HELP!! My husband is killing my study schedule...

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I just started NS last week. I have a six month old baby and a teenager at home. My husband works weird hours and the teenage is, well, a typical teenage. So when my husband is at work I have very little help with the baby or with chores, which means very little time to study.

The problem comes when my husband IS home. When he comes home I try to hand off our son......which last for about 20 minutes max. Next thing I know he's either handing him back to me or bringing him in to show me something cute he is doing.

My husband wants me to go out to eat with him....watch movies at night.....go to sleep when he goes to sleep.....be awake when he's awake. I get up for clinicals at 6 and if the baby is up at night.....I'm up.

I'm starting to panic that if I don't get some free time to study I'm not gonna make it. UGH.....What do I say to make my husband understand that NS is not like taking a regular college class? :banghead:

Specializes in ICU/Triage/PACU.

My advice is to figure out a study time that will work for you and tell your husband that you have been'assigned' an extra class for nursing school. Then go pick a place to study- whether it be a study group with fellow students, the library, coffee shop or whatever as long as you get away from the house-- and make sure you stick to the schedule the same way you would with a regular nursing class. That way you are out of the house- out of site and out of mind.

If they think it is a scheduled thing they likely won't think twice about fending for themselves for the time you need and you won't have the distractions that being in the household allows. You may have to actually assign chores or babysitting to the teen since at the age sometimes they need a little extra help with clear directions :rolleyes:

You might find that they even take care of a few more chores when they figure out that you aren't there to do it for tehm. I find that even laundry gets done when someone finds they have no clothes to wear, or dishes get washed when they can't find anything clean to eat off of. (or stock up on paper plates):clown:

At the end of the day, nursing school is something that you are investing in for both you and your family. So even if you have to drag them kicking and screaming to the finish line, believe in yourself and allow your self to succeed.

Much luck

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Specializes in CWON.

I'm about to launch into NS myself and have alot on my plate. Between work, classes, commute, studying, and clinicals, I figure I'm looking at about 100 hours per week...which doesnt leave alot of time to sleep and visit with family.

Thankfully...my mother is taking on a primary helper role with regards to helping with kids, meals, shopping etc. My husband will do alot of it and I'll chip in where I can...but without her assistance, we'd have no consistent oversight for them when they are out of school and we're still working (or in class).... and the combination of work, extracurricular activity schedule, laundry, housework, yardwork, meals, grocery shopping etc is alot for any one person. I cant tell you how much her assistance will help on all fronts.

Having said that...I'm still nervous about getting through it and doing well...so as far as my husband and boss are concerned...my schedule on mon/tues/wed is 8am to 4pm. Any time not in class will be used for studying during those hours at the school. Clinical hours will vary... so that will be what it is...but I can gaurantee you that those shifts will be 2 hours longer than reality to accomodate some extra studying on those days as well. :D My NS schedule, as far as I'm concerned, needs to include some set in stone study time and I can add to that wherever and whenever possible...but, like classes...some of it is not arbitrary if I'm to succeed...and I refuse to act as if it is.

I know my family...I've been married for over 12 years and know the dynamics of my husband and kids....and studying away from home and/or at night when all are asleep is my best option...because the 'mommy's studying/working' thing isnt sufficient to keep anyone at bay from disturbing me (read minimize quality of study time) with all the little items in day-to-day life.:rolleyes:

Bottom line...I agree with those who say to get out and study elsewhere whenever possible, because it's the only way to have a definitive separation between work (which NS is)...and home.

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oh man, i totally understand! i am not in the EXACT same situation but i had my daughter very young (17) and met my now fiance (almost husband, 3.5 more months!) when i was 18 during my freshman year of college. i graduated with a BS Biotech degree and had a total change of heart, so i am now in an accelerated BSN/MSN nursing program and for the FIRST time have to learn to juggle actually taking the role of wife AND mother on top of being a student. before, when we were not living together and i was still finishing undergrad, it wasn't as difficult because i made time for him around my schedule. of course, it is also a tradeoff, since he is SO helpful with my daughter!

i do know that it is tougher because you guys have a baby. at least as kids get older, they seem to grow a little more independent and can play by themselves/entertain themselves for a little bit. that is definitely something to look forward to. :)

i have not read the other posts so i apologize if this is repetitive...but have you sat down with him and discussed how you feel? what about hiring a sitter or even your teenager for part-time help? even having a few hours per week that you KNOW for SURE are yours to get things accomplished would really help. not sure where you are located, but i know that around here (i'm in the Boston area) there are a ton of Mommy/Sitter swaps where you can go and meet other local moms with children around the same age as your child. the idea is that you can switch off sitting for each other here and there, no cost involved!

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Specializes in -.

Wow! I just started a MSRN program. Before I started I and preached to my hubby for 6 months about what he would be doing while I was studying. And darned if my first week didn't come around and I was cooking supper, doing dishes, helping the kids with homework :E :eek: So we had a TALK and thankfully he listened as is helping. His standards for a clean house aren't the same as mine but at least he's trying.

So my advice, sit him down and just tell him what you need. Lay it out there - you need to study and he HAS to help you. Period. I haven't read the other posted replies yet, but going into this did he have any idea what you needed? With a six month old baby in the picture? If he didn't you have to lay it out there and tell him what you need. That teenager too!!!!! Good luck - you can do it.

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Just an idea from the Male side, the whole lying to him and going out to study, probably not the best play. If he finds out you're lying he's gonna be miffed, even if it is innocent. And lord help you if it's a guy that's been cheated on. Just be straight up with him. "I have to study, and I can't concentrate here I'll be at the library. Don't call me unless it's an emergency and someone is bleeding." And make sure he knows if no one's bleeding they will be when you get home. :D Seriously though, we're simple, and pretty reasonable for the most part.

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Specializes in CWON.

Just for the record...(just wanted to clarify)...I dont intend to lie to my husband...He will know there is built in study time to my 'school days'...he just wont know (and honestly wont care) which hours are which....just that it's designated school work time.

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Specializes in Emergency Dept. Trauma. Pediatrics.
Just an idea from the Male side, the whole lying to him and going out to study, probably not the best play. If he finds out you're lying he's gonna be miffed, even if it is innocent. And lord help you if it's a guy that's been cheated on. Just be straight up with him. "I have to study, and I can't concentrate here I'll be at the library. Don't call me unless it's an emergency and someone is bleeding." And make sure he knows if no one's bleeding they will be when you get home. :D Seriously though, we're simple, and pretty reasonable for the most part.

Yea I agree with this, I wouldn't lie about this, I would be ****** if my husband was lying to me where he was going and tried to rationalize why he lied. I tell my husband when I am going out to study and that I am meeting up with some students for a study session and will let text him when I am done.

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Specializes in Peds Medical Floor.
Why are you trying to go to school with a baby that young anyway? Your baby needs your attention, not school. Wait until your baby starts kindergarden, then you'll have all day to yourself to study.

I just have to say that my mom did this when she went to nursing school. My youngest brother was in kindergarten and my other brother and I were old enough to understand that we couldn't disturb her at certain hours and we could watch our youngest brother when our dad was at work.

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Why are you trying to go to school with a baby that young anyway? Your baby needs your attention, not school. Wait until your baby starts kindergarden, then you'll have all day to yourself to study.

Stop trolling this board.

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OP here. So I just wanted to thank everyone for the advice and give an update. I have given up on making my husband understand the stress I'm under, but that said I have laid out exactly what I need him to be doing so that I can succeed for US. He is still a distraction when he is home, he wants to spend time with me and if I didn't want to it would be easier to just tell him no. We have made some compromises, time will tell if they work out. The teenage is still a teenager. I have given her a list of chores and its like pulling teeth. I refuse to stress myself out asking and asking and asking her to do her part, but I refuse to do it. So she'll either do her chores or she gets grounded.....no exception. She's a lot more productive with out her cell phone. Since our talks.....I am caught up on all my readings and feel as ready as I can be for this wild ride they call nursing school.

Two side notes:

To the poster that asked what I was doing in NS with a baby. I have made it through EVERy tough situation that I have ever put my mind to and not at the expense of my children. My children have and will continue to be the most important thing in my life and the main reason I go to school. I have never been one to not do something because of it being hard or tough. My children, my husband and I will make it through NS alive.

To the poster that said "Keep Positive". Thank you so much. Sometimes I when I'm stressed I forget to keep my head up and keep trucking. Also the husband responds much better to a happy wife.

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Specializes in Emergency Medicine, Psychiatric Crisis.

this is great news. thanks for the wonderful update. i am sure you will do just fine. there will be some rough times but just keep focusing on the end goal mrs. future rn.:nurse:

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This is the problem the minute you get married or committ to a serious relationship, it seems as if wanting a career etc should go out the window. Thats why I am reluctant to get married or even have children. I dont want any man coming into my life and ruining it by being selfish if I want a career.

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