Bullied by a colleague

[enc123]

I am writing because I have another nurse that I work with who is very domineering and has an very bossy personality. When she first started in our clinic a little over a year ago she immediately rubbed everyone the wrong way and non of the other nurses liked her. She was very difficult to precept or train and was not open to learning anything new. She would always tell us she has been a nurse for almost 30 years she knows how to do X, Y and Z. She was retired for 6 years and came back to the profession. We all excepted her even though she was very difficult to work with and as time went on she finally joined our group and would engage in conversations.

Approximately 5 months ago our supervisor expressed to her that she needed to watch out on her overtime during one of our morning huddles and to make sure she leaves early that day to keep from having overtime on her paycheck.

The next week the supervisor puts me in charge and we had a nurse who needed to leave early because of a sick child in day care this left a physician without a nurse. I asked her to step into that assignment because she was the only person free that day without an assignment and could fill the hole. I told her not to worry that even though I had an assignment I would help her so that she could leave on time and not have to worry about overtime. After I said that she exploded on me then proceeded to tell me I was being overbearing and disrespectful to her and talking down to her. She wouldn't let me get a word in so I just dropped it.

The next morning I came in and she proceeded to go off on me again and tell me that what I wasn't going to do was ever disrespect her again and she has been a nurse longer than anyone. I normally do not speak up for myself and am pretty quiet but this time I stood up and told her that she was actually being disrespectful to me and all i tried to do was help her. She then went on to tell me that I talk down to the other nurses and she has noticed. I then went to all of the nurses and told them that I wanted to keep that open relationship that we have always had and to please let me know if I have ever disrespected them. They all looked at me shocked and asked where that was coming from that I am the nurse that they know they can always count on to help them or answer a question.

My boss told me that she was giving the role of charge nurse because all of the nurses look to me as a leader and I am the one who precepts and trains all of the new staff and students. She said that all of the nurses really respect me and look up to me so when the nurses all told me that same thing I sat down and thought about it and realized that she may have been saying that just to hurt me because before the incident we had she had been one of the nurses telling me before that I am a great teacher and mentor to the students and nurses. She said that one day she was listening to me train one of the students and how well I relayed the information to the student nurse about breast cancer.

It has now been 5 months since that incident but she has made it her mission to essentially bully me at work. I have been focused on school and graduating because this was my final semester in NP school and I was finishing my last clinical hours preparing for graduation and preparing for boards so I have tried to just ignore her but the tension and her actions make it really difficult to go to work everyday. My boss allowed me to go down to part time to give me time to study for the boards and during those weeks up until test day it felt great not having to be at working so I worked myself up and stressed myself out and put so much pressure on myself to pass boards to get away from the job that I failed my boards last week.

My work is a toxic environment and one of the cleaning ladies even stated to me that she knew I was being bullied because the nurse told her one morning that she makes it a point to **** with me. She told the housekeeper she doesn't like me because I don't say good morning when I come in in the mornings! None of the other staff cares that i come in in the mornings and sit at my desk quietly not talking. I am not a morning person and most of the mornings when I come in I am working off of 2-3 hours of sleep because I have been up all night studying. I sit quietly at my desk to get my thoughts together and prep for the day ahead of me.

I have always been nice to her just like I am nice to all of my other colleagues and as of right now she is the only one I do not speak to. I go in to work and go on as if she does not exist unless I have work issues to discuss with her.

I have spoken with my supervisor about how she treats me and how disrespectful she is to me and she acknowledges that this nurse is toxic and does not communicate with the staff in a positive manner. How do I continue to go to work everyday and get through the work week and what is this nurses problem with me what did I ever do to her

[Libby1987]

That isn't bullying. You are lacking interpersonal and leadership skills and honestly don't possess the experience and/or wiring to be in a charge position.

I think you should use this situation as practice before you go on to your next work environment.

[SmilingBluEyes]

Lots and lots of blaming others and situations but very little introspection.

Sorry, but til you master that, you will run into difficulties in all your job/professional situations.

Best of luck passing boards next time.

[Irish_Mist, BSN, RN]

JBudd offered you some excellent advice. Follow it. I'll bet you $100 if you say loudly "Please do not speak to me that way" and not engage her any further, she'll be more inclined to back off. Can you imagine how badly this will make HER look? Bullies don't like to look bad. She'll see your assertiveness and maybe question targeting you again.

I also agree with other posters pointing out that you have given this woman way too much power over your mind. You are a professional and an adult. Do not ever let someone take over your mind like this and impact your thought processes/actions. It is crippling and it allows them to win.

[renardeau, BSN, RN]

I agree with the other posters. If it were me, I wouldn't really engage. In fact, unless it's a question I have to answer, I don't dignify rude/stupid comments with responses at all. Don't ever let her get to you to the point where you say or do something you regret. Look her up and down, smile (kindly, like you feel bad for her, if that makes you feel better), and walk away. You don't want any misconstrued words that could be taken as you mistreating her.

Polling your unit and trying to gather information on what she says about you isn't effective and is probably just feeding your anxiety. You seem pretty confident that the unit and your supervisor have high opinions of you, so leave it alone. What power does she have over you besides what you give her? Make her an afterthought.

[WKShadowNP, DNP, APRN]

I've encountered issues like this and depending on the person, setting, and my mood, I have offered various responses.

I've ignored it.

I've smiled at them and kept going (that one blew up in my face as my smile angered them, as if I were laughing at them...far from the truth. I was trying to keep myself calm.)

I've said, "Oh bless your heart."

I've said, "Let's try that again, shall we?"

I've said, "You will not speak to me in that manner." or "When you can speak to me calmly and with respect I will listen" and then walk away.

I've also said, "What is your problem?" or "Is your problem with me or something else and you're taking it out on me?"

[Not_A_Hat_Person, RN]

Once again, Bullying = I don't know how to assert/stand up for myself...

Some bullies (yes, I used the B word, deal with it) will back down, others will double down and try harder. Been there, done that, burned the T-shirt.

[Jedrnurse, BSN, RN]

Some bullies (yes, I used the B word, deal with it) will back down, others will double down and try harder. Been there, done that, burned the T-shirt.

Probably so. I was referring to this scenario as presented...

[NursesRmofun, ASN, RN]

Have seen it happen and it has also happened to me, but never have I seen it happen to someone who was often charge nurse. If you are going to be a NP at the same place of work, I'd do some networking behind the scenes and have her dealt with in an appropriate way.

[enc123]

Some bullies (yes, I used the B word, deal with it) will back down, others will double down and try harder. Been there, done that, burned the T-shirt.

This is the issue I have dealt with with this person. I see a counselor every so often for my own piece of mind, and spoke with her about my work issues and we discussed asserting myself but it did not work on her. After I told her that she was not going to continue being disrespectful to me and when she was ready she could speak to me in a more respectful manner, she only became worse. As far as some of the other posters stating that I poled the other nurses about our situation, I haven't spoken to them about our issues. I went and asked the other nurses had I ever talked down to them or disrespected them in anyway and if so I wanted them to feel free to come and speak with me if I had. As for the housekeeper once again she was the one who approached me with that information. I told her thank you don't worry about me I will be leaving soon, I will be okay and it was left at that. I have spoken to my supervisor about it as a matter of fact I have spoken with her multiple times about this person and she has acknowledged that this person can be a bully and has even tried to bully her as the manager. She is someone who has been very hard to work with since the day she started. I actually have moved myself to a new office so that I don't have to be near her when I am at my desk

[enc123]

Have seen it happen and it has also happened to me, but never have I seen it happen to someone who was often charge nurse. If you are going to be a NP at the same place of work, I'd do some networking behind the scenes and have her dealt with in an appropriate way.

The charge nurse is a new thing that is being tried in our clinic. I was the first to be assigned the role. My boss stated that I always stepped up when she was tied up and she realized that our clinic should have a charge nurses, so she put me in it to test out how it would work. I did not stay in the role I asked my boss to assign another nurse whom I thought was excellent in it because I was hopefully going to put in my notice. I do not plan to work as an NP in the same place. I already had some positions lined up and unfortunately like you said I was able to network but since I have not yet passed boards, I can't take any of the positions yet and I am staying on a little longer. I decided to push them way back until I really feel ready and not just ready to leave. This is actually the first time it has happened to me where it has really bothered me. I had some nurses at other places try it, but I was able to stop it in it tracks. My preceptor years ago even tried and I let it go on for a few months until I had enough and stood from my seat next to her and that was the end of it. I recognize that I have a really soft demeanor and often say yes more than no, so people have often mistaken my kindness for weakness, it has plagued me most of my life but being a nurse is what taught me to start standing up for myself. In this particular situation she just wouldn't let up even after I told her to stop being disrespectful and I wasn't going to take it from her.

[heron, ASN, RN]

Have seen it happen and it has also happened to me, but never have I seen it happen to someone who was often charge nurse. If you are going to be a NP at the same place of work, I'd do some networking behind the scenes and have her dealt with in an appropriate way.

This advice comes much closer to my understanding of bullying than anything else in this thread: the abuse of power to get your own way, in this case, revenge.

[Palliative Care, DNP]

People can only treat you in a manner in which you allow. She does it because she can. You are allowing the behavior. She is getting a rise from you when you react.

Don't discuss her with other employees. This isn't highschool it is the work place. Also, what she has to say about you isn't your concern. She doesn't have to like you but she does need to be respectful.

I agree that her behavior should be called out when it occurs. Write her up for her behavior. Paper trails are necessary. Keep your boss in the loop. As an NP you will be working with difficult people frequently.

When you no no longer allow this drama to absorb so much of your energy then you will be able to focus on Certification. Good Luck