Are nurses unsupportive spouse magnets??

Nurses General Nursing

Published

Hey just taking this to the people. What's your opinion? Are nurturing types like us often attracted to the wrong types? Do you do "everything for everyone" at home as well as at work? How do you cope with the situation? Where do you draw the line? Any advice?

i was an enabler, codependent under control and miserable until i started work outside of the home

no offense intended to our masculine co-posters but single men of a certain age want a nurse [to nurse them not esp occupation] with a purse [somehow they got the idea that they are worth a whole lot more than they really are]

a spouse should be a partner, if you take advantage of someone or you let someone take advantage of you you don't have a relationship and it won't last

Specializes in Jack of all trades, and still learning.

Some interesting comments here.

1. My husband and I are very supportive of each other. He is no longer working, but that is due to inability not intention. So he does things around the house; in fact I worry about him because he does not have contact with many others.

He supported me emotionally through my RN studies; I was a fanatic with my assignments (because I was terrified of failing) and consequently I am embarrassed to say that I was not easy to live with!

I support him financially but seriously, a marriage is a sharing thing, and my husband is up there with the best.

2.The comment earlier re: ppl choosing nursing who come from families where parents were alcoholics because they are used to being in crisis mode ...it would be interesting to do a study on something like that...

i know plenty of nurses who are married to firefighters and policemen.

hmmmm, again.

leslie

Same here. Lots of nurses married to other nurses and firefighter, policemen, one is married to an attorney and another is married to a commercial airline pilot. There's only one nurse whose husband was abusive - she left him and she took the kid. It's a broad spectrum out there. For the most part, the nurses have supporting husbands who understand the demands of their jobs. The policeman husband would stop by on his night shift on our floor and get our orders and bring the food to us. Now that's understanding. Love that man!

Specializes in Infection Preventionist/ Occ Health.

The RNs I work with are or were married to police officers, insurance underwriters, physicians, bankers and construction supervisors, to name a few. From what I've heard about these spouses, they seem like quality people.

I count myself among the lucky, I guess. My DH is a pretty independent guy, and he is quite capable to taking care of himself when I'm not around. Has a good job making enough money to support both of us. He's not exactly the emotional, overly nurturing type (what guy is...), but he does make sure that I am taken care of and always has.

Actually, my father was one of those guys who couldn't manage to hold down a job or get it together. Maybe that's where I get my supposed co-dependency from ? :uhoh3:

Specializes in ICU, step down, dialysis.

Oh, I can SO understand this. I found this same thing on the dating sites (ie men wanting to be taken care of) that I had tried; so much so that I stopped putting down that I was a nurse.

I gave up on the dating sites too.

Some men have this view of , "Oh nursey, take care of me.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I now stay off internet dating sites. And I don't tell many men what I do for a living until I know them well.

Specializes in Trauma ICU,ER,ACLS/BLS instructor.

ok so I might be a bit old, but DH? I always thought that was a designated hitter? So is that what we are calling our SO now? Not being fresh, just have seen it in post a few times, and can not for the life of me figure it out!

Specializes in LTC, Med/Surg, Peds, ICU, Tele.

My husband is a great guy, we are just an ordinary couple. I noticed at a different job that many of the nurses were married to losers, but where I work now, most of the married nurses are in stable, healthy relationships.

Specializes in Med-Surg, Trauma, Ortho, Neuro, Cardiac.
Yeah, really.

How many nurses are perfectionists? How many beat themselves up over the most insignificant of mistakes? How many get angry when their patients choose their own way, rather than what the nurse wishes them to do? Or become frustrated and disillusioned when they just can't "reach" a patient? I can't tell you the number of times I've heard "Well, if he isn't going to follow the recommended treatment, why doesn't he just go home?" How many nurses feel guilty for not working extra shifts when asked? Or work off the clock at the end of their shift 'to finish up'? Or feel they have to complete each and every task before handing their patient load over to the next shift? How many feel personally responsible for their patients' outcomes? And so on...

Many of the attributes of an excellent nurse can become pathologic if you don't take time out to care for yourself. And for those who don't set those boundaries, they often are magnets for needy people. (perhaps it's a mutual attraction)

That's all I'm saying...

Those are qualities of an excellent nurse?

Specializes in LTC, Acute Care.

I totally married up. I married another nurse.

Specializes in Med-Surg, Trauma, Ortho, Neuro, Cardiac.

I'm trying to think of my coworkers and their spouses and I guess I don't know enough about their personal lives to make the kind of judgement that they are loser magnets. One justed ended a relationship after 10 years and is hush hush about it, one is married to a retired police detective, two are married to nurses, one just had a baby and is married to a white collar man that is in sales of somesort - he come to her baby shower we gave her at work and seems very nice, another is married to a cop on the narcotics squad and just had a baby - he is very protective of her, another is married to a drug store manager............well I guess I do know a bit about my coworkers, but not enough to say any of their spouses are unsupportive losers. Most usually bring their spouses to the annual Christmas party at our manager's house and they "seem" decent, but one never knows and they aren't spilling the beans about it like some of your coworkers seem to do.

Specializes in LTC, Med/Surg, Peds, ICU, Tele.

Many of the women at my job work part time to supplement the family income, and still have time to be in a traditional role of childrearing etc. Their husbands are helpful and supportive and have good paying jobs. They love nursing because it has the flexibility to work part time and still have time for family life.

Those are qualities of an excellent nurse?
No, that was my point.
+ Add a Comment