Have you ever left a nursing job due to a patient/family member?

[SilverBells]

As nurses, it is inevitable that we will likely be required to provide care for patients and/or families who we don't necessarily enjoy interacting with.  However, what happens when a certain patient and/or family makes work unbearable? When simply hearing this person's name makes you cringe and a good day (which is rare) means this person's name isn't even brought up, let alone involves an interaction with them?

Have you ever left a job/position because one or more patients was too much to deal with? Have you ever encountered a patient/family who have impacted your life so negatively you question why you went into nursing at all? 

I have three families like this at my workplace right now.  Fortunately, one patient is there for rehab services, so will hopefully be discharging soon.  Unfortunately, the two other patients are long-term care patients, so will be there indefinitely.  Both of them are in relatively good health, so it's likely they will be around for awhile.  I am okay with the rehab patient, if only because I know he will be gone soon and future interactions with him will soon be nonexistent.  The long-term care patients, however, are going to drive me up the wall until they're gone.   Same with their families.   I used to love long-term care patients, but these two individuals and their families make me feel otherwise.  I haven't done an active job search for any positions elsewhere, but the negativity both of these patients have on my work day and quality of life in general has really made me want to look for a job elsewhere.  They're not going anywhere any time soon, and I'm not sure if I can tolerate working with them for another year or more.   Part of me does not wish to leave a workplace that I enjoyed before they came, and will enjoy after they're gone.  Another part of me is tired of putting up with the negativity these individuals bring to the workplace on a daily basis, something I know they will continue to do.   I am tired of their grievance forms, of their negative behaviors, of their false accusations and of their attitude that everything is about them.  State has come in multiple times to visit our facility because of their complaints; the state inspectors have seen us more times in this one year than they did in all years prior to this year combined, prior to these patients admitting to us. I have a hard time focusing on other patients because these individuals are demanding of so much attention--and then are unsatisfied no matter what you do regardless.  

I know that not every day at work will be good, and not every patient will be pleasant.  However, I am tired of the negativity these individuals constantly bring to my life, and want to be able to not dread going to work.  

Anyone else been in a similar position? Have YOU ever left a job because a patient and/or family member was too much to deal with and/or negatively impacted your quality of life? 

[hppygr8ful, ASN, RN, EMT-I]

I did say no but come to think of it there are even with close to 20 years in the field when I have envisaged locking myself in a utility closet stuffing a washcloth in my mouth and screaming,

Hppy

[brandy1017, ASN, RN]

On 7/8/2021 at 3:27 PM, hppygr8ful said:

I did say no but come to think of it there are even with close to 20 years in the field when I have envisaged locking myself in a utility closet stuffing a washcloth in my mouth and screaming,

Hppy

I can certainly relate to those feelings from time to time due to difficult patients and/or families.  But it was not usually a problem as the patients were passing through so they would leave if not within a week, at least within a month or so.  And if they didn't like you and demanded another nurse, count it a bonus!

One time when I was still a new nurse, I walked onto my shift and found I had been selected to take care of an ICU transfer patient and there was a care conference of like a dozen people to tell us about the issues, mainly with her family.  Don't trust them, they will seem nice, but turn around and report you to the nursing supervisor.  I was an anxious new nurse and this only left me more so dreading the shift.  But once I met the frail elderly sweet patient and had RT's back up to help with trach support I was OK.  I had no problems with the family thankfully. 

I've learned  through the years to take some reports with a grain of salt.  Just because one person doesn't mesh, doesn't mean I won't.  Also a person may sound so sick with multiple chronic illnesses, but they turn out to be surprisingly stable in spite of it all.

[SilverBells, BSN]

10 hours ago, FolksBtrippin said:

This is something a manager should be present for, especially if the ombudsman is involved.  And in your other post, you talked about wanting to prioritize patient care, which is something the bedside nurse should be doing. 

Would you prefer a bedside position?

I'm starting to wonder.  It seems as if more and more I'm preferring more of the clinical aspect of things.  I almost feel as if I have better judgment working the floor.   I also find that I do not enjoy meetings, following up on complaints or always having other people's problems become my own.  I miss my old block schedule and having more than 2 days off every once in awhile

[SilverBells, BSN]

My gut feeling tells me this position probably needs to come to an end.  Not only am I tired of certain patients/families, I am tired of continuously being put in a position where it is difficult to succeed.  I am fed up with being expected to cover as a floor nurse due to short staffing while getting criticized if I do not attend a meeting at the same time.   Tired of the growing list of ridiculous demands, such as educating staff on topics that are only stating the obvious.  I keep trying to fight these feelings but really am just tired of being miserable every single day, even on my days off. 

[SilverBells, BSN]

Both Nightmare Families are having Care Conferences next week.  I'm tempted to call in on those days because I have zero interest in spending an hour talking about dry toast and silverware 

[SmilingBluEyes]

1 hour ago, SilverBells said:

My gut feeling tells me this position probably needs to come to an end.  Not only am I tired of certain patients/families, I am tired of continuously being put in a position where it is difficult to succeed.  I am fed up with being expected to cover as a floor nurse due to short staffing while getting criticized if I do not attend a meeting at the same time.   Tired of the growing list of ridiculous demands, such as educating staff on topics that are only stating the obvious.  I keep trying to fight these feelings but really am just tired of being miserable every single day, even on my days off. 

Yes I agree and have for some time thought you need to leave. Don't fight the feelings; they are telling you a lot. Get out. Find a less stressful position.

Good luck. Listen to your gut.

[HarleyvQuinn, MSN, RN, NP]

On 7/6/2021 at 8:06 AM, Davey Do said:

Some questioned on which side of the nurses station counter I belonged.

You too? I always considered it a good day when the doors still unlocked when I used my badge at the end of a shift and I was able to leave and go home. ?

[Davey Do]

8 hours ago, SilverBells said:

My gut feeling tells me this position probably needs to come to an end.  

Your gut and 50 allnurses members can't be wrong.

[caliotter3]

On 7/7/2021 at 6:13 AM, soontoretire2020 said:

I had a private duty job once, twins, so they had 2 nurses per shift. Mom was psycho, she would verbally abuse the nurses, so nurses came and went, I tried to stick it out, but I got tired of the abuse so I left. 

I quit a correctional job once, partly because one of the nurses there was a psycho bully, plus other stresses. 

In both cases, I wound up with much better jobs. 

I turned down a twin child assignment one time, although the agency kept insisting. They wanted me to care for two patients, but insisted I only needed to be paid for one!

[Davey Do]

6 hours ago, Davey Do said:

Your gut and 50 allnurses members can't be wrong.

 

 

[amoLucia]

16 hours ago, SilverBells said:

Both Nightmare Families are having Care Conferences next week.  I'm tempted to call in on those days because I have zero interest in spending an hour talking about dry toast and silverware 

I like that! Usually our toast was soggy & cold.

[kbrn2002, ADN, RN]

I didn't leave my LTC job because of difficult residents/family but that was another factor I considered when I finally had enough.

It honestly wasn't even the super difficult residents or their families so much as managements response to those horrible people. For the couple of residents/families with the worst behaviors the most management would do is care plan the resident for two caregivers to be present so there would always be a witness to refute whatever off the wall accusation the resident or their wackadoo family would come up with next.  This of course came after a few CNA's were written up and in a couple of cases even suspended pending mandatory investigation. One of those that was suspended quit instead of coming back after the investigation cleared her, not that I blame her at all.  Frankly if I were in that position I'd probably have done the same.

Requiring two staff members for one super time consuming resident at all times was a heck of a way to basically punish an already stretched thin staff who then had to scramble even more to get their own assignment done.

So it wasn't necessarily the PITA resident or family that got to me so much as the bend over backwards to please these impossible people that management expected. All the risk for write ups and even terminations fell on the already overworked and underpaid staff who it was made clear to that they had to keep these people happy no matter what  while those residents and their overbearing families were allowed to behave as badly as they wanted with zero consequences.