Goin' crazy wanna come along??

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I am losing my mind and need to vent, and seek advice.

I have made 13 med errors at the job I started in January. I have been a nurse for 15 years and havent made that many in my entre career. The last 4 years I know my nursing has declined in quality. I used to be the one you turned to for help, for the answer, who knew alot, and was proud of her job. I now feel I know nothing and dont ask me for help cause I cant do *my* job let alone yours too.

I have just had one of the worst weeks at my job and in my life. The state visited for their yearly inspections, found a resident without O2 who is supposed to have it on at all times, no she wasnt in distress, O2 sat was fine, but we will get dinged for that screw-up. I fully expected to be fired for it, but so far that hasnt happened. Wasnt entirely my fault, but if I was a better nurse like the one I was working with who made rounds when we got done with report and fixed all *her* problems, well, this wouldnt have happened.

I am 2 years behind on my taxes and our wunnerful state passed a law this year that if you arent current on all state taxes you lose your license. I have of course waited till the last minute to fix this problem, but I just may make it.

I have had depression for years, it is being treated but hasnt been very good lately. My emotions have been a rollercoaster lately, up down, around a curve, stable, then bam, back down again.

I feel I either need to quit nursing all together cause I cant give it my best anymore,since I dont have any "best" in me. It is hard to be a nurse and care and do your job when inside youre a mess and all you want to do is go home and cry under the covers.

I just dont know what else I can do. I just know I am not able to function well all the time now, and I cant keep going like I am. My employer and above all my residents deserve better.

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I don't have any advise for you... but I can tell you after reading your story, I feel 100% better about my day.

I hope things get better for you. Keep your licence and try the service (food) industry for awhile... after slopping plates of over priced, too high calorie, too much fat, plates to ungrateful slobs, you might feel better about the all to few (but very fullfilling) rewards in nursing.

Or ditch the whole thing and run for president... I'll vote for you.

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I have had depression for years, it is being treated but hasnt been very good lately. My emotions have been a rollercoaster lately, up down, around a curve, stable, then bam, back down again.

I feel I either need to quit nursing all together cause I cant give it my best anymore,since I dont have any "best" in me. It is hard to be a nurse and care and do your job when inside youre a mess and all you want to do is go home and cry under the covers.

So sorry you are going through this. Gee, if that is the worst thing the state can ding you on, you're doing good. It is a shame you're not perfect, like the nurse you were working with :rotfl: but can't imagine getting fired for that!

Do you think it could be burnout? I'm feeling that way now, and it is just sapping my energy - so your not being able to function well could be that. Or, and perhaps more likely, is that your depression - which you admit is not under the greatest control - is causing you to feel this way. How about a visit to the doc to get meds tweeked or changed? When you are feeling like hiding under the covers seems to me that it is not surprising you are not up to par.

You need to take care of yourself, cause you deserve to feel better than you do right now. Good luck.

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Please don't give up! Remember all that stuff you learned wayyy back when on Major Depressive Disorder and Dysthymia?? You owe it to yourself to take good care of you first. Depression can hit anyone, anytime, and anywhere. Be kind to yourself, put yourself first right now, and go talk to a doc you can trust. /hugs

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(((((HUG))))))

So sorry you're feeling this down. Perhaps take a good, LONG vaccation before making any permanent changes. Get yourself organized and then go away, anywhere, but don't stay home. Do something relaxing and rejuvinating. Perhaps write a list of things that make you feel depressed. Have a good cry while you're doing it and then consider if the majority are nursing related. Then you can make your decision knowing you really thought and FELT things through.

Overall, take care of you first. You cannot love others until you truly love yourself.

I will say a prayer for you today!

JacelRN

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Specializes in Med-Surg.

Sounds like a very rough time. I'm hopeful you get through it stronger and better. It's going to be tough, but you can do it. Take care and best wishes. :)

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I have had depression for years

It sounds like you have problems outside of work. This carries over. I agree with the above post, that you need some time off - at least a week. I worry more about nurses that make mistakes and dont care - as opposed to nurses who do care.Good Luck

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Sunflower_smiles.gifStress can do strange things to you ~ I should know. I've been under so much stress for the past year and a half it's a wonder I'm still sane.

That is........assuming I am.

Stop being so hard on yourself.

Stop and smell the roses. Take a vacation. If you can't afford THAT - I can't, either - take a day-trip somewhere. Get a massage and facial.

If you don't take care of yourself you can't take care of others...............good luck.

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Specializes in Specializes in L/D, newborn, GYN, LTC, Dialysis.

Please seek professional help for your own sake, and that of your patients. It DOES indeed sound as if you are depressed/stressed out. I feel for you; having been there, I can tell you, it's hell. Don't be afraid to seek the help you need to get better. You will be glad you did! Do it ASAP!

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Specializes in Nephrology, Cardiology, ER, ICU.

I sincerely hope that you seek help. Please follow up with your local mental health organization. Look up National Alliance for the Mentally Ill (NAMI) on the internet - they have a list of counselors in different areas. Take care of yourself - I think that is what you need to be focused on.

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Specializes in Community Health Nurse.

first and foremost, you need a big warm hug...((((((hugs)))))) :kiss

second to the love i send you, i can relate in so many ways to your stress level as i feel the same way about my own. the best advice you've been given here is to love on yourself. it's time for you to "nurse yourself" for awhile...probably loooooooonnnnngggg overdue, i'm sure. :nurse:

take a break from nursing and try something totally different for a time. if you ever need a private chat for support and encouragement, feel free to "pm" me. praying for you! be encouraged! :balloons:

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((((Hugzzzzzzzz)))) I can soooo relate...wishing I had some great advice, or words of wisdom, trying to work out some of the same issues myself...just know you aren't alone hun...wishing you the best.

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