Bullied by a colleague

[enc123]

I am writing because I have another nurse that I work with who is very domineering and has an very bossy personality. When she first started in our clinic a little over a year ago she immediately rubbed everyone the wrong way and non of the other nurses liked her. She was very difficult to precept or train and was not open to learning anything new. She would always tell us she has been a nurse for almost 30 years she knows how to do X, Y and Z. She was retired for 6 years and came back to the profession. We all excepted her even though she was very difficult to work with and as time went on she finally joined our group and would engage in conversations.

Approximately 5 months ago our supervisor expressed to her that she needed to watch out on her overtime during one of our morning huddles and to make sure she leaves early that day to keep from having overtime on her paycheck.

The next week the supervisor puts me in charge and we had a nurse who needed to leave early because of a sick child in day care this left a physician without a nurse. I asked her to step into that assignment because she was the only person free that day without an assignment and could fill the hole. I told her not to worry that even though I had an assignment I would help her so that she could leave on time and not have to worry about overtime. After I said that she exploded on me then proceeded to tell me I was being overbearing and disrespectful to her and talking down to her. She wouldn't let me get a word in so I just dropped it.

The next morning I came in and she proceeded to go off on me again and tell me that what I wasn't going to do was ever disrespect her again and she has been a nurse longer than anyone. I normally do not speak up for myself and am pretty quiet but this time I stood up and told her that she was actually being disrespectful to me and all i tried to do was help her. She then went on to tell me that I talk down to the other nurses and she has noticed. I then went to all of the nurses and told them that I wanted to keep that open relationship that we have always had and to please let me know if I have ever disrespected them. They all looked at me shocked and asked where that was coming from that I am the nurse that they know they can always count on to help them or answer a question.

My boss told me that she was giving the role of charge nurse because all of the nurses look to me as a leader and I am the one who precepts and trains all of the new staff and students. She said that all of the nurses really respect me and look up to me so when the nurses all told me that same thing I sat down and thought about it and realized that she may have been saying that just to hurt me because before the incident we had she had been one of the nurses telling me before that I am a great teacher and mentor to the students and nurses. She said that one day she was listening to me train one of the students and how well I relayed the information to the student nurse about breast cancer.

It has now been 5 months since that incident but she has made it her mission to essentially bully me at work. I have been focused on school and graduating because this was my final semester in NP school and I was finishing my last clinical hours preparing for graduation and preparing for boards so I have tried to just ignore her but the tension and her actions make it really difficult to go to work everyday. My boss allowed me to go down to part time to give me time to study for the boards and during those weeks up until test day it felt great not having to be at working so I worked myself up and stressed myself out and put so much pressure on myself to pass boards to get away from the job that I failed my boards last week.

My work is a toxic environment and one of the cleaning ladies even stated to me that she knew I was being bullied because the nurse told her one morning that she makes it a point to **** with me. She told the housekeeper she doesn't like me because I don't say good morning when I come in in the mornings! None of the other staff cares that i come in in the mornings and sit at my desk quietly not talking. I am not a morning person and most of the mornings when I come in I am working off of 2-3 hours of sleep because I have been up all night studying. I sit quietly at my desk to get my thoughts together and prep for the day ahead of me.

I have always been nice to her just like I am nice to all of my other colleagues and as of right now she is the only one I do not speak to. I go in to work and go on as if she does not exist unless I have work issues to discuss with her.

I have spoken with my supervisor about how she treats me and how disrespectful she is to me and she acknowledges that this nurse is toxic and does not communicate with the staff in a positive manner. How do I continue to go to work everyday and get through the work week and what is this nurses problem with me what did I ever do to her

[Atl-Murse]

Dramaville

[JBudd, MSN]

How long have you gone without sleep before writing this? This is not graduate school writing.

Why on earth would you let a single person so dwell in your head? Blaming her for not passing your boards after you were given extra time off is not reasonable. YOU failed the test, not her.

If this is real, you have given her far too much power in your life.

Any time she starts in on you, say very loudly "Please do not speak to me like that!" Nothing else, do not engage, just make it loud and public. Bullies don't like the spotlight on themselves. Walk away. If she follows, say it again even louder. If she refuses an assignment or speaks rudely, write it up every time. Lay a papertrail for insubordinaton, and a hostile workplace. And why are you asking housekeeping about her?

[enc123]

So yes this is a real posting and yes this is something i am actually going through. As for my writing, I am not writing a formal paper. I graduated 3 weeks ago and do not have to focus on a perfect paper and perfect grammar. As for the question about sleep I have been up the entire night studying and researching and surfing the web during study breaks. I did not blame her for failing my boards. My exact words were "I worked myself up and stressed myself out so much". I also didn't ask the housekeeper about the other nurse. The housekeeper is a friend and noticed I was stressed and she was the one that told me she knew I was being bullied because the other nurse said it in the break room in front of her and another nurse. As far as me walking away, that is pretty much how I spend most of my work days. I ignore her and because our desk are so close together, I sit at my desk quietly getting ready for the workday. I am a person who likes peace and it is hard to come to work everyday when you have someone who is outright disrespectful to you and tries to put you down at every turn, inserts herself into your conversations then yells at you over something she wasn't even involved in or knew nothing of. The last time that happened, I got up and just walked away and once I came back into the office she was still standing there badmouthing me to another colleague. She looked up and saw me approaching so she stopped and walked off and the other nurse gave me an apologetic look. I just really hate being in such a toxic atmosphere and there isn't any reasoning with her.

[roser13, ASN, RN]

As an advanced pratictitioner, you will need to refrain from engaging in this type of drama. You simply cannot go there.

[ItsThatJenGirl, CNA]

None of this makes any sense. You're in a position of authority and someone yelled at you - why is it still going on? Why has this not been addressed with more thoroughly your superior? Why did you yell back? The first time someone yells at me at work will also be the last time.

You're not acting like a charge nurse, IMO. You're acting like a high schooler. You shouldn't be discussing this person with your co-workers, or trying to verify what she said they said (typing that out is ridiculous). Or listening to what other people say she said. You're feeding into it.

You're a professional. Act like one.

[Sour Lemon]

So yes this is a real posting and yes this is something i am actually going through. As for my writing, I am not writing a formal paper. I graduated 3 weeks ago and do not have to focus on a perfect paper and perfect grammar.

I will never understand this reasoning. We don't go to school to learn how to write in school, we go to school to learn to write everywhere else. Do you leave driving class and swerve all over the road on the way home? Do you leave cooking class and pour a whole jar of pepper in your food? It's strange reasoning.

I'm certainly not an expert, but I do try to use what I know.

As for your other issues, it sounds like you have one foot out the door and shouldn't worry so much. Concentrate on passing you exam and creating new employment options for yourself.

In addition, beware of what "everybody" thinks and "everybody" says. A lot of people will tell you what they think you want to hear, then tell her what they think she wants to hear. I would resist the urge to talk about her to other employees, even if they seem to be on your side. There's a good chance that some of it's getting back to her and making her feel justified about "bullying" you.

[Jedrnurse, BSN, RN]

Once again, Bullying = I don't know how to assert/stand up for myself...

[JBudd, MSN]

Who owns and runs the clinic? If this is so toxic why do they put up with it? Make noise about it, use the term "hostile work place', push for something to be done on your behalf. I didn't say just walk away, I said call her out on the bullying, and then walk away. I also will avoid confrontation if I can, but not to the point of being a doormat.

[TheMoonisMyLantern, ADN, LPN, RN]

You have given this woman way too much power over you. Whether you realize it or not you're stirring the pot more by trying to figure out who is on her side versus yours. As others have previously posted you must be assertive and set boundaries and utilize administration and HR as needed. There's going to be people out there you don't like, but you still have to work with them, just a fact of life.

Also remember that whether you like it or not, right or wrong, people will judge you based on how you talk/write. Nobody is perfect but lack of paragraphs, poor grammar and spelling, and run on sentences all reflect poorly on your education even on something as trivial as a forum post.

[psu_213, BSN, RN]

I just really hate being in such a toxic atmosphere and there isn't any reasoning with her.

Housekeeping likes you. Every nurse except for one seems to like and respect you. You manager appears to have a high opinion of you--evidenced by promoting you to charge nurse while also giving you fewer hours when you are in school. Only this one nurse with a bad attitude has treated you poorly, yet you are in a "toxic atmosphere???" I am not defending her behavior, but as others have said, you are letting her attitude bring you down. Ignore her, call her out, whatever...just don't let her poor attitude control your though. Oh, and lay off the drama!

[traumaRUs, MSN, APRN]

Am sorry that you failed boards.

Agree with others that you need to stick up for yourself. Being bullied is a new word to me but it essentially means too much drama for me.

Don't give anyone the power to make you stressed out. Believe me, as an APN you will have REAL situations that stress you out and there is no reason to give others that power.

Some suggestions:

1. Ignore her.

2. Go to your supervisor if you feel this is indicated.

3. Confront her and tell her that as her supervisor you are telling her to knock it off. Document the encounter to start paper trail.

4. Most important - GET SOME SLEEP

Best wishes on passing the next time...