heartless DON or reality check?

Liddle Noodnik · Jan 31, 2011

One of the CNAs got a call at work and was informed that her niece had died. The death was very unexpected, and she basically started crying (sniffling mostly with no loud and dramatic shows of emotion). The DON was informed of the situation and she told the CNA to get her act together and clean herself up because she was upsetting the residents.
She was given a couple of minutes to go to the bathroom to fix her face, but could not take a 15 coz she had already been on her allowed 15.
My question is this,,,,,,what is everyone's opinion? Was the DON right to tell her to get it together and reserve her emotions for when she got off work,
Should she have been allowed to take a 15 heck,,,even a 30 if needed to allow time to absorb the info and get back her composure?
I cry when my residents pass because it's the emotion that occurs to me at that time,,,are we not allowed to get emotional any more??
Anyways...this just kinda upset me on Friday and wanted to hear what others thought.

Pretty cold. Give her a time out to recup, and send someone w/ her to comfort her, if at all possible. What if it was the DON who'd gotten that call?

I understand the pressures on the floor but come on.

3wishes, MSN, APRN, NP · Jan 31, 2011

People need to type sentences in full. What in the world is "LO"?

IITYWIMWYBMAD?

netlingo.com;)

Scrubmouse RN · Jan 31, 2011

The DON's pulse need to be checked to see if she even has one

Liddle Noodnik · Jan 31, 2011

People need to type sentences in full. What in the world is "LO"?

Little one maybe?

P_RN, ADN, RN · Feb 1, 2011

over 20 years ago my father lapsed into a coma from a brain tumor. when i told my nm i would not be in until i found out more news, she said "he is in this same building i'm sure someone there will call you when he dies."

i told here where and how far into the lack of sunshine she could place her attitude and i would not be in until i found out more. she said then you will be fired.

(now remember nurses could walk off the street back then and get a job) i said fine and went to be with my dad. when he died 2 1/2 weeks later, it was at shift change on a friday....i called her and she said "then can you come in and cover 2nd shift?"

ahem....................."uh no to the heck no"

after the funeral on sunday i garbed up in my whites and went to work on monday. it had been 3 weeks and she had never so much as called even though i was in the same building.

my director sent me a card, the vp for nursing came to the funeral, my co-workers sent flowers.........and i never heard a word about having been fired.

i worked there with her as nm for about 3 more years, until she was fired for not showing up for work as she was preparing for a trip that was to begin in 6 weeks.

karma is wonderful sometimes.

hiddencatRN, BSN, RN · Feb 1, 2011

People need to type sentences in full. What in the world is "LO"?

Little One. Pretty standard internet abbreviation among parents.

I just want to slap the person who called the aide in the first place. Unless there was an absolute NEED to notify her, this could have waited. I am not being cruel, just practical. After all, most places will not even give you paid bereavement time for a niece. I am not agreeing to this practice, but if that niece wasn't living with you, you won't get paid time to go to the funeral.

We don't know what the relationship was though- maybe it's a very close extended family. Maybe the caller thought she'd be able to leave work to be with the family?

I got late news of a family death once and even though I realize I was pretty low on the totem pole of people who needed to be notified (it was my aunt, aka my dad's brother's wife, and I am not terribly close with that side of the family due to the fact that my parents are divorced and it was hard enough to keep up with my dad growing up let alone the extended faily on that side), I still wish I'd been told earlier than I was. Part of it was that it felt weird to know that I was going about my day feeling like everything was ok with my family when it actually wasn't, and I ended up making the trip up to be with my family once I did find out and could have gotten on the road earlier and gotten my affairs in order sooner to leave.

Liddle Noodnik · Feb 1, 2011

over 20 years ago my father lapsed into a coma from a brain tumor. when i told my nm i would not be in until i found out more news, she said "he is in this same building i'm sure someone there will call you when he dies."
i told here where and how far into the lack of sunshine she could place her attitude and i would not be in until i found out more. she said then you will be fired.
(now remember nurses could walk off the street back then and get a job) i said fine and went to be with my dad. when he died 2 1/2 weeks later, it was at shift change on a friday....i called her and she said "then can you come in and cover 2nd shift?"
ahem....................."uh no to the heck no"
after the funeral on sunday i garbed up in my whites and went to work on monday. it had been 3 weeks and she had never so much as called even though i was in the same building.
my director sent me a card, the vp for nursing came to the funeral, my co-workers sent flowers.........and i never heard a word about having been fired.
i worked there with her as nm for about 3 more years, until she was fired for not showing up for work as she was preparing for a trip that was to begin in 6 weeks.
karma is wonderful sometimes.

in her case, perhaps not wonderful enough.

punkydoodlesRN, BSN, RN · Feb 2, 2011

You know, I was thinking about this again tonight (not really sure why) But some of the comments struck me. The ones about why was she notified and why not wait. I completely see that side, and I've been there - sort of. I was told bad news, at a later time. BUT that was BEFORE the internet age, before social media. Before texting. I feel certain that if something were to happen to one of my loved ones, I would know with in an incredibly short amount of time, even if I wasn't on purpose, know what I mean? News travels almost at the speed of light. And even thought it may not have been a dire need for the CNA to know of the passing right then, it *is* better for her to know early from her own family, then later from someone maybe sending a condolence text or leaving a voicemail expressing sympathy.

Either way, I still stand that the DON is heartless.

Pappilli0n · Feb 3, 2011

Not knowing the full story re the DON's decision, it's difficult to give an opinion. BUT hypothetically let's say the

DON had given the situation a good consideration. First, was there a back up for this person going home? PRN's

have to be available in order to come on the spare of the moment (PERHAPS PRN'S NEED AN ON-CALL STATUS

FOR SO MANY DAYS A MONTH). Second, an her work be absorbed by another current staff member. Third, was this a family member who was under the care of the staff member? Fourth, was this a pattern for this particular staff member? The longer you stay in nursing the more you will see certain staff making a pattern for themselves when it comes to taking time off. All these things MUST come into play when the DON makes her decision. It's nice if all that went into her/his making the decision, but don' count on it. Most DON's feel they have the weight of the world on their shoulders.....just ask one. Some days are better than some days, but not every day. :nurse:

iNurseUK, RN · Feb 3, 2011

Good Lord. Is there no concept of compassionate leave in the US?.

God knows the NHS has its faults and they are legion but every NHS Trust in the country allows you to leave the shift immediately if a family member is taken ill and grants a minimum of three days leave if a close relative or friend dies.

I can't credit what I am reading here.

pedicurn, LPN, RN · Feb 3, 2011

Good Lord. Is there no concept of compassionate leave in the US?.
God knows the NHS has its faults and they are legion but every NHS Trust in the country allows you to leave the shift immediately if a family member is taken ill and grants a minimum of three days leave if a close relative or friend dies.
I can't credit what I am reading here.

My impression, as an Australian; is that there is a wide range of working condition in the US.

Some of the US posts re working conditions shock me ... and there are some that describe some very impressive working conditions.

gentlegiver, ASN, LPN, RN · Feb 4, 2011

how can someone in the profession of having empathy and compassion be so selfish and callous? the don should have allowed the cna to go home and given her the time needed to grieve with family members.
shame on this person!!!!

unfortunately, i have found that empathy and compassion are saved for the patient/client. for the staff there is very little if any from management. those don's and management personal who do show them are quickly gone from thier positions and replaced by people who are willing to stick the staff in order to make a buck for the company.

while i agree that today communication is (alot) faster, i have to say that it doesn't matter if the cna was informed during her shift. an unexpected death is just that unexpected, it is all the more shocking and difficult to deal with when you have no time to perpare (tho how to prepare for the death of a loved one is something i could never figure out how to do). she (the cna) should have been sent home to comfort her family & be comforted by them in turn. the don needs to take a humanity pill.

i was at work in a factory, my sister worked with me. she recieved news that my grandmother had passed away (by another sister who was so upset she asked for the first name that came to mind, they were always very close). she told the boss and said she was going to find me to let me know. our supervisor brought her into an empty office and came to get me himself. he told me what happened (as gently as could be told) and brought me to my sister. he then allowed both of us to go home, even tho it shut down 2 lines of production in doing so. that man has a special place in heaven if you ask me.