Are nurses unsupportive spouse magnets??

jenrninmi, MSN, RN · Sep 13, 2007

ok so I might be a bit old, but DH? I always thought that was a designated hitter? So is that what we are calling our SO now? Not being fresh, just have seen it in post a few times, and can not for the life of me figure it out!

It stands for Dear Husband. I don't see it much on Allnurses, I actually have to stop myself from typing "DH" instead of saying "my husband".

allnurses Guide · Sep 13, 2007

It stands for Dear Husband. I don't see it much on Allnurses, I actually have to stop myself from typing "DH" instead of saying "my husband".

I learned it on allnurses . .. I see it all the time. My own dh thought it meant . . .Duck (take out the "u" and replace it with an "i") Head.

steph

sharona97, BSN, RN · Sep 13, 2007

Learning something new everyday here, even if it is about my dh. lol

sticknurse · Sep 13, 2007

I now have a very sweet and supportive husband. He owns his own business and understands the demands my business places on me. I recently started my own business and it can be a difficult thing at times. The reason I wanted to start this discussion is out of concern for anyone who may not have fallen in the proverbial hole yet. Let's help them recognize they are at risk at least. When I met the guy who ruined me for awhile, I noted that he had a college education (business major) and a very good job....but then he'd quit and be unemployed (playing golf all day) for 6 months at a time....waiting on the "right opportunity" he was a true con artist, and good salesmen. He knew the book "how to win friends and influence people" by heart and it was very effective. I don't assume that all the intelligent white collar guys are angels please. Knowledge in and of itself does not a good spouse make....thanks again for the advice. Btw, I took a class about boundaries in the midst of my divorce and surprise!! It was chock full of therapists, nurses, and other helping types....interesting....someone posted that she is happier being single and I agree, it's much nicer to be "alone" and happy than married and miserable. I've encouraged more than one coworker when they've decided to leave their abusive spouse, one that comes to mind had been beaten up and called a "fat cow" several times by her husband. she would come to work with the bruises, and crying alot...well, another nurse and I ended up going to court with her when she finally got a restraining order. This poor woman had no idea what her rights were, she thought she'd be destitute (they'd been married 14 years) if she left him. She's now happily remarried to a good man. I just hate to see some of the nicest people (nurses) get crapped on, it burns me up. we should help each other when we can. Thanks to all.

cmo421 · Sep 13, 2007

Learning something new everyday here, even if it is about my dh. lol

ME TOO!

oldiebutgoodie, RN · Sep 23, 2007

Interesting thread...

I noticed that the nurses I work with on the floor are often divorced, or with a husband who is not working for various (lame) reasons, and they are doing all the housework as well.

I came to nursing late in life (age 50) so I don't really have any great desire to take care of everybody in the world, but it does seem that some of my coworkers want to...

Oldiebutgoodie

pm2be · Sep 23, 2007

[MOUSE][ How do you let go and let them know you've let them go?

airtranchick · Sep 23, 2007

As a single female nurse, I find that I tend to attract men that want to be taken care of and it annoys the heck out of me.
I was stupid enough to try the Internet thing on a religious BB. And was also stupid enough to list that I was an RN. Breakdown of respondents:
35% were of a religious group that is really incompatible with mine. As in trying to eliminate mine from the face of the Earth.
50% were from another very distant nation - in most cases, a third world country - some of whom offered me money for relationship (presumably green card relationship - as there was nothing in common).
Of the 50% that were American, most were older than me (by 20 years or more), "retired/disabled" (when you are 30-50 years old, what are you retired from or disabled from), "legally separated" (in my religion, "legally separated" is still married and not acceptable for dating). Quite a few couldn't master basic elementary school spelling/grammar in forming a response. Perhaps the tackiest were the ones that sent unsolicited photos of themselves wearing skimpy swim trunks or shirtless photos.
A clue, if one is on a religious BB, and that religion generally adheres to conservative dress standards, sending an shirtless photo unsolicited is inadvisable....especially when your chest is definitely not that great.
Some men have this view of , "Oh nursey, take care of me.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I now stay off internet dating sites. And I don't tell many men what I do for a living until I know them well.

This so true Sharon. I Thank God I no longer have this problem will be praying for you to find your true soulmate.......Your Very Funny....Bisou

HeavensNurse · Sep 23, 2007

WOW! You have hit the nail on the head, BIGTIME. After just getting out of my 2nd unsuccessful marriage, financially strapped, and legally bound to my 16 yr old dtrs "sperm donor" (note, he is basically not good for anything else - only benefit was I got a beautiful Only Child out of the deal) I have realized I select spouses and mates in general, Poorly! No one can take better care of me, than ME. I had to find that out after hitting age 41. We truly do attrack "stray dogs" who need a good home and someone to take care of them. Personally I am so tired of taking care of people at home, I do enough of it at work (which I love, but it is hospice, they are not around too long! lol) I probably will never marry again, as I am a sucker, with it tattooed on my forehead. I just love people, and caretaking is in my nature, and in EVERY NURSES NATURE THAT I HAVE EVER MET! Some just get REALLY lucky and find someone who can give, just as good as they take. Good luck in All Relationships, and remember to take care of yourself, and most of all LOVE yourself, first and foremost. God Bless!

nursenpnk, RN · Sep 23, 2007

Nursing is so diverse as are the spouses, mates, friends of those in the nursing profession. Good that we can all discuss our issues with relationships, but really i think this generalization is unfair. I can see the nurturing nature of a nurse impacting their outside relationships, however, there are many other professions that require this and I don't feel that they have this reputation.

bottomsup · Sep 23, 2007

Interesting discussion. But I haven't heard anyone else say that they may have entered nursing because their SO or DH didn't need nurturing, and perhaps the reason nursing appealed to them was that they had a need to nurture that wasn:idea: 't being met at home.

Anyone else onboard with this idea?

HazeKomp, BSN, RN · Sep 23, 2007

Many of my female nurse coworkers are married to men who are either unemployed, underemployed, unsupportive, uneducated or undereducated, abusive, addicted, or controlling.

As "The Poster Child for Co-Dependency", I am married x 33 years. He is a high-IQ, underachieving, theoretically self-employed man who quit college his senior year because he didn't like having to do homework. He has not paid a bill for >10 years. He does not do housework.

So, he is underemployed, minimally supportive, undereducated, with addictive behaviors.

And I am not alone. I would say of the staff I work with who are over age 45, 20-25 % have men like this in their lives OR have divorced them.

the "Need to be needed" gets old.

H.