HELP!! My husband is killing my study schedule...

kgkarma · Sep 2, 2010

I just started NS last week. I have a six month old baby and a teenager at home. My husband works weird hours and the teenage is, well, a typical teenage. So when my husband is at work I have very little help with the baby or with chores, which means very little time to study.
The problem comes when my husband IS home. When he comes home I try to hand off our son......which last for about 20 minutes max. Next thing I know he's either handing him back to me or bringing him in to show me something cute he is doing.
My husband wants me to go out to eat with him....watch movies at night.....go to sleep when he goes to sleep.....be awake when he's awake. I get up for clinicals at 6 and if the baby is up at night.....I'm up.
I'm starting to panic that if I don't get some free time to study I'm not gonna make it. UGH.....What do I say to make my husband understand that NS is not like taking a regular college class?

When he comes home have him watch the baby and you go to the library of Borders etc. to study. if you get a study buddy you all can meet and perhaps help each other. That being said, all study buddies aren't equal.

~Mi Vida Loca~RN, ASN, RN · Sep 3, 2010

There is a lady in my class that has 9 kids, Her 2 youngest are a year apart and one was just born June 29th. I figured if she could do it. So can I. LOL

ggabri07, BSN, RN · Sep 3, 2010

focus on what you do want rather than what you don't want. the more you think about the negative-----the more negative you will get. the more you think about the positive- the more positive you will get.

with that said, you have two separate meetings. 1 with your wonderful husband and 1 with your wonderful teenager. you tell them both how much you love them and how much they mean to you. you tell them how important nursing school is to you and how you so badly want to pass your exams so that you can become a nurse and make a better future for all of you.

devise a strategy outlining your study time and the type of help that you need. again make sure that you stay 100% positive. negative comments may make matters worse and you may end up with an angry and non-supportive husband and teenage.

open and honest positive communication is the key. express your needs or wants while praising their positive qualities.

chevyv, BSN, RN · Sep 3, 2010

I spent way too many hours at McDonalds studying because I couldn't get it done at home. The kids would bypass dad and knock down the door to get to me for things like making something to eat, argueing, I'm bored,......you name it they did or said it. Dad wouldn't do anything to help so I decided I would start going elsewhere. Kept me sane and I did much better. Good luck!

pmshaver · Sep 4, 2010

I don't mean to be insensitive, but what did you and your spouse and children discuss BEFORE you applied and were accepted? I ask because most prospective students do not have this discussion prior to application to the program or have only a superficial discussion and just expect that everything will be fine. Your going to school changes the family - not a good or bad thing, it just is. What expectations did your husband have as far as your role in the family before school and now that you are in school? What were/are your expectations for your hubby and teen before school and now that you are in school? Were all these things discussed...thoroughly? I'm sensing it was not and perhaps your hubby doesn't even really want you in school. Maybe this wasn't the best time to go?

You will need to have this discussion with your spouse and teen. You cannot just change your role and your expectations for the family - it is unfair. All members of the family need to be involved and it probably will not work out without negotiation and maybe a little conflict. Hopefully, cool heads will prevail and you and your spouse will come to a workable solution. You will not get all you want but hopefully you can get what you need.

Several tips: Childcare you trust so you can stay at school or the library to study as much as possible. When you are home, be home. Develop a list of friends/family that can help out with getting teen to and from things. Teen can wash their own clothes!

Smother hubby with love as often as you can....makes them a lot more eager to help!

Sorry so bleak and hope it works out.

amanda*mae · Sep 4, 2010

Why are you trying to go to school with a baby that young anyway? Your baby needs your attention, not school. Wait until your baby starts kindergarden, then you'll have all day to yourself to study.

NinA 56 · Sep 4, 2010

Ginmarad sat your husband down and explain to him how critical it is that you study, than asked him if the two of you ,and include your teenager as well can together work out a good study schedule for you that will work for you and all in your family. Also reinterate to your husband the cost of your education and how this investment will benefit the whole family one day . Best of wishes in your schooling

NinA 56 · Sep 4, 2010

Well it is great that you did not allow the lack of support hinder you and you are presently almost finished with nursing school , that is determination best of wishes in your career.

NinA 56 · Sep 4, 2010

focus on what you do want rather than what you don't want. the more you think about the negative-----the more negative you will get. the more you think about the positive- the more positive you will get.
with that said, you have two separate meetings. 1 with your wonderful husband and 1 with your wonderful teenager. you tell them both how much you love them and how much they mean to you. you tell them how important nursing school is to you and how you so badly want to pass your exams so that you can become a nurse and make a better future for all of you.
devise a strategy outlining your study time and the type of help that you need. again make sure that you stay 100% positive. negative comments may make matters worse and you may end up with an angry and non-supportive husband and teenage.
open and honest positive communication is the key. express your needs or wants while praising their positive qualities.

i completely agree. alot of you seem pretty hard on your husbands, i'm sure they'd be thrilled to hear what you really think of them. having my daughter was a mutual decision, and i'm assuming it was that way for you as well. i'm not trying to play devil's advocate, but it's our decision to go to nursing school and that doesn't relieve us of our marital or parental duties. i just spent the last 3 years working 50 hours a week from 10pm-10am, and staying up 24hrs+ 2-3 times a week so that my wife could go to p.a. school, and i could help with my daughter. my wife and i got to see each other roughly 2 days a week unless one of us took time off. try looking at it from his side, if he's the only one working, he's paying for you're school, he's probably not feeling very appreciated. and, it's only been a week, talk to him and give him a chance to get used to it. at the same time though, when the time comes...heck yeah tell him to get off his butt and handle it, it's a 50/50 relationship you both have to pull your weight. just my i've had to watch two couples divorce over this kind of situation over the past couple of years. (obviously worse case scenario, and not saying you're anywhere near this)
boy i am so glad that i am not married at this time ,because at 54 and going to nursing school starting in october i appreciate being by myself at this point!!!because if i do not do well in school i have no one to blame but myself

~Mi Vida Loca~RN, ASN, RN · Sep 4, 2010

Why are you trying to go to school with a baby that young anyway? Your baby needs your attention, not school. Wait until your baby starts kindergarden, then you'll have all day to yourself to study.

She didn't ask for a lecture on when others feel it is appropriate for her to go to school, or what is best for her children. But going off your theory, a lot of kindergartens are half day, and if she is in nursing school during the day, than she won't have all day to study. She will still have to find time to study when her kids are home.

allnurses Guide · Sep 4, 2010

Why are you trying to go to school with a baby that young anyway? Your baby needs your attention, not school. Wait until your baby starts kindergarden, then you'll have all day to yourself to study.

I agree that this is completely uncalled for. Everyone has the right to choose for themselves when and if they wish to better their situation. That in no way makes the OP or anyone else with small children going to school a bad parent. In many situations it makes them a better one, taking steps to provide a secure financial future that will allow the child better opportunities and a better life.

~Mi Vida Loca~RN, ASN, RN · Sep 4, 2010

I agree that this is completely uncalled for. Everyone has the right to choose for themselves when and if they wish to better their situation. That in no way makes the OP or anyone else with small children going to school a bad parent. In many situations it makes them a better one, taking steps to provide a secure financial future that will allow the child better opportunities and a better life.

My daughter started school at 2.5 when I started nursing school. She went to Early Pre School and now this year she is in Pre-School. She is a very happy, healthy, intelligent, well rounded child. In fact, she is a little too smart for her own good. My sons were the same way and they started Pre-School at 3. Anyone that meets them can tell they aren't suffering because I didn't stay home with them until Kindergarten. :rolleyes: