, 2006

I guess it is not my place to post in the "mens forum".

I guess it's time I qualified something about this recurrent theme.

While the focus of the "Male Nursing Forum" is to help men in nursing find some kind of common ground to explore their adventures together - it is by no means an exclusive forum.

I think I speak for all men here when I say that we welcome the input from our female counterparts in the profession.

So I re-iterate:

The focus of this forum is oriented towards men in nursing.

It by no means excludes the ladies from participating :)

Thank You!

Thunderwolf, MSN, RN · Apr 11, 2006

Very Good Point, Roy.

Thank you, llg, for your observations...for it applies towards Ina2rn's post as well. There are folks who are just plain DRAMATIC, men and women. Sometimes, a drama king can be worse than a drama queen. Seen it. I really think llg hit the nail on the head, though. Good words of wisdom.

Before the thread tumbles down that slippery slope (and I have to commend folks for keeping it from sliding there), focus on the topic...not the member.

Rivs · Apr 11, 2006

I am by no means attempting to bash women, but with some of the replies it appears that I offended some of the women (traumaprincess). Again, I apoligize for this. If you read my post carefully, I stated that this problem isn't with all women and I have learned alot from many of them. It just appears that some women are much more defensive than men on the floors. I work well with many of the women on the floors and I am liked very much. I am just trying to find a way to deal with the more aggressive females when I feel that I am being put down and stepped on. At this point, I ignore it, but there will come a day when I need to step up and say enough is enough. Yes, some men can also be this way, but the men I have worked with have really been nothing but helpful.

Tweety, BSN, RN · Apr 11, 2006

Nursing is a tough and demanding field, many nurses are only trying what you're trying: to be assertive in a field that continually stresses them and puts unnecessary demands on them, but it comes out as agression and sarcasm. Many are also just burned out.

First and foremost be yourself. No need to change being the nice and polite person you are. You can do that without being a doormat or being drawn into anyone elses drama.

If the drama doesn't affect you, I agree with llg that you stay out of it, do you job, focus on the job and the facts and not be drawn into it.

If it does affect you, the next time an agressive person makes you feel that way say "when you said/or did such and such you made me feel put down and stepped upon, did you really mean it that way? Can you clarify?" The answer may shed some light into yourself, as well as finding out where they are coming from. Or it may shut them up and back them off.

There are plenty of assertive training books/guides.

UM Review RN, ASN, RN · Apr 11, 2006

time to deal with some of the women I work with. I am in my final weeks of my nursing program and will be starting my new position as a graduate nurse in late May. I am just looking for some pointers from you guys on dealing with the sarcasm and aggressiveness of some of the women that I may be working with. I have always been very polite and courteous to whom ever I work with, but since I began this nursing journey, I have come across some very RUDE and aggresssive women (many are very defensive). Not all women are like this of course, since I have also worked with some very nice women and have learned alot from them. I normally just ignore the sarcasm, but I am afraid if I continue to ignore it, I may get EATEN UP on the floor once I start my job....
Hey guys what do you think of starting a male nursing company...the slogan can be " Male nursing available.....top quality care without the DRAMA".
I apoligize in advance to the women out there that this may anger.

I do understand what you're saying, and I have to say that when I became a nurse, I had the same problem.

And not just from women, either.

Part of the problem was my own lack of self-confidence. Then after awhile, I felt more assured of my skills, and less apt to back down with the deer-in-the-headlights look whenever someone caught me offguard.

So IMHO, a lot of turning away aggressive, rude behavior is having no tolerance for it. Be confident, not arrogant. And let them know that you expect professionalism. But in a nice way, because you don't want to burn your bridges, KWIM?

It's a fine line to walk---not being a doormat but having an attitude of being willing to learn. But I'm sure you can do it, because for every rude, aggressive, hostile SOB (and I'm not talkin' dyspnea here, understand) out there, there are 5 great nurses who are willing to help you, mentor you, and walk you through the rough spots.

Best wishes.

And remember, you can always vent and get advice here.

WaynesvilleRN · Apr 11, 2006

My first response is to say welcome to the field of nursing....It has been my experience that there are different levels of nursing depending on what age bracket they are in....Most "old school" nurses are burnt out and their patience is soo thin. Most new grads are under educated on the correct way of doing things.....the 7-15 year age group are burned out but really hate seeing the next round of trainees coming knowing most won't stick with it....They also generally present as if they know all the correct ways of doing things and are shocked that the new one's don't know how.....Tired of training and watching that education walk out the door....As I said...generally.....depends on the environment....My advice...admit when you don't know things....step up to learn and help but down't step up if you don't know how...only to look cocky. Enjoy the new experience.....don't forget where you have come from when you move up.....treat others how you want to be treated.........Have fun......