so i have been out of school for 2 years but quit my job in a private office working with a md because its not where i thought i wanted to be! So accepted a job in a ccu step down and i am on week 3 on a med surg part of my roataion! I am so overwhelmed with all the things i have to know and do! I have had a few preceptors because of some situations of changing my schedule. They all have good and bad points but the one i should be with makes me CRAZY!!!!! She is more of a drill sergeant type.
well she left me on my own on friday and i was a reck!!!!!!!!!!! at one point she looked at me like where have u been for the last hour? my mouth just drop open ...because i wasnt sitting down picking my nose! I was running around trying to find meds, figure out if had the right tubing, checking if it need a filter..... yada!!!! she was like you realize how long that took you? I get why she is doing it but i am doing my best. But it makes me run around with a pit in my stomach! So yesterday i had my other preceptor what a joy!!!!! was still very independent but much less stressed. Except i made a hugeeeeeeee mistake with a medication. And i told myself that i was gonna quit because i cant do anything else but what i am doing now and that is trying my best and its imposible to do anything more than that. Well i had gotten report from the night shift that this patient was a bit difficult because she has her own meds with her and she demand on take them her self and when she wants ! Also she was one day post op. Her bp was on the low side but nothing else of note. So i went off with my computer and her meds that i pulled just incase...and off to her room. Well i explained what meds i had that she was do for and she started getting very nasty@! she pulled out her meds and i asked if could see and verify them and the amounts and tried to explain that i was not trying to be difficult but need to make sure she was safe. well she started getting very angry that she new what she had to take and how much. well ...she ended up taking her beta blocker!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i walked out and didnt even realize it till my precept came after me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ugggh i felt horriable, i knew i need to hold that med with her b/p so low and had a similar situation on friday! WHY DID MY BRAIN NNOT WORK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I WATCHED HER TAKE IT! well my precep was great obsously was upset and let her boss know. She asked what i would do . I said um vs every 15 mins make sure she getting her fluids. I went in helped her wash uup and was doing manual bp all day! luckly she was fine and by 4 her bp was back up. But i was so close to quitting.
I have no reason or logic of why i did it. I could sit here and try to make excuses but i just cant excuse that! The only thing i know is that WILL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My preceptor told me at the end of the day that i was doing great. I just looked at her and smiled. But i most certainly feel like i am not!!!!!! but i think that was my last day with her
and from now on be with the precp that make me crazy. I get why she is trying to teach me time management but how can i be that quick if i need to check everything and am slower because i am new? With the precep yesterday i did fine time wise she never reminded me of time, and i never felt rushed by her, and even got to enjoy sometime with my patient! And was out by 730. While with my other precpet i am always late and she tells me ..i have never been her this late!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am not sure i can go on. I am doing my best but feel like its just impossible to know everything. I feel like if i could just fast forward and get all the knowledge that i will be a great nurse! I love being able to help these people. I have seen some wonderful nursing going on and am so envious of them! But i dont think there is much more i can do.
ok enough rambling i just really need to get this off my chest because allnurses is all i have who will understand where i am coming from!