I was walking through the hallway today and a family member of one of our patient's was talking on their cellphone-- apparently giving an update to someone about the patient. This is what I hear: "Well, no, he's not very awake today. I think they seduced him while they did a procedure."
If I had milk in my mouth at the time, it would have come out my nose!
We do a lot of things in the ICU, but seducing is not one of them!
OK, now it's your turn! What crazy things have you heard?
While taking a patient's history one day, I was told that she had been treated for Fire Balls of the Eucharist. (Fibroids of the uterus).
Another lady indicated that her severely handicapped daughter had been perfectly normal until she "caught the screaming Baby Jesus." (Spinal Meningitis)
Another lady wrote "Go to hell and Shut up" in response to the question: What is the primary language spoken in the home.
I wonder if you had pamphlets on hand in that dialect
Years a go as a new nurse it took me a long time to figure out what the little old ladies meant when they talked about their "piles" botherin em.
The would be hemorrhoids for those of you that haven't heard that term.
When I was in nursing school(back when dinosaurs roamed the earth) I had a patient in for epidymitis. When I asked him if he was urinating, he said he was but he was "running corruption." Running corruption? I could not figure this out. Running corruption? Finally his young partner helped me out by telling me he had some painful discharge. Yeah, I bet he did.
My grandmother, Bless her heart, used to say as we were going to a Dr appt. Make sure the Dr writes the script for the name brand medicines because those genetics I have are horrible, they don't work at all. LOL I still miss her everyday:crying2:
Specializes in Emergency Dept. Trauma. Pediatrics.
I guess we really are about customer satisfaction if we have to add seduction to our job descriptions. I am drawing a blank on ones I have had but one that I will never forget was from my son.
I can't remember his age now, probably around 6-7 but one of my other sons asked me in the car what those long squiggly things are called in your stomach that hold food or something like that. My other son replies "Oh those are intertesticles" I almost swerved off the road.
Specializes in Emergency Dept. Trauma. Pediatrics.
raincitynurse said:
From one of our new appointment setters"this mom says her kid has puss coming out of his toe... Do you spell that p-u-s-s-y?"
me:"nope, try d-r-a-I-n-a-g-e "
Clerk"huh? Why?"
Me "type it your way first, then read it aloud.The word you want is drainage"
Or you can use Purulent I wrote a whole story one time describing something purulent without ever re-reading it and realizing the error multiple times. LOL
Specializes in Certified Med/Surg tele, and other stuff.
I once had this older gentlemen in and was doing his admission. When I asked him if he took any meds for erectile dysfuntion, he was honest and told me yes. He then went on to tell me that the medicine was expensive so he tried to use only half the dose, but only got erect half way.
Let me tell you, I was thinking of dead puppies and kittens to keep from laughing.
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lrobinson5
691 Posts
I wonder if you had pamphlets on hand in that dialect