I am losing my mind and need to vent, and seek advice.
I have made 13 med errors at the job I started in January. I have been a nurse for 15 years and havent made that many in my entre career. The last 4 years I know my nursing has declined in quality. I used to be the one you turned to for help, for the answer, who knew alot, and was proud of her job. I now feel I know nothing and dont ask me for help cause I cant do *my* job let alone yours too.
I have just had one of the worst weeks at my job and in my life. The state visited for their yearly inspections, found a resident without O2 who is supposed to have it on at all times, no she wasnt in distress, O2 sat was fine, but we will get dinged for that screw-up. I fully expected to be fired for it, but so far that hasnt happened. Wasnt entirely my fault, but if I was a better nurse like the one I was working with who made rounds when we got done with report and fixed all *her* problems, well, this wouldnt have happened.
I am 2 years behind on my taxes and our wunnerful state passed a law this year that if you arent current on all state taxes you lose your license. I have of course waited till the last minute to fix this problem, but I just may make it.
I have had depression for years, it is being treated but hasnt been very good lately. My emotions have been a rollercoaster lately, up down, around a curve, stable, then bam, back down again.
I feel I either need to quit nursing all together cause I cant give it my best anymore,since I dont have any "best" in me. It is hard to be a nurse and care and do your job when inside youre a mess and all you want to do is go home and cry under the covers.
I just dont know what else I can do. I just know I am not able to function well all the time now, and I cant keep going like I am. My employer and above all my residents deserve better.
I agree with the others. Take some time for yourself. Treat yourself to something you like that's fun and/or relaxing. Indulge in a hobby you've let fall by the wayside.
And get back to your doc and get your depression addressed. That could be the crux of your whole problem.
Remember, you can't take care of others unless you take care of yourself first.
I am losing my mind and need to vent, and seek advice.
I have made 13 med errors at the job I started in January. I have been a nurse for 15 years and havent made that many in my entre career. The last 4 years I know my nursing has declined in quality. I used to be the one you turned to for help, for the answer, who knew alot, and was proud of her job. I now feel I know nothing and dont ask me for help cause I cant do *my* job let alone yours too.
I have just had one of the worst weeks at my job and in my life. The state visited for their yearly inspections, found a resident without O2 who is supposed to have it on at all times, no she wasnt in distress, O2 sat was fine, but we will get dinged for that screw-up. I fully expected to be fired for it, but so far that hasnt happened. Wasnt entirely my fault, but if I was a better nurse like the one I was working with who made rounds when we got done with report and fixed all *her* problems, well, this wouldnt have happened.
I am 2 years behind on my taxes and our wunnerful state passed a law this year that if you arent current on all state taxes you lose your license. I have of course waited till the last minute to fix this problem, but I just may make it.
I have had depression for years, it is being treated but hasnt been very good lately. My emotions have been a rollercoaster lately, up down, around a curve, stable, then bam, back down again.
I feel I either need to quit nursing all together cause I cant give it my best anymore,since I dont have any "best" in me. It is hard to be a nurse and care and do your job when inside youre a mess and all you want to do is go home and cry under the covers.
I just dont know what else I can do. I just know I am not able to function well all the time now, and I cant keep going like I am. My employer and above all my residents deserve better.
Oh Karen! Your post sounds like something I could have written!
I have suffered from depression for years(since I was in about the third grade, I never realized the feelings I felt were depression until I was about 26 yrs. old!) I go through remissions at times but the years of depression have worn me down to where I have this flat affect all the time (it doesn't help living with a mean old man(my husband) and having a mother who thinks you are weak if you take antidepressants and you just can't deal with life like other people have to deal with it).
I have felt like I was not worth having an LPN license. I have made mistakes and would realize it later and feel so ashamed and unworthy. There were nurses (especially this one particular nures) who would get other responsibilities and privledges because she was so smart (and she is very smart) and it would make me feel ten times worse. And maybe this means I should have been fired but yes there have been times I didn't get a scheduled O2 sat or a blood pressure or give someone their eye drops because I felt so overwhelmed I just tried to prioritize and do what I could and let the rest go. I later found out I wasn't the only person to ever do this and it offered some relief. I worried how it would look that nothing was charted but there were times I threw up my hands and didn't even care anymore, sometimes I feel like these state is going to regulate the nursing homes right out of business.
But anyway I know exactly how you feel. I know so much how you feel I'm not going to throw any cliches at you telling you things will be okay or start looking up. I just wish there was something I could do for you.
I just wanted to add my support. Having other stuff going on in your life doesn't help, but don't discount the impact of increasing acuity, poor staffing, and inexperienced staff on error generation - sometimes there's just so much to do, and only you to do it, that mistakes are inevitable.
Oh, and I wanted to say that how glad I am that the Australian Tax Office, in conjunction with the Nurses' Board of Victoria, haven't instituted the same tax filing policy - I'm two years behind (and ready to file any month now!); I know someone who's just filing ten years worth of tax returns in one go!
:balloons: Take a leave of absence and get some rest and tackle your taxes. You can do this by yourself and you will be proud of the accomplishment. Are you over-spending? Go on a "money diet", quit spending, pay everything off and you will feel the burden lift off of your shoulders. Of course Im making an assumption that you might be in debt, but hey Ive been there! If thats not the problem, you might tackle the problem in the same way. Get away from what it is that is bringing you down. Find that one thing that you love to do and take small steps to get you back to it. Good luck my friend!
Katnip, RN
2,904 Posts
I agree with the others. Take some time for yourself. Treat yourself to something you like that's fun and/or relaxing. Indulge in a hobby you've let fall by the wayside.
And get back to your doc and get your depression addressed. That could be the crux of your whole problem.
Remember, you can't take care of others unless you take care of yourself first.
((((HUGS))))
We really need a huggy smilie on here.