Funny things lay-people say...

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I was walking through the hallway today and a family member of one of our patient's was talking on their cellphone-- apparently giving an update to someone about the patient. This is what I hear: "Well, no, he's not very awake today. I think they seduced him while they did a procedure." 

If I had milk in my mouth at the time, it would have come out my nose!

We do a lot of things in the ICU, but seducing is not one of them!

OK, now it's your turn! What crazy things have you heard?

Ruthfarmer said:
While taking a patient's history one day, I was told that she had been treated for Fire Balls of the Eucharist. (Fibroids of the uterus).

Another lady indicated that her severely handicapped daughter had been perfectly normal until she "caught the screaming Baby Jesus." (Spinal Meningitis)

Another lady wrote "Go to hell and Shut up" in response to the question: What is the primary language spoken in the home.

I wonder if you had pamphlets on hand in that dialect 

Specializes in LTC, Hospice, Case Management.

Years a go as a new nurse it took me a long time to figure out what the little old ladies meant when they talked about their "piles" botherin em.

The would be hemorrhoids for those of you that haven't heard that term.

Specializes in LTC.

I was talking on the phone with my BF and I heard him urinating in the toilet.

Me: " Are you voiding"

HIM: " No, I'm just peeing"

uh same thing. lol. Poor thing thought voiding and peeing was two different things. I could not stop laughing.

Specializes in LTC, Hospice, Case Management.
I was talking on the phone with my BF and I heard him urinating in the toilet.

Me: " Are you voiding"

HIM: " No, I'm just peeing"

uh same thing. lol. Poor thing thought voiding and peeing was two different things. I could not stop laughing.

Goes along with the many people that will stand and argue with you that they did NOT break their leg, they only fractured it.

Specializes in OB/GYN, Peds, School Nurse, DD.
Nascar nurse said:
Years a go as a new nurse it took me a long time to figure out what the little old ladies meant when they talked about their "piles" botherin em.

The would be hemorrhoids for those of you that haven't heard that term.

When I was in nursing school(back when dinosaurs roamed the earth) I had a patient in for epidymitis. When I asked him if he was urinating, he said he was but he was "running corruption." Running corruption?  I could not figure this out. Running corruption? Finally his young partner helped me out by telling me he had some painful discharge. Yeah, I bet he did.

Specializes in LTC.
From one of our new appointment setters"this mom says her kid has puss coming out of his toe... Do you spell that p-u-s-s-y?"

me:"nope, try d-r-a-i-n-a-g-e "

Clerk"huh? Why?"

Me "type it your way first, then read it aloud.The word you want is drainage"

My instructor warned us of this mistake as soon as we learned about charting.

Specializes in LTC, Psych, Hospice.
My ex husband told me one time that he threw up so hard that his pee came out of his mouth:eek:

Geez! I just spewed water all over my keyboard!

My grandmother, Bless her heart, used to say as we were going to a Dr appt. Make sure the Dr writes the script for the name brand medicines because those genetics I have are horrible, they don't work at all. LOL I still miss her everyday:crying2:

Specializes in Emergency Dept. Trauma. Pediatrics.

I guess we really are about customer satisfaction if we have to add seduction to our job descriptions. I am drawing a blank on ones I have had but one that I will never forget was from my son.

I can't remember his age now, probably around 6-7 but one of my other sons asked me in the car what those long squiggly things are called in your stomach that hold food or something like that. My other son replies "Oh those are intertesticles" I almost swerved off the road.

Specializes in Emergency Dept. Trauma. Pediatrics.
raincitynurse said:
From one of our new appointment setters"this mom says her kid has puss coming out of his toe... Do you spell that p-u-s-s-y?"

me:"nope, try d-r-a-I-n-a-g-e "

Clerk"huh? Why?"

Me "type it your way first, then read it aloud.The word you want is drainage"

Or you can use Purulent  I wrote a whole story one time describing something purulent without ever re-reading it and realizing the error multiple times. LOL

Funny stuff. :)

Specializes in Certified Med/Surg tele, and other stuff.

I once had this older gentlemen in and was doing his admission. When I asked him if he took any meds for erectile dysfuntion, he was honest and told me yes. He then went on to tell me that the medicine was expensive so he tried to use only half the dose, but only got erect half way. 

Let me tell you, I was thinking of dead puppies and kittens to keep from laughing.

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