Are nurses unsupportive spouse magnets??

Nurses General Nursing

Published

Hey just taking this to the people. What's your opinion? Are nurturing types like us often attracted to the wrong types? Do you do "everything for everyone" at home as well as at work? How do you cope with the situation? Where do you draw the line? Any advice?

Specializes in Hospice.
Is that the 'enabler' in you talking? ;)

We all are, to be caregivers. Hopefully we have learned and grown, and won't repeat our errors.

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Specializes in Hospice.
uh, should have included definition:

fixes computers/builds systems...

a genius at repairs

but

lousy businessman, charges very little, declines to advertise so doesn't bring in much $$ at all.

therefore, self-employed...

but doesn't earn much so I say, "theoretically".

Shouldn't have been so hard on him.

Haze

If you need to set boundaries, and that includes INCOME then you are not being hard on him. A partnership is just that, each helping and supporting their way. I hope you get your financial windfall you need and I'm sure hope for. God Bless!

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Specializes in Geriatrics, Med-Surg..

I have been married for fourteen years. The first five were the hardest, after that, I think both my spouse and I did lots of growing up. My spouse works very hard at his job but he is not home a lot due to this. I do the household stuff as he works far more hours than I and this is fine as he does make time for the kids.

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Specializes in Specializes in L/D, newborn, GYN, LTC, Dialysis.

I have an amazing, supportive spouse of nearly 20 years. We have been through a lot, military career spanning nearly 21 years and my schooling/nursing career. We are there for each other, thank goodness. I know a few nurses who have just as amazing relationships, so I guess this can't be a general statement. But I have heard it said, nurses are often codependent persons drawn to the profession by nature and design. I am not sure if this is true....

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really, commuter?

really, emmanuel?

hmmm.

haven't seen either.

i know plenty of nurses who are married to firefighters and policemen.

hmmmm, again.

leslie

i know plenty married to cops also ( non to firemen though lol) and they can be just as unsupportive as any "regular" man and even more controlling than some. i think the tone here was unecessary - hmmmm, again ? just because you havent seen it doesnt mean it isnt there. you are just very blessed to have missed it :) i know i wish i had missed it myself and missed seeing it with friends.

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Thank you for your input. I am inquiring because I feel like I've learned the hard way personally, how to look out for myself. I used to allow my ex to cause me all kinds of problems. I finally let him go. I would have advised a client to get out, but I stayed and put up with it for a long time. I finally took a class about boundaries, where I learned to stand up and protect what was good about myself. I didn't have to be understanding when others abused me at home. I didn't have to make excuses for them ie. well, he's had a rough time, and he's emotionally compromised due to his childhood etc. There's no way I would go down that path again, but I did. Here I thought I was smarter than that!! Met alot of nurses along the way who had similar situations. Just wondered how you all have coped...keep em coming!!

it hasnt been easy for me - i ahve alos learned the hard way and continue to learn lol - one thing about us that end up in this situation we do seem to bounce back ( and go back for more sometimes lol) pretty good. someone mentioned the book codependent no more. it was an ok book and i also recommend it. but i do forewarn if you cant "do it" like the book says and you slip back into "bad habits "dont let it get you upset - sometimes that is just how we are and someof us will always be lol. hang in there and pray a lot :) many bloessings.

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Specializes in Hospice.
i know plenty married to cops also ( non to firemen though lol) and they can be just as unsupportive as any "regular" man and even more controlling than some. i think the tone here was unecessary - hmmmm, again ? just because you havent seen it doesnt mean it isnt there. you are just very blessed to have missed it :) i know i wish i had missed it myself and missed seeing it with friends.

Nurses and cops seem to go together, and YES sometimes with the firemen, and doctors... I truly think the CONTROL factor fits in there somewhere. Nurses do take orders, afterall... HMMMM ??? The truth is anyone can be unsupportive, it just seems that people in the caregiving fields tend to be magnets for them, and put up with them a heck of a lot longer than most. I went to a wonderful inservice this week about "compassion fatigue" and WOW does it fit nurses to a T! We really need to take care of ourselves before we take care of anyone else, including spouses. Have a great day, and remember to take care of yourself! :pumpiron:

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Specializes in Cardiac Telemetry, ED.

My partner is incredibly supportive. If not, we would no longer be together. I work so hard taking care of others and driving myself to achieve, that I need someone who takes care of me. It's so nice to come home to someone that will listen to me gripe, or hold me when I need to cry, or feed me when I've had one of those shifts where I didn't get a meal break.

We're both a bit older and have been in previous relationships, and we both came to a point in our lives where we realized that the whole purpose of being together is to make life better for one another. I know it seems simple, but after two failed marriages where my ex spouses resented and resisted any little thing I asked of them, from folding laundry to mowing the lawn, it was a hard lesson learned.

He does things to make me happy, and I do things to make him happy. For example, he knows I like cut flowers, so he always has a vase of cut flowers in the house. I know that he just wants to be appreciated, so I make a point every day of telling him how much I appreciate him.

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I have a wonderfully supportive spouse. He is very understanding of my exhaustion, aches and pains, work frustration, and my recent lack of energy to get any housework done due to over-work on the job.

Last night, I was sitting on the couch with my feet up, eating a burrito he made for me. I was watching TV, and he vacuumed the house and cleaned up the kitchen.

Right now, he is out grocery shopping, and I'm taking it easy.

Of course, I return the TLC when he's the one in need.

I'm switching jobs soon, and will be working fewer hours and days. I plan to reward him with lots of home-made meals and by doing some baking.

His mother is an RN, and he grew up seeing what she went through in her career.

I have to admit, I am blessed.

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No, my wife is super-supportive!

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Great topic! A few of my friends are married and helped put their spouses thru med school. If they get sick or whatever, forget it! They usually call upon their friends or other family for help. I know of 1 example of a nurse who is married to a wonderful supportive guy who is sooo proud of her! What a great example.

Before I married my spouse I dated a few cops, firemen and docs. They seemed to be attracted to what I did for a living. In the end, I chose a "civilian" and although he is proud and supportive of what I do, if I am sick or injured I have learned not to expect any pampering . He seems pretty overwhelmed by it.

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