HELP!! My husband is killing my study schedule...

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I just started NS last week. I have a six month old baby and a teenager at home. My husband works weird hours and the teenage is, well, a typical teenage. So when my husband is at work I have very little help with the baby or with chores, which means very little time to study.

The problem comes when my husband IS home. When he comes home I try to hand off our son......which last for about 20 minutes max. Next thing I know he's either handing him back to me or bringing him in to show me something cute he is doing.

My husband wants me to go out to eat with him....watch movies at night.....go to sleep when he goes to sleep.....be awake when he's awake. I get up for clinicals at 6 and if the baby is up at night.....I'm up.

I'm starting to panic that if I don't get some free time to study I'm not gonna make it. UGH.....What do I say to make my husband understand that NS is not like taking a regular college class? :banghead:

Specializes in none yet.

:twocents:

A few of us in my NS had some similar problems with SO and home conflicts. What we did was study at school, just like a job. We were at NS school from 9-4 everyday and on Sun afternoons. We went to class or studied during these hours. One of our group had an infant when NS started and she had brought him (if there weren't classes, but just studying) or her MIL kept him. She also studied at home and let everyone know that she would do nothing during the hours of 9-4 at home but study and take care of the baby.

The others of us kept the same 9-4 hours everyday. Eventually (after about 2 months) our SOs and other family members got used to it and everything was ok. These sort of things happen when you are in an intense academic area. Be patient with family and comforting to them. They have lost a person they were used to. Then also remind them of how much the extra paycheck or time off will help the family. When they see you are still the same person, just busier, they may begin to actually help you.

When you ask for help, do it something like : I have a huge test two days from now. It would help me so much if you could __________ for me. Let them know what is coming up. Put up your schedule of tests, clinicals, study groups, etc. and ask each week for someone to cover the things you usually did during that time. I think they will rise to the need. And lower your standards for clean house, yard, and time spent with friends.

Good luck. I just graduated. My house and yard are a mess from what my usual standards are, but we are all healthy and together, so I can get the house and yard in order in a short time. So, lower your standards of what is necessary for your house. Also, visit with other nursing students about how they balance their time. I think you will find that they have the same things happening and you will all feel better to know these things are normal.

I have to say that is really kind of selfish of your family. If this is what they are used to, they will have to do without for the next 2 years. I am in my second year of NS and it is tough, but I find time for the family so they don't feel so neglected. I have a husband, a 2 and a 3 year old. NS really is all about the family support. I would suggest seeing if there is someone within the extended family that can help out. When you start clinicals, the care plans really do take a long time. I go to clinicals on the weekends, so those weekends I barely see my family. My husband knows that he needs to take the kids to go and do things to get them out of the house when I am home. If you don't have the family support needed for NS, it is going to be either extremely exhausting, if not impossible to complete. Family support makes it easier for you and the family if they know what you are going through. All families should be warned how hard it is going to be before NS is started.

Specializes in None.
:twocents:

What we did was study at school, just like a job. We were at NS school from 9-4 everyday and on Sun afternoons. We went to class or studied during these hours.

I like this idea!

I guess I am very blessed because my husband is very supportive and realizes that school won't last forever and he will someday be the center of attention again. Maybe you could schedule a "date" night with him because it is possible is is just feeling the anxiety of being a new papa and now with school he is feeling left out so to speak. Get a sitter and dedicate an evening to each other, because it will help you with your sanity as well!

Good luck!

My school strongly recommends that your spouse, parents, and teens attend your orientation so that they hear first hand exactly what you will be going through and what kind of support you will need at home. My husband has always said he was on board and would do whatever I need to help but it never lasts very long. I have a 6th grader and 2 10th graders so they are all old enough to help. A friend suggested I do what her family does. For chores, everyone has 2 rooms to keep clean. That will cut down on your household chores. The teen should be cooking and cleaning and helping with the baby. Cell phones, car, etc. are all conditional upon their doing their part in helping the family. Your husband has to wake up and start supporting you. There is no way you will make it if he is not pulling his weight. Yea, he is still going to work and probably doesn't want to do domestic stuff when he gets home but too bad. I am sure he will enjoy the fruits of your labors when you graduate so he can certainly help you get there.

Kill the bastard! Seriously, the best option is to sit down with him and the teenager and discuss how they can help you more so you can graduate. Do like I did with mine throw all the books on the table show all the work that you have to do. Explain that going out is nice but some day food will have to be a take out and that does necessarily mean that you will have the time to have a meal with him. I believe once he sees the big picture he might understand what is going on.

Another thing that I did was to use my husband to help me with study content specially health assessment. He was always my patient. He suddenly realized that the content of the nursing class are serious stuff and slowly started to help out. I warn you it will never be perfect some days you will feel like running away from everything and go to a library and have them deal with themselves. I did it! It create a little of conflict but the work got done.

Anyway good luck.

Let us know how that conversation went!:nurse:

LOL.....

Kill the bastard!

it might sound harsh, but leave the house when you have to study, go to the library, if your school is near by go there. stay after classes if you can. Let your husband know that if he wants you to succeed and improve your family's situation once you graduate you need to study so that you can graduate. Tell your teen, dont ask, to help out around the house. Its time to step up and take control of the situation. If I have waited for my hubby to get a clue of how much homework nursing school gives, i would not have made it passed first semester. Show your husband your homework (readin assignments, clinical drug logs, and client assessment paperwork that is not completed (HIPPA first). Show him these things so he gets the clue that NS is like a fulltime job that requires a lot of time to prepare for and study.You need to have support and understanding from your family, right now it doesnt look like u have that, so lay down the law.

But make sure to make the time to do things with your family, relax, and have fun.

Specializes in ER,ICU, MED-SURG.

Boy does this bring back memories! Been there and done that, I even have the t-shirt! I hope this helps.

In some ways this will sound like marriage counseling, and it is in some ways. In the past 38 years of Nursing, I have watched as more than a few marriages fail and many more students fall by the wayside.

At the time I started NS I we 23 years old married with two young daughters I worked as a NA and my wife worked as a cook at the same Nursing Center. We did ok, but I was concerned about the future. How would I pay For college for my girls. I BECAME A NURSE FOR THE MONEY! there I said it! as a NA I made $1.25 per hour my wife made $2.50(hey it was 1972 min. wage was $1.10) I must tell you I had a LOT of help getting into nursing school. The college I attended was under pressure due to less than 2% of there grads were males, and of that 2% less than 10% were passing boards on their first try. In addition, The facility were I worked agreed. to continue my full salary while I went to school. In return I signed a two year contract with them. I UNDERSTAND the pressure you're under. In class from 07:00 until 12:00 RUN to the car, change into my "whites" (we were ONLY to wear our whites to and from clinicals) in the car with my study partner changing as well.(3 decades later we would marry Hmm...) Then drive to the hospital wolfing down a 3 day old taco, wondering what that blue fuzzy stuff was that I just eat. RUNNING into the hospital to get to floor by 12:30

About six weeks after starting NS I was at the place you are now. You MUST have open and full communications, with your spouse You need to put yourself in his place, while doing that please remember, we men are basically inscure little boys, who need their egos stroked often. If you chose Nursing to help your family in this economy, let him know your vision for you, him and the kids in the future. IF you chose nursing to fulfill some inner need, you're on your own! I'm old school when a child is born, the inner needs of the parents become, secondary, at least until the children are grown. Explain in DETAIL what is required of your studies, your time. TELL him you will miss time with the kids, movies going out to dinner, but what you will miss most is your "special times" with him. He is not stupid he is a "little boy" Let him know about your ever expanding love for your family. Ask him to allow you to help remove some of the financial burdon from his shoulders. Remind him about the times ahead for the two of you when the children are grown. Above all, BE SENSITIVE To his concerns, and needs. Basically present it in a way that will cause him to RUN to your side, because you have shown him "whats in it for him" I believe deep in my heart If your love and commitment to each other is strong enough this formula will work, as it has in the past with many couples.

Pastor Don

Perhaps your husband is feeling a little insecure about you going to school, becoming a professional and what that means for your marriage going forward. Maybe you'll meet someone else? Maybe you won't want him because now you're smarter and have important work outside the family? Who knows? But he seems to be (intentional or not) sabbotaging your plan. This is not unlike men who sabbotage women who are trying to lose weight. If they start looking better...they may leave.

This education is important for you and I'm sure he knows it. But he also needs to know that HE is important to you. And reassure him that you need him, that he still has value and that he's safe. I think another post mentioned that men are just little boys. I don't agree with that but men are men. And they seem to do much better when they can do a little care taking of their spouse. They need to know they'll be needed.

Time to talk and cuddle....it will work out. Good luck!

Specializes in Peds Medical Floor.
Hi,

I haven't read all the responses yet (so I hope I don't repeat someone else's advice), but I had a boyfriend who acted the same way! Now, your situation is different because you're married with kids, but my ex used to always want me around and just didn't understand that I needed time to study. He also never went to college and so maybe that was part of the problem too. He just couldn't relate to what I was going through. That was back when I was working on my first degree. Now I'm single, and even if I wasn't single, I wouldn't tolerate a man like that. My education is important and I have to know this stuff.

Yeah my ex and I were going to school at the same time at first. He flunked out of his English class (so basic that it didn't count for college credit). Then he had the gall to tell me that nursing school couldn't "be that hard" and he didn't understand why I was so busy. I failed my 3rd semester by 2 points before I dumped him. I'm impressed by myself that I only failed by 2 points considering I was working all those hours and going to school all those hours and only getting 3 -5 hours of sleep because I worked midnights and he and his family saw nothing wrong with waking me up every day. They said I was lazy for sleeping during the day. Exactly when was i supposed to sleep??

Ok sorry I've turned this into my own personal rant lol. But don't let anyone sabotage your dreams and stand up for yourself!!!!!

When it comes to my career I dont let boyfriends get in the way. At the end of the day you will always have a nursing career, but boyfriends come and go.

I had a situation once were I was in a relationship and my ex wanted me to give up my career! Can you believe it! I refused and to this day he resents me bitterly. Do I care - do I give a **** - nope!

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